Tips to get 9yo to clean her room!

[punkbaby]

I am pulling my hair out here i have no idea how my 9yo can trash her room so quickly. Firstly she never puts her washing out.....so i put a clothes basket in her room....she still stuffs her dirty clothes in her cupboard thus making her other clothes smell, i am talking undies and all here :hair:

Her room in general is easy to keep clean there isnt much in there, there is a place for everything if you get me but its always a pigsty.

I have made it easy on her and this is her only chore now, cleaning her room and setting the table for dinner at night. Its not like she has lots to do. I am nearly at the point where i am going to take things away from her, ie either stop her dancing lessons or stop her pocket money. She gets $5 a week and once a month i buy her a beanie kid if she keeps things tidy, as she collects them.

How can i make her clean her room! Surely its not hard to put dirty washing away, this is my biggest gripe!

I cant see how my 2yo and 4 yo can trash their bedroom but they clean it up when they come out and stop playing, they just do it. Plus they will put their dirty washing in their baskets as well.

HELP give me some ideas, whats worked for you and what can i do? Seriously i dont think i should have to put her dirty washing in the basket, shes old enough to do this herself. I am even thinking of kicking her out of the nice big room shes got into the small one but i dont think that would work either :(

[jaimie]

Do what my parents did and just throw it all in garbage bags and told me to sort it out and put it all back in its place or it would go in the rubbish! Harsh but it worked.!!!But seriously i think taking away privledges like Tv until its cleaned up might work. Sorry im not much help am I?

[punkbaby]

LOL your right believe it or not when we first moved here i cracked it one day and threw everything out (hid it in the shed) she didnt even care! She doesnt have a tv, thats in the spare room/aka toy room. I feel like i need to record myself saying clean your room i dont mind if its untidy that doesnt bother me but dirty nickers in with her clean clothes and stashing her lunch after school in her cupboard is pretty gross :(

Maybe i need to just have her clothes and no toys in there at all! Still wont eliminate the dirty clothes though grrr i know that i was bad as a kid but if i was rewarded i would keep mine clean...doesnt work with her though

[punkbaby]

I have tried to make it fun i told her if she puts her music on and dances around it can be fun, this is what the younger ones do. Her cousin come down and he told her he dances when he cleans and its more fun too. Maybe i need to dock her pocket money for a few weeks orsomething

[sunnyflower]

I think your daughter needs to have some sort of consequences that she wont like if she doesn't co-operate with the clothes?tidy room thing.My little boy always had an untidy room and then when we moved into our new place i laid down the law.I bought lots of storage baskets so there is a place for everything.

Next there is a rule that he must take everything that is his and put it away from longeroom,his room etc.He carries on but he does it.I tell him no tele until he does it.With the dirty clothes i think you should have a rule that for every item of clothes or lunch you find in her room she has to do 5 minutes weeding or housework or something she hates.She is not going to change unless she knows there are unpleasant consequences to her doing this.If you enforce the rules she will make sure there is no **** in her rrom i assure you!!

[drewid]

I wouldn't be giving pocket money. If it is a chore that she cleans her room and sets the table, then pocket money should be linked to that - a reward for doing her jobs. Thats how it was when I was around that age. She has no incentive to do it herself if she knows that a) you will do it for her and b) she will get pocket money and beanie babes regardless.

[nemosmum]

Firstly I just want to say I cant get my 3 yr old to keep his room tidy either I clean it and within an hour its a pig sty again so I totally understand your frustration!

I think you answered your own Q. in your initial post hun
I would find her motivation, every kid has one something that they really really love

Then Explain to her she needs to keep her room tidy or her privledges will be revoked (aka pocket money and dance lessons)

Ok so I know as a parent you probably dont want to actually take these away from her (I know I wouldnt)

BUT if you just tell her calmly the consequences etc if she doesnt do it and then dont mention it again until the day she goes to dance class
if the room aint clean then dont take her, flat out refuse even if she starts tidy up then and there

If she loves dance class I bet next week her room will be clean....you've got to call her bluff

Gd luck :thumbsup: Do it for all us Mums out there who are :hair: hehehe

[mummy2sophie]

Okay I have a different solution you mightn't like. I find this is good for teens, and I've worked with some incredibly stubborn teens. She is getting to that age where she wants to have more control of her environment.

