needing to vent! and lacking.........

[Juanita]

Well, where do i start. Four years ago i met my DP. Everything was sensational and we moved states from NSW to QLD. I got pregnant 2 years into our relationship and now, at this point i have a gorgeous 10 month old son....The problem is DP left when bubba was 4 months old cause he couldn't handle the change of life....Now and for the past 6 months i cannot seem to do much apart from thinking of ways to show him how much i love him, how much i want our family to be a unit, and how i would do anything to have him back with us...The other problem i am struggling with is i don't have family... I mean i do but ever since they, my mother and my sister, came to my house and beat me up while i had bub in my arms, i havent seen them and i dont want to. It was an awful, hideous thing that they did to us, so i am better off without them...Problem is i am so lonely. I dont know anyone here and i'm not sure how to meet people..;..and i want m man back.....i want my family togeteher again..

[Leonic]

Oh lovey. Im sorry for what you are going through! Just wanted to let you know that, where there is a will, there is a way! Im sure things will get better for you soon!

[mum2peanut]

Hi Juanita,
You poor thing! I don't know what to say to you.
I think you're def better off without your family who obviously don't care about you or bubs.
Maybe to prove to your DP you need to show him tht you can cope without him. Sometimes people thinking that they are not needed makes them see what they are missing. Maybe then he'll wake up and realise.
Have you got anyone you can talk to friends, extended family??

[Juanita]

No babe, no friends here, all in Sydney...and no family...just bubba and i and dp who walked out...not sure where to turn and who to talk to....

[kimmy]

Hay Juanita i PMed you did you get it.

[Juanita]

hi, i think i got it...and yes i am better off without them but it is very hard to just write your family off all at once. I lost my mum, my sister and my partner all in the same time that i had my gorgeous baby boy Jonah...i know i will be a better person for not being around them, mum and sister, but it is so hard when there is absolutely o one around....any ideas on how i stop crying in front of my boy? How do i move on and have fun and stop crying??????

[kimmy]

I now it must be hard, i haven't spoken to my brother in like 10 mths.
I'm soooo sorry if i offended you in anyway i didn't mean to.
I too am from NSW & i left all my friend down there & half my family.
i hope things get better for you soon.
hugs to you xxx

[justin's mum]

hi,
i'm new to this all too, i moved here a couple of years ago and fell pregnant to my boyfriend of 3 years straight away and now have a 9 month old son justin... i just wanted to say i understand u feeling lonely cause i have none of my own family living here in taree all i have is my fiance's family which isn't always the same so i know how tuff it is but i am lucky to have my man around still and i pray it all works out for you just don't give up on wat u want in life because i belive there is always hope even if you feel uve tried it all.

it always seems to be harder for the men to adjust and may just take a little time for him to realise where he needs to be.
all the best.

[rynosmum]

Hi Juanita,

I'm so sorry to hear about what you are going through.

Unfortunately DP left for a reason, he didn't want the life he now had. He left you and bubs alone as such a critical point in your lives. You obviously still love him so there must be more to him but I don't think I would be ever able to trust a man again who left you both to fend for yourselves when you needed him so much. With a beautiful babe in your arms - is this really the sort of man you want to live your life with ? Assuming that he isn't going to change ..... I've tried that fairytale before myself....

As for your mum and sister, it is safer to stay away from them. Why would they try and hurt you at all ? let alone when you were holding your baby ?:mad:

From what you have said, it looks like you immediately need to look forward. What city are you in ? Have you joined any mothers groups to meet new people ? What about the next bubhub meet in your area - you'd be surprised at how quickly you can make new friends this way and the best part is, you will find new little friends for your little boy too:D so you both win ! Do you have any other little ones in your street or apartment block ?

I'm sorry if I sounded harsh - I know you love your ex-DP but there are men out there who will love you for who you are and for your gorgeous little boy. You shouldn't have to prove this your ex - he was the one who left. I know it may all look hopeless sometimes but it can improve. The great girls at Bubhub can help you work through it - you've come to the right place !:D

[sunnyflower]

hi juanita,

i just read your email and my heart really goes out to you.i am in a similar situation,the father of my four year old (who i have known for over twenty years)isn't in our lives either.he doesn't bother to see my son and doesn't pay maintenance.you know what it's his loss.all i can say is you can't change a person and if your partner is going to act like this he doesn't deserve either of you.personally i think you should try moving back home where your friends are.your family-i can't believe they did that to you.if you can't move why don't you maybe try some of the following

talk to the child health nurse or gp
ask if there is any free counselling so that you can get the support you need
find out about mothers groups (child health nurse may be able to help you)
see if anyone is meeting in your area from bubhub
have your neighbours got children?

are you religious at all,i have just started going back to church,it;s easy to make friends there!!

i really hope your situation improves,good luck to you

[KiLLaKaZ]

sorry for the late reply, but i came accross this & just had to respond!

i know how you feel about your partner! mine left me almost 2 months ago now! but, we are still living under the same roof, which makes it quite difficult as i just want to snuggle up to him sometimes, but cant! :crying:

i dream of the day he says he wants to forget the separation thing & get back together, but as he's already been discussing divorce - i don't see that day coming. some days when i see him in a bad mood (he throws pretty bad tantrums!) i think that i am better off without him, & i even imagine myself with a partner in the future that will treat me better. when i think about what COULD be in my future, i actually become MUCH happier! if i do get a new partner, i know i'll be MUCH fussier ;)

anyway, i've come to the decision that i was being selfish trying so desperately to win my husband back. he has feelings too, & even though i can't understand them, he has his own reasons why he doesn't want to continue our relationship. therefore i've decided to let go & get on with my life. i'm doing the things i never thought to do/ couldn't do when with him - like going out & meeting ppl!! i want to make myself happier & discover what it is to be me (i relied on him for my identity before). if one day he decides he wants to get back together with me, then i think i'll taske things slowly with him - i want to make sure he wont run off again at the next sign of hardship!

sorry this is long, i hope you understand what i'm trying to say!

[MissBrightside]

Killakaz, that makes so much sense to me I broke up wiyh my boys' dad 3 weeks ago. Its been really a struggle mainly getting over the lonliness thing. Ive recently gone through the resenting my kids phase, as I have no life. Which sounds selfish I know. I do realise that things wont be this way forever, but I dont know where to start as like you said my identity was based on being around my ex. Anything I did was with him or waiting for him. i lost all my friends and now that he is gone I dont want to ring them and sound like the biggest user. Im just feeling like a bit of a loser right now. Sorry!

[KiLLaKaZ]

lol - i know what you mean!! i feel like the world's biggest loser, too! ;)
i mean if my partner doesn't want to be with me anymore, who would?! :rolleyes:

as for contacting friends, i don't have much to say in that area because i never really had any before (only lots of aquaintances). but i'd say weigh up whether or not you think you would still get along with them (& how much you miss them) - i'm sure you have changed a lot, & maybe they have, too. maybe it's a good time to make a fresh start! :D or, if you want to get back together with your old friends, apologise profusely for dumping them... ;)