did u regret it?

[drelle]

hi, well after a bit of a mistake a few weeks ago, now im finding myself faced with a decision i never thought i'd have to.
i am thinking about an abortion, but the main thing that is worrying me is that i will regret it after and wish i'd never done it, even years later. at the moment i don't feel like i would regret it, but i'm scared that feeling will change.
is there anyone out there who had one, and then wished they hadn't?

[Lirael]

im sure there are :hugs: for you. I have not had one so i cant give advice soory just hugs

[drelle]

oh well thankyou for hte hug anyway. these smilies are so cute :hugs:

[V8]

Well i had a termination when i was 19 the morning after pill didn't work after a one night stand. Anywho it took me a week and i went through every emotion possible and i decided to have an abortion. Do i regret it? Yes and no, i have grieved and still grieve for the decision i made, but i know at the time it was the right thing for me to do. It is something that you never forget or ever 'get over'. To me it was very hard as i never believed in abortion at all and wanted to be a mum, but needed to sort my life out a bit better first. There are a lot of things that need consideration when you are faced with this decision and it's hard because your heart will tell you one thing and your head will tell you another. I wish you all the best in whatever decision you make, i know how difficult it is. :hugs:

[Melissa1983]

i'm sorry i can't help you with the termination part. But i would think long and hard before doing anything.

Maybe go and talk to a social worker.

[drelle]

thankyou v8, i completely nderstand what you are saying,.
and of course ill think very long and hard before making my decision. surgical procedures arent really my idea of fun believe it or not.

[EmsMum72]

Yes and no!

I would have a 17 year old by now and I know I wasn't ready to become a parent back then. I certainly am very happy that I don't have a child to my stoopid w@nka (w@nka) alcoholic ex, and that I'm not tied to him forever. It upsets me that I terminated a baby years ago and am having so many problems getting pregnant now.

I guess the circumstances of the pregnancy will affect how you feel about the decision you make. Everyone is so different, so it's hard to say whether you will regret it.

I don't regret having a termination because I was nowhere near ready and she would have had a lousy father, but that's just me and my situation.

Goodluck with whatever you decide to do :hugs:

[drelle]

thankyou. whats hard also is i will be doomed to a live of single motherhood before its even started.
but i am so afraid, what if i do this, and then i can never get pregnant again? i will feel like killing myself if that happends when i have a husband and the time is right. this is so hard. i never thought this would happen to me. ever :gloomy:

[Lirael]

just because you have a baby does not mean you will be a single parent forever ;) plenty of families here are made up of children from other relationships.
and i am a single mum, yes its hard but its not the end of your life :)

[drelle]

thats very true lirael, i didnt think if it like that, ever finding someone after ive already had a baby.

[smiles]

No I don't regret it, but I do wonder 'what if' every so often.

I have 2 beautiful children, and we fell within the first month of trying to conceive.

I hope you have family or friends who will support you with whatever decision you make.

I know it's hard. Sending you strength and hugs.

[ck2b]

I had one at 16 ( now 31) and I don't regret it at all. I felt it was something I had to do at the time and I viewed it as my baby deserves more then anything I could given it at that stage in my life. I am now about to get married and have just found out I am pregnant ( to be confirmed at the Dr's) and I am so happy. This this baby is very much wanted, will be welcomed with open arms and loved by everyone who knows me. Not by tears and uphappiness as is what happened last time.
Good luck in your decision.

[Littletreasures]

i fell pregnant when i was 16 to my then b/f (who is now my husband) and at the time i thought that it was my only option i had only being with my DH for 2 months when i found out and i had made the decision to have an abortion however nature had different things planned and i had a M/C 2 days before my appt.. but i still regret ever thinking about having an abortion and i think that had i have being given the option in the end i would never have gone through with the procedure..but the decision is completely up to you and what you feel is right for you at the time.. Goodluck :hugs::hugs:

[Widget]

I do and I don't...

There really is no way of describing how I feel...

I know my first would have been a boy - which I wanted first. But DF and I wouldn't have survived a baby 4 years ago.

I actually still resent DF for "convincing" me it was the right thing to do.

I am actually anti-abortion but can't really say anything about it as I've done it myself and I do understand that there are circumstances where it is neccessary and no, I don't believe mine was. I will resent DF for the rest of my life for it.

I always wanted my first baby before I was 20 and it would have happened too.

Now Valentine's Day is ruined for me. I can handle Valentine's here now, but we went on Holidays 3 years in a row because I couldn't stand to be in Sydney when the time came that we should have been celebrating a birthday.

But then, I think, if I hadn't done it, my DD wouldn't be here, I wouldn't be expecting again now and I would be a single mummy quite happy not to look for another partner... We'd be better off financially if we had kept the baby, rather than struggling like we are now as there wouldn't be so many "toys" for DF to have to pay off.

Abortion is a sensitive topic and really, only you will know what is best for you and your body and family (as in partners, other children, you).

Maybe I'll get over it one day, but for now, 4 years later, I'm still grieving a little...

