4 year old FREAKING out .. info please

[TwoBlue]

Hi there

I am posting this question for my girlfriend
Her 4 year old son is Freaking out and obsessed with the thought that she (his mum) is going to leave him...every time he hears a bang he calls out "mummy are you still here?" every day he askes her " are you leaving me today mummy?"

Its getting worse all the time...
I was just on the phone to her and in a space of 15 minutes he asked her about 6 times "was she leaving him today?" or "was she still there?"

My girlfriend is freaking out she is starting to feel like she wants to leave :o LOL

He is also very interested in death and asks lots of questions about it and talks alot about it

Do others have similar experiences with their kids and how did they handle it?

Any advise would be appreciated she is very worried

[Cheekychops]

Does the 4 year old go to daycare at all? If so could one of his friends have talked about his/her own experience? Has he seen anything on telly lately where the mum has died or left??? Kids tend to interpret things in ways we can never imagine....for example: my 4 year old thought we had been to america when we mentioned america in one of our conversations.....my sister had been to america for a few months and we went to the airport to meet her plane, and thus resulting in master 4 believing that that was america.....hope this makes sense....has she asked him why he thinks she will be leaving?

[TwoBlue]

Thanks Cheekychops

No Daycare but her husband is a minister so i guess they deal with death a fair bit as people often drop around for pastoral care etc..
Also he asked about her Dad recently (who passed away along time ago) and she explained it to him a little so perhaps this triggered it but the question still remains what do you do to help him...? :confused:

[Cheekychops]

Pray! Other than that it will probably just take time, reassuring him regularly - even when he doesn't ask....mummy is going to hang the washing out, i'll just be outside, and then I will come back and see you...that type of thing.....telling him at night that when he wakes up mummy will be there and can't wait to see him in the morning!!! My boys went through a little bit of this, often saying....i don't want you to die mummy! And after many times of explaining everyone has to eventually but usually when they are very old, and after their kids have kids and those kids have kids etc.....he doesn't ask anymore....in fact when I said to my husband about my birthday tomorrow - i might as well not even have a birthday cause it's just going to be the same as any other day, my DS who is just turned 5 said - you have to have a birthday mummy so you can get older and die - very matter of fact.......so other than prayer I think just reassurance and time will get him through this 'stage'. Hope all goes well.....

[TwoBlue]

Thanks heaps Cheeky good answer :D

[whatwasithinking]

When her father died what did she say to the son? Did she saying something like "Pops gone away" or anything like that. If that's the case then he may think that if people leave they don't come back. Just a thought as I was reading a book about questions chilldren ask and this suggestion/thought was in there. (have I made sense).

[reAllytee]

Yeah i would say its got something to do with something he has either been told or heard all harmless of course but unfortunately they dont have the capacity to comprehend it all. Wow big words for me lol.
My nephew had to go through losing my dad, his grandfather at the age of 4 & then a year later his great grandfather just before his 5th birthday he was very traumatised by it all especially as he didnt understand why they wouldnt come back etc. He then had the fear we all were going to leave him & he now hates hospitals due to this also even aged 10yrs with more of an understanding he still thinks they are bad places that people never return from & its very hard. Dont blame him myself i hate them for this reason also.
He just needs a lot of reassurance & cuddles hopefully this will pass even quicker than it started.
Tell your friend we wish her all the best :)