Advice from those with step children.

[Snuffys Mum]

Hi Ladies,

I've recently started seeing a great new guy. Things are travelling really well so far.

He has three children from a previous relationship- Boy 12, Girl 10, Boy 6. I've met the kids once so far and that went really well. I'll be seeing them again this weekend and I'll be meeting their mother for the first time.

I really have no experience with blended families so I guess I'm looking for some advice on having a good relationship with his children and their mother. It's still early days in our relationship but I want to get it right from the beginning.

Any tips?

[oleander]

Can't help with your questions but congrats on the new man!!!:yelclap:

[punkbaby]

When i met ds his son was 8 or 9 from memory, he was a little sh!t LOL anyhow i just stood back did what i had to do made him feel welcome but didnt push him or try to be his freind etc. He gradually warmed to me about 12 months later and since then we are great mates, his 14 now i guess that makes a huge difference as his growing up etc. I guess thats my advice, as you said things went really well which is a great start but try not to be extra nice ect just be yourself :) Let them come to you

Good luck and congrats

[Snuffys Mum]

Can't help with your questions but congrats on the new man!!!:yelclap:

Thanks! :D


I guess thats my advice, as you said things went really well which is a great start but try not to be extra nice ect just be yourself :) Let them come to you

Cool, thanks. Thats something to keep in mind. :thumbsup:

[pegasus]

I remember when I met my hubby and he showed me pics of his kids (then 4 and 2) that if he only had them every other weekend and during holidays then it wouldn't be much of an impact on our lives...

How wrong I was!!!

Anyway - the best advice I can give is the same as punkbaby - step back and let them come to you rather than trying to form a place in their lives from the beginning - let them find their own place in your life.

I never tried to take the place of their mother - they've already got one of them. I only talk about their mother if they bring her up - it's not up to me to do so. Never speak ill of their mother and any conversation about their mother with their father should stay well away from the children's ears.

Okay - that's it for now, but pm for anything else (I'm 10years down the track now and have dealt with this for all that time)

[Snuffys Mum]

Thanks Pegasus. I do worry that I run the risk of trying too hard. :yes:

I'll have to make a concious effort to just stand back. Especially when their mum is around.

[EskimoMumma]

Even though they are seperated, they still have that bond (your new beau and his ex) because they had children together.

This is just me, but always treat her with respect(unless shes done some horrible things to you) and as PB said, let them come to you. Let them know you are always there.

I also like to think to remember about boundaries and that there are ALWAYS two side to every story.

[InSaneOne]

definately don't try to play mummy as they already have one. my step kids are a bit older (10 years between me and the oldest) i treat them more like an older sister. and that seems to work for us. just try to be their friend. leave all the major disaplining to their father.