View Full Version : mum leaving newborn screaming in pram while shopping - why?
i just saw this the other day while at a kids' shop, and it's still been on my mind. i just can't make sense of it, so i'd love to hear some possible reasons or explanations, or your thoughts.
he was a tiny bub, anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months old, very "fresh" and newborn looking.
he was in a bassinet stroller, while the mum (or carer?) was shopping for lovely baby clothes.. but he was crying really full-on, really distressed, and kept on for the whole 30mins i was instore.
he stopped twice when she picked him up and carried him, but restarted when she put him back down.
of course my thoughts were - why doesn't she just carry him if it's what he wants so badly? poor wee thing, he was so upset, screaming for ages.
and she didn't look very bothered at all, just ignored him while she shopped.
i don't want to be judgmental, so i'd like to consider some possibilities of what's going on. unless she was just a paid carer, not his mum.
any thoughts?
Some kids cry.. some scream.... and there is little you can do for them....
My DS#2 was a screamer and picking him up would just make it worse... I would often have to let him scream it out while my heart broke... there was just no way for him to be comforted except to "cry it out", fall asleep etc
Perhaps she went shopping because he is a screamer and if she HAD picked him up just that one more time she would have strangled him....
Perhaps the shopping was helping her cope with a difficult bubba...
Its impossible to know why she was letting him cry.. but I for one, having had a very trying bubs will NEVER judge a woman leaving her bubs to scream, infact I feel sorry for them
kristi001
20-07-2007, 16:39
My Son is 10 months Old and Going through That whole I hate the pram thing i just want to walk/ crawl on the dirty shopping centre floors...
So Does nothing But scream for the first 30 minutes of being in the pram :yes:
I leave Him there to scream it out while I go on My merry way because i know that he will get Over it and there is nothing wrong with him..
If that makes me look like a bad Mother then Honestly So Be it.. :p
our little treasures
20-07-2007, 16:40
Did you say when she picked him up he stopped crying??!! Well thats what he needed was a hug, some attention! I am sorry but I had a screamer as well my DD was a shocker but I would NEVER leave her scream I would pick her rock her sing to her and do whatever I could to calm her! Babies cry/ scream because they NEED something.
I was in medicare the other day and a lady let her little one scream the entire time she was in there. I was just in shock and started having really bad BH's.
DS1 was a screamer.....screamed and screamed, wether I was holding him or wether he was in the pram he screamed. I guess I just got used to it....
DS2 was in a baby carrier for the first 7 months and now he is just tooo heavy and he cries and cries when I put him in the pram. So i pick him up.....when he gets too heavy...I put him down....then he cries again. so on....argh. I hate having him cry but I can't carry him all the time??
Milliner
20-07-2007, 16:48
DS2 was in a baby carrier for the first 7 months and now he is just tooo heavy and he cries and cries when I put him in the pram. So i pick him up.....when he gets too heavy...I put him down....then he cries again. so on....argh. I hate having him cry but I can't carry him all the time??
DS is a screamer too. He isn't to fond of the pram, but being pregnant I find it hard to carry him around everywhere. Sometimes there is not much you can do but stay home. :rolleyes: DS used to cry at home all the time too and we never knew why, at least we didn't get judged by people if we didn't leave the house.
Some kids cry.. some scream.... and there is little you can do for them....
My DS#2 was a screamer and picking him up would just make it worse... I would often have to let him scream it out while my heart broke... there was just no way for him to be comforted except to "cry it out", fall asleep etc
Perhaps she went shopping because he is a screamer and if she HAD picked him up just that one more time she would have strangled him....
Perhaps the shopping was helping her cope with a difficult bubba...
Its impossible to know why she was letting him cry.. but I for one, having had a very trying bubs will NEVER judge a woman leaving her bubs to scream, infact I feel sorry for them
I agree. You never know what the reason is or what is behind it. So it's best not to judge and just worry about whats going on in your world.
Little_Toad
20-07-2007, 20:14
i feel sorry for the mum. She was probably doing the best she could, babies cry. I'm sure it will happen to you too. They cant always be picked up and cuddled all the time.
perhaps she thought it was easiest and quickest to leave him in the pram and get the shopping over and done with as quick as possible so she could take him home. It would take far longer if she had to hold him while doing the shopping.
ButterflyMama
20-07-2007, 20:28
Give the mother a break. She was doing the best she could, she probably had a rough day or few days and needed to get out and have a bit of retail therapy.
It's not our place to judge so harshly when we weren't in her shoes. Shame shame shame. :shame:
shelle65
20-07-2007, 20:29
perhaps she thought it was easiest and quickest to leave him in the pram and get the shopping over and done with as quick as possible so she could take him home. It would take far longer if she had to hold him while doing the shopping.
I was going to say this too. Sometimes DD cracks it in the middle of the supermarket, and I can't hold her, the shopping basket, and push the pram all at once, but I really need to buy things. I just grab everything really quickly and get home where I can calm her down in a comfortable environment.
punkbaby
20-07-2007, 20:31
There is obviously a reason for it, i know sometimes i used to let dd cry in the pram and she would fall asleep, but that was after i had tried cuddling etc and everything. Even now dd has a tantrum in the pram and she sits there regardless (after trying a fw things to stop her of course)
Naturally if bubs was screaming for more than 10 minutes i would pick them up, although if bubs is fed, dry and ready for a nap then i would let her cry it out in the pram...maybe this mother was doing that we dont know so cant judge
melfunction
20-07-2007, 20:31
Jeez, I would hate to have had you outside my house this afternoon.
I must be a cruel mum.
Shanaynay
20-07-2007, 20:34
I'd say the poor woman had just had enough.
I'm happy for those who have never felt that!
mum2bubba
20-07-2007, 20:39
I don't know why she left him, maybe she had tried other things before but nothing worked (I wasn't there so don't know what happened). I have been out and about and Skye (or Hayley when she was a bubba) has started crying because they are hungry so I leave the store to feed them. Last night we went late night shopping, we were in Kmart (just got in there only 2 minutes) and Skye started crying and sucking her fists and doing that tongue thing (you know when they're hungry?) so I left Grant in there with Hayley and walked out and fed her.
Like the poster above me said, maybe she had had enough. I feel this way at times too.
reAllytee
20-07-2007, 21:05
I'd say the poor woman had just had enough.
I'm happy for those who have never felt that!
:yes:
I had a screamer from day dot. I obviously did my best to comfort him when i could but there were days when i just couldnt cope with him.
When you have a baby like this & combine it with either baby blues or PND you shut down even when you know you should be more loving & caring you just cant be.
My sister was a screamer much worse than Boof in that she didnt like contact at all. If my mum had chosen to pick her up to comfort her like many here are saying it wouldve only made things worse.
Passing judgement isnt really appropriate when we dont know whats really going on.
Pices_79
20-07-2007, 21:11
I feel sorry for the mum too!! She might be getting no sleep and just couldnt take the screaming anymore....
Our DD is very placid and happy...however I have friends that have bubs that have colic / wind issues and have had depression because of it....
Ana Gram
20-07-2007, 21:14
Perhaps she was unable to hold the baby for long periods of time. I know my back would start cramping up holding DD for longer than a few minutes.
My Bub hates the pram he is fine while i am walking, but as soon as i enter the shops he starts crying, and some times wont stop even after I pick him up and carry him he seems worse when i put him back in.
So i dont know what to do some days ive carried him home while i pushed the pram and other times ive let him cry to sleep.
whats the best method?
punkbaby
20-07-2007, 21:16
Hopefully this mum isnt a bubhubber :(
reAllytee
20-07-2007, 21:18
Hopefully this mum isnt a bubhubber :(
Exactly :(
Shanaynay
20-07-2007, 21:18
:yes:
I had a screamer from day dot. I obviously did my best to comfort him when i could but there were days when i just couldnt cope with him.
When you have a baby like this & combine it with either baby blues or PND you shut down even when you know you should be more loving & caring you just cant be.
My sister was a screamer much worse than Boof in that she didnt like contact at all. If my mum had chosen to pick her up to comfort her like many here are saying it wouldve only made things worse.
Passing judgement isnt really appropriate when we dont know whats really going on.
I agree totally. I don't think anyone actually WANTS to let their baby cry in the pram - but seriously, on some days, for some women, it's either let their bubbas cry, or roll that pram in front of a truck :thumbsdown:
Ange&Seth
20-07-2007, 21:38
When you have a baby like this & combine it with either baby blues or PND you shut down even when you know you should be more loving & caring you just cant be.
Passing judgement isnt really appropriate when we dont know whats really going on.
Sometimes you've got to do what works for you and everyone (and every baby) is different. There are a myriad of reasons why this mum may have let her bub cry, but without BEING said mum, then I don't think we should be passing judgement.
I too hope this mum isn't a bubhubber. :hugs: if you are and you read this. I hope your day got better.
I think this thread serves to remind us all that when we are in public we see a very small portion of someone's life, and therefore it is important not to make assumptions about that person based on what you see.
When DS was 3 weeks old, we were in town with him in the pram. He was fed and clean and safe and warm, but still a bit cranky, so I spent much of the time carrying him. When we got to the carpark we were trying to pay for our ticket, but the machine wouldn't take our coins, I was stressed, DH was stressed and DS was in his pram screaming. There was absolutely nothing we could do, we had to pay for our ticket and get out of the way, we needed to get DS out of his pram and into the car where he feels happy and safe, but to do that we had to somehow pay for our ticket. It was one of those "everything goes wrong at once" moments. A woman walked past me and said "oh, poor baby, he's crying" and I just wanted to slap her. I knew he was crying, it was upsetting me too. He rarely cries, he is never left to cry, unless it is a situation like that where it was impossible to pick him up. I felt so awfully judged by a stranger.
Let's go easy on each other, parenting can be tough. We don't know what each other's circumstances are.
I think we must all remember, that no matter how hard we try, we ALWAYS have bad days.
Maybe this was hers? We just do not know.
Let's go easy on each other, parenting can be tough. We don't know what each other's circumstances are.
Wise words Bron:yelclap:
RedPanda
20-07-2007, 21:57
Its impossible to know why she was letting him cry.. but I for one, having had a very trying bubs will NEVER judge a woman leaving her bubs to scream, infact I feel sorry for them
I agree 100 per cent. There are some days when DS just screams constantly, and there's not a damn thing I can do. If I hold him, he arches away and wants nothing to do with me.
Also, she may have been hearing that for a week and just cannot find it in herself to respond anymore.
I don't judge other mothers.
Hollywood
20-07-2007, 22:05
I totally agree with the others that we just don't know what her situation was and why she left her baby crying. Sometimes my DS cries and I am unable to pick him up there and then to comfort him.....but c'mon, SHOPPING?? :eek: :confused: I'm sorry, but even if you're having a 'bad day' or whatever, and your baby is crying inconsolably, is it really appropriate to keep on shopping? Clearly she was in a position to be able to pick her baby up.
I just could NOT let my baby keep crying like that, and if necessary would leave the shops all together and go home. Is it just me who thinks like that? I know I can't judge her, but I just don't get that she could keep shopping :confused: :confused:
Babies cry for a reason, and I am not convinced she was doing enough to find out why hers was.
Ange&Seth
20-07-2007, 22:33
Babies cry for a reason, and I am not convinced she was doing enough to find out why hers was.
Were you there :confused: I'm sorry chic, but you don't need to be convinced that she was doing 'enough', she was quite possibly doing what she needed to do to be able to keep her sanity. I don't believe it's up to this mum or anyone else to 'convince' anyone that they are doing 'enough'.
As mother's we all know our baby's cries, and I don't believe that all babies cries are the same.
Clearly she was in a position to be able to pick her baby up.
Babies cry for a reason, and I am not convinced she was doing enough to find out why hers was.
Clearly??? I am sorry but you know this how? She could have been having a really bad day, and listening to her bub screaming in a shopping centre KNOWING that people were judging her, like some are doing now, must be horrible for her..
We do not know her, or her frame of mind.
As mother's we all know our baby's cries, and I don't believe that all babies cries are the same.
Very true...we can not pass judgement:no:
Mum&bubs
20-07-2007, 22:42
I feel sorry for the mum. Most people probably think I am a bad mother when I am out in public because my daughter's do this too. Summer was and still is a screamer since day 1 and no matter what I do, she just likes to SCREAM, I mean ear piercing screams that people think I'm hurting her which I'm not- all she wants is to be picked up.
Same goes with Taliyah, I put her in the pram she stretches out her legs, chucks a tantrum but she has to learn that she cannot be picked up ALL the time, my back is screwed from holding my children all day long. I don't want to be holding them the whole time shopping so I don't. I put them in the pram, they carry on for a while until they realise that I am not giving in and picking them up.
They are not hurting- they are just being spoilt :laughing:
I think it is pretty low to pass judgement on this woman:shame:
If i am having a tough day at home i always put the kids in the pram and head out being out and about is sometimes a break for me even if bub is still screaming !
So does that make me a bad mum?
I think it is pretty low to pass judgement on this woman:shame:
If i am having a tough day at home i always put the kids in the pram and head out being out and about is sometimes a break for me even if bub is still screaming !
So does that make me a bad mum?
I agree, it is low...
You are NOT a bad mother:no: ....you are just HUMAN....and everyone needs a break sometimes...you know YOUR kids better than anyone, who am I to pass judgement?:confused:or anyone else for that matter?? :confused:
I agree, it is low...
You are NOT a bad mother:no: ....you are just HUMAN....and everyone needs a break sometimes...you know YOUR kids better than anyone, who am I to pass judgement?:confused:
Thanks :hugs:
Just yesterday my both my kids were going nuts in the pram but i could do nothing i had to finish my shopping!
:hugs: To the mother i really hope she is not reading this being a mum is hard enough without small minded people judgeing you!
Whats that saying ?
"Do not judge me till you walk in my shoes"
To the mother i really hope she is not reading this being a mum is hard enough without small minded people judgeing you!
Whats that saying ?
"Do not judge me till you walk in my shoes"
:thumbsup: That is absolutely true!!! Being a Mum is not always smiles and kisses.....though it would be nice:rolleyes:
MrsMiggins
20-07-2007, 23:15
I think this thread has now run its course.
It's been established that there may well be a very good reason why a mother would leave her baby to cry, which is what the OP wanted to know.
I don't think we can go much further on this topic without it getting judgemental, so I will be closing it now.
Thank you to everyone who contributed.
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