Family hassles

[jakobsmum]

Just wanted to know whether I'm over reacting or not.

My sister who is 6 years younger than myself spends a lot of time at my mums whilst mum looks after Jakob. Her pet name for him is "loser". I really resent this and couldn't bring myself to say anything as I was scared I would flip out. I told Chris about this and he doesn't seem too bothered by it. He says that she is just not happy with herself..... and so on. This is true but no excuse to take it out on an 11 month old that can't speak for himself.

What does everyone think?

[Gemma]

Hi Sarah,

My sister is also 6yrs younger than me and if I found her saying such things to Grace I would be upset. However, in what context does she say "loser" to him, and does she say it to her friends in the same context. If she does it to her friends then it is probably a generational term (18-19 yr old lingo), like "wicked", "cool" etc.

My sister is 19 going on thirty but if I do something stupid she calls me a moron! So I would check the context because if it is just a word she flipantly uses without thinking and there is no malice behind it then I would say to her quietly that maybe she should use another word to lovingly say he is a twit if he falls on his bottom when learning to walk (for instance), as kids are literal and won't understand that "loser" means "silly billy"! ;)

[razzle]

That's so horrible Sarah - if my sister (or anyone in my family for that matter) called little Eloise "loser" I'd be so offended and probably go off my nut at them. I don't think there is any excuse for calling a baby degrading names. Eloise is only 5 months old and I can't remember when babies are meant to start talking themselves :confused: but imagine if Jacob picks it up and starts wandering around the local shopping centre or wherever yelling "loser" at the top of his lungs. :eek: I apologise if I'm ranting a bit but if she was my sister I'd smack her one!

Cheers

[michelle]

I have a similar problem, my husbands youngest sister says 'Hey sexy' to my 2 and 4 yr old and I find it very offensive. I've told her that it's not an appropriate thing to say to a small child and I suggest you do the same with your sister. She may not realise that what she is saying is not appropriate.

[jakobsmum]

Thank you for your responses. At least I know that I'm not the only one who thinks this is unacceptable. I have talked to my mum about this and she has said she will talk to her about it if she hears my sister calling him "loser" and I will do the same. I don't think that kids need negative self images. Everyone that meets Jakob is touched by his friendliness and lack of being shy :)

I think I need to have more confidence in myself as a mother and realise that if I think that something might not be appropriate, then it isn't. I'm Jakob's mum, nobody else. Quite a nice feeling. :p

[Lachysmum]

Hi Sarah,
Rach is right. Theres no way in the world i would let anyone especially my sister call my bubs a loser. I would hit the roof! Full stop! I've got a sister who is 7 years younger and she is abit immature for her age as well. Dont let her get away with it. Your gorgeous boy doesnt deserve to be called things like that even if she doesnt mean it.

Cheers, Lachysmum

[Gemma]

Hi Sarah,

I agree with everyone, but because she is 18/19years old, just be careful when talking to her about it. The last thing you need is your sister (because of her age) not understanding your point of view and getting upset. Be diplomatic but make sure you don't hit the roof because you will get her defences up and she won't listen to you. There are ways of doing things that keep the peace and get the message through ;) .

[Raylee]

Even babies are susceptible to name-calling. If a 19 year old is too immature to understand what she doing, maybe you could ask your mother to talk to her about it. Someone has to be the adult and let your sister know that babies and young children learn through repetition!!

[kellyb18]

Hi Sarah
If your child heres the word too much he will grow up believing it. Jakob is at an impressionable age and should eb hearing positive words. I dont like name calling at all and from family is worse.
Best of luck with the situation I hope it all works out.
kelly

[jakobsmum]

Just to let everyone know. She must have said something whilst I wasn't there but mum was. Mum told her that I don't appreciate her calling him that and that she didn't either for that matter. She was OK with this and hasn't called him that again. :) They have such a fun relationship, I didn't want in to be ruined by something like this. Thank you for all your responses.