does anyone else regret having their kids?

[the_original_duchess]

not all the time. just alot lately. i feel like i have no life of myown. i had plans to go to jessica's godfathers engagement party weekend, but cant now coz my dad promised he would look after them and now has said he cant anymore.
i know he shouldnt have to babysit for me, but its just not fair. i have my kids 24/7. their dad only has them one day a fortnight. and i was really looking forward to going.
i just want to have a life of my own. i dont want to have 3 other people depending on me all the time. i dont want to be putting myself last for the rest of my life. i really hate the fact that i am the only one who has to take care of my kids.
i just want time to myself and time away from my kids.
i must sound so horrible. believe me i feel like such a bad mum feeling this way, but i am over being a mum.
i just wish i could ahve seen what it was like before i had them, coz then i dont think i would ahve had them so young.
i just hate being here, alone by myself and not having any help.
i want my mum to come home so someone will give me a hand. only 2 1/2 weeks till she gets back from europe. and hopefully i'll feel better then.
thanks for listening to me rant, Danielle

[bekkyboo]

:hugs:

I do feel your pain... even tho hubby is here and i only have 1, i feel that sting sometimes too. we dont have anyone to help us, and all our friends are babyless so all events are babyfree - usually meaning us free as well...

:hugs:

[TeamAwesome]

you are not a horrible mum!
How disappointing about your dad backing out, I'd be disappointed too!

I have my kids 24/7 7 days a week as my DH works long hours and away from home and I have my days where I wonder why I don't get a break, this will soon be changing.

My mum was a single mum and she used to go out about every 4-6 weeks or so with a couple of friends and they'd both chip in for a baby sitter (they found them through the local highschool who had an childcare type thing or through the tafe who ran a childcare course)

I hope you get a break soon soundslike you need it as you've been through a lot lately

[Little_Toad]

Danielle,,

When you are in your thirties you'll have the freedom us late starters wont have any more.

We all have those days when we wish we hadn't had kids but I doubt very much when we are grandparents we will let that thought ever cross our minds.

[Becteria]

words of wisdom toad.

Danielle, you need to make sure you have the support to get a break. Do you have nay other friends or family that can help you with a night off , or even a couple of hours once a week?

[Kizmet]

Dan,

We are all here for you if you need help. We all have days where things are hard and it seems like our kids are doing everything possible to get on every last nerve that we have but you just need to remember that your kids love you and would do anything they could to make you happy.

I really want to say this in a non offensive way so please just know that I do not want to offend you in any way. I really think you need to get some help. I know things are really hard at the moment for you and cant imagine going through what you have but I think you need to talk to someone, a counsellor or a doctor or someone.

I know it is hard and crapola that you and Grant entered into the marriage and had kids together yet now it has broken down you are left as the sole provider and carer for the kids while he seemingly 'gets off scot free' but that is how things are. It is not fair but that's just what it is. My suggestion is to try not to dwell on the unfairness of it all and just accept the situation for what it is. I really hope that doesnt sound harsh. Essentially dont focus on the bad things that have happened just focus on the good. Your three beautiful children you love you to the moon and back!

When you are in your 40's your kids wil be grown up! John and I talk about this all the time as it is the way with his parents, their kids are all grown up and they are able to travel and pursue everything they wanted to!

We all wish we could get nights off every now and again, I dont know how hard it is being a single mummy but I know that there are heaps out there that arent lucky enough to have the support around them like you have your mum and dad to take them for a while, so my advice is cherish those nights when you get them!!!

If you ever need anything just let me know hun

[Hilja]

hey hun..u are not alone, my kids drive me up the wall sometimes..and i have nobody in autralia to help me out, but at least i can say i did it all myself, bit of my hubbys help( busy working)..i have 4 of them dependig on me..i look after my stepson nearly every school holiday coz his mum has to work..and thigs can get bit hard..i would not change anything about my kids..would like them to listen to me bit better.:rolleyes: .. they wont stay small forever, try to enjoy it and look on the bright side of things. Hope u feel better..:hugs: :hugs:
I Don't Regret having them..They are the best thing in my life..

Hilja25

[the_original_duchess]

thanks for listening to me girls. i know its just a bad day.
kate- i am seeing a counsellor but thanks for the suggestion.
plus doesnt help that i quit smoking yesterday.
90% of the time i dont feel this way. i just was so looking forward to seeing the friends that i dontget to see very often this weekend.
i'll get over it, just needed to vent.
its hard being a single mother. and unless your in the same situation, you cant really totally get it.
when i was married i used to take advantage of the help i did get from grant. iand i used to think,i dont know what my single mum friends are complaining about. i practically do it on my own anyway. but now i know. and i have so much respect for those who do it on their own.
but on a plus note, grant rang me today to let me know he got a place so he will be taking them more often for me in a few weeks. more like 3 nights a fortnight, instead of 1.
so thats cheered me up a whole lot.
i love my kids so much and i am greatful for them. just cant wait till theya re older lol.
i cant wait till im in my 30's lol

[mykidzmylife]

Hi Danielle,
It must be so hard for you.

I dont live too far away from you,nr campbelltown,and i could do with some new friends :)

Chin up.
We all need to vent sometimes.

XOXOXOXOX
Jody

[emma19]

hi danielle,
I'm 18 and have 2 young boys.
I feel like this alot of the time too. When people are with their partners they really have no idea how hard it is for single parents.
I'm in a dilemma like your's, like when i was pregnant i thought i'd be able to manage cause i never went out and i don't even drink but now that all this pressure is laid on me i do want to get out and enjoy myself once in a while.
I've never even been to a night club or anything like that yet.
It makes it a whole lot harder when their father won't even see them.
But sometimes i find myself wondering wheather i made a huge mistake but then when i look at them i realise they are my life now and i couldn't imagine not having a kid windge at me constantly and getting a good night sleep.
But i do know what your feeling cause i feel like that right now. I feel so lonely i just want someone to take care of me for a change.(like that will ever happen lol)

[XandersMummy]

I'm glad you realize that things will get easier. I know it's cliche, but time does heal, and the more practice you have have as a single mum the easier it will get. I was a 15 year old mother, I am now 32 with 4 kids. I ran away from home at 15, married the baby's father, and have been on my own ever since. The baby's father ran off when I was 23 leaving me with our 3 kids. He ended up in prison, so no child support from him either. So believe me, I know how it feels, I skipped my whole childhood, the best thing you can do is find time for yourself however you can. If your mother can watch them once a week, or if a friend will swap babysitting duties with you. At least you will know that you have that time for yourself coming.

I have since married a WONDERFUL Australian man (I'm from the US originally) who has been a father to my 3 older children, and we have a 16 month old boy together. So there are good men out there who won't desert you, and who can love children that aren't their own. If you learn to put yourself first sometimes, and you can find happiness with yourself and your kids, I am sure you will find the right partner eventually.

Just hang in there, and know that there are lots of us out here who have been through similar situations and survived; even thrived!

I'll be thinking of you :hugs: