mshobbit
01-04-2005, 10:40 PM
Thought I'd share my story. I've been meaning to do it for so long, but never got round to it. Well here goes...
I found out that I was pregnant with number one on New Years Eve 2003. Very happy. Everything was fine, had the standard ultrasound at 18 weeks and found out we were having a boy. I was so relieved when I could go to the toilet!!
The next week, my doctor called and said the ultrasound results had come back, and could I come and see her. I thought nothing of it and said I'll come in early morning, 2 days later. When I saw the doctor she said she had bad news. My heart jumped into my throat and I waited (without my husband, who I sent to work because I thought this was just procedure). She told me that my baby had quite a severe unilateral cleft lip and palate. This would mean surgery, special care and a lot of doctor and dentist appointments. I was devasted! The thought of my first baby being less than perfect was almost too much to bare. The doctor then said that the Nuchal Fold test showed that there was a high chance that my baby would be born with Down Syndrome. I burst into tears. She told me that I could still abort if I wanted to, but I would have to go through labour as I was too far along. She told me to call my husband and talk things over on the weekend.
I called work and explained. My boss was really understanding and I asked her not to tell anyone.
I drove 15 minutes to my husband's work, crying the whole way. I sat in the carpark and tried to pull myself together before calling my husband. As it turned out, he wasn't even at work, but running errands. Once I found him and told him what was happening we both stood in the carpark crying. We took 4 days off of work. I cried for the whole weekend. We looked at photos of cleft babies and I cried some more. I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. I barely even spoke to anyone for the whole weekend. I was so ashamed...
I thought I was dealing with it okay, but then I went to the hospital for more info and they said I could do an amnio to rule out down syndrome, I burst into tears again. More time off work!
For my whole pregnancy I felt guilty. I thought I must have done something wrong. What did I do to make my baby like this? I kept thinking was it the alcohol I drank at Christmas, or the hair removal cream I'd used, or the anti-dandruff shampoo. I wish for a scientific reason as to why some babies have clefts and others don't, mainly so I can stop blaming myself. But a small part of me doesn't want to know if there is a real reason behind it. What if it was something I did. I still feel guilty... :(
I did eventually fly to Brisbane for an amnio, no down syndrome or other abnormality.
We actually moved to Brisbane for the birth and surgery. After struggling with depression for most of my pregnancy (not even my husband knows that I was struggling most of the time), I finally accepted the fact that I was going to love my baby no matter what. This was about 2 weeks before bub was due.
I was four days over when I finally went into labour. I woke up at 6am with period type cramps in my lower back. They were 10 mins apart. They staying like that most of the day, gradually intensifying and ended up about 5 mins apart when we went to the hospital at 5pm. I was checked out and was only 1cm dialated. Of course, they sent me home and told me to get some sleep. By this time they were too uncomfortable to sleep, so I tried to doze a little and watched a lot of tv. I had a few baths the next day and eventually burst into tears during a contraction because I was so tired. (I hadn't had much sleep the night before the contractions started, so hard sleeping when you're nine months pregnant). My husband demanded that I get in the car, and said they were going to admit me whether they liked it or not. I was only 2 cm dialated when they examined me and told me to go home again. I said that I need to sleep, otherwise I'll have no energy when the time came. So they gave me some pethadine and took me up to the maternity ward. I slept for a couple of hours.
I woke up at about 11pm or maybe it was 12am. The contractions were coming on much quicker (3mins apart) and although they weren't unbareable, they were certainly more pain than I'm used to. I called my husband and told him to come in as I was going down to the labour wards.
I tried gas, which worked for a while. I had warm showers. They felt nice, but didn't do much for the pain. The rest is a bit of a blur. I think it was about 6am when I got an epidural (after my waters were broken for me and I was 8 cm dialated). I think I slept for a while. About 9am I told the midwife that I felt pain in my left side buttock and hip. She said this was normal and that I would need to feel it to know when to push. I used the epidural drip a couple of times and she asked me if I really needed it. I was too scared to use it after that. Gradually the pain got worse. I couldn't move so I just wriggled around moaning. The nurses and doctor thought I was a drama queen.
Sometime later the doc came in an said that I'd need an emergency c-section. Bubs heartbeat was all over the place and he was coming down at the wrong angle. I was rolled onto a stretcher and taken to the room outside theatre. The anaesthitist asked why I was moaning so much and I tried explaining that I could feel my left side. It felt like someone was grabbing my pelvis and trying to rip it out of my body. The doctors were angry saying I should have come in hours ago. I was shaking from the spinal block and could barely speak or keep my eyes open. It felt like I was there forever, before the pain finally went away.
My baby boy was born at 12.51pm. 55 hours of contractions and he was finally out. I didn't really get to see him, but they said he weighed 4.06kg. They whisked him off to special care nursery and stitched me up.
I didn't get to see or hold him for 24 hours. But when I finally did hold him and look into his beautiful eyes, I didn't see a baby with a cleft lip and palate, I saw my little baby boy. He lights up my life...
He has had his first surgery and is due for his second in May. He is so curious about everything, from the moment he was born he has been watching, taking in his surroundings and lighting up his parent's lives. I still battle with depression, but all I have to do is look at my little man and every fear I have is washed away.
I hope this helps other parents out there who are struggling with a difficult pregnancy to see past the here and now and look to the future. Your child is going to be beautiful and magnificent, regardless of whether they have medical problems.
Jacquie, mother to Kaleb Asher born Septemeber 11th 2004.
I found out that I was pregnant with number one on New Years Eve 2003. Very happy. Everything was fine, had the standard ultrasound at 18 weeks and found out we were having a boy. I was so relieved when I could go to the toilet!!
The next week, my doctor called and said the ultrasound results had come back, and could I come and see her. I thought nothing of it and said I'll come in early morning, 2 days later. When I saw the doctor she said she had bad news. My heart jumped into my throat and I waited (without my husband, who I sent to work because I thought this was just procedure). She told me that my baby had quite a severe unilateral cleft lip and palate. This would mean surgery, special care and a lot of doctor and dentist appointments. I was devasted! The thought of my first baby being less than perfect was almost too much to bare. The doctor then said that the Nuchal Fold test showed that there was a high chance that my baby would be born with Down Syndrome. I burst into tears. She told me that I could still abort if I wanted to, but I would have to go through labour as I was too far along. She told me to call my husband and talk things over on the weekend.
I called work and explained. My boss was really understanding and I asked her not to tell anyone.
I drove 15 minutes to my husband's work, crying the whole way. I sat in the carpark and tried to pull myself together before calling my husband. As it turned out, he wasn't even at work, but running errands. Once I found him and told him what was happening we both stood in the carpark crying. We took 4 days off of work. I cried for the whole weekend. We looked at photos of cleft babies and I cried some more. I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. I barely even spoke to anyone for the whole weekend. I was so ashamed...
I thought I was dealing with it okay, but then I went to the hospital for more info and they said I could do an amnio to rule out down syndrome, I burst into tears again. More time off work!
For my whole pregnancy I felt guilty. I thought I must have done something wrong. What did I do to make my baby like this? I kept thinking was it the alcohol I drank at Christmas, or the hair removal cream I'd used, or the anti-dandruff shampoo. I wish for a scientific reason as to why some babies have clefts and others don't, mainly so I can stop blaming myself. But a small part of me doesn't want to know if there is a real reason behind it. What if it was something I did. I still feel guilty... :(
I did eventually fly to Brisbane for an amnio, no down syndrome or other abnormality.
We actually moved to Brisbane for the birth and surgery. After struggling with depression for most of my pregnancy (not even my husband knows that I was struggling most of the time), I finally accepted the fact that I was going to love my baby no matter what. This was about 2 weeks before bub was due.
I was four days over when I finally went into labour. I woke up at 6am with period type cramps in my lower back. They were 10 mins apart. They staying like that most of the day, gradually intensifying and ended up about 5 mins apart when we went to the hospital at 5pm. I was checked out and was only 1cm dialated. Of course, they sent me home and told me to get some sleep. By this time they were too uncomfortable to sleep, so I tried to doze a little and watched a lot of tv. I had a few baths the next day and eventually burst into tears during a contraction because I was so tired. (I hadn't had much sleep the night before the contractions started, so hard sleeping when you're nine months pregnant). My husband demanded that I get in the car, and said they were going to admit me whether they liked it or not. I was only 2 cm dialated when they examined me and told me to go home again. I said that I need to sleep, otherwise I'll have no energy when the time came. So they gave me some pethadine and took me up to the maternity ward. I slept for a couple of hours.
I woke up at about 11pm or maybe it was 12am. The contractions were coming on much quicker (3mins apart) and although they weren't unbareable, they were certainly more pain than I'm used to. I called my husband and told him to come in as I was going down to the labour wards.
I tried gas, which worked for a while. I had warm showers. They felt nice, but didn't do much for the pain. The rest is a bit of a blur. I think it was about 6am when I got an epidural (after my waters were broken for me and I was 8 cm dialated). I think I slept for a while. About 9am I told the midwife that I felt pain in my left side buttock and hip. She said this was normal and that I would need to feel it to know when to push. I used the epidural drip a couple of times and she asked me if I really needed it. I was too scared to use it after that. Gradually the pain got worse. I couldn't move so I just wriggled around moaning. The nurses and doctor thought I was a drama queen.
Sometime later the doc came in an said that I'd need an emergency c-section. Bubs heartbeat was all over the place and he was coming down at the wrong angle. I was rolled onto a stretcher and taken to the room outside theatre. The anaesthitist asked why I was moaning so much and I tried explaining that I could feel my left side. It felt like someone was grabbing my pelvis and trying to rip it out of my body. The doctors were angry saying I should have come in hours ago. I was shaking from the spinal block and could barely speak or keep my eyes open. It felt like I was there forever, before the pain finally went away.
My baby boy was born at 12.51pm. 55 hours of contractions and he was finally out. I didn't really get to see him, but they said he weighed 4.06kg. They whisked him off to special care nursery and stitched me up.
I didn't get to see or hold him for 24 hours. But when I finally did hold him and look into his beautiful eyes, I didn't see a baby with a cleft lip and palate, I saw my little baby boy. He lights up my life...
He has had his first surgery and is due for his second in May. He is so curious about everything, from the moment he was born he has been watching, taking in his surroundings and lighting up his parent's lives. I still battle with depression, but all I have to do is look at my little man and every fear I have is washed away.
I hope this helps other parents out there who are struggling with a difficult pregnancy to see past the here and now and look to the future. Your child is going to be beautiful and magnificent, regardless of whether they have medical problems.
Jacquie, mother to Kaleb Asher born Septemeber 11th 2004.