crying

[MammyMammy]

i heard somewhere nothing you do in first 3 months can form a pattern....

when bub cries, i pick him up, or shhhh him etc.....hate hearing him cry - it hurts me, you know?

dh says i need to let him cry or we'll end up with a crying for pick up-bub......

i keep saying its too early to even consider letting him cry a little.....and it makes my boobs sore, tingle and pour.....

he's only 15 days old...

comments?

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

Pick him up if he is crying, your his mum thats what you're supposed to do. He wont get clingy at 15days old lol. Men are funny things sometimes.:laughing:

[Milliner]

Personally, I am not a fan of CC. I would never let my child cry, but everyone is different.

Babies cry for a reason, wet, cold, hot, hungry, comfort, hurt; there is always a reason.

[OJandMe]

Pick him up.

He's only a baby. You can't 'spoil' a baby with love.

I picked my boys up whenever they cried.. and they aren't 'pick me up pick me up' kids.

Besides if you read more research about comforting a child you'll find that children who are picked up and comforted as soon as they cry tend to be more independent, less anxious and better behaved.. because they know they are cared for and loved. Imagine how you would feel if you were left alone, to cry, and the people who were put here to care for you didn't come.. you'd be anxious, stressed and become 'clingy' when you WERE picked up (because how would you know if they'd come next time????)

Maybe you should have a read through some of the articles quoted in the 'attachment parenting' threads.. they have some great info on comforting crying babies. :thumbsup: :hugs:

[SilverStarfish]

Oh goodness! 15 days old! He's still so new! I don't think you can ever cuddle a newborn too much :)

I have a hugabub sling - saved my arms and my sanity when Sarah was tiny. They feel safe and secure, you have both hands free to get on with your day :thumbsup:

[shed]

Actually, its the opposite of what your DH says.

the less they cry at this age, the less they cry later. If you make them feel secure now then they won't cry as much later. Crying releases stress cortisols and makes them worse. Thats why even people who DO believe in controlled crying don't do it till after six months.

Worked for us anyway. My baby never cried. I didn't hear his full blown cry till he was a couple of weeks old.

He hardly cries now either and has a very quiet little cry when he does. He is 1.

Just tell your DH that and he will leave you in peace!

[PunkyDiva]

My sister has a new baby and at nearly 4 months has the most amazing routine which she has been doing since around 8 weeks. Bub sleeps 12 hours most nights and just needs some back patting to nod off in her crib without the associated crying.

She is "mumof1and1tobe" so maybe PM her (she isn't on a lot but will reply) and ask her what the book was she read. She told me it was almost like baby whispering, very gentle and makes such a difference to mums life when bub has an understanding of what has to happen in their day.
Even with 5 kids I've never been a big routine person or allowed bubs to cry but have had all the bothers accompanying co-sleeping so def going to read this book as well and maybe we will get some use from crib with bub #6.

[unhindered]

Yes please pick your baby up, they need your touch and comfort it is vital for their development.

A baby who is never put down or is worn does not need to cry because their basic needs are met, that is those that we are naturally born with to ensure that we are never away form our primary caregivers for sometimes even a small amount of time. A newborn should be in your arms having lots of skin to skin contact. Invest in hug a bub or an ergo with newborn insert if you need to be hands free at ant stage during the day. Hubby can also help by baby wearing as well, it is great bonding time for them both.

A baby/toddler that is nurtured and comforted in the first three years of life will grow up to be a more secure older child, teenager and adult. Studies prove this, just like they prove that control crying is very detrimental to a baby/childs development.

[Areca]

Mammy, even controlled crying 'experts' (as in the one's that write books on the method) say it isn't to be used before 6 months of age.
At 15 days old he is crying for a reason, not cause he is being sooky. Pick him up, you won't form any bad habits!

[reAllytee]

As everyone has said pick bubs up you cant form any "pattern" at this stage because they are too little to learn anything.

They dont start associating x with y or the likes until well after 6mths of age which is why CC isnt meant to be started until then.

Comforting bubs will keep you both happy.

