should i hold bub all the time?

[Janelle]

DD is 2 mth old now and still wanted to be carried around n held all the time. She just started screaming when i put her down. Sometimes i tried to put her down after she is in deep sleep but she'll wake up after 10 or 15 minutes. I've tried wrapping her but doesnt seem to work. Any mums who have similar experience? Will bub ever grow out of it?

[Milliner]

DS was like this when he was younger, he did grow out of it. Have you got a sling? You would at least have free hands then.

[jbie]

mine's like that too... as he's gotten older and able to sit with some support, and be interested in and able to hold toys, he spends more time sitting and playing, but basically he still gets held alot.

but perhaps because of that, he's always been the happiest easiest-tempered baby. i reckon if all he wants is to be carried - how easy to keep him happy, better than a cranky difficult baby.

and they say it's really good for bubs too - google babywearing for info.

yeah ditto the sling, it lets you get stuff done, go anywhere and stay out for ages with a happy bubba.

[Janelle]

I have a hug-a-bub kind of sling but i just need a break sometimes. And i dont know if i m spoiling her by carrying n holding her all the time. :(

[forbetoel]

I think it can build there confidence to explore more on their own, if you don't carry them around all the time. I think if you can find a balance between, "mummy loves you and is there for you" and "giving them the confidence to do things on their own"
I rarely carried mine around and I have a great bond with all them, they are all easy going and very confident, even with strangers. Goodluck.
Maybe your baby is just too used to being held all the time and so as soon as she is put down, she just wants you again. Have you tried putting her down in the cot to fall asleep?

[unhindered]

Funnily enough all babies are like this, they need to be carried and held close especially while they are young which your baby is. As your baby gets older than it will spend more awake time playing and exploring on the floor but for now the best for your baby to learn about it's environment is from your arms. There are lots of great slings out there, i can recommend hug a bub and ergo baby carrier. A baby held in arms is more happy and content this means less crying if at all.

There is no way in the world that you will spoil your baby. You will in fact create a close and loving bond between you. Follow your babies cues and trust your mama instinct.

If you are still unsure then check these articles out.

"If you hold that baby all the time" Pam Leo
www.naturalchild.org/guest/pam_leo.html

In their hands Peggy O'Mara
www.naturalchild.org/peggy_omara/their_hands.html

Stress in infancy Lina Folden Palmer
www.naturalchild.org/guest/linda_folden_palmer2.html

[forbetoel]

unhindered, not all babies are like this. Some babies do become like this because they know no different. I am not having a go at your advice, but my babies, and some friends of mine have had babies who want to be on their own, in their own cot etc, etc. I put mine straight into a cot, and my babies loved it because they knew no different, just like carrying them around will create the opposite. I am not against people carrying the babies, if that is what they want to do, but babies and parents can be just as happy to not be tied to the baby 24/7.
I am not saying that you are wrong or that I am right, but there are other alternatives to carrying the baby around all day, if you would prefer not to. :D :thumbsup:

[Pixie]

My opinion is you can never spoil a baby by holding them and giving them your love. I carried my DD for 9 months in her sling hardly used the stroller. She's a great little girl now no signs of being spoilt. Sometimes they need the extra comfort for whatever reason. They don't know you will come back for them when you're gone, you're gone it's final they realise eventually you do come back but right now she needs you, to smell you, to know you're right there. It will change it's just so draining!

[unhindered]

From the imaginary infant by James Kimmel

read the rest at the link
www.naturalchild.org/james_kimmel/imaginary.html

The physical, intellectual, emotional, and social development of the infant did not evolve to take place in isolation, but in relation to a nurturing mother. If the mother is removed from the process or is not nurturing in her response to her infant, development in all of these areas become different. The child becomes a different kind of human being than he might have been.

But the human infant is not made up of a set of fragmented basic needs that are unrelated to each other or to his nurturing source. He is a total living organism, dependent for life on that which keeps him alive. He cannot be understood separate from his source of nurturing because he is not separate from this source. By conceiving of the infant as a separate individual, we are able to view all infants as having basic needs unrelated to their care. We can avoid recognizing that we, the nurturing source (mother, father, caretaker, society), impose on infants the needs in which we believe. The needs of infants are reflections of that which a society values or gives priority. We do not believe that infants have a need for the continual presence of their mothers or that their crying should necessitate an immediate response, although these are the beliefs in other cultures. Infants who are continuously carried, are nursed whenever they cry, and sleep with their mothers do not develop the same needs as infants who are left alone for long periods of time, are fed milk from a bottle at four hour intervals, and sleep alone. The latter will develop a need for food, a need for attention, and a need for security that the former will not develop. The former will develop a healthy need for mutually enjoyable contact with other humans.

4boys2love yes all babies are born this way, sadly our society thinks we should ignore all of our instincts and those very basic needs of our babies.

