View Full Version : not coping
hi, this is my first time writing...I just wanted to know if there are any other mums out there who feel anger, resentment and sadness about their colicky/reflux baby. My daughter was born 5wks premmy and she was an angel for the first 2wks at home. Then everything changed. She started screaming throughout the night, crunching her legs, farting, tummy rumbling, etc and after numerous doctor's visits and advice, found out she's got colic and perhaps silent reflux. She continued to scream EVERY SINGLE NIGHT until about 3 months. We tried everything (except meds). Chamomile tea, changing formula from NAN to Karicare Sensicare, massage, bouncing, cuddling, distractions, tummy time...u name it! After any change, she would have a few good nights and it would give us a false sense of security (maybe she is FINALLY getting better?). We'll have 1 or 2 nights during the week where we think everything has changed and all of a sudden we are blessed with a good baby...then it will all change again and she will start screaming for the rest of the week. For a long time I was in denial that there was something really wrong...I told myself, "maybe it's not really that bad"..."she'll grow out of it"..."I don't want to medicate my baby"...blah, blah, blah. Well, she's now 4.5 months old and I DO acknowledge that it's not as bad as it used to be, but we still only have one or two good nights a week, and the rest of the nights are just awful. Eg. last night she didn't sleep from 12am to 9am this morning. Both my husband and I are living on 2-3hrs sleep per night and it's so depressing. This morning at 7am I bawled my eyes out in the back room while my husband tried to calm her down. I could go on and on about how bad it is, but I really feel I've come to breaking point. I haven't had a shower, my eyes are red, my body is exhausted, I feel resentment towards my baby...and right now she's lying in her cot, playing with her hands and smiling, like nothing happened! Seeing paed on Monday and will let him know exactly how bad it's become...hopefully will get some answers/options. Does anyone else feel like this?
Oh you poor thing - anyong going through what you are going through would probably feel the same way you are feeling.:hugs:
Can I ask what medication you are thinking they will give to your bub and why you are so against it??
Also have you tried baby massage? I find that works well on my little one.
Thanks for your reply...I think I'm just stubborn. I'm concerned that going on any meds (Zantac, Zoton, Losec, etc) could have long term negative effects. As we all know, these are not cures, only treating the symptoms. So I'm afraid that I'll have to keep her on meds for months on end. And I'm also concerned that there haven't been any clinical trials/studies done on the long-term effects of these medications. I don't know, it just seems wrong to me to put drugs into a little stomach that is only new in the world. Have tried baby massage, but doesn't work for me. I guess I need to make that decision, though...to keep living like this or try meds...
Infants friend might be worth a try. http://www.infantsfriend.com.au/index.asp link if you want to read about it. I have found it works really well for my bub.
hugs i really know what you ar goint through, reflux is ahorble nasty disease and generaly is acompanied with colic whish aslo sucks
I can understand your worry in putting your baby on reflx medication i was concerned to but had no choice and i dont regreat putting her on then for a second
Zantac has been aproved for peadiatric use from the age oge of 0 it is used in NICUs all over the world and has been tested and prooved safe, zoton is aproved over the age of 1 but is used all over the worlk in infants from 0 with great resluts, and losec is aproved for over 2 yrs however losec is also used all over the world from for 0 with again great results
as you are concerned about giving her meds maybe ask the pead to try zantac first over losec it may not help and you may need to move to something stronger but at least you wil know youhave tried zantac first
Also if you start on losec or Zoton be aware they cantake up to 2 weeks to take ful efect so dont be disheartned if it dont work straight away
also it may be an idea to talk to the pead about whether she may be milk protein intolerant, as this is very comon for reflux babies, they may try her on a persciption formular either neocate or elecare that may also help
good luck im sorry you are having such a hard time
if you do go onto useing meds please dont look at it as a negative or that you have failed in any way becasue that is simply not the case if a baby has acid reflux like it soulds like you baby does then meds are nesesary as they reduce the amuount of acid produced, with out them bubs is more likely to get damage from the acid which is not a good thing
maybe ask the pead if they will order a PH study to see how much reflux there is and the aci levals at least that way you will know if the meds are needed or not
good luck with the pead appt
hi rennie, thanks for your suggestion. I've tried Brauers Colic relief (didn't work), but not Infant's Friend. Will try that today..