First of all tell her she gets no pocket money or beanie babies if she doesn't keep her room clean. If you've set that as the rule in the past then you have to stick to it. Already taking other chores away from her and still giving her the money shows her that she can do less and get away with it. She's pushing boundaries...from her point of view if she can get money for doing nothing then this is obviously a good place to be.

Secondly (and this is the hard bit), it's time she started learning some independence and consequences. Tell her that her room is her responsibility and you are not going to clean her room. If she wants clean clothes she has to put them in the basket and take the basket down to the washing machine if she wants clean clothes.

Eventually her room will get so messy that a) she won't be able to find a thing and this will frustrate her (hopefully enough to get her to clean the room) and b) she will get so grotty that eventually one of her friends will say "you smell" and she will HATE that. Or she might want to have some friends over for a slumber party. Where you have to explain she literally cannot accomodate her friends unless her room is clean. It might help to explain to her too (once her room starts getting really bad) that you are embarrassed about her messiness and can't show your friends her room. This may guilt her into it but is most likely not going to. :rolleyes:

I know that this second part is hard but she will come a long way if she learns the true value of having clean clothes. Whatever you do don't give in, your standards of cleanliness are always going to be far higher than hers. The room will get truly disgusting before she's willing to clean it. You just have to hold back (easier said than done I know) or the lesson will be lost and she'll only learn that you are weak and likely to give in (this applies to your relationship generally, not just the issue of the clean room).

P.S Don't buy her any new clothes. Explain that until she gets her old ones clean regularly she'll have to make do with them.

[Ange&Seth]

Our pocket money was payment for work/jobs done. If we didn't do the jobs, we didn't get paid. It set a good work ethic for later in life - if you don't work or don't do a good job, you LOSE your job and then don't get paid - same principal with poket money.

Set up a sticker chart if you like, and put goals on it. Like, the first week, she has to keep her room clean the WHOLE week, set the table without being asked and you check her room every day. If it's clean enough, she gets to put a sticker on the chart. You will only ask her once to clean her room/put clothes in basket/set table. If not done without being asked or after being asked once, then she doesn't get a sticker and also loses 1 day's worth of pocket money for that week.

How much are beanie babies? Tell her that until she proves she deserves it, she has to save what pocket money she DOES earn and pay for her own beanie babies.

I agree with mummy2sophie too - don't clean her clothes. If she wants clean clothes then she has to put them in the basket and take the basket to the laundry. You are her mum, not her maid. She will eventually get the message, just don't give in.

[Can I?]

My 12 year old son was like this too. It drove me mad. In the end we realised that he just wasn't sure exactly what to do. He is a bright boy, but when he went into his room and it was a huge mess, he just wanted to get it over with so he shoved everything out of sight.

Maybe try putting a checklist on the back of the door that says exactly what she needs to do to clean her room. Have say 5 things - put washing in basket, put toys in boxes (or whatever), put shoes in cupboard, make bed and put school bag in corner. Once she has it under control, you can remove the list. It just means that she can't really negotiate with you, and you don't have to nag her every step of the way. Then you can reward her with her pocket money or whatever.

[biscotti]

mummy2sophie gave some great advice there :yes:

I have a 10 yr old and a 7 yr old who keep their rooms reasonably tidy, I have made it easy for them by making sure that everything has a clearly defined "home" with lots of nice lined baskets and such for their belongings. They both know where everything goes and they both enjoy a clean and tidy room, and while I'm not saying they are perfect "house and garden" type bedrooms, they are pretty good :thumbsup:

One little thing that we do is that before school and just before bed, the 7 yr old has to put 7 things away and the 10 yr old has to put 10 things away. It's quick, easy and just helps to maintain some level of tidiness :)


Good luck!

[punkbaby]

Thanks everyone some great advice here. Firstly though i feel horrible sending her to school in dirty smelly clothing, the thing is she would just wear it and not care what people though i know its horrible but maybe she needs to have someone say to her "you smell" as shes just started here and we have just moved here i want her to make freinds so part of me thinks hmm she can just smell but the other part of me thinks that its pretty cruel but i do get the concept. Honestly she couldnt care less i dont think she will quiet happily put on dirty clothes again and not even care.

I might do up a chart for her and also do some cut out beany kids (you know cut them into head, arms, legs and body) i can either do it that for each time i dont have to tell her, she gets a leg, etc or a body part or i can do it the opposite, have it that i have them up there and take parts away....not sure but the hounding of telling her maybe i need to just shut my mouth and see what she actually does do. I will stop pocket money too ohh and clothing i wont buy her any new stuff either!