[maiko]

My experience is similar to Widget. I'm anti-abortion, very much wanted to keep the baby but DH wasn't supportive. I did it because I didn't think our relationship would survive having a child at the time. I have very mixed feelings towards DH about it which is something I'm still working through.

All the best with your decision.

[RoarsomeMum]

Yes and No, like lots of other people have written.. I did not want the termination (which I think makes ALOT of difference) but was so young that I felt preassured by family/government. I still think of that "unborn" a lot, but I know deep in my heart I did the right thing for us both. I Grieve, but I feel O.K with the decsion now.. I do wish I had talked to a professional about how I was feeling before I had the termination.. I think I might have been able to avoid some of the emotional after affects better..

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: 's to you.

[hayleysmummy]

I had one at 16 and regret it so much I always think about the baby that could have been what he/she would have looked like it would be nearlly 4 now and I think about what I did everyday although I didnt stay with the father I wish I had that baby now I try not to think about it but sometimes i cant help it and I get really sad so pls think long and hard about your desicion I wish I would have

[jasesmum]

I had one at 16 and regret it so much I always think about the baby that could have been what he/she would have looked like it would be nearlly 4 now and I think about what I did everyday although I didnt stay with the father I wish I had that baby now I try not to think about it but sometimes i cant help it and I get really sad so pls think long and hard about your desicion I wish I would have

I have not personally experienced anything like this but have a good friend who has...and its pretty much the same situation as with hayleysmummy. She does think about it, and how old the child would have been, and now several years on all she wants to do now is settle down and have a child...she's just waiting for the right man. But she also believes that it was the best decision at the time.

I guess you need to think about how much support you will have, family, friends,etc. That should make a big difference too as to how u will cope. As for being ready...not every one is "ready" and "knows what to do" when becoming a parent..you just kinda figure it out as you go along.

Wish you all the best with this tough decision.:hugs:

[hayleysmummy]

I had one at 16 and regret it so much I always think about the baby that could have been what he/she would have looked like it would be nearlly 4 now and I think about what I did everyday although I didnt stay with the father I wish I had that baby now I try not to think about it but sometimes i cant help it and I get really sad so pls think long and hard about your desicion I wish I would have

I just wanted to add that I didnt think about this as much as I do now after having a child it really hit home when I held my bub for the first time I blame myself all the time for not giving this baby a chance at life and being a single mum as easier than it sounds you have your ups and sowns but it's so worth it in the end
I just hope you do make the right desicion for yourself and if you do go through with a termination make sure you speak to someone before and after as I feel this would have helped my situation if I had done so :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: to you

[kiimbo81]

just because you have a baby does not mean you will be a single parent forever ;) plenty of families here are made up of children from other relationships.
and i am a single mum, yes its hard but its not the end of your life :)


thats very true lirael, i didnt think if it like that, ever finding someone after ive already had a baby.

I have to say, my friend who is a single mum used to say that atleast you weed out all the losers. When you meet someone that is prepared to accept your child aswell, you know you have found someone pretty awesome!


I just wanted to add that I didnt think about this as much as I do now after having a child it really hit home when I held my bub for the first time

I know exactly what you mean. I had an abortion at 19 and was sad about it but really just got on with life. It was only when I held my daughter in my arms that I felt so many different emotions and real sadness. I still believe I made the right decision but it just broke my heart to think that I got rid of something as beautiful as my baby girl, who I would give my life for.:)

I hope it all works out for you. Just do what YOU think is right. It is really good to get lots of advice but in the end it is YOU who will have to live with whatever decision you make. Goodluck! :hugs:

[wantabub]

Yes I had an abortion and Yes I regret it! There is not a day that goes by when I don't think about what could have been!

I now have PCOS and I am TTC and after 18 months I have not had any luck what so ever :( *cries

[Tls5431]

I don't think it is regret, but I sometimes think what would have been, it only natural too. The child would have been 15 now. I was not in a stable relationship at the time and it was in the middle of ending...

[canberramomma]

It's a decision only you can make. I have had two terminations (when I was very young) and several m/c's. Of course it's a terrible ordeal and your hormones play havoc, and let's face it, it's never done lightly or because things are going the way you planned it, but I don't regret the babies I didn't have. And now I look at my wonderful children and I am just grateful for them. I have friends though that are still struggling with their decisions. Some of them wish they hadn't had terminations and at least one has regretted not having a termination as she feels she could have given her child a better life if she had not had them so early. In the end it comes down to the individual. You should definately speak to a non-biased family planning practitioner.