Thanks Mikenzee's mum for your advice...will let u know what I've decided after speaking to paed on Mon. x
you may find the same issue with infants friend as they are not really decined for specificaly for reflux, the only over the counter one i find helps in combination with kenzees other meds is gastrogel, but you would need to disgus with a dr first
Hi there Spina
Although this doesn't probably help alot - but I know what you're going through..... DD has reflux and is similar age to your DD - although she wasn't premature.
She was diagnosed with reflux at about 10 weeks, after aweeks of totally disruption etc.... We didn't medicate her - as the clinic nurse we're under was really helpful.... She still has 'bad times' - mostly during the day... This wears me out immensely. Nights aren't too bad, but with regard to how you're feeling - I can totally relate with it. Most days I feel like everythings going along fine - but days like today, I am over it... I feel like a bad mum for feeling this way, but she is just so completely out of sorts at times - I just don't know what to do.
I am not sure if this is due to her teething, or the reflux - but as another responder mentioned, many reflux baby's can be lactose intollerant, and my DD is. We changed to a de-lact formula..... We can have a horrible 5 hours during the day, and DD will do the same as your little sweetie - be in the cot playing with her hands and talking to her animals!!!:banghead:
Then i feel really bad. Sometimes I wonder if I need to go and get some help myself - but I usually wake up, or come good, during the day - so don't think it necessary....
I hope the paed can help you and you and your DH are able to get some well earned rest. I understand your apprehension with regard to Medication, I am the same.... But sometimes it may be necessary for you to keep well and on top of things.... I have to realise that sometimes it can be the answer.....
Hope this helps and you're feeling great soon. You're always welcome to PM me if you'd like to know exactly what I do with DD that assists with reflux and her unsettled nature.
Hi :hugs: reflux is really rough isn't it?
My ds Josh (6 1/2 months) has reflux and it was diagnosed when he was 4 weeks old. He wasn't prem, but he had a rough time after birth and spent 8 days in special care with 5 days of gavage feeding. I don't think the two are necessarily related though cause I had bad reflux as a baby and I think my dh had it too.
I begged the paediatrician for medication as Josh was screaming instead of sleeping, feeding almost constantly and we were all not coping. Within 24 hours I had a new baby. It doesn't mean everything became perfect and I explored 2nd line drugs as zantac didn't seem to be enough for a few weeks in the early days and I tried to work out if some food I was eating was setting him off, etc. The bottom line is that zantac has been enough for him, but sometimes he does have bad days. Those bad days are few and far between now. The days (and nights) of inconsolable screaming are gone and we're trying to forget them. My paed said that as long as those episodes didn't happen more than 3 times a week he was well enough controlled. I'm sure that 3 bad episodes a week sounds like a dream to you at the moment.
As to whether you start medication it's always up to you. One way to look at it is to consider the pros and cons.
Here are some pros and cons of treatment for me:
Joshua is no longer in pain or distressed (that's the main thing for me)
Joshua is happy
Sleep for Joshua
Sleep for Me and my dh
More relaxed evenings without the screaming
Better bonding with Joshua
Better relationship with my dh (cause before when things were bad we would take turns looking after Josh and spent little time together)
Life is more enjoyable
I can lay him flat whenever I want
Cost of the medication
Annoyance of making up the medication (josh is on zantac - the effervescent tablet disolved in water and given 3 times a day in a bottle)
Annoyance of giving the medication (for us that just means remembering to take the medication in a bottle when we go out)
I'm not worried about the long term side effects of zantac, cause I believe it's pretty safe. However, the side effects of severe reflux are real issues (scarring of the esophagus, pain, screaming, bonding issues, family stress). BUT, if Josh had just mild reflux I wouldn't have put him on medication and I want him off it as soon as possible (we tried him off it at 5 months, but he still needed it).
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