Question re sleep for Mums with older bubs and kids

[sebmum]

Hi there

Yesterday I was a the gym where I used to work when a lady (a friend of a friend of mine - so I don't actually know her that well) came up and asked me how my almost 8 month DD is going and specifically, how she's sleeping (everyone seems to ask this question!). I told her she still wakes 2-3 times per night. She looked surprised then asked me what I do when she wakes. I told her I usually just give her a quick little feed as it seems to be the path of least resistance and she's back to sleep quite quickly. She then began to rant at me how I'm creating a HUGE problem for myself by doing this and that I'm going to have a 5 year old one day who will still be waking in the night. She told me I HAVE to start CC as it's the best way to get them to sleep through. She kept banging on about how I was creating a problem and I had to fix it now, etc, etc.

Now I know that I probably shouldn't be giving her little feeds every time she wakes up but my god, I'm sooooooo tired that I don't have the stamina to sit there listening to her screaming. I have noticed though that she wakes at pretty much the same times each night so there is a little pattern forming there.

Can any of you mummys out there with older children/bubs who also woke up and were fed a couple of times in the night time, tell me if they eventually grow out of it and sleep through, or whether I am in fact creating a monster.

Part of me thought 'how rude telling me what to do with my child' and the other half thought 'what if she's right?!':eek:

Do they really keep going like this for years or is it just a phase they all go through?:confused:

[biscotti]

:wave:

I can only talk about my own experiences with my three children, but truly they do grow out of it.
Sleeping is one of those things that babies change patterns/routines themselves all the time. My 12 mth old has been sleeping through for a while but her sister was older than 1 before she did and DS was around 11-12 mths. I didn't CC, just waited for them to sort themselves out.

I don't think you are "creating a monster", at all :hugs:

[pegasus]

First of all - how rude of her to tell you - you have to start CC.

CC works for some people, but by no means is it abnormal for an 8month old to be waking.

Feeding her when she wakes will not be necessarily encouraging her to continue to wake. You may need to figure if she's actually feeding or just comfort sucking though. If she's just comfort sucking, a cuddle may be all that's needed to get her back to sleep.

My DS was a terrible sleeper (sometimes still is, and I fed him overnight till her was nearly a year I think). My DD - brought up with the same style of parenting, slept through from 3weeks. - would sleep from 9 at night till 6in the morning without a feed - she obviously worked out she didn't need the feed.

With my son, I realised he still needed lots of cuddling after the feed, so realised he was just comfort sucking, so stopped giving him a feed when he woke at night. I never did CC with him - and he's now been sleeping through since he was about 18months (although he does wake some nights), but my step children who were never bf also woke some nights up till they were past 5. That's a normal sleep thing.

My daughter is now waking overnight again, but I usually don't offer her a feed, as a cuddle does it. At 12months she's on 3feeds a day, but if it's just not cutting it, I'll offer a breast. She's fine, some nights she'll sleep through others - no. Last night, she went down at 7, was up at 1.15 - cuddle only till 1.40, then up at 5.15 - feed.

Be confident you are doing the right thing for you bubba, and in my experience (with my son), it's not making a rod for your back.

[charlen49]

:eek: god the nerve of the woman..i would have turned around and said " so when did you start paying my rent/morgage?", that would have floored her..look in a nut shell i agree with the above posts..they are all different..and each child within a family is differnet..you do whats best for you and your child at that particular time..you will find you will change a hundred times what you do by the time they are 5!..Go with the flow and judge it on works best for your child..your the one thats the mum not that silly woman!:thumbsup:

[sebmum]

You know what, having read all your positive replies, it suddenly hit me how rude this woman really was! :mad:

How dare she tell me (in front of about 5 other people) that I wasn't doing it right and that I was creating a problem.

I went to the gym feeling happy :)and left feeling so down, like I had no clue about what was right for my baby.:(

When I'm tired, I tend to let people make me feel bad about my mothering and it ends up making me question my choices, etc.

It never ceases to amaze me how there are mothers out there who seem to take pleasure in making other mothers feel bad about themselves. Aren't we all supposed to help each other through this mothering lark?!

I think that's why I enjoy this forum so much as everyone is so positive and encouraging. :hugs:

[ShadyCharacter]

Oh Lordy I would LOVE for that woman to try that on me :devil6:

I got the old 'rod for your back' talk frequently when my son was young, I just kinda learnt to shut off (or start my own little rant about CC being child abuse ;)).

They do grow out of it, and sure some take longer than others, but my almost 3 year old has just started sleeping through the night, and while it was a long road sometimes, I am now very proud that he never cried in the night and wondered why I wasn't coming.

Listen to your instincts :)

[charlen49]

start my own little rant about CC being child abuse ;)).

