Who to invite - 2nd wedding

[melannh]

OK.... MY DP and I just got engaged - after many family and friends left wondering if it will ever happen!! DP and I are excited, and we have purposely not done the wedding thing as it all seems too hard - and it's both our 2nd marriage....

Anyway - I have memories of the first and the stress of WHO TO INVITE... This time I was adamant I would not feel pressured or guilty etc... but it's happening. We haven't set a date - probably next year.... But, Mum isn't being too annoying about it all, the difficulty is - I don't want bigger than Ben Hur, but who to invite... I would prefer to not have children there, as not only that they get bored - but the cost. It may also mean that other friends etc. can't come due to $$'s.....

I have close family/friends - and they're a definite (He gave me away at my 1st wedding). One of their children I get along really well with (along with his wife and kids) then their daughter, well I am just not sure. They don't 9and never have) had any interest in my life - so although I feel I SHOULD invite them, I also don't want to.... We've only just become engaged and it's already too hard - I want a wedding and I feel that due to pressures like this - I can't have what DP and I want because it just gets too damn hard! :banghead:

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions to help with these kind of situations? It is already getting at me - and a date is yet to be set?:(

[mothertobein2007]

im not getting married or anything but me and my bf have been talking about when we will and who is going to come and people that dont make time for us are not coming so it will be a small close family and a few friends only so it will be cheapier and i will feel more intimate (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/en%3Aintimate).

[nemosmum]

Hey Mel,

Congrats on getting engaged

My sis is planning her second wedding for next may and they have decided to only invite immediate family and a select group of close friends

it helps that her df doesnt have much of a family, only his sister and her hubby/kids so my sister is using that as a good excuse not to invite all of our large extended family

i think you should do it the way you want it...if you want hassle free then dont be swayed

sorry for the one handed response im feeding bub
ta

[melannh]

Yeha, thanks for that... It's hard and really annoying..... I have a largish family - and a group of really close friends/rellies, so it makes it difficult.... I know, in the end - I want to have what I want to have, but then you feel a bit guilty at times.

I'll be sure to let you all know what, when and where when I get organised... ha ha

mel:)

[xkwzit]

Do you want to elope? That's the only way to have a truly hassle free wedding (I think:D).

If not, how about just having "a party" and then surprise everyone by getting married? No-one will be the wiser beforehand and they will hopefully just realise later that you needed it to be small and intimate. (or if not - who cares anyway :devil6:)

Cheers

[biscotti]

Elope :yes:

Go and get married on a beach in Fiji or somewhere and then come back and have a big party with everyone :D

[EandN]

You don't want children there? You have a baby, why wouldnt you want to have your child there?

[missie_mack]

It's very common not to have children at weddings these days. Its not so much about spite but the costs. We didn't have children at our wedding except my flower girl and her sister and a babysitter took them home after dinner. Some people got their noses right out of joint about it esp DHs aunt. We hardly know her children who are very young and they don't even know my DHs name!

Invite who you want to invite and don't feel obligated. Im sure if you explained your reasons people will understand. Perhaps those who aren't invited to the reception can attend the ceremony or come after dinner for a few drinks as a idea.

[melannh]

Yeah.... I would, of course, have my own child at the wedding - and the main reason for not having children at the wedding - is the cost. I would prefer to have family/friends that I am really close to - over children that I don't have alot of involvement with, and also - find the whole deal of a wedding boring....

I am just finding the 'guilt' thing overwhelming at the moment - if I were invited to a wedding, I certainly WOULD NOT expect that my child be invited.... The shear cost (and annoyance at times) of having children there makes me wonder why some adults can't see that having a night out (if possible to get childcare for the evening) wouldn't be a good thing....

I will just have to work out in my own mind whether I want to 'cough up the money, put up with kids there, or possible get family's noses out of joint....."

:banghead:

[missie_mack]

:hugs: I know its tough DHs family had me like this :hair: up until my wedding. My family who do social things more regularly were completely understanding and never said boo about it. I can however understand it is tough if your entire family will be there and you don't know anybody local to look after a young child. Maybe if they are really insistant on having their child there they would be willing to pay the cost of them attending?? Its not something I was all that keen on but when DHs aunt got an understanding of the cost per a head to have someone at your wedding she quickly and quietly shut up about it. Incidently she had family around the corner that regularly babysit the kids she was just being a self riteous so n so. I can assure you she never invited all her cousins to her wedding and we never expected to be invited to her childrens weddings in 20 years time....

[EandN]

You could always have a nice informal wedding at your own house, or a friend or relitive. Then kids can could go.
You could do a bbq, do it yourself or ask people to bring a plate each. Hire a caterer. Or ask a friend or something to be in charge of cooking finger food. or something.
Wont cost much. Is more fun for everyone.
You could do a surprise wedding even and just ask people to come over for a bbq and get married.