Wanting a Big Age Gap

[SassyMummy]

My daughter is six-months-old now, and I had a Caesarean, so no matter what I wanted to wait at least a year before I fall pregnant again. (I would love to try a VBAC).

There's many threads in here about close age-gaps, so I was curious to find out whether anyone out there wants a BIG age gap between their children?

I want two children (though if a third came along sometime it wouldn't be too bad I suppose)...but I'd really prefer to wait another 10 years (seriously) before having another. I'm 19 now, so in 10 years I'll only be 29...which is still reasonably young considering the ages that some women are waiting these days.

I have many reasons for this...but the main reasons are so that I can have a break between babies...I wouldn't want to go from baby to baby. I want to be able to go to work and have a job for a while before having another, and I'd like to wait so that I can save up a little money and spend some quality time with my daughter (I don't want her to have to compete with another baby).

I also see that the reasons a lot of kids are naughty are because they're fighting with their siblings (lol...I was definately one of those children!). I just don't really want to deal with that.

My mother thinks I'm crazy and my Nan thinks it's selfish for me to wait that long.

I was just wondering if others have larger age gaps and how its working for them! :D

[JATS]

My Aunt had her first child 4 days before her 16th birthday, that child is now 24, her and her hubby have had 2 kids since. (yes he's the dad of all 3 kids ;))

The other 2 kids are in primary school, I think the age gap between the first two children is 12 yrs or something, the age gap between number 2 and 3 is 3 yrs.

They have no regrets and their eldest was a huge asset with the 2nd born, she was old enough to 'babysit' to let her mum get much needed rest ;) The are happy with both age gaps, say both have advantages and disadvantages.

Their reason for waiting so long for #2 was that #1 was 3 yrs old on their wedding day and they decided they wanted to own a home and everything before more kids came along.

GL
Amy

[aardvark]

I have a 15 y.o., a 5 y.o. and a newborn.

And yes, the dad is the same.

[Seekrit]

I want a gap of about 3 or 4 years between kidlets. Basically, my sorta frame is when one's toilet trained I'll try for another :)

[whatwasithinking]

Stacey you are a very intelligent young girl to think the way you are. I congratulate you. So many times you hear young people saying that they want kids together in age so they can then "have a life after kids still".
Good plan of yours

[pegasus]

Hi Stacey

I'm pregnant with number two now as I always thought 2 years was a good gap (it's the gap between my sister and I).:)

However, I am also a stepmum to a 12/13 and 10 year old. Originally I remember thinking it'd be great to have kids close in age to these ones (I first met them when they were 2 and 4), but as DH and I cemented our relationship, we decided to wait a bit longer (I remember when we first got together DH was more keen for kids quickly than me - :) ). I'm now greatful for the fact that we waited as I have been able to give all kids special individual time. I think I'm much happier now with my DS than I would have been if I'd felt I hadn't been able to give him the individual time I want to.

Having said that - my DH is 5years younger than his older brother and 11years older than his younger brother (all same dad) - he doesn't know his younger brother at all and they have pretty much nothing in common (DH is 31 and his brother is 20 - different generations), the relationship with his older brother is a bit closer but still not anything near my relationship with my sister. My dad is 10years older than his brother (same dad) and they pretty much don't know each other at all.

So bottom line is -in my experience, bigger age gaps are great for parent child relationships, but not so good for fostering close sibling relationships.

[SassyMummy]

Thanks for the praise MissUnderstood! I don't think I could handle another one any time soon. It's not that I'm unhappy with the situation I'm in now...it's just that I think I need to make something of myself, put my qualifications to good use, before trying for another (which I wouldn't be able to financially support to well).

Hmmmm...that's a really good response Pegasus. I didn't think too much about the relationship between siblings. I figured the older one might feel a little harrassed by the little one, but not too much more. My brother and I are close in age, but not really close otherwise. My partner, Graham, has a younger brother (about 4years younger) and an older sister (about 10 years older). He gets along perfectly with both...but then that could just be how THEY are.

Thanks for your responses so far. It's giving me some thinking to do.

