Questioning

[Alekay]

I was raised in a small christian church that has no name very strict on what you can and cant do what you wear and that you are not ment to mix with people that dont go to this church i guess you get the picture and for the last few years i have been questioning it. For as long as i can remember i have been told that if you dont go to this church that thats it and this is the way that you have to follow. An example is that we have a TV and growing up we never had one but mum and dad dont know that we have one as we put it away every time they come here as i just dont think its worth the greif of them finding out beceuse when mum found out that i went to the movies she burst into tears and was really upset and angry about it but even though i have still never backed down about that. I do believe in God but i just dont think we are ment to be so judgemental.

So is this normal to question all of this or am i just being stupid?

[~Emmylou~]

I think it's very normal to question it - in fact I'd say it would be abnormal NOT to question it.

I think everyone, no matter what their faith or belief goes through periods where they re-examine what they believe. This is normal and healthy and a sign that you still have an enquiring mind and are thinking for yourself.

The faith you've been raised in does not seem to encourage that so I understand you feel conflicted. But we all have to make up our own minds about these things, don't ever let anyone make you feel that they know better than you do how you should live your life ;)

[Chelle123]

I don't think you're stupid, it was the way you were raised but it normal and healthy to question everything and you have the right to live your life how you choose. As for your parents, what they don't know, won't hurt them.

I don't want to be judgemental because I don't know your whole situation. However I grew up Catholic & I know what it like to have to go to church as a kid when nobody else does.

[Alekay]

Thanks guys this has come up since i had my 1st DD and not wanting her to go though what i did due to not fitting in with people who go to the church and having to do what i was told untill i moved out so then of coures o wnet a bit wild as i would rather my kids be able to tell me what they are up to instead of hiding it like i did. I am just not sure it is right that a church and its prechers should have that much say in things like clothing who you marry the way you wear your hair and what you do in your free time.

[Mister Noodle]

The truth is not damaged by asking questions, or by finding answers.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, does not go away.

This isn't a road-runner cartoon. Gravity doesn't only kick in after you look down and see nothing beneath your feet.

If something's holding you up, then looking down won't take it away.

Anything that needs to be guarded by forbidding questions must be a lie.

A common lie is "Only I can lead you across the chasm you're suspended above. Look only at me - if you look down, you're doomed".

If you realised you were on solid ground, you wouldn't need them - and they can't handle that. They need the power. (not to mention the collection plate...)

If you love something, set it free. If it loves you back, it will walk at your side of its own volition, with no cage to keep it there. Or perhaps it will walk its own path, and strike out for itself. Either way, you should be happy for it.

Be free.

[Chelle123]

That's great advice Mister Noodle!

[Tea Lady]

You said it's a christian church you were raised in - in that case they should be teaching what the Bible says about how to live.

My suggestion is to read the Bible for yourself and see what IT says and follow that - people are unfortunately able to get things terribly wrong, but the Bible won't take you down the wrong path.

I'm happy to talk to you more about it if you like - I've done alot of thinking about things like this as I've grown up, and I do some things differently to my family as well (although my upbringing wasn't as strict as yours).

HTH :)

[nattytheratty]

You said it's a christian church you were raised in - in that case they should be teaching what the Bible says about how to live.

My suggestion is to read the Bible for yourself and see what IT says and follow that - people are unfortunately able to get things terribly wrong, but the Bible won't take you down the wrong path.


Wise words there...

Definitely not what the bible teaches...and you are right to question your beliefs. My best friend grew up in a church that sounds very similar to this and could easily have turned away from God. I think reading the bible for yourself and asking God personally what does this mean for me and how do you want me to raise my family is the best advice I can give.

It must be hard though to have to hide things from your mum.

My DH grew up as a Catholic and we now both go to a prettly lively AOG church and are expecting our first bub in 2 days - and his mum is really struggling with the fact that I don't believe in baptising my baby. But at the end of the day, you have to raise your family the way you believe is right in your heart, and hopefully give them the freedom and power to make their own wise decisions when they are old enough.

All the best!

[Alekay]

Thank you Mister Noodle :) I do agree with all you wrote

Tea Lady :yes: i do agree with you and have been doing what you said which i guess this is part of where this has all come from.


I think this is all a bit difficult as its hard to go against something that you have been told 3 times a week by preachers and then your parents as well and also when my whole famliy is in the church and alot of my friends are also not so much since we moved 12 hrs away but DH family is also in the church as well and we live around them

[FunkyMonkey]

I was raised as a JW and found it to be very restricting. I was taught that other religions were evil, and those not "in the truth" would all perish in the coming Armageddon. Funnily enough it was one of their own publications that convinced me it was all bull.
Due to this, my father and one of my sisters will no longer see me. Dad has met my son once and my sis has only seen photos. What a fair and forgiving religion.
I believe in God and Jesus, but cannot prescribe to just one religion.
Question everything, if it feels wrong for you, IT IS!

[SixtiesChild]

Hi Mel06,

I was exposed to this type of church for a long time so I know full well of what you are talking about. My husband and I made our exit from such a church several years ago.
Actually it was difficult to leave because of family pressures and expectations and fears placed upon us. There were many tyrants in this church, accountable to no one!
But to our surprise, over time what we discovered upon leaving was a closer relationship with the Lord. We discovered through reading more closely the words of Christ that because of all the rule keeping we were not letting the Holy Spirit freely move in our lives.
When Jesus spoke against the Pharisees it was exactly this kind of religious legalism that he was referring to. About this very thing Jesus also said in scripture that He desires Mercy and not Sacrifice.
There is no grace in these churches because all the man made rules and regulation kills it off. It quenches the Holy spirit and eventually it begins to grieve God's spirit. (This is scriptural.)
The people responsible for running these churches have a lot to answer to God. I have seen entire families ruined. It is Not of Christ at all.
Indeed you should question everything and I mean absolutely everything!
Read the words of Jesus as His unique freedom will set you free from the doctrines of men.