If i stick to a chart like that where i ad parts of the beany kid for each good day and make it that she needs like 6 complete beany kids a month to get one that could work yes?? As for pocket money i plan on putting her $5 in a jar and each time i have to tell her off for yet again finding dirty clothing in her room i will dock it 50 cents, cant see she will have anything left at the end of it. If this doesnt work then i will ban her from dancing, this is something i know she really enjoys, its more so for the social side i like her going she has met some nice girls there.

Maybe its time to be cruel and get really nasty with her this could be the only way it could sink in i just feel like a horrible mother :(

[punkbaby]

oh and she has a place for everything we have a bookcase for all her books, (mind you there are nickers stashed in there too grrrr) and a toy box for her toys she has, not that shes really into them anymore but she does have her favorites. Her room is easy to maintain it takes me ten minutes to clean it the whole dirty factor is what really eats me

[Ange&Seth]

You're not a horrible mother at all :hugs: she's just being a kid and testing you. You're just her stupid mum, why should she listen to you? :rolleyes: Oh I'm really not looking forward to the tween years if and when I have a daughter.

I don't think you'll need to stop dance lessons, if everything else doesn't work, just the threat of it will probably work. She'll realise that you DO what you say you're gonna do by that stage.

Definitely stop yelling. I reckon she just blocks you out now. I used to do that with my mum too. But if my dad said calmly 'I'm disappointed in you' and actually spoke to me, then I would burst into tears and actually listen. Stop yelling, tell her that this is what's going to happen, then stick to it. You've warned her it's going to happen, that you're sick of yelling at her and it's her choice now how it goes from here. I'm sure you'll see results VERY quickly.

[Ange&Seth]

oh and she has a place for everything we have a bookcase for all her books, (mind you there are nickers stashed in there too grrrr) and a toy box for her toys she has, not that shes really into them anymore but she does have her favorites. Her room is easy to maintain it takes me ten minutes to clean it the whole dirty factor is what really eats me

:detective: Maybe the hiding of knickers is something, I mean, is she hiding them for a reason? Maybe she's embarrassed about something?

[nemosmum]

Yeah some kids go through the "dirty" stage I remember when my bro hit the pre teen years and started getting B.O. it was B A D lol it cleared up once he got interested in GIRLS:thumbsup:
something to look forward too NOT;)

[punkbaby]

Maybe i need to rephrase that i dont yell as such more so just say to her when shes home from school and had her snack hey go check your room for me, i am a calm mother LOL but i am getting to the stage where i will yell sometimes i feel like screaming at her it might work then if she gets a fright but tend to not do that as it doesnt work :)

[punkbaby]

Yeah some kids go through the "dirty" stage I remember when my bro hit the pre teen years and started getting B.O. it was B A D lol it cleared up once he got interested in GIRLS:thumbsup:
something to look forward too NOT;)
Thats the thing she is starting to get body odour i think shes going to be an early developer just from the signs etc so have bought her deodorant etc as she needs it :) scary to think shes growing up

[mummy2sophie]

You're not a horrible mum. It's clear you care very much about her....:hugs:

I'd still go ahead with my plan but I DO see your point about being at a new school and needing to wear clean clothes in order to fit in. Maybe being at a new school and being away from her friends is eating her up (moving is tough on kids). And that's why she feels the need to "punish" you or control her environment by keep it the way she wants. :detective:

I would definitely say no pocket money until the room is clean. If that doesn't work then tell her that that clearly isn't working and you'll cancel her dance lessons (and that you'll keep punishing her until you find something that she does not like being taken away).

Definitely stop yelling. Tried that in my first year in teaching and the only thing I got was a constant throat. I find the best way to get my students' attention is to be very very quiet, look into the eyes and speak honestly. Then when you do yell (I only do this with each class about once or twice a year) then jeez do they sit up and pay attention!

Using sentences that start with "I" are so much more effective (as someone else pointed out "I am so disappointed with you") and stronger than "you're disobedient/wayward/rebellious etc". Saying "I'm really frustrated with your room because living in a clean hygenic environment is important to me and I'm puzzled as to why you like to live in your room the way it is." sounds like a mouthful but is an honest way of conveying your frustration with her. Then add that you bought the deodorant for her because she's getting to the stage where her body is growing up and needing it. And you want her to be able to make friends. You wouldn't want a friend that smells would you??

