Our Control Crying Experience

[Milk_Monkey]

I would just like to share with everyone how our control crying experience is going.

Before we started i had so many questions about it, and for some reason i couldn’t find many people willing to tell me their stories. I could find plenty of books and help lines, but no real nitty gritty ’this is what happened to us’. so Here is our story ... so far...

DS is 13months old. he was pretty good at sleeping in his cot until he was about 7 months. At that time we moved interstate. Since moving he has developed a habit of falling asleep being held by me on the couch with a bottle, and then going into our bed to sleep with us.

DP and i had enough about a 6 weeks ago and were ready to try CC but DS was sick on and off, and we had people to stay etc.
Basically we decided to give it a go because we realized that:

1. We weren’t getting the QUALITY sleep we needed.
2. We wanted him to feel confident falling asleep by him self without me, dad, bottle or dummy.

Ultimately I feel that my job as a parent is not meant to be easy, and I felt that for us continuing our sleep patterns was not actually benefiting him or us in the long term.

[Milk_Monkey]

Night One: Wednesday 22nd August 07

Believe it or not, I didn’t really plan ahead for this date. I had been reading and asking questions for weeks, but I didn’t really decide to do it until just before I put him in his cot.

6:30pm - Gave DS his dinner

6:50pm - Bath

7:15pm - had some bottle and started to fall asleep on me
Decide enough is enough! I’m taking DS to his cot!

7:30pm - DP and I took DS to his cot. As soon as he was laid down he started crying. Stood up straight away and started crying at the point of distress. We walked out.

DP went to our bed and planted his face trying not to hear the screaming. I went to the study and surfed the internet and distracted myself. I was determined to turn myself off emotionally to the crying.

7:33pm - I went to give DS a cuddle and calmed him down for about 1 minute. As soon as he was back in the cot, the screaming started again.

7: 39pm - Went back in for cuddle, calmed down, and put him in cot. As soon as he was back in the cot, the screaming started again.

Then we started 10 minute intervals, DP and I alternated the calming duty, and Dp started to distract himself rather than just listening to it.

8:20pm was the last calming session needed.

8:30pm DS was no longer crying.

It took a lot of courage not to go and check on him straight away. We went to watch Spick and Specks

9:00pm I went to check DS was okay. He was FINE! Still breathing, and ASLEEP!!

I was surprised and relieved that it only took one hour!

2:00am DS wakes and starts to cry, I go in to settle him. Once again, not happy when I put him back down.

Repeat the pattern as earlier in the evening.

2:30am ish DS is back asleep until 6:10 am

At 6:10 am he woke wanting something to eat, so he had a bottle and we cuddles and he fell back asleep with me for about an hour.

Yay!! The first night was not as bad as we had thought it would be. We all survived, and I really felt that I slept better.

[Milk_Monkey]

Night Two: Thursday 23rd August 07

We pretty much did the same thing as the first night. But we put DS down at about 7:10pm.
We prepared for the hour of crying again, but, low and behold, by 7:30 the crying had stopped!

This time he slept through til 4:00am. I tried to get him back to sleep for about 40 minutes. In between I put dishes away and did other housework to keep distracted. About 4:40 I decided that it wasn’t really worth trying to get him to sleep any longer. I took DS downstairs with a bottle and let him eat and then sleep on me for another hour.

I know we are not exactly going by the book here. But so far the past two nights we have been sleeping so much better ourselves.

[Milk_Monkey]

Pre Night Three.

The backlash.

I have quickly come to realize that no matter what your choices as a parent someone has something to say about it.

And everyone is entitled to their opinion. What i do not find helpful is the snide comments pretending to help (although i've probably been guilty of it too).

What im talking about is the 'Oh control crying. Well i guess whatever works for you. But i would never do such a thing to my child!'

It's Not helpful.

But i guess that is the point of me writing this all down.


Anyway... Some what apprehensive about tonight. DS and i fell asleep this arvo for two hours. It was one of those perfect rainy fall asleep sort of days! Still no excuse.

So the routine is a bit out and not sure when we'll put him down, should be soon though.
Also i've heard that night 3 or 4 can be some of the worst.

Ill keep you posted.

