View Full Version : When is it too late to tell inlaws?
Hi, Well I'm almost 16wks pg with #5 and havn't told even 1 of DH's family as yet :eek: There are a couple of reasons for this, 1 being that we will likely get all the smart comments like, don't you know how this happens, don't you have enough etc...and also because I have antibodies to my babies blood and the pgcy is high risk. I have an amnio in 2 weeks and there is always a slight chance of miscarriage with an amnio.
We were thinking of actually waiting until after the baby was born and then sending a sms with photo and making the whole thing a real surprise, but when I told my sister just last week :eek: about being pg and what we had planned, she said we shouldn't do it and that they would likely be mad we hadn't told them! Of course I got the 20 questions from her like, why are you having another, you have the perfect family already etc...etc....
It's just I have enough worry with this pgcy without having to worry about what others think etc.....I really thought a nice text message from DD or DS's with a photo would be a lovely way to announce the new baby once it was born and a huge surprise if they didn't even know we're expecting......
Any opinions.....also, if we were to tell before the bub is born, is 20ish wks still leaving it too long? This is how far along i'll be before I get the amnio results back (I would rather tell when we know the whole situation with my antibodies which will be shown in the amnio results)
I understand your reasons for not wanting to say anything.
If it were me, I would tell them after you get the results from your amnio. If they question as to why it took so long just be honest and say that it is a high risk pregnancy and you wanted to know exactly what you were dealing with before telling people. As for them making their jibes about having more kids, just ask them why you should stop when it's obvious that you create such wonderful children together - who wouldn't want more of them :p . Tell them they're jealous (cause they probably are - it takes a very special kind of family to raise 4 or more children, IMO).
I hope your results come back okay and congratulations on #5. I would love to have that many children, but I'm afraid I started a little too late in life to pop out that many - I'm hoping to squeeze in 4 though :D
Don't worry what they have to say. The only people you have to worry about is you, your partner and your beautiful children. If you feel comfy doing it after the amnio then wait. But in all fairness I would tell them before bubs is born even if it is only negative feedback (not that you need that stress). Don't it make you mad that they can't be positive just for once :rolleyes: . I think you are great. I would have had seven by now but unfortunately had 6 miscarriages luckily though we did have a daughter and she is perfect. After I had her we copped all the negativity about trying again. I ended up getting a book called "Toxic In laws". It suggested writing a letter and I did. Now they keep out of our business and only come in when invited for advice. You will feel when it is right. Good luck and congratulations.;)
I think telling them after bub is born would be better! That's what I'd do anyway ;)
I think you should tel them after the amnio.
I think you should wait until after the amnio, and like mummabear said if they ask why it took so long, just explain it was a high risk pregnancy.
Just wondering why you have antibodies in your babies blood as i am a negitive blood type, does this mean you didn't get the anti D injection with your last bub?
The reason I'm asking is because I'm considering not having the two injections through this pregnancy, and only having the one after labour if bubs is a positive.
Anyway I hope all goes well with your test and the rest of your pregnancy. Good luck and best wishes :)
Tell them whenever feels least stressful for you! It is your baby and your lives,..you don't need their judgements,....... I think you are very lucky to be having baby #5,..and it is no ones business but yours and the bubbas dadda,...! Congratulations!!!!
We told my MIL after he was born........DH phoned her from the delivery suite.
She's shown so much interest in her other two grandchildren (ie NONE) that quite frankly it didn't seem to matter about telling her I was expecting. Initially we were waiting for the amnio results, as I didn't want any nonsense from her if there was something wrong and we decided to terminate.
She's shown a similar amount of interest in her grandson - she hasn't even called me to see how we are doing, and it's been 2 weeks since he was born.
Thanks for the replies.
Emma I have antibodies to Kell & c both can have the same effect on bubs as being RH- and having RH antibodies, only with mine there is no shot to get to help avoid getting the antibodies. I got them during the birth of DS1, DS2 was also + for both antigens but luckily was o.k and delivered at 37wks, made for an extremely emotional and scary pgcy though. This time I know what to expect so am dealing with it much better than last time and am trying to not let it get to me until the stage where things can go bad. In all honesty, had there been an injection like anti-D for my antibodies I would definately have had it. I wouldn't wish an antibody pgcy on anyone, it's scary stuff. Good luck with your decision :)
Still havn't decided what to do, in a way it's kind of exciting with just us knowing but I feel guilty at the same time :o Oh well, guesse I'll know when the time is right
i would probably wait till after the amnio - exactly what mummabear said, actually!!
i am saddened to hear that u don't have support from them all - instead of questioning u as to y u r having another one, they should be as supportive as they can be - INCLUDING your sister! if i was your sister i'd be finding out if there was anything i could do to make life easier for u during your pregnancy (even tho my sisters & i arent that close - we still look out for each other - that's what family's for!!)
tho i'm being a little bit of a hypocrite since i haven't told my family about hubby & i splitting up a few weeks ago - but it may be temporary, so i just wanna wait & see what happens first ;)
i know how you feel, i have a beautiful baby girl who is 3 weeks old and i am still waiting for the right time to tell my mother, i feel like a naughty child but i am 34 yrs old.
when i was pregnant i was always going to tell her next week and then the following but i never did, to think i have never been happier in my life but i have this sitting on my shoulders all because my mother doesn't believe in children out off wedlock and i have just had my 3rd child, my mother hates the fact that my partner and i haven't married.
my advise is do what ever it takes to have a stress free pregnancy you deserve it and so does you baby, avoid negitive people you don't need them and if your situation is anything like mine you'll get the lectures anyway so why not enjoy being pregnant and get the lectures later.
i was actually rethinking my response the other day & thought i should add what i came up with.
when u tell them, let them know (before they can get a word in) that it's going to be hard enough on you already & you've already had lectures from YOUR family, so u'd appreciate their support. & if you don't think you can get that in b4 they start lecturing u, write them it in a letter/ card.
but, since i don't know your ILs personally, it's hard to say what's best to do as it does depend on the person/ people!!
our little treasures
i WOULD Wait until after the amnio. The comments they make I would ignore, after all it is your body!;)
I think you wait until after the amnio, and then pre-empt any negatives responses by starting with something like "We've got some very exciting news to share" or something similar, you know what I mean?
Good luck!! :)
Id tell them at 20 weeks. If they complain they didnt know before tell them you have had problems and didnt want to tell people until after your 20 week scan in case something happened.
Its your decision, but you might need their support and it would be good if they at least knew.
Goodluck I really hope it works out okay, fingers crossed for a healthy little baby SOON! (well in 20 weeks)
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.9 Copyright © 2013 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.