sister pregnant- now on methodone

[maybe1more]

Hi all, i just wanted some opinions on this;
My sister, has been on prescription drugs for the last 6 months (steriods for back pain) she has nothing wrong with her back but her and her boyfriend,(sorry this is a bit sick) have been getting hold of the tablets, her boyfriend has been lieing to the doctor to get them and they have been melting down the tablets and injecting them!!!:eek: This makes me totally sick to my stomach, i knew my sister smoked pot and to me that is bad enought (they have a five year old daughter too) . I have suspected for some time that my sister was on "something" but when i asked her she would just say that she was"really stoned" . She also told me that she was ttc another baby, and yes i gave her my two cents worth, about smoking cigarettes and pot whist ttc. She told me she would give it up once she found out she was pg, even thought i warned her to give it up before she concieved. My sister has since found out she is pg and that she told me about the drugs, she is also now in Treatment as she has to have methodone (which is use for heroin addicts to get gradually become clean) she also has to keep taking the methodone through her pregnancy as she concieve while she was on drugs therefore i think the bub is already dependent on the drug and she could miscarry if she stops. This totally turns my stomach so hard i feel physically sick, im so glad she getting help, but i wish she had of listened to me before she concieve, theres also a possible the bub could be born a addict and has to be weaned off!! I know she my sister and ill be there to suport her, it just drives me insain to know what this unborn baby has to endure. She tell me she`s no a junkie because its prescription drugs, but to me it makes no diffrences, as no-one tells you to stick a needle in your arm. It makes me sad how some people (like myself) would love to have another baby while some just take pregancy for granted. What do you think?

[Odessa]

I know it's a harsh attitude to have, but I have no respect or patience for drug addicts and I honestly believe they should not have children. It's just so unfair on the child, either being born with an addiction or born into a family riddled with addiction and that's no start to life.

[Rainbowbrite]

My cousin was on methodone through her pg, and they were really worried about her daughter being addicted. She was fine though :)

I have to agree with Darkstar though, i have no respect for them. I love my cousin, but i hate her for the risks she took with all her pg, including this one (her 4th)

RB

[moonblossom]

I am so sorry you have to put up with this crap from your sister. My tolerance level of drug addicts is ZERO...everything we do in our lives is a choice, and she chose to get pregnant while addicted/??

So what happens when her poor baby is born/? We all know how hard it is getting up during the nights and the constant tireness of caring for a newborn, how will a drug addict do it/?

Sorry I'm being harsh, an accident is an accident, but to plan it, IS BLOODY STUPID

[LittleBoysRock]

I agree totally with the others....what bloody ididots. Fair enough if they want to ruin their own lives but what about the poor kids!

I feel for you firstbub, my sister has also had problems with drugs. And it is gut renching when somebody you love hurts themselves in this way.

I really hope that all work out well and bub is born healthy. And hopefully your sister gets herself sorted to, for hersake and your family's.

Take care,

[Refresh]

I can understand your worry and concern:( It must be hard to sit back and watch all that unfold:( Its great that you say, shes your sister and you'll support her. Hopefully one day she'll see the light and actually use some of the support she has:) I suppose all you can do is hope and pray that she makes the best of a bad situation. Hopefully she will use the methadone how it is supposed to be used and totally wean herself off it when the times comes. I really hope that the little bubba turns out to be fine and doesnt suffer at all.

I do believe that people can change and hopefully she will sit up and realise that this baby is such a special miracle and deserves to have a great life:) I pray that she cleans up her act and moves forward in her life. All the best..

[Maghan]

I think if you hop on the internet, you'll find that her baby may end up with far more serious problems than being addicted to drugs when it's born. Aside from that there are psychological, emotional, social and physical problems with which it can be born with that you will not know about for the first few years of life.

I know druggies/alcoholics can't help themselves, still doesn't stop any of us from getting angry with them.