[pooks]

goodluck with it all and dont worry what other people say to you. Your very brave!! No one likes to hear their child crying, but you need quality sleep too! And there are so many books and info about it.. some poeple must be doing it... maybe they just dont tell anyone. but good on you, and i found it interesting to read how u r going with it all and im not doing CC, but thats not to say i wont need to one day!! but good on you. It can only be a good thing teaching ur child how to put himself to sleep and settle himself!!! All the best and hope its going/ or went well.!!!!!:thumbsup:

[Milk_Monkey]

Thanks for your support danifisher84. Very much appreciated.

Night Three - Friday 24th August 07

8:11pm - put him down

8:14pm - pick him up. He had pooed. We changed him and decided to bath him to try to calm him down some more.

8:40 After some more cuddles, DP put DS back to bed, crying straight away.

8:45 DP went to re settle while I distracted myself with washing up.

8:50 DP put DS back down. By the time DP was down the stairs the crying had stopped! Hooray!! Only TEN Minutes!

2:00am DS woke crying. I did the cuddle thing every 4 - 10 minutes.
(Dp was so out of it that after returning from one cuddle session to get back into bed he instructed me to be careful not to squash our son - which was a pillow J)

2:45am DS sound Asleep

5:45am DS came into our bed for a cuddle. Happy as larry!

[Milk_Monkey]

Night Four - Saturday 25th August 07

DS had a very busy day and had not had an afternoon sleep.

6:11pm - DS put into Cot. Immediate Crying

6:16pm - nappy change, Cuddle, put in cot, immediate crying

6:21pm - Cuddle, cuddle, cuddle.

6:24 pm - Put back in cot - a cry for about 20seconds!

6:25 - Asleep!!

1:06pm - woke up to DS crying, resettled

1:25pm - DS back to sleep!

5:00am - DS woke up happy.

[Milk_Monkey]

been having a bit of trouble getting onto the internet the past couple of days.

But i have a great update on the CC.

On sunday night, Monday night and Tuesday night we put DS in his cot without a single cry!!!!
I cant believe that it only took five night for him to master it.

Last nigt (tuesday) we put him down at 7:30pm and didnt hear a peep until 4:45am!

Plus he is sleeping better during his day time sleeps, His dad and i feel that we are getting a better sleep, and we enjoy his awake time so much more because we know that we are getting regular breaks from constant cuddles.

I really want to encourage anyone considering this method. Please consider your child and get as much info as possible - speak to your dr, read books/articles and there are help lines and schools for sleep. If you make the decision to go with CC, be committed, and persist.

We did find the inital day or two difficult, and on night 2 and 3 i did have my moments of thinking 'maybe he can just sleep with us tonight'. But it really was so worthwhile.

Im sure his sleeping patterns will continue to change, and some nights will be easier than others, but all in all i feel such a sense of acomplishment - knowing that we have done something difficult to benefit the wellbeing of my child and ourselves, his parents.

[pickles]

At 13 months i do not think it is unrealistic to expect your child to sleep in their own bed. I think that you have approcahed this in a sensible way and at the right time for you and your child. You will also find that as he becomes even busier during the day that the night time waking will go. And it isnt a problem if you want to lie down with him during the day for his sleep ( particularly if you plan to get pregnant again and need the rest ).
good luck

pickles
DD 02/03
Ds 03/05

[twitch]

Hi milkmonkey

Before you did CC, how were you settling your DS when he woke up at night time? Did he wake up when he was in your bed with you? Just curious, DD is a really good sleeper but some times wakes up and I feed her back to sleep. I'm wondering if she really needs it or if this comfort approach might work.

[bambino]

We did CC with DS when he was 6 months old.
He used to be a great sleper until he hit 4 months. We perservered for 2 months before we got help.

I wish we would have done it sooner. CC worked a treat with us and DS. Yes it was hard but after just 4 nights he had it all down pat and everyone was happy and relaxed again.

We used the same technique as you mentioned Milk but we didn't pick DS up for cuddles. We just soothed him while he was still in his cot. Once he was settled and he stopped crying that's when we left the room. Yes the crying started again but liek you we continued with the 4, 7 or 10 minute intervals.

Don't beat yourself up over what people might say or think. Obviously it was the right choice and right time for you to choose this method.
No not everybody is for CC, but hey, they don't live with me and they didn't give birth to my child, so they can mind their own business.

