when your keen but your dp/dh isnt?

[bronny-jane]

i know i could have a free birth, ive have great births, although ive never given birth with out pethidine or being induced;)
im not worried about the baby, i mean all my dd's came out fine, even their heads were perfect shape:smiliedance: ...

but my dh on the other hand isnt keen... im not sure why, i know he doesnt like seeing me in pain, and thinks that a hospital is safer... i dont think he'll change his mind.... so what do you do?

[bronny-jane]

any one?

[Noah_and_Elijah]

Chain yourself to the bath tub and telling him it's happening here and now whether he likes it or not! :laughing:

[punkbaby]

Is he scared of the what ifs that could happen? My dh is the opposite even though he couldnt do anything he would rather i had bubs at home but i am a sook so will go to hospital LOL

Maybe its the fact that he wont know what to do or he will feel helpless during the birth? Just a thought maybe

[Pippi Longstocking]

It's pretty simple really - when your DH is pregnant, he can give birth wherever he feels most comfortable. Same goes for you. :yes:

[Chelle123]

Sorry, I've got no advice BJ but I myself, would rather be in hospital. Saying that, I had retained placenta last pg and was in theatre within 45mins and lost 2.5L blood.

Do you live far from the hospy? Maybe you could come to some agreement with DH that if things go on too long, you will go, or something like that.

[AM]

It is a hard one, i'm kind of in the same boat, but my dh is already on board with hb, so fb isn't SO great a jump, but I know he really really freaks out if he thinks no-one else will be there, as he then sees it as being HIS responsibility, when of course it is not, it is mine, but my approach so far is to tell him to go to the pub while I have the baby!

Probably not recommended, but it works for us.:)

I guess my feelings whenever I see this crop up is that it is your body, and you are the one going through the labour and birth, and if you are forced into doing it in a way you are not comfortable with, then you are the one who is going to bear the scars if you have a traumatic experience, and I would simply not allow that to happen with me.

All the best, I have known men who have been totally against the whole thing to become very supportive after a little education, after all, we fear what we do not understand.

[bronny-jane]

it takes 20 mins to get to hospital... although we live around the corner from one, they dont do births in our town...
im going to get him to read a heap of info on it...
im going to try anyway, if i need to go to hospital i will.. i mean ive had 3 great births there, so im not anti hospital... its just this is going to be my last birth... so i want it to be powerful, my own power, no one elses..

if he is still not up for it, i wont tell him im in labour:D until its too late to leave:laughing:

[kymmy]

My husband is weary of a freebirth. I think a home birth would be fine but maybe he doesn't trust himself to know what to do. I said I don't mind even birthing on my own.

[AM]

I think that is the key kimmy, most men seem to think that they have to DO something, when in actual fact the opposite is true:)

Just be there, observe, support. I guess the male species in general finds that a tough assignment:laughing:

If you print out a copy of Emergency Childbirth and put it in the toilet, hopefully he will read it, and be reassured by the fact that it goes on and on about birth being a normal physiological process, and the best treatment of it is HANDS OFF!! :)

[QTB]

my DH is really keen to have a FB next time round... but even if he wasnt too damn bad lol my body, my birth MY way! lol

if he was completely against it though and i was dead set for it i would probably have an 'accidental' free birth *wait til worst of labour then say ill just go for a shower then we will go hosp.... then ooppppps its too late :laughing:

[fai firinne]

Yep, less is more for sure when it comes to supporting birth.

I think knowledge helps dispel fear, too. If your dp is worried about freebirth, is that his conclusion after reading the research, or before? If he still has serious concerns, even after reading & research then yeh, it needs to be talked through. But generalized misgivings from someone who hasn't yet researched the facts for themselves, well I'd be like, "here mate, read this, this and this, watch this video, and then we'll talk."

If a couple desire to freebirth, that's a position of taking responsibility and I think ideally both should undertake to be as well informed and prepared as possible.

I'd be going it alone if dp didn't place it as high enough of a priority in his life to be bothered educating himself.

Chelle, pity about the retained placenta. That would be pretty scary. I can understand why you'd rather be in hospy. Do you know what caused it? Were you induced or did labour start naturally? Was your labour 'augmented' with syntocinon or not? I am glad you are OK.

Having good Plans B, C & D (& E, F & G if necessary) are all part of planning freebirth. I think (like BJ) not being anti-hopital, and having a good transfer plan, is a good place to be in when planning a freebirth.

[mummyof5]

It is a hard one, i'm kind of in the same boat, but my dh is already on board with hb, so fb isn't SO great a jump, but I know he really really freaks out if he thinks no-one else will be there, as he then sees it as being HIS responsibility

AM...are our DH's related??? My homebirth loving DH is terrified that if "something happened" (his words) he would have to take charge and make decisions if we freebirthed....where I feel as though I have the birth thing down pat now, and we could do it by ourselves with no probs whatsoever....don't know what we will end up doing if we manage to get pregnant again.

[kymmy]

AM...are our DH's related??? My homebirth loving DH is terrified that if "something happened" (his words) he would have to take charge and make decisions if we freebirthed....where I feel as though I have the birth thing down pat now, and we could do it by ourselves with no probs whatsoever....don't know what we will end up doing if we manage to get pregnant again.
I think that is a fair concern and understandable.
I am trying to make it so I educate myself and my husband along the way before we even get pregnant again. I feel I know enough about the birth process to go it alone. But the more education the better, even just from reading other people's stories is inspiring to me.

[unhindered]

As others have said print out the emergency child birth book and let him study it that can be his job.

Explore his fears as i am sure the above book will allay them.

As i said to my dh you do exactly what i tell you to do when i tell you to and for how long i need you too, got it, good then you are prepared.

It is funny how they think they will need to do anything, when even the truth be told that even we as the birthing woman have to let our logical part of our brain take a backseat in order to let the primal brain, body and baby work together for birth. So even to a certain point we ourselves just surrender and let those three things take us over.

Again your partners will need to trust that indeed you will know if anything needs to happen externally from filling a pool, providing massages or calling an ambulance. This is where during pregnancy you can do lots of bonding together with each other and the baby.

I think my dh was greatly relieved once he realised all of this. I know he loved the experience and will happily talk birth to any stranger on the street. He tells everyone how "catching babies is easy". There is no question in his mind that ucing is the way to go for us. We get so clucky together.


Oh Oh another thing i will mention in here as well is to check out Laura Shanleys bornfree website, just google unassisted birth it should be one of the first results to pop up. As she has great articles about pregnancy and birth as a sensual and pleasurable time between a woman and her partner. Because i think some partners are worried that we will be in all of this pain when in fact the noises we may make to him may seem like this is the case when it isnt. My noises were very pleasurable in sound especially evident from dh's biological reaction, another friend thought she made low primal noises but upon watching her birth video she really screamed the house down and she too had a pleasurable labour and birth even though her sounds did not reflect this. But yes check out those articles.

[kymmy]

As i said to my dh you do exactly what i tell you to do when i tell you to and for how long i need you too, got it, good then you are prepared.

.

:yes:
Exactly!

[maiko]

DH is against homebirth. I don't dare mention freebirth yet. Basically he doesn't trust me to be able to do it. It worries me because I don't want that negativity around me during labour but I do want him there.