My own experience with a sibling in a similar situation ended with me raising her children, all of whom have one or all of those problems I've told you about.

[WeThree]

It is not a case of the bubs might be born addicted to methadone, he/she will be addicted, not to mention the other problems that may present themselves later on in life. :(
I agree with Ffrenchie though, I think it is great that your sister has your support, it can be so hard for most people to make something of themselves or turn their lives around if they have noone who believes in them or supports them, hopefully seeing her little baby will also strengthen her resolve to change.

[Mamaduke]

I don't know what to say...on one hand, this is your sister...but on the other hand you have an obligation to protect your nieces/nephews.
I find it interesting that alot of people consider marijuana 'harmless'...considering the amount of mental illness contributed to the drug and studies proving that this is a very harmful drug.

When Jesse was born he was in special care due to him being a premmie. There was another baby there born to a heroin addicted mother who was born addicted. This is the most heart wrenching thing I have ever seen...a poor little defenceless baby, trying to fight an addiction that was passed onto him by the very person who created him. His mother hardly ever came in to see him and he would just cry and scream in agony. The only time he would stop was when the nurses would put him in a sling and go about their duties. This poor child just craved some sort of human contact and reassurance. The day his 'mum' - and I use this term loosely came to take him home she walked out with him as I was leaving for lunch. She hopped into a car and didn't even bother to have a car seat in place...she just sat him on her lap! She must have seen the look on my face because she then put him in a booster and put the seat belt on over him ('cause that'll help!!!)
I often think about that poor little boy and wonder what his life must be like...and it makes me sad.

[mumoftwoboys2005]

You feel like walking up to them, giving them a big SLAP and saying "for Gods Sake, get a real grip on life will you!" This makes me so angry when you see people {myself included} who try for years to conceive much loved children and others pop them out without a care in the world and leave them to bring themselves up! :mad:

[the_queen]

The poor baby:( :( so sad, I agree with everyone, it's completely unfair that the baby should have to suffer for the sins of their mother :( :( Very sad that addiction changes the way a person thinks, to the extent of drugs being more important than their unborn baby. I wish there was an easy clear-cut answer.

[Ana Gram]

Yes no-one forced her to have drugs. The fact that she is on the methadone program indicates that she was using heroin. Perhaps you could talk to her and talk about getting help to get off drugs after the baby is born and let her know that you will be there to support her.

Heroin withdrawl is one of the worst of any drug as you actually feel like you are dying and you do get violently ill which is why it is so hard to get off it. It has nothing to do with willpower or how strong you are.

[Odessa]

I know a girl who was on heroin, got clean then started taking crystal meth, fell pregnant, so then gave up the meth (or so she says), took prescription lithium during her pregnancy, baby was born (tiny, but healthy) and the mum was swearing she'd turned her life around and I believed her. Within 2 months of bubs birth, she was back on the meth, her boyfriend had quit work and started smoking weed full time, she's on full centrelink benefits as a single mum and now he is on the dole too, to top it off she's selling meth on the side and working in a brothel to support her and her boyfriend's habits.

And the baby? Living through it, she's 3 months old now. Man I wish I had the cojones to call Centrelink on her a$$, but I've been told by everyone not to do it and just stay out of it. But who's looking out for that baby?! :mad: :mad: :mad:

[MumsieMel]

That poor baby! :( and Child!

She does not deserve to be a mother! How irresponsible :mad:

[DB&O]

Please don't think me horrible for saying this but I don't think that these parents (I use this term lightly) deserve their kids. The environment they grow up in could scar them for life, no child should be born into a family where the parents don't think that they are the most incredible, amazing, special, beautiful thing on the earth & worth doing anything to protect, well thats my 2c worth.
Brooke.

[elle101]

I feel awful for you, your sister and baby. What an terrible situation to be in. Being the sibling of a drug addict means you often feel a mixture of anger, sadness, compassion and defensiveness towards them. I can see all of these feelings coming through in your post.

