When dads return

[Chickadee]

When your partners return, do you expect them to make up for missed time with their kids and give you a break? Or does life go on as normal for you?

DH (soon to be Ex) is currently working a 2 & 1 FIFO job up in the Pilbara. Problem is that we're in Melbourne, so with travel time he's only home for less than a week at a time. He's planned a camping trip away this time. And I admit to being annoyed that he's chosen to do that rather than spend the weekend with DD (and give me a break!).

[Lirael]

ok sorry what is 2&1FIFO? why does he go to WA for work(that seems a long way away?)

sorry I dont mean to sound rude:o

I think it would be reasonable that he spends time with your DD and gives you a break:yes:

[Chickadee]

Lireal, it means a fly in fly out (FIFO) job, he spends 2 weeks on site and then 1 at home. He's normally based in Melbourne but will be doing this project for a few months.

I'm used to him travelling, but it's usually been a few weeks to a month away, and then home for a few months. I'm having trouble adjusting to just the 1 week back.

[Lirael]

ah ok sorry:o
i imagine it would be hard, my ex worked 4 on 4 off and that was hard enough...

istill think he could be giving you a break(and spending time with DD above all else:yes:)

[cheezelz]

In April My DH went away to the Riverland for work full time till Xmas and DD was only 10 weeks or so old. I was beside myself. I couldnt do it on my own so we have moved up here to be with him. He is currently working 7 days a week aprrox 70+ hrs a week. When he gets home at the end of the say I do still expect him to pull his weight. I expect him to take care of DD for 30 mins while I wind down. I still ask him to give her a bath or feed her dinner. I dont think it is too much to ask. Working does not rule them out of parenting duties. Just like when your sick.....you cant just neglect you role as a parent. Sure I do let DH some time to cool after (he's at pub with the boys at the moment) but whether working away or at home parenting is a joint responsibility. I pull my weight in the house and looking after DD all day.

[jamb]

I'd expect a bit of time off and also that he would want to spend time with her.

Not making light of your situation, but my hub goes to work each day and to be completely honest i expect time off of a night :o , its a two way job parenting, if that makes sense.

So i completely understand your annoyance, i'd be ranting and raving.

[Lastcenturymum]

After working 12 hour days they are entitled to some downtime - just as you are. So communicate about it and reach a compromise! No more should he be left with her all the time as you have to. Sounds like it is going to create more tension and that's not good for her.

[EmsMum72]

You'd think he would WANT to spend every spare minute with your DD (seeing as he's away so much, I know I would if I worked away from home - well that would never happen, but anyhoo), but men are strange creatures aren't they? They definately don't think like us, that's for sure!

[Laksa]

for sure!

my DH works FIFO and i hang out for him to come home so i get my sleep-ins :sleeping:

and he loves spending the time with his son!

[draught]

My DH has worked away a lot in the past and I definitely expected that on his time at home he would spend time with the children and give me a break. You have every right to be annoyed - on your behalf and DD's behalf. It is sad - ultimately he is the one who is missing out - by the time he realises it, it may be too late.

[Lastcenturymum]

I think the original post said 'weekend away' so don't jump to conclusions that he doesn't want to be around at all!

Maybe if he's about to be ex, there is a lot of tension in the house and he needs some space.

Sorry, but as it is mainly women on this site, some responses seem to be very 'women centric' but there are always two sides. I'm not having a go at anyone, just trying see it from both sides.

I hope it works out Martha and you both get some space and break and above all that DD is happy. It must be hard for her too with him away. He may be working away to earn $$$ to provide for her future too

[Melo]

I think he should most defiantly make up for the week that he is away.

Matt does a 6 on, 6 off roster at the moment. And hardly gets to see the kids, but when he is off I make him make up for the time he is away!