I don't know how far away your old house is. If it's really far then maybe a clean room for a week means she can have an old friend (from her old house) come to visit for the day. and a clean room for 3 weeks means she can have this friend overnight.

Clearly I believe in carrot more than stick! :thumbsup:

[punkbaby]

I dont yell LOL as i said i worded that wrong :)

Her old school is about 3 hours away, the only other way i can think of punishing her is not letting her go to her grandmothers (her dads mum) as i know who much she enjoys that and shes been invited in september to stay a few days, maybe this can be something to bribe her with

[SixtiesChild]

Your dd is lucky to have a mum that gives her what you do.
Sit down with her and talk with her over a hot chocolate with marshmallow or something she likes. Tell her that the system that's in place isn't working and that things need to change.
Try to keep your cool and tell her that any chores that she's doing, she'll really be doing this for herself. Remind her that you love her and that all that you do is in her best interest.
Then plan a big re-shuffle of how much money she gets and how she gets it and give her a new incentive as well. Sometimes kids need a little shake-up and boundaries need to be redefined.
First, set out clear instructions on what is to be done. Put this in writing and in point form so that it's as easy to understand as possible.
You might consider asking her if she'd like to write down the jobs that she needs to do so that she feels that she plays an important part in the planning of it. Maybe she'll even come up with her own ideas and surprise you.
Then get a calendar and some gold stars and for every day that she completes her tasks give her $1. You could also include a small bonus if she worked well. Give her the potential to earn a bit extra if she works hard- This is what may encourage her.
Only pay her the $1 each day if the task is completed. When payday comes, explain the earnings.
My dd is 7 and I have been using this idea with her for about six weeks and today she went to Toys R us to buy something she really wanted. Her instructions are that when she gets home, she's to put her school clothes on a hanger and school shoes on the rack and get into her track suit. Put her school bag on the shelf in the cupboard. Dirty socks in the linen basket.
Help set the table and sometimes empty the dishwasher.
There have been days when she doesn't get her $1 but she's catching on I think.:D

[punkbaby]

Thanks ethereal i like that idea :) as well maybe i need to sit down and see what she wants and we can work something out between us that works for us both. We do have a sign on her wall as to what shes to do when she gets home but maybe i need to remind her about it all again

[PunkyDiva]

Oh Punkbaby I hope you can find something that works from allthese fab ideas.
I didn't wanna put a downer on ya but my 16yo DD has been like yours since as far back as I can remember (the dirty clothes & half eaten food etc). Things seemed to work for a while so you may need to really perservere with your choice and not let it slide as I did.
Once DD was a teen I gave in and just shut the door on her room, interestingly enough it is her boyfriends that make her be cleaner & tidier. We have some disagreements on state of her bathroom now though as she wears makeup, does her hair etc and leaves stuff everywhere. Really, really gross but she had a plastic bag of used pads in corner of her wardrobe even though there are several designated bins for that. I just give up on trying to work her out and count down years till she's off to uni and just do a weekly screening of her room for gross stuff.
Anyways, :fingerscrossed: for you and your DD, sounds very similiar to mine and i thought they'd broken the mould after she arrived:D .

[punkbaby]

Oh Punkbaby I hope you can find something that works from allthese fab ideas.
I didn't wanna put a downer on ya but my 16yo DD has been like yours since as far back as I can remember (the dirty clothes & half eaten food etc). Things seemed to work for a while so you may need to really perservere with your choice and not let it slide as I did.
Once DD was a teen I gave in and just shut the door on her room, interestingly enough it is her boyfriends that make her be cleaner & tidier. We have some disagreements on state of her bathroom now though as she wears makeup, does her hair etc and leaves stuff everywhere. Really, really gross but she had a plastic bag of used pads in corner of her wardrobe even though there are several designated bins for that. I just give up on trying to work her out and count down years till she's off to uni and just do a weekly screening of her room for gross stuff.
Anyways, :fingerscrossed: for you and your DD, sounds very similiar to mine and i thought they'd broken the mould after she arrived:D .
She sounds like my 18yo old sister lol the freaky part is dd is so much like her they have similiar characteristics etc and thats what i am dreading!

[PunkyDiva]

It's weird isn't it when our kids are like relies. My two boys are exactly the same physical shape and personalities/temperament as my DH's bro's.