I have had a sibling die from a heroin OD at age 21 and its not as simple as "choosing" to stick a needle in your arm.

People often start drugs as teenagers and I believe at that age the choice between whats right and wrong is not obvious or clear cut to their immature minds.

Their brain is still growing, the drugs often inhibit their capacity to make decisions, they are not adults and hence do not always make wise adult decisions, especially when feeling "high" for a few hours is a possibility.

Furthermore, drug use is often indicative of mental illness- not nessecarily a side effect. Many drug users are using it as a form of escape and medication for illnesses.

Thats not justifying it but to have NO RESPECT for them for being mentally sick or starting at a young age and becoming addicted is lacking in compassion and wont help them or their children. I too find drug use abhorrent, but we should be feeling compassion for the woman, and I'm so glad she as a caring sister like you.

The tough love approach never works with drug addicts, never has, never will. Like someone said, the fact shes on methodone is indicative of her wanting to quit.

She has every right to have children- you cant take someones reproductive rights away from them because they use drugs. Its not the right thing to do, but shes trying to get better and she will hopefully reform. Many do, and they are stronger people for it.

Have hope thats the main thing! ;)

[sopolicha]

What about the rights of the child to be bought into the world as a happy, healthy child not addicted to any illicit substance and who doesn't have to compete with illegal dangerous substances for his parents attention?

Just because someone takes part in a methadone program does not automatically mean that they are willing to stop taking drugs. Just might mean the addiction is fed from a different more reliable source.

Poor unborn child.

[DB&O]

I agree Sopolicha, the rights of the child should be paramount, nothing else should ever come before a childs right to a safe, healthy & loving environment.

[Ana Gram]

I know I am going to cause a bit of contoversy here but I don't believe the rights of one person should be greater than the life of another, even if they are a child.

[sopolicha]

That is true chelle but, generally speaking the child does not have any choice in the matter. Completely unfair to the child and those who get left holding the baby literally.

The drug user wether they are aware of it or not do have choices, one is to have a baby or not, another might be to use drugs or not. I am not saying they are easy or cut and dried but more choice than what a drug addicted new born has.

[Maghan]

I know I am going to cause a bit of contoversy here but I don't believe the rights of one person should be greater than the life of another, even if they are a child.

Ah, a bit of controversy is what we all want here, isn't it? That's an absolutely absurd comment Chellegoth and I hope it was only made to stir the pot and not actually what was in your head.

Why should a poor defenceless baby have the right to a happy, healthy, loving home when it doesn't fit in with the parent's agenda?

Here, here to Sopolicha!!

[maybe1more]

[QUOTE=elle101]I have had a sibling die from a heroin OD at age 21 and its not as simple as "choosing" to stick a needle in your arm.[QUOTE]

I know how you feel Elle as i lost my brother 4 years ago at the age of 26 from a massive heart attack due to drug abuse, he was having dialisis for his kidneys and then taking drugs it was such a viscious cycle and so heart breaking to know he`s no here anymore:( .

Thats why i cant understand my sister, she`s know we have lost our brother to this, and he will never ever come back.

[Ana Gram]

Ah, a bit of controversy is what we all want here, isn't it? That's an absolutely absurd comment Chellegoth and I hope it was only made to stir the pot and not actually what was in your head.

Why should a poor defenceless baby have the right to a happy, healthy, loving home when it doesn't fit in with the parent's agenda?

Here, here to Sopolicha!!


No that's what I think, I don't tend to say things I don't mean.

[Maghan]

No that's what I think, I don't tend to say things I don't mean.

Well in that case, thank you for your point of view, you already know my thoughts on it.

[stellaj]

The whole situation is hard and i feel for you Jen. I am a social worker and work with the mums and dads who have childen placed in foster care for amongst other things, drugs and mental illness. I see the babies everyday and soemtimes i have to pick up the newborns from hospital as they are withdrawing and the parent has taken off. :(

If you want to talk PM me or chat on this forum.