:shame: ..hmm.. i think the point we are all trying to make is that different sleep methods work with different children at different times..going on what the child needs at that particular time.....i used cc on my 11 yrold from day dot and it worked..up untill 2 weeks ago bub(9mths) was rocked to sleep..but i decided my back couldnt cope anymore and i have taught her to go to sleep on her own/self settle..if she is upset/or does that upset cry(we all know the difference) then i pick her up and cuddles/rock then put her down..she harldly needs a rock now...so i dont think i'm abusing my child!!!!!!different methods and variety to suit the child!

[SilverStarfish]

I used to get that sort of advice for my DD too. Finally I learned to stand up to them:

a) "It's my back and I'll make a rod for it if I want to! I'm not asking you to come over and sit with my DD at night, so what do you care anyway?

Or

b) "Oh yes, she's been sleeping through 12 hours a night since she was 3 days old! No worries here!"

Your DD WILL grow out of it :yes: Or else she'll be old enough to go to the fridge and get her own snacks in the middle of the night :laughing:

Bottom line, if you're happy and your DD is happy, it is absolutely not that lady's business.

[charlen49]

Or else she'll be old enough to go to the fridge and get her own snacks in the middle of the night :laughing:

.
lol..here here:laughing:

[ShadyCharacter]

Erm, I personally think CC is abusive behavior, but thats not the point here. I generally keep my opinion to myself, and the point I was making in this thread was that if it was alright for her to shove her opinion down my throat, it would be fine for me to follow suit and do the same :)

I'm not getting into a CC debate here, and quite frankly I don't care how much you feel the need to justify your parenting to me... this thread isn't about CC, it is about people thinking they have the right to give unwanted advice to people on the street that they don't know.

[charlen49]

Erm, I personally think CC is abusive behavior, but thats not the point here. I generally keep my opinion to myself, and the point I was making in this thread was that if it was alright for her to shove her opinion down my throat, it would be fine for me to follow suit and do the same :)

I'm not getting into a CC debate here, and quite frankly I don't care how much you feel the need to justify your parenting to me... this thread isn't about CC, it is about people thinking they have the right to give unwanted advice to people on the street that they don't know. your the one that it brought it up luv!!!..i wasnt justifying my parenting.( i dont need to jsut stating different things ive used from experience which examplifies that didfferent things work...).i mearly stating the point of this post..which started in a positive fashion ..and the op was happy with that!it was nt ment to be a bashing of unwarrented advice but more of a pat on the shoulder that what ever she does is fine and to ignore others

[SilverStarfish]

Keep in nice and on track please ladies :)

The OP was asking for advice on how to handle unsolicited advice, not whether CC is appropriate or not.

[ShadyCharacter]

The OP was asking for advice on how to handle unsolicited advice, not whether CC is appropriate or not.Absolutely agree. And I was stating how I personally would handle that exact situation, not starting a discussion on CC :)

[mm85]

ds is 13 months old and has been sleeping a straight 11 hrs for the last 2 months ish.. but before that was waking up 1-2 times a night he just grew out of it himslef. i was contemplating trying cc before that but then thought whats the point hes only little still i think so many people expect alot for such little babies but they cant they are still so young. ds is still rocked to sleep too only takes 5-10mins max but hes happy and were happy and there are no tears.. xx so if something is working for you and ur bub then why change it!! xx

[charlen49]

I (or start my own little rant about CC being child abuse ;)).




Absolutely agree. And I was stating how I personally would handle that exact situation, not starting a discussion on CC :)
:confused:

[ShadyCharacter]

Oh FGS :rolleyes: Not sure what you are confused about, but I will spell it out.

Yes, if a lady came up to me in the street and started telling me that I MUST use CC, I would tell her that I think CC is abusive. That is how I PERSONALLY would handle the OP's situation. As I did when my son was young and people told me that I was creating a rod for my own back, blah blah. THAT was the context of my post - what I would do in that exact situation. I was NOT trying to start a debate on if my opinion is the correct one or not.

Now can we move on and stick to the original topic?

[charlen49]

Now can we move on and stick to the original topic?:laughing: sure..;)

[danik]

My DD has gone through so many different phases with her sleeping. She use to be fed to sleep, was waking many times in the night, would only sleep on us....there was always one thing after another. Many times I wondered if she would ever go to sleep by herself in her own bed and stay asleep.She is now 11 months old and sleeping wonderfully.

You do what you need to do.

[Sheer Bliss]

DD would sometimes wake for feeds, other times she wouldn't. When she woke i'd feed her - as you said...the path of least resistance. She is now 2 and has been sleeping for 10-12hrs straight for ages. (well up until DS arrived & now she climbs into bed with DH at 1am in the morning when i am feeding DS as he has woken her up. :D