[jamb]

ditto what the others have said, give him a cuddle, and shhhhhh all you like!

we did and still do go to DS if he is crying, imo i havent created a rod for my own back :ecomcity: i'm his mum, dads dad and we are the parents here to care for him.

he sleeps in his own bed and goes to sleep on his own (most nights;) )

go with your mummy instinct:thumbsup:

[Stargazer Lily]

I agree - trust your Mummy instinct :thumbsup:

I too could never let my babies cry - it physically hurt me like you described and it just felt right to pick them up and hold them

[moonblossom]

Its funny isn't how women feel this pain inside when their baby cries, but with most men its like the gene is missing, which is probably is LOL

Pick him up, cuddle him constantly whether he is crying or not, and just let him know that your always there.

I'm definately not a fan of CC at any time, I'm like Punk, always comfort, Co sleeping and giving 100% of me to those I love, which of course is my children.

You'll get there, my son is 13 months and still not sleeping through the night...but whoopeee dooo daaaa, nothing like a 3 o'clock snack and gazing into his content fact to start the day of right :smiliedance:

[UmmInayah]

:) I am so glad I stumbled across this post!

DH and I were just talking about how I never let my little one cry - ever.

He says "now she is used to having you around"

SO? I love her and she must feel so loved to know that her mother is ALWAYS going to be there for her.

One night I saw her moving her head around, looking for a nipple, but I was half asleep and fell back to sleep without attending to her. I woke up about half an hour later and she was doing the same thing, she didn't cry because she knew i was there for her. She is so patient!

I could not have asked for a better baby!

Give all the love you can to your bub now. They need you and they need to feel loved and secure.

Don't listen to your DH about this lol

[pookiesossige]

the less they cry at this age, the less they cry later. If you make them feel secure now then they won't cry as much later. Crying releases stress cortisols and makes them worse. Thats why even people who DO believe in controlled crying don't do it till after six months.


Exactly what I was going to say- meet their needs now (because one of those needs is comfort from you when they cry) and they develop into secure, independent little people :yes:

ETA- Is it possible you could get your DH to read this thread?

[ZooKeeper]

I let midwives and DH talk me into letting starfish cry now and then for the first few weeks but could see it was bad for her, bad for me and bad for her grip on the world, so I rebelled, and now there's only the odd occiasion where I can't pick her up or otherwise comfort her if she starts to cry, and those times get fewer and fewer. most of her crying now is a little bit of intermittent overtired early evening crying, not during the day, tho some afternoons she gets a bit cranky, I do my best to stick with it and comfort her somehow.

my dh gets all hard-a$$ed about it but as he's very rarely here now he's working, I just go my own way with it, even when he's around. means I can't leave her with him and be out of earshot tho as I have to get straight back there if she starts crying as he goes into CC mode.

he keeps saying things like "she has to learn you can't always jump to her every whim" and I think, hmm, but you expect me to jump to your whims...:hair:
I just remind him she's a tiny baby and mention what the crying does to me and to the boobs to.

[justmum]

we go to our bubs and give him a pat or a jiggle when he is in the cot. We don't pick him up unless he is hungry or has wind (we have learnt his cries). We leave the room when he is calm but still awake and this helps him self sooth back to sleep.


Sometimes, if he is inconsolable, I pick him up, give him another feed and resettle back to sleep (no play) - the sleep consultants cal this "declaring a new feed cycle".

[susmamma]

I always think it's odd when control crying advocates say "I cried more than he/she did."

I mean, if it's making you cry too... surely there is something inherently wrong with the process?

It's almost as though the statement that the mother cried more than the baby makes it ok some how because she suffered as much?

I have many close dear friends who have cc'd their kids and swear by it. We have had to agree to disagree. But I do think, whilst I am not a CC fan, I absolutely believe CC mothers love their babies just as much as those who rock, cuddle and booby feed their babies back to sleep.

I think it's important to remember that :yes:

[♥Heaven Sent♥]

Personally, I am not a fan of CC. I would never let my child cry, but everyone is different.

Babies cry for a reason, wet, cold, hot, hungry, comfort, hurt; there is always a reason.

Same here :yes:

Wise wise words