P.S how is Connor going?

[Ana Gram]

Well in that case, thank you for your point of view, you already know my thoughts on it.


Yes, you made them perfectly clear. I believe it was "absurd" wasn't it.

[mummycloud]

Ok, sticking my nose in here... I AM an ex heroin addict. I have also been addicted to speed, grass, acid, alcohol and cigarettes, all of which I never have anynore, for the simple fact that I have children.
You are given a choice, either keep going on with the drugs and have your children around people who are violent, theives, usless and disgusting, or quit it all, and have your children live a happy normal life. For those who choose to keep going, and I know of alot of people that do, they are bringing up future addicts and they are completly selfish.
It's hard to quit, but of you are dedicated to doing the best for your kids, you will do anything to quit.
When Jessica was 3 years old, I went into 3 detox clicnics over a 6 month period. It wasn't till I actually saw with my own eyes, that Jessica was at risk because of my using, that I was actually able to quit for good. I went cold turkey. Everytime I got cravings, I would say to myself, a craving lasts 1 minute then goes away for a while, I can handle a minute to keep my little girl.I haven't been on drugs for 11 years.


I think that people who are on Methadone, and not using anymore, or assosciating with addicts, are giving their kids a pretty good start in life. Methdone is treatment to keep addicts OFF the dugs. Addiction is an illness and most people aren't as stronged willed as I am, or maybe I don't have as much of an addictive personality as others, so it takes a smart, strong perosn to chose to go off drugs and start Methadone.

My neice was born addicted to methadone, she was cranky and had trouble feeding for a week and then was fine. My sil stopped Methadone a couple of months after my niece was born and hasn't touched drugs since. My neice just turned 4 and is a happy well adjusted little girl and although she was born with hep c , she is in great health.
People on methadone can give their children just as good a life as a non addict I can assure you.
There ARE happy endings :D

[Maghan]

Mummycloud, it's so nice to hear a "good" story. I wish there was a magical way to make these people see that they can change their lives. I only recently met a gorgeous and pregnant 18 year old addicted to speed who put up with horrific abuse from her boyfriend because she could see no way out and really didn't think she deserved any better...

[maybe1more]

Mummycloud- Thanks you so much for sharing your story and being so honest, i really do appreciate you feedback, especially from someone who has been there and then come back, it gives me alot of hope to know that every step of the way i help my sister will help her move from stepping stone to stepping stone and (fingers crossed) do a turn around. Thanks again it must of been hard for you to write that, and i commend you honesty:)

Mel- Thanks darl, you must see some really tragic stuff being a social worker, in your opinion what more can i do for my sister to help her thru this, as ive told her that the first step is getting help, but i dont know where to go from there, i wish i had your head on my shoulders right now! Should i be getting her some professional help, like someone coming to see her once a week to keep her on track, (i think im going to need it too especially when the baby is born, and like mummycloud said the bub crys from the withdrawls) or should i just keep trying to guide her but not to "over do " it as i gather people in this situation needs steady suport not smothering suport?
Also Connor is fab! Hopefully i can give him a brother or sister soon! I hope your pregnacy is running smoothly, and your Connor is getting "used" to the idea thats hes going to have and brother or sister,and one watching over him.:)

[stellaj]

Hey Jen,

I think you should try to link your sis into a social worker or support service now before she has the baby, preferably one that will go out and see her and engage with her not that she has to turn up at an office to see. Perhaps offer to go with her but don't do it for her (eg calling up to make appntments) and let her know that you are attending to support her and not talk on her behalf, so then she will know it is HER getting help not just tagging along with you.

Apart from that there isn't much more you can do except not judge her and be there for her. She would know what she is doing is wrong and probably feels bad but she doesn't need more ppl telling her that. Remember that she is an adult and if she doesn't use supports that she is offered there is nothing you can do, unfortunately.
I hope she is ok and that you are too, you are a good sister.

