Losing it!

[skylasmum]

Hi everyone,

I could have posted under many forums but chose this one, "Discipline and behaviour" as I guess if you're reading this then you are also searching for answers, support or to offer guidance.

My beautiful daughter is two next week and boy do I know it. I pride myself on being 'one of those mums' who doesn't scream at their child and as a personal parenting choice, doesn't smack. I always try to do the 'right thing' with discipline by offering choices, consequences etc etc you get the idea...

I have just come home from one of the worst supermarket shopping trips I've ever had and am feeling drained and upset about my daughters behaviour and the way I coped with it. Or should I say didn't cope. She flatly refused to sit in the trolley seat, screamed at the top of her lungs and when allowed to 'walk freely' alongside me, knocked items from shelves, picked up everything she wasn't allowed...once again you get the idea.

I felt like an alien had taken over my little angel! None of my usual ideas worked eg distraction - "look theres a crocodile in ailse 4, let's go find him" etc but finally she sat down with a packet of chips in the trolley seat and I didn't hear a peep out of her. I hate this bribery stuff...is that what you'd call it??? I knew she couldn't have been truly hungry as she'd just eaten morning tea but still I let her eat these salty chips just so I could get the shopping done.

The thing that upsets me the most is that my type 1 diabetes can make my moods quite erratic sometimes, especially around PMT time. Yes it's PMT time right now. I feel like I have reached the end of my tether and ashamed of this feeling of not coping. I don't feel like this all the time but when I do, it's because my blood sugar is higher or lower than should be.

What am I asking for? Well is there anyone who manages a health condition and has kids who relates to my feeling of 'no control' or 'diminished control' when they're not feeling the best?

It's so hard to take a step back and regain perspective when your 2 yo is squashing fruit bar into the floor but at the same time you need a handful of jellybeans and to sit down.

Anyone relate?

[the_queen]

Aww lovey, you poor thing! I remember those days where it just felt like some demonic force had invaded my sweet little girl....
I don't have any medical conditions but I can empathise with feeling "out of control" with a toddler.

Remember: "Bribery" is when a logging company pays millions of dollars to a political party to ensure they get favourable legislation passed. :p You didn't bribe your daughter, you found a way to get her to calm down and allow you to do the shopping with a bit of peace and quiet. :)

Sounds like you are a FANTASTIC mummy, and even the best of us have bad days every now and then.

Look after yourself!

[bec79]

Hi Skylasmum,
Sorry to hear you have a bad day. I can't relate to your situation (my DD is only 6 mths.), but it sounds like you are being way to hard on yourself. It's o.k to feel this way on occasion, we can't be supermum 100% of the time. I think that every mum resorts to "bribery" at some point, no matter what their views on parenting are. It makes it very hard when our little ones "misbehave" when we're out and about, as those who don't have children are very quick to pass critisisim.
It sounds like you need some time to yourself, even if it's just a 1/2 an hour to re-group your thoughts.
*Hugs to you*

[TwoBlue]

What am I asking for? Well is there anyone who manages a health condition and has kids who relates to my feeling of 'no control' or 'diminished control' when they're not feeling the best?

Anyone relate?

Hi Skylasmum... i am not battling a "health condition" as such but i am battling with an (almost) 2 year old (adorable) monster and a 10 week old baby !!
So if you are happy to class "extreme exhaustion" as a health condition then i can certainly relate !!

One thing i know is that ALL mums perhaps feel "out of control" or have diminished control when dealing with a "trying toddler" and are perhaps not at their very best ... either we are tired, sick or one of many other things...

Dont be too hard on yourself, your little girl is behaving normally as far as my experience with toddlers goes and it sounds to me like your a great mum, so just hang in there and look after yourself :D

**hugs**

[mum24]

Firstly (((hugs))) to you skylasmum, as shopping with a two year old who has her own ideas and agenda can be very traumatic - especially when there is ear-piercing screaming involved as well. It's all a matter of try one thing, then another, then another, then another etc until you find the one thing ( for that shopping trip ) that will work and help her to co-operate. I can offer coping ideas only and that it is only a short phase - a few months.

My main coping way - allow her to sit in the main body of the supermarket trolly and give her a treat that will occupy her time. The treat can either be food or a toy. Sometimes my two year old miss will want to stand up in the child seat of the trolly, this I allow if she leans on my and cuddles me. I'm still able to keep her secure with my arms whilst pushing the trolly, other times she'll sit on the handle of the trolly with her back against me and my arms keeping her secure. I have also had her hold a basket to carry some groceries, but this only lasts as long as the attention span. My coping mechanisms are allowing the trips to become more enjoyable again for us both.

Hopefully you'll find your coping strategies soon.

[skylasmum]

Back again. This is the end of a day I'd like to forget. Thankfully DH got home and I had a relaxing bubblebath and listened to the rain on the roof. :) DD continued to challenge me for the rest of the afternoon, did a dive bomb off the couch face first onto the floor and poked me purposely in the eye but heh, I've managed to muster a few chuckles to myself on the insanity of life with a toddler. How do they know what buttons to push???