[xkwzit]

I think that guys who work FIFO need to realise that just because they aren't "at work" doesn't mean they shouldn't BE working. No-one denies that they work hard when they are away, but their partners are working really hard too, being a single parent for most of the time. When they get back, they need to take up some of that slack if it is a true partnership.

I honestly don't know how families function when one partner works on a FIFO basis, I think it must take a lot of extra effort, empathy and support for it to work well. So kudos to all of you who have it sorted! And Martha, you are right to be peeved.

Cheers

[mythreelittlemonkeys]

My DH FIFO from the Pilbarra and is on a 2 &1 too...he also then works on all weekdays he is home for another company...so our weekends are sacred...I am not sure how I would feel if he turned around and said he was off somewhere...I dont really ever get a break...and have no family or established friends in Oz so I love the weekend with him where we share our daughter.
But I suppose if he had an opportunity to go away for few days with mates I would try to look at it positively, you never know one day it could be me wanting to go to Melbourne shopping for a weekend or something...but yup I think I would be a bit sad that I would be missing out on our precious time as a family...
Hug martha :hugs:

[Chickadee]

Grrrr, i just had a whole reply with multi quotes and lost it all. :banghead:

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts, & support.

There is no tension between him and I, so that's no reason for him to want to stay away. I think he's just moving on with his life, so when he's back in the city he ends up splitting his time between his new interests and his daughter. It's hard though, when she cries for him when he's away and then I see him choose not to spend time with her. She's in daycare during the week, so he'll have only a few mornings and evenings with her now before he flies out again on Thursday. Oh well.

[Lastcenturymum]

Grrrr, i just had a whole reply with multi quotes and lost it all. :banghead:

Thanks to all of you for your thoughts, & support.

There is no tension between him and I, so that's no reason for him to want to stay away. I think he's just moving on with his life, so when he's back in the city he ends up splitting his time between his new interests and his daughter. It's hard though, when she cries for him when he's away and then I see him choose not to spend time with her. She's in daycare during the week, so he'll have only a few mornings and evenings with her now before he flies out again on Thursday. Oh well.


I'm having a bad day with computers too Martha! Mine is photos! At least you know how to do multi quotes!

Sounds hard on you both and as you say, he is moving on; even if you think there's no tension, it must be hard when you both want to move on. Must be hard for her when away and I'm guessing no phone contact due to his location. Hard to explain technology (and it's downfalls) to one so young.

I'm sure he values the time he has with her very much and it's a one off - did you get time to yourself last time he was back? Maybe she could spend half a day at home with him instead of daycare, unless he still has to go into work.

Don't let it eat at you - enjoy the time you have with her as they grow up SO fast. (at least you aren't at home all day every day with her)

[2s'nuff]

It's hard though, when she cries for him when he's away and then I see him choose not to spend time with her. She's in daycare during the week, so he'll have only a few mornings and evenings with her now before he flies out again on Thursday. Oh well.

I can understand him wanting some time out for himself, and guys just don't seem to understand that we FIFO mums need time to ourselves also. Perhaps he could have DD one day instead of her going to daycare?


I think that guys who work FIFO need to realise that just because they aren't "at work" doesn't mean they shouldn't BE working. No-one denies that they work hard when they are away, but their partners are working really hard too, being a single parent for most of the time. When they get back, they need to take up some of that slack if it is a true partnership.

This is a big failing of the male FIFO mind. They just don't get that although they work 12 hour days, we FIFO Single mums work 24/7 while they are away.

Lisa

[MrsMiggins]

Oh Martha!! :hugs: I know what that's like!

DH hasn't been working away as much lately (thank god!) but when he did/does go away, he is much the same. Of course he misses the kids & is happy to see them when he gets back - it's all kisses & cuddles etc. but then the second he's able to, he's off to play golf or whatever. It annoys the cr@p out of me!!

[draught]

it's all kisses & cuddles etc. but then the second he's able to, he's off to play golf or whatever. It annoys the cr@p out of me!!

And that would be ditto from my house!