[Gumby]

:hugs: for you for having to make such a hard decision.
My g/f had an abortion a few years ago. She didnt have proper councelling before hand and only after the abortion realised that she hadnt aborted a small cluster of cells but an 11 week gone fetus. She now feels a new sence of grief because she was not educated on what was happening. I hope you make the right decision for your self. And again and another :kiss:

[Nomsie]

Drelle, when I was 21 I had just nearly finished university and moved back to my hometown and got a place of my own. Everything was going great, and then out of the blue, I became pregnant after a one night stand. I was in denial about it for a few weeks until my friends made me take the test.
When it turned out positive I was in such a state of shock that I burst into tears. But that is exactly what it was- shock.
Of course my friends- trying to be supportive- went into damage control mode- the first thing thay all said to me was that if they were in my situation, they would abort.
I was in a very fragile state of mind, and easily open to suggestions, and it seemed to be my best course of action. I had never been in a stable relationship, I had just started my first professional job only months before, and my social life was going way to well to want to give up. How could I possibly support this kid all on my own? Plus the father was a very good friend of mine that I had known for years, and it was only an occaisonal hook-up-if-we-were-lonely type of thing, definately not love. Would I be ruining his life as well as mine? Everything seemed to be telling me that terminating was the correct thing to do.
And, just like you, I absoultely FEARED what my parents would think.
So 12 weeks into my pregnancy, I had the termination.
Now there are a few points I want to make so just stick with me.
When I told the doctor this was unplanned and that I think I wanted a termination, the only thing he said to me to sway my opinion was "are you sure? I have done this for girls before and then after it they change their mind and blame it all on me. I don't want to do this if you blame it all on me." I was never offered counselling, or professional support of any kind.
Upon discharge from the hospital, I was not given any antibiotics, and so a few weeks later I developed a very serious infection in my uterus, which was painfully undescribable, so the "professionals" had failed in two duties of care.
As for how I felt immediately afterwards- I was surprised at how well I felt- no more tiredness, no more sickness, no more thinking I would throw up if certain foods or such were mentioned. All positives. And that is the image I conveyed to my friends.
But home alone at night? Empty. Almost like a murderer. I had started not two weeks earlier at the ultrasound of my little baby and watched his or hers (I like to think it was a boy) little heart beat. I had known the EDD (April 6 2006). All of this information was not enough to say "no" once the termination ball had begun to roll. I had gone from tellin gmy doctor I think I wanted a termination to being booked into the hospital within a heartbeat, and I don't even know how it happened.

Now, a few years down the track and I like to think myself a little wiser, and a little stronger- I would be able to say no. But then- I felt like I would upset the whole applecart if I backed out. I thought my doctor would see my ungrateful after he had gone to all the trouble of organising everything for me.

A few months after the termination I met my beautiful partner. Out of the bad came the good- I would never had been in a pub on the night I met him if I was pregnant. We now own a house and are very much in love. We have been trying for our own baby since April this year (the fact that it is April was not a coincidence, if anybody picked up on that). I have been thinking since Saturday that maybe the time has arrived and maybe I am actually pregnant again- fingers crossed- but I am dizzy, tired, nauseas in the afternoon into the evening and can feel things going on in my tummy (!).
My point is this- I still greive for the baby I call "lost"; I feel guilty about it every day, and nothing will change that. In-fact pro-life believers- while it is their right to believe what they will- will never understand the emotions I feel when I think about my lost boy.
But even though I grieve, and wonder about what could have been, I am tremendously lucky to have a wonderful loving partner who tries his best to understand everything I went through. I wouldn't have met him if I didn't go through with the termination. It is life's biggest catch 22.
No-one can make the decision for you. You will have to go along with what feels right for you.

[smog]

i had a termination about 8 years ago and unlike some of the other ladies i was offered counselling which i took. i like wondered if i would regret it. i was scared. the babys father already had one child whom he had nothing to do with and i felt then and still do that i made the right decision. when i left the clinic i felt relief not regret. but now i feel guilty. guilty that now im married and i have other children. i feel guilty when i think of seeing the ultrasound and hearing the heart beat, it kinda took a little of that joy from me when i had my other children. but in all honesty if given the choice to do over i would still have had the termination. its an individual choice and only u will know what is best for u. good luck

[mrsdeity]

for my abortion, No regrets...just relief.

It is a very personal choice, unfortunatly no-one can give you an answer. Just have to weigh things out. The feelings you will have if you choose to terminate are difficult to predict. and lots of people do feel sadness, but as long as you think it through and look at what you can handle and whether or not it is the right time, its your choice. the sadness you might feel would be a normal healthy form of grieving, so try not to fret it to much, it is like other forms of grief, it does pass, you may not forget, but getting through something has never meant forgetting.....i dunno sum people find that comforting, because forgetting can sometimes be just a big a fear as not being able to forget...

weird but yeh.

i would say sum sadness but no regrets because i strongly believed i made the right decision for me.

Hope that sorta helps :S

[Liefde]

I had a Termination about 3 months ago. I can't decide if I regret it or not. I wanted to keep it, I could have coped. My bf was scared that our life plans would be ruined, and that his dream of owning his own company would be destroyed, but having said that he would support me no matter what my choice was. I knew that if I had kept it then I would have lived with guilt for the rest of my life, everytime the baby cried I would have felt guilty and that he shouldn't help me with the baby. So I decided to terminate it, and went ahead with the abortion before I had time to change my mind.

The doctor who was supposed to counsel me before the operation did not make eye contact with me and did not ask me why I was having the abortion, just made up her own reasons and put them in my file. The place i went to had only Irish nurses, now if i hear an irish accent i feel ill and sick with guilt.

I try not to think about it but occsionally need a day just to have a bit of a cry. I don't regret it, which makes me feel really bad because I feel like I should :(