I agree completely with the 'too hard on myself' diagnosis. I'm always trying to do the bloody right thing by everybody and more often than not forget about the right thing for me. I'm also utterly convinced this bout of PMT is a prime suspect in my foulest of foul moods today. Yep, here's a girl who feels guilty for feeling grumpy! Geez I sometimes think it would be so much easier to have the cut and dried mind of a man. :rolleyes:

I can't thank you enough for your *hugs* and advice. A good nights sleep and a cup of tea and hopefully I'll feel a little more centred tommorrow. Expanding my list of strategies will be on the to-do list...

Samsmum04 My hat goes off to you...a 2 yo and a 10 wo
Extreme exhaustion is not too far down on the list for me, I've just been given the 'all clear' by my docs that my health is perfect in preparation for another pregnancy. DH and I have been 'working up' to this moment for ages (the 2nd bub) and now that it's here, I'm petrified about my coping capacity. True enough that the past few weeks with molar-teething DD has fed this fear!

I'll check back in soon. THANK YOU again to all who responded :) It makes such a difference to know people care. xx

[pthalokitty]

Skylas mum-
I have the same problem- its really hard for them to have to sit still for an hour in the shops, and bribery with food or toys didn't seem like a good idea for too long with mine, so I started trying to do the shopping of an evening after hubby got home to save myself from the stress.
Is that an option for you? I do a big shop of an evening, and just duck out for quick trips in the day that won't start him on one....also, timing any shopping for when he's not overtired as that's just a disaster!
The whole "losing it" thing is something I can struggle with when I'm overtired or just had enough. And its always hard when the tantrum is right in a public place. Cy's favourite spot for this is the library which is soooo embarrassing and gets me riled...I just think buddhist thoughts and try and be calm ...
can't wait for this phase to calm down....

[skylasmum]

Shopping of an evening is a godsend isn't it!!! It IS an option for me and when I can pull it off (when DH hasn't got too much work in the evening) it's bliss! I swan around the supermarket in my trackies and take my time planning meals for the week. Occasionally DH has called me on my mobile to find out if I'm ok because its been 8.45pm and I'm still shopping!

I too look forward to the tantrum phase calming down but then strongly suspect that another behavioural challenge will take its place. :) I guess that's one of our jobs as parents - learning 'on the go' how to manage our children's behaviour and not have a meltdown in the process!

Think Buddist thoughts, think Buddist thoughts...

[TwoBlue]

Samsmum04 My hat goes off to you...a 2 yo and a 10 wo
Extreme exhaustion is not too far down on the list for me, I've just been given the 'all clear' by my docs that my health is perfect in preparation for another pregnancy. DH and I have been 'working up' to this moment for ages (the 2nd bub) and now that it's here, I'm petrified about my coping capacity. True enough that the past few weeks with molar-teething DD has fed this fear!


Thanks Skylasmum but its not all that bad really.... :rolleyes: :o
My youngest DS has just started sleeping through the night and this is making life a little more bearable !!
Goodluck with your impending second pregnancy and bubba and know that you WILL cope and you WILL be just fine :) just like all the rest of us mummas with two (or more).

Deep breath in.... deep breath out

oh by the way have you tried online shopping yet? Its my best friend :D

[RachWA]

My ds 2yo (just) become a terror overnight one week ago. We have constantly battled with him over everything. Last night I told him I couldn't wait until I got rid of him to nanna the next day ( and almost felt no guilt for it).

I feel for my 6 week old and found myself explaining to her that we really are nice parents and her brother is not always bad and that after we start our discipline plan hopefully things will change.

Finally I got to sit down and read Toddle taming by Dr Christopher Green. Realised that it is completly normal and he is not the world worst kid went and gave him a big kiss and cuddle and went to sleep for it all to start again the next morning:rolleyes:

[Chickadee]

I don't know quite how I managed it, but my 2 year old DD rarely has tantrums when out shopping and is pretty well behaved. Yet one more reason DH and I are unlikely to chance having anotehr baby, just in case it's a terror :D

My strategies for grocery shopping are that I always try to go early to mid morning when she's fed but not tired. We always stop at the bakery and get her a fruit scone to eat, which usually keeps her happy sitting in the seat of the cart for at least half the time in the store. I do all the dry goods first and then as she is starting to get bored and cranky I go to the fruit and vegetables and keep her busy by giving her jobs to do. She picks all the apples, oranges etc - anything that won't bruise too bad when she drops it in the bag. We practice counting then too. If she wants down at that point then I can distract her with jobs like finding the lemons or cucumbers or putting things into the cart.

So far it has worked for us. Fingers crossed it continues too :)

I do find that if I'm in a bad mood to start with or feeling stressed then everything becomes harder and she's more likely to copy my mood and be cranky herself. And then all I can do is try to take a break, give myself a mental slap to calm down and count to 10. So far I haven't had to abandon the shopping cart & take us out of the store, but it's always an option.