Love Ethereal :hugs:

PS: There is a Book Called: Grace Works, Letting God rescue you from Empty Religion. By Dudley Hall. If you like reading, I can refer you to other books on this topic.

[nasalhaironfire]

mel06, did you grow up as an Exclusive Brethren?

Personally, I believe that religion should
(1) Make you happy
(2) Encourage you to be a better person.

If it makes you paranoid, restricts your life and/or encourages you to be a worse person, then it's not worth it.

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

I think it is healthy for you to question your religion and all others too. How else are we to find out where we fit in this world and what we truly believe in, and about.

Good luck with your search-I don't think you or your dh are alone, there is many of us on the same journey.:thumbsup:

[Alekay]

mel06, did you grow up as an Exclusive Brethren?

Personally, I believe that religion should
(1) Make you happy
(2) Encourage you to be a better person.

If it makes you paranoid, restricts your life and/or encourages you to be a worse person, then it's not worth it.


No:no: it wasnt but very similar i guess they know alot about our church and we about them

I also agree about what you said about religion so that is why i am having the issues i have at the moment but i guess as i said before im finding it hard to go against something that has been put in my head for the past 28 years not really the last few but before that i was anyway

[Grace3]

Hi,

I believe go with what you feel in your heart is the best decision and how it makes you feel.

I personally only got to church a few times a year. My DH and I are Anglicans.

I got turned off religion, due to our friends being heavily involved and felt as though we were being pushed. Every activity our outing we had was always church related. Church said I should do this, shouldn't do that. We never once spoke to them AT ALL about religion it was their decision, however they since stopped talking to us because we were not involved in there church.

And this is a popular church group for the young ones in Sydney. I'm sure they do some great things and thats fantastic but I always felt pushed and then pushed out.

We had been friends since kindergarten and best friends during high school, I just don't know what happened.

Is this common?

[Susan Mac]

The thing is, that the Bible tells us clearly that we are saved by grace.

There is absolutely nothing that we can do to do get into heaven, and once we are saved we can be assured that we are safe in God's hands. You can watch tv, watch movies, wear whatever you like, eat and drink whatever you like, read whatever you like, and not risk being chucked out of heaven.

The way we are saved is through the death of Jesus. He died in our place so that we didn't have to suffer the eternal consequences of our sin.

Sin is just the biblical term for rebelling against God, and we have all rebelled against God by not obeying and worshipping him, whether conciously and deliberately or not.

After Jesus died he was raised from death to show the world that he had conquered death once and for all.

Check out Ephesians 2, the whole book of Romans, but especially chapters 1, 3, 5, and 8, if you want to read some more.

And absolutely I'd love to chat to anyone more about the God who loves us enough to save us!


Susan

[sabomum]

Hello, first of all :hugs: to you! I can imagine what you must be going through. Although by the sounds of it i wasnt bought up as strict, there were quite a few guidlines i had to follow and if i slipped up i was pretty harshly punised. I grew up in the church and was very held it very close to my heart, but when i fell pregnant prior to being married - as you can imagine, and please excuse the comment - but all hell broke lose. The very people that you would expect to hold you up and support me, left me in the dark. I lost all my friends, my mum wanted nothing to do with me practically (luckily i have a very understanding and loving dad), i also at the time worked for the church and they practially fired me on the spot! I was fortunate that the man that i fell pregnant to was the love of my life and we got married (without him i would be so very lost!!). But after all that i had questioned my christianity and faith very much. Over the last year or so i have come to the realisation that i serve God not people. He loves me weather i am a sinner or not, weather i read the bible, go to church, know my memory verses or not. At the end of the day i will answer to him and only him. My family, husband, kids, church will not be with me on that day when i face God himself. So i have made it my mission to not be fazed with what the church thinks, i read my bible and follow it...not them. Dont get me wrong i do go to church and follow their vision but i also have a bible and am sesible enough to deciper things for myself. I guess i am very blessed though to belong to a church that is real, the pastors dont pretend to have it all together, we know that they are human and stuff up so i dont have the feelings of having to be this pure super-spiritual christian.

My advice would be...follow God not just other people!!!

All the best

[Bessie]

Hi Mel 06
My DH had a similar upbringing in a "Christian" sect. It was probably even harsher because when he left, his parents didn't speak to him for years. When I met him he'd gone pretty wild too. I wasn't a Christian either and we both had a very hedonistic and empty life back then.
DH was one of those people you'd never expect to become a Christian, especially after such a controlling and legalistic upbringing. But God reached through the darkness and he gave his life to the Lord 10 years ago.
It's been hard because he led such a spiritually abused life (plus other abuse) so sometimes he finds it hard to make decisions and sometimes he distrusts people. But God is still working in his life.
A few months into being a Christian, he felt led to pray and fast for his parents. They left their sect and over the years they have mellowed out. They have also been able to distinguish between what's from God and what's from man.
I didn't meet his parents for 7 years! Basically the sect they were in didn't allow any communication with ex members. The leader ruled with fear and there are a number of really damaged and dysfunctional families as a result. But things are changing for DH's family.
Please don't give up on your parents but give it to God. He will show you what way to handle each thing that happens. If you haven't got a church yet, try and find one which is supportive and where God's grace is preached and lived out.
Take care x