I think it is very sad that you think you need to condition your little ones to sleep in a cot, in isolation. Majority of our societies beliefs are so not baby friendly.

[forbetoel]

I think it is sad that you feel the need to put my views down. I don't condition my kids to sleep in a cot, I put them in a cot as a new born, and I have had brilliant babies that sleep through from 8 weeks. Don't be sad for me, my babies loved their cot from day one, and as a result, I havn't had any sleepless nights. I don't want to hold my babies 24/7, and I don't want them sleeping between me and DH, sorry that my positive experience of parenting the way I (and thousands of others have) offends you so much. I totally respect your veiws so I have chosen not to put conflicting evidence up for posting. I am more than happy with my beautiful, happy, healthy, confident and independant children, and I hope you are too. Goodluck, but don't put down my parenting beliefs just because they differ to yours.

[Pixie]

Oh can I just say 2boys2love I didn't even read our post when I posted mine so I in no way directed my comment to you :) I just read the OP and then posted!

[Hokey Pokey]

If it is something YOU feel comfortable doing then do it....

IMO while it won't neccesarily hurt a baby to be held every waking hour, I don't think it is necessary. Like I said JMO..

DD 2 was always wanting to be held.. it made life quite difficult at times. With dd 3 we make sure she get's plenty of cuddles and kisses and love, but at the same time, she knows how to entertain herself on her play mat, tummy time, bouncer etc

It is really up to what feels right for you. Noone can tell you otherwise what is RIGHT or WRONG.

[forbetoel]

Pixie: No that is quite alright, just because we do things differently doesn't mean one of us is wrong, we all love our babies. Thankyou for clarifying that Pixie, it is very sweet of you:hugs:

[unhindered]

Your views are your views and mine are mine and all the myriad of variations in between. The evidenced based information is for the OP and others who may read this thread.

People will chose what they chose, thats fine the OP asked a question and i replied.

[forbetoel]

Yes unhindered you did answer the original OP, but couldn't help throwing in a snide, naive comment directed at me, so I was just responding to that!

[Hollywood]

Hi Janelle,

Just getting back to the point of your post (thank you for sharing ladies), have a look at this Dr Sears website, and see what you think: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050200.asp

A sling would be a good idea to try for a while. My DS is 6.5 months and I still use my sling sometimes, mainly if I need to walk around the apartment doing housework and tidying up, stuff like that. He loves his time on the floor playing, but eventually he starts to get a bit grizzly and putting him in the sling calms him down and he seems to like watching me do stuff. He even falls asleep when I vacuum!

[little mermaid]

I think it is sad that you feel the need to put my views down. I don't condition my kids to sleep in a cot, I put them in a cot as a new born, and I have had brilliant babies that sleep through from 8 weeks. Don't be sad for me, my babies loved their cot from day one, and as a result, I havn't had any sleepless nights. I don't want to hold my babies 24/7, and I don't want them sleeping between me and DH, sorry that my positive experience of parenting the way I (and thousands of others have) offends you so much. I totally respect your veiws so I have chosen not to put conflicting evidence up for posting. I am more than happy with my beautiful, happy, healthy, confident and independant children, and I hope you are too. Goodluck, but don't put down my parenting beliefs just because they differ to yours.

very well said :thumbsup:

[Roopee]

:wave: Janelle!

Sometimes my bubba is like this too. Not always but somedays she just wants to be held. I bought an ergo for these days.
They are not cheap but well worth it. If you want to know more- pm me here or at the other place if you like.
Some bubbys like it and some dont. It makes it really difficult for you, i know, with little Liam wanting your attention too and sometimes, you just want the baby in her cot so you can get stuff done!
:hugs:

[ICanDream]

I think the decision is entirely up to you, but the only thing I would ask you to consider is how long you can keep doing it.

My DS slept in his cot from the first night he was home so I'm not speaking from direct experience BUT my friend on the other hand did it differently. They chose to have their DS sleep in their room, he would only go to sleep if rocked/held/swayed whatever. It worked fine for them but now at nearly 11 months they are still having to use these techniques and are finding it draining to still be doing these sorts of things and having constant sleepless nights. They are now apprenhensive to change as it could cause upset and they don't want that either.

There is no right or wrong, no child will feel unloved in their older years for sleeping in a cot as opposed to their mother's arms IMHO - I don't believe memory goes back this far.

I believe it comes down to not only what works for now but what you feel you can continue with. If you can't continue with it or feel distressed about having to break the habit in later motnhs then perhaps do it now.