It worked for us and it's working for you.
Good on you and good luck for continued success.


:fingerscrossed:

[Milk_Monkey]

Hi twitch,

sorry about the late reply.

before CC DS would wake up about once or twice, and we would usually settle him with a cuddle or a bottle. Now i try to limit mid-night feeding to a half a bottle, because i know it is just a comfort thing for him.

What i have found though, is that when he does sleep in our bed (we went on holidays and were co-sleeping while away) he actually wakes up more often. i think that we wake him just as much as he wakes us. And he would get hot inbetween the two of us.

When he is in his cot he usually only wakes the once, if at all. but he will generally get up at 5am, when his dad goes work. usually he'll come into bed with me for a cuddle, a pre-breaky bottle and another couple of hours sleep.

obviously, everyone is different. but if you feel the time is right then give it a go.

hope this helps and good luck.

[lizzymcfizzy]

what a positive story! thankyou for sharing.

how old can your bub be to start CC?

[Milk_Monkey]

Thanks liz.

Depending on who you talk to, most experts say not to begin before 4 - 6 months old.

if you are considering it, talk to your doctor, child health specialist and read as much info as possible. And of course mum and dad are always the best judge :thumbsup:

[forbetoel]

I have only had positive experiences with controlled crying....my babies responded really well and very quickly, and in the end happy sleeping bub, is a happy sleeping mum. My boys all love their sleep. :)

[KatiesMum]

Sounds like it is working really well - thats great.

We did cc for a while - DD used to be nursed to sleep which worked really well for ages. At around 7 months I started just putting her in her cot, which she was immediately ok with. About a month after she had been doing that she got sick and wanted to be nursed all the time, and we had to do the cc to get out of that. We only had about a week of crying and issues, and now she settles really really well (has her bottle, and points and says 'cot' which breaks my heart as I would like a little cuddle but is much better than screaming and tantrums!!!!)

Anyway - you do whatever works for you and your babies .... bugger what anyone else thinks!

[Monster's Mum]

Hey Milk-Monkey, I have a question regarding your CC experience. Did you little one ever regress after the initial success?

Our DD has always been a relatively good sleeper at night (mostly sleeping through and occasionally waking at night for her dummy but would resettle as soon as it was in her mouth) but then at the start of July got an ear infection that just kept recurring. And up until recently we were getting up 4-5 times a night to tend to her. The paediatrician actually reccommended the CC (in the past we had successfully done non crying methods to help with any sleep issues but with being pregnant again and being sleep deprived from her illness and contending with part time work I just didn't have the energy to take this path again).

It didn't take as long as I expected for the CC to work (perhaps a week) and then she was good for a week or so after that but then just over the last week she's crying again when we try to put her down for the night and again when she wakes during the night. We tend not to do the interval thing as it just seems to make her worse. It usually takes about 20 minutes each time (sometimes less).

I guess I'm just surprised she's gone backwards - although I do think she is coming good again (last night went down like and angel, woke once and took 20 minutes to get herself back to sleep).

Is it normal for them to go backwards?

[lovebeingamum!]

Milk Monkey - thank you for sharing your story. I have found the same thing - 'text book' stories are fine, but 'real life experiences' are better.

Monsters Mum - I found the same thing. DS is 2 in January and after a week of successfull Controlled Comforting he's back to square one. And there's just so many opinions about it all, I dont know what to do. I know (as his mum) that it's more about the separation anxiety than not being able to go to sleep on his own. He doesnt like being left alone. So i'm wondering if i should just accept that or fight against it... after reading this http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=122&id=1899 (was directed there by a BubHub link) I'm thinking I should be accepting it. Although the though of another 2 years of this is harsh... but hey, I've done 2 years so far....

Hope everyone is finding success. Would like to hear more of your story Milk Monkey and other peoples too! :hugs:

[Milk_Monkey]

hey monster mum,

yip we found that since the intitial success, DS has good days and bad days - or more likely good weeks and bad weeks :)

Also i find that at the moment, if i put him in his cot there are no probs, but if his dad does it he knows it only takes a minute to yelling to get out.

im more lenient when hes been sick too. and afterwards it does tend to be like starting over again.