Talk soon
luv mel

[hippychick]

contrary to peoples belief,just because your on the methedone program does not mean you are "Trying" to quit.
I once went out with a heroin addict.I was only 15,so was he.....I knew nothing about the drug...But i learnt fast.I had seen him jump out of the window (we were living at his parents house)at 4am in the morning go to the city to meet his dealer...then at 10 am then 1 pm and on and on it went.I seem him go without it.it was awful if he didnt have a "hit"he threw up ,got symptoms of the flu etc etc...
your body is addicted to heroin and without it the withdrawls are awful....
alot of the time the only way to go is tough love...they will stop if they think its worth it.sometimes you cant do anything but let them be.
BUT i cannot think of anything worse than a innocent pure child being around addicts.........

[Odessa]

Hippychick,

please try to be a little more sensitive posting in such a potentially heated topic such as this. You are entitled to your opinion but please first consider how your words may affect others before you come out guns blazing.

Thanks

[Maghan]

Hippychick,

please try to be a little more sensitive posting in such a potentially heated topic such as this. You are entitled to your opinion but please first consider how your words may affect others before you come out guns blazing.



Darkstar

I'm not having a go, but I really don't see how anything that Hippychick said was guns blazing. I thought she balanced her argument quite well and also backed it up with an anecdotal story.

I guess some of us here are talking from our own life experiences, which will be different for all of us. You can't make sweeping generalisations about every druggie, nor any group in society, but you can certainly tell your story.

[Odessa]

Darkstar

I'm not having a go, but I really don't see how anything that Hippychick said was guns blazing. I thought she balanced her argument quite well and also backed it up with an anecdotal story.

I guess some of us here are talking from our own life experiences, which will be different for all of us. You can't make sweeping generalisations about every druggie, nor any group in society, but you can certainly tell your story.
Maghan, I edited the offending comments out of her original post. If you or Hippychick have any further questions, please feel free to PM me. Thanks

[WeThree]

ok, ive come in here for a couple of reasons:
1. to back up my bud and fellow mod darkstar, in reminding everyone that this is a sensitive topic and to be mindful of others feelings
2. To Chelle, Id really like you to expand on your comment. I agree that no one life is of greater importance than another, but surely there are some in society, ie babies, children, the mentally disabled, who need to be protected and given the chance to live in a safe home? as a mother yourself, im pretty sure you are not suggesting that a baby should be forced to suffer neglect and abuse because their parents are in the grip of a drug addiction? wouldnt it be better if help was given to the WHOLE family in a situation such as this?

[Ana Gram]

Being a mother has not swayed my opinion on this, and I don't think what I said is really that hard to understand. I don't think one's persons life should have greaterr importance over another persons life. I may sound harsh to some of you but I think it can lead to terrible injustice, look at slavery, look at the nazi, there have been many examples in history to show what can happen when we say one persons life has greater importance than someone else.

I said this in responce to someone saying that childrens rights should be paramount which I take to say as the parents no longer have any rights when they have a child which I think is utterly ridiculous.

[the_queen]

I think I agree with you Chelle, in part.
Parents are people too. A person has the right to do whatever they want to their body, put whatever substances they want into it, do whatever they feel they have to in order to keep themselves feeling like themselves.
(I think it's really difficult to explain drug addiction, and it's even harder to understand it if you haven't been personally exposed to it.)

But with parenthood comes responsibility. I think when a person has a child, they have a responsibility to protect them. It's impossible to "force" an addict to see how their drug use is affecting the child - you can't make someone want to quit anything. They have to want it for themselves. And that's the only way it will actually work. If their reasons for quitting are about other people, then eventually they'll "fall off the wagon".

I'm not sure if any of that made sense. :confused: I guess my point is: With rights, come responsibilties.
But my other point is, nobody will go straight until they themselves want to go straight.