[twolittlegirls]

I think it is sad that you feel the need to put my views down. I don't condition my kids to sleep in a cot, I put them in a cot as a new born, and I have had brilliant babies that sleep through from 8 weeks. Don't be sad for me, my babies loved their cot from day one, and as a result, I havn't had any sleepless nights. I don't want to hold my babies 24/7, and I don't want them sleeping between me and DH, sorry that my positive experience of parenting the way I (and thousands of others have) offends you so much. I totally respect your veiws so I have chosen not to put conflicting evidence up for posting. I am more than happy with my beautiful, happy, healthy, confident and independant children, and I hope you are too. Goodluck, but don't put down my parenting beliefs just because they differ to yours.


Couldn't agree more!

[ZooKeeper]

i found with starfish, it was only at about 2 months she could cope with me leaving her vicinity for more than a few minutes, even if hubby was with her sometimes. when she slept, it was in a cot/pram/bassinette/spot on the couch right near me. she's 3 months this week and i still sleep beside her cot in her room, and for a good day nap i need to stay near her to resettle her if she wakes. but she will spend increasing amounts of time awake and with me not having to be within sight. i started with 10 minutes in the morning when she was well rested, with her in a bouncy chair watching the slow combustion fire (I call it 'baby TV'). at first i'd pop into her visual field every minute or two, over weeks reducing the number of times in ten minutes but not ever out of earshot and prompt to respond if she called out. other times through the day, i'll sit her somewhere, then start singing to her, or talking, and wander in and out of her sight range. she's getting the idea mum's usually nearby and now sometimes will resettle herself to sleep without me needing to get close to her at all. dh is also able to take her for longer periods (up to twenty minutes now) where she won't want to know if I'm around or call for me.

it was hard though when I was so tied to her because I'm nearly 40 and a taurus who finds change disconcerting :laughing: ... but at some point I realised she loves me as much as I love her and so it all became a bit easier to handle. she still has days where she will only cat nap in my arms, and there are still nights like tonight where she is almost impossible to settle without HOURS of being in my arms and on the boob and being rocked and sung to. it would be easier if she liked being in a sling but that's not her thing, though we are gradually getting her to enjoy it, only for short periods though and for something like a walk outside or helping do something to dinner, but not for regular carrying about. for that only arms or a shoulder will do. she also likes her stroller now that she's realised it has a peek-a-boo window in the canopy and she can see mum that way.

it all comes down to love, her love and need for mum, and my love for her which wants to be what she needs, even if it is a little wearying sometimes. today for example we had a few mutual crying sessions, but we got there eventually to a happy baby asleep in bed. now mums just got to happy up too.:snow:

[~mia&ryan~]

Maybe your bubs just wants to be able to see you.. Have you tried popping bubs in a bouncer or pram next to wherever you are (kitchen, bathroom, wherever)... DD went through a phase of wanting to be able to see DF or I wherever she was, so I used to pop her in her bouncer and cart her around with me when I needed to get things done... She loved it!!! But if you are happy to have bubs in a sling with you all the time, that is great, I dont think that you can spoil babies.. They just want what they need! :hugs:

[Janelle]

Thank u all for your sharing your experience and valuable opinions. When it comes to babies u can only find what works by trial n error so i'll try some of ur suggestions. I love having her next to me (will definately look into getting an Ergo) but it's also nice to have a break n give my older son some attention.

I;ve tried putting her in a rocker or caccoon near me when i do chores but that didnt work :(

I havent really had a good long sleep since my 1st child was born. This time i'd really like to set some good sleeping habit for 2nd bub. I have tried cot but she didnt like it so she's either sleeping next to me or in a bassinette next to me.

[~mia&ryan~]

:hugs: I really hope that you can find something that works for you and that you get some much needed rest..:hugs:

[ICanDream]

One last thing that we did that worked. We bought a coccon that fits in the pram which DS loved. At first we used to put him in that in the cot to sleep so that he didn't have too much room but was still accustomed to being in his room in his cot but still felt secure. We then transitioned him out of the coccon to the cot at about 3 months when he got too long for it. Just another thought that might help.

[aquarius]

hi janelle i feel your pain, my DD was like this but she grew out of it around 3-4 months and was happy to sit in her bouncer or lie on a rug near me and amuse herself - it does get better hang in there! and get yourself a baby bjorn/ergo/similar! :)

[MordecaiAliVanAllenO'Shea]

At this young age they dont understand that you are a seperate person from them and can remove yourself from them so they feel insecure when you're not there with them. As they get older they will understand that its ok to be on my own for a little bit, mum will be back. I personally dont think it's possible to spoil a baby, especially that young. I've carried DS heaps and still use my sling, yet at the moment while I'm on here he has taken himself off into the spare room and is busy pretend cooking - lol - oh wait, no he just came back to ask me to put the head back on his slinky snake, and off he goes again to play, knowing mum is here and available to him if he needs me. I think the most important/helpful thing is to follow your own instincts and do what works for you and your bub. I became a much happier mummy when I stopped doing what I was "supposed to do" and just started following my instincts. And my DS is a happy, loving, sociable little monkey. Good luck!