[GeorgeousGirlBubbas]

I guess I'm just surprised she's gone backwards - although I do think she is coming good again (last night went down like and angel, woke once and took 20 minutes to get herself back to sleep).

Is it normal for them to go backwards?

I have also noticed this with my dd, the last three nights and even day sleeps have been unsettled so i have started letting her cry again but she is usually asleep within 10-20 minutes. I have put it down to just a rough patch i suppose :confused:

[Monster's Mum]

Monsters Mum - I found the same thing. DS is 2 in January and after a week of successfull Controlled Comforting he's back to square one. And there's just so many opinions about it all, I dont know what to do. I know (as his mum) that it's more about the separation anxiety than not being able to go to sleep on his own. He doesnt like being left alone. So i'm wondering if i should just accept that or fight against it... after reading this http://www.cyh.com/HealthTopics/HealthTopicDetails.aspx?p=114&np=122&id=1899 (was directed there by a BubHub link) I'm thinking I should be accepting it. Although the though of another 2 years of this is harsh... but hey, I've done 2 years so far....

Thanks for the link - I've found this site to be really helpful. I too have put DD's sleep issues down to a separation anxiety as she does know how fall asleep without any props, she just seems to want us to stay in the room with her at the moment. We also went on a holiday to WA and have been visiting family in the country since I posted so while on the road this also seemed to be the fairer option for all of us. And I have to say catching up on some reading for 5 - 15 minutes is a much more pleasant way to put her down than listening to her cry.

Eventually I know we will be able to leave the room without a protest (as this is what we used to do before we tried the CC option) but until then I am enjoying on the mini-rest and reading that I am getting waiting for her to sleep.

I can't help but wonder if the CC attributed to this phase of seperation anxitey or if she would have gone through it regardless. In any case I'm not sure that CC, me and my DD are entirely compatible so I am not sure if we will take the same path again.

Most nights now she is sleeping through (or a very quick dummy replacement if she does wake) but we are also contending with glue ear (which I reckon does affect her behaviour and sleep at times), teething (last 4 molars), timezone and daylight savings sleeping adjustments and sleeping in strange environments (from our holiday) and more recently the heat! So all things considering she is doing amazingly well.

Milkmonkey and zosaloo - thanks also for sharing your stories. Good to know that I am not the only one to experience a backward step.

[lizzymcfizzy]

do you do it for naps too? we have to try cc, dd is taking 2 hours to go down at night!

[Milk_Monkey]

hey liz,

We dont usually do it for naps during the day - our days just arent structured enough. Often DS will fall asleep in the car/pram on the way home from a morning out and then i just transfer him to his little lounge bed.
But in saying that, some days, if he is really over tired but refusing to settle, i will put him in his cot. This usually only takes a minute for him to zonk out.

It really depends what works for you, and how strict a routine you want to enforce.

when we were starting out, we decided that the night ones were the ones that were important to us, and we didnt want to push DS during the day as well.

See what works for you and good luck :fingerscrossed:

[Mrs Little]

Just some suggestions from my experiences with CC.

I have done it with both DS1 & 2. It is more likely to be successful if you do it for ALL sleeps. Day or night. Otherwise it's confusing for them.

If you're out and about and they fall asleep...thats fine. You don't have to run home and to get them to bed with their eyes open. My boys never transfered from a car to their cot...so we would always make sure we were at the sleep destination (where ever that was) by the time it was bed time.

Hope this is helpful.

Mrs Little & Sons.

[Cordelia]

Thanks!! That was really interesting to read :)

We decided that we would never do CC until I just couldnt rock her for hours and hours every day so we bit the bullet.

It took 3 nights for her to go to sleep withotu crying. The first night it took 2 hours and 40 minutes. It was the hardest night of my life - so many tears.

BUT I am a different person now. I think you have to do it for day sleeps too so there's no confusion. And the 2 most important things are a) a good routine before bed every night and b) early bed time!!!!

I can't believe the difference it's made to my husband and I to have a baby thgat is able to go to sleep without any fuss. The first couple of nights were terrible and I don't know if we could have done it any better. We found that if we went in and specified time intervals she would scream worse. So now we just check on her every 20-30 minutes.

(PS DD was 10 months when we did it)