[ThomasMum]

Stacey you are a very intelligent young girl to think the way you are. I congratulate you. So many times you hear young people saying that they want kids together in age so they can then "have a life after kids still".
Good plan of yours

I just want to say, hear hear! :D

I came from "a big age gap" family. I'm the youngest one of 4 they were all like 10 years and more older than me. I had fantastic time with my folks and my siblings just like any normal family, and good news also I didn't have any HECS debt thanks to my successfull older bros and sis! :D

TM

[Minke]

Will let you know! Am due in April with my second and my first turned five, two weeks ago, wasn't planned that way, but it has probably worked out really well as my daughter will be in preschool when the baby is born. She is so excited and can't wait to help out, whether a jealousy problem arises, who knows? That's my main worry, that spending 5 years as an only child she may take the drop in attention badly.

As for siblings born close getting along better, my sister is 7 years older and brother is 9 years older and i get along better with both of them than they get along with each other! Huge personality clash that would have been there no matter the age gap. And another friend has an age gap of 14 months between her and her sister and they have always hated each other (now in their mid twenties and barely speak) - same thing personality clash. I think it has more to do with personality than age gap.

Both my brother and sister had left home by the time I started grade one, I didn't find it hard as do enjoy my "alone time". My relationship wasn't great until I reached adulthood, and I know my brother found it hard not to think of me as his kid sister, but...

Ten years is a long time - will you really want to go back to nappies and sleepless nights after that long? :D - that's the only thing that me and DH are worried about - it's all been so long since we've done this! (We had just decided that if we weren't pg by the time she turned seven, we wouldn't have another one)

Everyone's different - i know that I wouldn't have coped with 2 under 2! Hope this helps...

[moonblossom]

You do exactly what your heart tells you to do. Thats the wonderful thing about being human, we have choices, pick the best choice for you :)

Just a little note about kids fighting...ummm yup we have our fair share here, but one of them sleeps over a friends house etc, the others miss them like mad. Its organised chao's here, and I wouldnt have it any other way.

Good luck with your choices :)

[nemosmum]

Yep I hear what your saying loud and clear.

DH is desperate for us to have another bub coz he wants the kids to be close in age (like him and his brother, they are one year apart)

But although I am very clucky LOL to say the least hehehe I have come to realise that our son is a very demanding child and to be honest I cant see myself coping with another newborn until he is alot older. Dont get me wrong he is a wonderful, sweet happy child , but he is very active and always wanting my full attention.

So even though I would love another bubba I am thinking logically about what this would mean for our little boy and well me LOL as I am the one who is the primary carer (not DH) so I think I am making the right choice for us.

Sorry Im rambling, all I wanted to say is good on you for being so intune with your body and your mind!!!

Wishing you all the best :)

[my babyemmy]

I have a 17 year old boy, 16 year old girl, 14 year old boy & now 71/2 month old girl. It is grouse as the older ones really spoil her!:o

[tjrmum]

Hiya

I have 3 boys aged 10 - 3 - and 3 1/2 months - So I basically have a 10 year gap between the 1st and the LAST ;) The 10 year old is great with the baby and has a great bond with him - I think they will have a great relationship when they r older - atm my 3 year old is very jealous of the baby (I think its just an age thing iykwim)

I dont think there is anything wrong with having a big age group and to be honest I think I would have waited a bit longer to have number 3 - maybe 5 years instead of the 2 and a half years (master 3 turns 3 in april) Its a handful with children being so close together for ME - But you get used to it

Also wanted to say there is a 12 year age gap betwwen myself and my youngest sister and we are close - closer than my sister who is 1 and ahalf years younger than me :confused: - So I dont hinkk "age gaps" determine how you will get along with your siblings IYKWIM

anywazzz sorry for rambling on :eek: HTH

Rhonda

[LockieCJsmum]

If you are being selfish.... good! This is your life and you need to do what you feel is right, not what anyone else wants you to do. :yelclap:

I have a ten year old daughter, a seven year old son and a six month old baby boy, Lockie. My older children are wonderful with him. There is no jealousy because they are older and wiser. They just love having a little brother to look after. They help so much, especially my daughter. It is fantastic having a ten year gap between her and Lockie. Also, my daughter and her seven year old brother fight like crazy. Lucky Lockie will have no one to fight with. :thumbsup:

[Jo_Jo]

cheers to the gap....

My baby son is 10months my middle son is 11 and my oldest is 15 and i gotta say i love having the gap between them. The oldest twos father past away 5 years ago:crying: and i have been with there step dad for 4 years and the kids just dote on our new family member my partner wants me to have more but we are going to wait 4 years i am 32 so i figure i wont be to over the hill hey....:laughing:



cheers.