[UmmInayah]

I think it is sad that you feel the need to put my views down. I don't condition my kids to sleep in a cot, I put them in a cot as a new born, and I have had brilliant babies that sleep through from 8 weeks. Don't be sad for me, my babies loved their cot from day one, and as a result, I havn't had any sleepless nights. I don't want to hold my babies 24/7, and I don't want them sleeping between me and DH, sorry that my positive experience of parenting the way I (and thousands of others have) offends you so much. I totally respect your veiws so I have chosen not to put conflicting evidence up for posting. I am more than happy with my beautiful, happy, healthy, confident and independant children, and I hope you are too. Goodluck, but don't put down my parenting beliefs just because they differ to yours.

My little one used to sleep on her own for the first couple of months of her life. She never wanted to feed to sleep and was content falling asleep on her own and not in my arms. After 8 weeks, she decided she needed to fall asleep in my arms and not in her bassinet. I think all babies need to feel loved, and they choose how they need this. Perhaps your bub needed love in other ways, just like mine decided she all of a sudden needed to feel secure in my arms. If a child wants to be held, I don't believe it is spoiling her. It is showing her love and security.

You cannot teach a child to want to be held. It is their own instinct.

[forbetoel]

Marna :confused: sorry but I think that is what I did say????? Respect everyones choices????
But just don't put me down because I have chosen not to co sleep and carry a baby around all day. Totally respect what you do, just asking for the same! :)

[UmmInayah]

:confused:
I think all babies need to feel loved, and they choose how they need this. Perhaps your bub needed love in other ways, just like mine decided she all of a sudden needed to feel secure in my arms.

I thought I was respecting what you do. I am not quick to jump on people - I am a new mother and I still have a lot to learn. What I am trying to say is that not all babies need to be held, but all babies need to feel loved and secure. Mine needed to be held to feel secure, yours needed other things.

Ugh.

[forbetoel]

Sorry but I am still :confused: You are saying what I am saying??? I said that what I done worked for MY babies, but I respect whatever anyone else does!

[UmmInayah]

I am saying that different babies need love in different ways. SOme need it in being held, some might need it in jus knowing you're there. Some might need it with a cuddle toy. Some might need it just by being in a cot where they are familiar and secure.

I am not agreeing or disagreeing with you. I am giving my 2 cents.

The End.

[sopolicha]

Like most of the previous posters, I agree that you can't cuddle a baby (or a child of any age really) too much.

Personally I can't bear the sound of little babies crying, there is just something cruel about letting a baby cry.

I say cuddle them now, because in a few years time when they get to school they won't want to be cuddled so much.

[forbetoel]

If it was just your opinion, I don't think there was any need to quote my opinion iykwim?

[sopolicha]

If it was just your opinion, I don't think there was any need to quote my opinion iykwim?


This is OT but, if you are happy with the choices you have made about parenting you, wouldn't be so easily offended about someone having a different opinion.

Cuddle on I say.

[forbetoel]

HUH???? I told marna I totally respect what she does, I don't have time to judge other mothers who may do things differently but love their bubs all the same. :yes: Honestly I couldn't give a cr@p what someone else does, I have said so more than once in this thread. Please read back. :)

[UmmInayah]

If it was just your opinion, I don't think there was any need to quote my opinion iykwim?

You're right 4boys2love! I didn't need to quote you.

[forbetoel]

Marna, thankyou :thumbsup: And just for the record, I am sure you are doing a great job, and wish you the best of luck! :yes: I really do. Until I joined BH I didn't even know women cared about how other peoples babies were settled, or whether or not they used cloth or disposables, breast or bottle etc,etc, maybe I am naive, and have been sheltered by my own wonderful group of friends who couldn't care less what "parenting methods" we take on. I know I dont care. Goodluck Marna, and cute baby! :yes:

[UmmInayah]

Thanks. Yeah, I guess people are just really passionate with their kids as they should be. :)

Good luck with you too. :wave:

[forbetoel]

OOh can I just be really annoying and say one more thing...just because I don't co-sleep, and and carry my bubs all day doesn't mean they are not cuddled. My boys would have to be the most over cuddled and kissed kids in the world. My 2 school aged kids won't walk out the door without finding me for a big kiss. I have chosen to not go back to work until my bubs is at school (which is going to be 14 years out of work force) just so I can be home to cuddle and kiss, play and enjoy them. O.K I am finished now, just wanted to say I am also all for cuddles and kisses, they are a vital part of childhood, probally the most important. Oh and just one more thing... nah just kidding I have really finished now!

[Roopee]

Anyway- back to the OP.

Janelle- how is your ergo hunting going mate? If you need a hand in your research, let me know hun:thumbsup: