Everyday is a struggle

[anscje]

Hi Everyone,

Well I've posted a few times on this forum for minor stuff and it all went well afterwards.

However over the last 3 weeks or so things are getting out of control. I am going completely insane.

My 2 1/2 year old DS is becoming a nightmare.

The tantrums and general disobediance is getting to much for me to handle. DS goes to daycare on Tuesday's & Thursday's. I don't work so the main reason I put him in was because he is an only child and will always be one so I figured he needed to interact with other children and have some fun plus start getting a bit of an education.

The rest of the week he is at home with me. I try everything from painting, drawing, going to the park, watching DVD's, playing with toys and everything else to keep him entertained throughout the day.

But it's never enough. After 5 seconds he is bored to death with the activity and gets all bored and frustrated. Then his behaviour starts becoming bad. He gets frustrated and angry and starts throwing toys and generally being naughty for no apparent reason.

What I don't understand is that he is from what I'm told a perfectly happy and well mannered little boy at daycare. He does everything his told and is never mean or naughty.

It's getting to the stage where I long for Tuesday's & Thursday's because from 9am to 4pm he is not at home and in daycare. I actually start to feel human again while he's not at home. I do all my weekly chores like mopping and cleaning the showers and stuff on the Tuesday and then spend the Thursday doing absolutely nothing :laughing:

What makes it worse is that when DH gets home at about 6pm he acts up even worse and clings onto me and always wants me by his side and won't go to DH.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I dread getting up in the mornings and spend all night worrying about what he is going to be like the next day.

He is also starting to become violent and kicks and screams and hits and he never used to do this.

Another thing that bothers me is that when I go to my parents house is so well behaved and listens to everything they say.

I can't even take him grocery shopping anymore because he wants to eat everything he sees and throws terrible tantrums if he doesn't get his way.

I have banned all junk food from our house as well thinking maybe he was getting too much sugar but this doesn't seemed to have made a difference.

I sometimes feel like such a failure as a parent and sometimes wish that I could just go back to when I was pregnant and start again. I think sometimes maybe I did something wrong along the way and if I could just go back to when he was born then I could make it all right.

I just don't know what to do anymore :gloomy:

Sorry for the long post,

Thanks for reading,

Ali :hugs:

[Mahjong]

If it's any consolation, Im in the same boat as you :( It's incredibly hard isn't it?

This week has been a nightmare, wet weather, husband in bed with a bd back and renovating parts of the kitchen and bathroom. Not fun.

Have you looked into starting the naughty corner/stool. I wasn't one for this either until last week, DS was so whingy, and so persistant... I was trying to organise tea etc... so, I scooped him up, plonked him in the corner of the kitchen and told him not to move an inch.

He was so stunned and didn't know what to do, he sat there quietly for 3 mins. I then explained he had to start behaving and listening to me when I say something. He said "sorry" and off he went and played with his trucks and didn't hear boo again!

Might be worth looking into?

[anscje]

Hello :)

Yes DS has a naughty chair in the corner but all he does it throw the chair around the room so I removed it.

Now it's just a naughty corner where he is supposed to sit but he never does. He runs around the house instead of sitting in the corner not matter how many time I get down to his level and explain it to him.

The biggest problem is that he doesn't listen to me I think. Getting him dressed for daycare takes about 40 minutes.

30 minutes of it is me chasing him around the house and physically having to hold him down while I try and change his nappy and put his clothes on. Then he runs about trying to take them all off again.

I've done the naughty chair, positive parenting, rewards charts and all that but it's not working :gloomy: :hair: :banghead:

[Stargazer Lily]

Hi
Sorry to hear you're having a tough time of it.
If it helps to hear it, I think we all have bad days and wish we could go back to when it seemed easier. So you're not alone there! It is also probably just a phase and will pass and things will improve.

It sounds like your little one is currently testing boundaries and also getting frustrated. This may be due to his inability to control the situation and tell you how he feels. I think little kids also tend to take out their anger on the person they love the most - usually that means Mum! Probably because he feels the safest with you.

If he is genuinely happy and settled at Day Care then you can rule out any health problems I guess. Therefore I would suggest the difference with Day Care and being home is a combination of other kids/other carers/different environment/different toys and perhaps most importantly routine.

You could ask the staff at the centre for some ideas on how they structure their day and what activities they do? It sounds like you're already doing some great stuff with him already, but they still might be able to give you some pointers.

I would also say that at 2 1/2 he's old enough to have consequences for bad behaviour. It's up to you what method you use but I have had a lot of success with Super Nanny's naughty spot technique with my DD1 - we have been using it since she was 2 and usually just the threat of it is enough for her stop, or if she does have to go there it gives us both a chance to calm down and then work through the issue.

You also mentioned he won't go to your DH at night? Do they have much time together? Maybe some special activities for the 2 of them together would help there?

I'm sure some other hubbers will have some good ideas for you too. That's what's great about Bubhub!

Good luck and it really does get better - or different at least!! :laughing:

[anscje]

Thank you for the advice :hugs:

I think I might ask his daycare teacher what their routine is like and try and incorporate it at home.

The problem is he is okay when we take him out to places like the Zoo or Aquarium usually but we don't have the money to spend hundreds of dollars each weekend on outing to keep him busy.

Even the park he gets sick of going to and gets bored just going for a walk. My DH thought maybe we should get a dog but he's only 2 1/2 and I wouldn't trust him to be around the dog. I would be more worried for the dog LOL.

The naughty chair did work for the first week and I would threaten him with it and he would be good but now the novelty has worn off and he thinks it's a big joke, I can't even get him to stand in the corner for me. He just runs about and doesn't listen.

DH and him have always never had a very close bond but over the last few months I have been getting DH to do more activities with him and spend more time with him but he still doesn't go to him very often.

DH just says not to worry and it's just Terrible Two's. But he is at work from 7am to 7pm (3 hours of that is travelling on public transport) and he just doesn't understand what it's like to be at home 24/7 with a toddle who is such hard work all day.

It's not like my day ends at 5pm like his and I knock off work. I can be up till Midnight some nights getting him to sleep. Then getting up at 2am because he wakes up for no reason.

It's just so tiring and such a struggle.

I will try and daycare routine at home if I can and see how it goes.

:hugs:

[buzzing bee]

I think a similar routine to the daycare is a good idea, and disicipline has to be very persistant and may take a couple of weeks to start working properly.

Also if he is not sleeping properly than it would be impacting of his behaviour as well your tolerance levels.

My advice would be to implement a routine, stick with one disicipline (sp) method and be consistant, try an sort out the sleeping. And give it a couple of weeks before deciding it's not working.

[sja]

My 2 & 1/2 year old girl was like this. A friend helped us out just by telling us we shouldn't have to threaten a consequence because if we were being consistent and strict enough the kid would know what the consequence was. So we tried something new:

If I want DD to do something (or stop something) I'll ask her, wait a few seconds, then ask a second time. If she still doesn't do it I immediately take her to the naughty mat where she has to sit until she's quiet for a minute or so. I will remain calm during the whole process (I find breaking into song helps me to look calm). I never threaten her and never do the counting to 3 as that in itself is a type of threat (pointed out to me by my friend).

It was really hard at first. She wouldn't stay on the mat, so instead I strapped her into the baby's highchair until she was quiet (took almost an hour the first time for her to calm down). I only had to do that a few times before she figured out she preferred to sit on the mat (my friend uses rope to lock her boy in his room). Now she (most times) sits on the mat when told to, but usually she picks up on the tone of my voice when I ask that second time and she does what I ask. It did take a week or so for her to realise I was serious - possibly the most exhausting week of my life. But worth it in the end.

I think most of it has come down to me being consistent. She knows when we're out that I mean business and I'll put her time out in the middle of Coles. Or if she starts a tantrum because there are carrots on her plate, I'll bin her whole dinner there and then and she'll have nothing to eat.

With regards to getting dressed for daycare: I told DD one day that she would have to get dressed quickly or she would miss morning tea at daycare (usually we get there just before morning tea). I gave her a big strict talk, then I lay her clothes out and asked her to get dressed - I refuse to dress her as she can easily dress herself if she wants to (obviously I'll help if needed). The first time she took ages, we got to daycare late and I asked them not to feed her until lunch - tell her she was too late and missed morning tea. Well the next I gave her the same talk and she was ready in a flash for daycare. Now I just leave the clothes out for my kids and they're usually ready before I am.

[ealing]

hi,it sounds like there are some really good ideas out there that other posters have written to you about. All I can contribute is that your little one may be overtired if you are still up to midnight settling them down and if they still wake in the middle of the night. Perhaps seeing a sleep doctor may assist.I feel dreadful after reading how other parents out there cope. I warn my DD twice to stop naught/dangerous behaviour and then she gets a smack when she doesn't. In saying that, my DD rarely tantrums and is quite reasonable and understands when you explain thing to her.

[2s'nuff]

I have banned all junk food from our house as well thinking maybe he was getting too much sugar but this doesn't seemed to have made a difference.

Hi Ali,

I haven't been to this area for a while, but after reading your post was wondering how you were going.

In your original post you mentioned you'd banned all junk food. But did this include all foods with artificial colours, preservatives and additives? I know with DD1 something simple can turn her from a nice girl into a monster. A cup of watery green cordial can have her going all day, and recently playing with blue playdough had her buzzing for hours.

If you are still not having much luck with DS, can I suggest you check out www.fedupwithfoodadditives.com.au (http://www.fedupwithfoodadditives.com.au)
They might just hold an answer for you.

All the best,
Lisa