View Full Version : My partner's joining the army?
My DF is in the process of joining the army,
i thought this would be the best way to ask my questions so here goes-
* How are posting choices made, and what are the good/bad ones?
* How do you cope with your partner/husband away and no close family support?
I want to support him 110% but i am afraid of how our relationship and kids will suffer. His family are all army (dad, brother, etc) but i dont know much about how things work.
Any one out there who has been through this or can help?
I have spoken to him, his family, my family about it, but need to hear from women who have been through it, so i can understand.
My partner has been in the Army for 6 years. We were together a year before he enlisted.
Which corps is he going into? Im not really sure how the posting selections are made. The guys are asked to put down there preferences but it doesnt mean they will get their choice. I think it mainly depends on where spots are available for them at the specific time.
Our first posting was to Townsville, and we are from Adelaide so it was a pretty big thing. We didnt have any children at the time so I got a job straight away and started meeting people. It is hard not having family support but you get by. Just make sure you get a good STD phone plan :thumbsup:
There is a lot of pressure put on your relationships and you have to learn to accept that they are a soldier first. Be prepared for plans to fall through and very short notice of weekend work, bush trips etc. I can assure you it does get easier though. Both my partner and I struggled when he first joined but after a while you just learn to accept it. It still sucks and you still miss them but you learn different ways to cope.
If you have any specific questions, please feel free to ask. Its a tough life but it can also be very rewarding. If my partner hadnt joined, I would probably still be doing the same thing I was 6 years ago. Instead I have lived in different places, been on some awesome holidays and met some great people.
Thanks for your reply,
yeah can i ask- ive heard that you can live on or off-base, what are pros/cons and whats the housing like??
Again, it depends where you are posted too.
We have had postings to Townsville, Singleton and Brisbane and in all 3 we have lived off base. You get a married quarter which is usually privately owned but leased to Defence Housing Authority. In Townsville we had a lovely 2 bedroom townhouse. In Singleton it was an average 3 bedroom house (kind of like a first home buyers house) and here in Brisbane we have a beautiful 4 bedroom modern house.
When you receive your posting order DHA will give you a PIN that you use to access homefind through the internet. This shows you all the houses that will be available to you at the time you are posted (it does depend on rank, so the lower you are down the chain the less frills you are entitled too). It shows you pictures, floor plans etc and you can reserve the house over the net. If there are no houses for your rank available, you will be entitled to the next rank up at no extra cost. Sometimes they will let you choose a house above your entitlement (even if there are some lower ones available) but you have to pay the extra (we have done this).
I've heard that DHA have got rid of some of there lower grade houses and upgraded but that has only happened recently so i dont know the details. Its pretty much first in best dressed so remember when you get your access to Homefind, there could be 10 other people looking at the same houses - the first person to click to reserve it gets it. If there are no Married Quarters available in your posting location you are entitled to RA (rent assistance) and you have to find your own private rental.
As for living on base, i've never done that so I cant really help you. There are a few bases that have all their Married Quarters on base but Im not sure where they are. I think there is atleast one in Darwin and one in Melbourne. Hopefully someone else can help you out there.
The rent and water cost comes straight out of your husbands pay. If any maintenance is required, you just ring DHA and they send someone out to fix it.
I am in the same boat as you.
Dh has passed all the stages and is just waiting for an enlistment date (has been for a couple of months now)
It is all a bit scary and exciting at the same time.
I also have 3 kiddies to think of.
Has your partner got an enlistment date yet?
My sisters husband has been in the Navy for about 15 years on and off now so at least I have some knowledge of things.
But there are so many things to thinks of and so many questions that need answers.
I think we would opt to live off base so dh work and family life are 2 seperate things (iykwim)
Good luck to you and your family
Kylie- i knew i wasnt the only one going through this, its just nice to chat to someone else that is.:wave:
No, no enlistment date yet, he still has to do the fitness test, still early on for us, he only definitely decided to join up a month ago...
His bro and dad are army so its natural to them, but i am so full of Q's.
If you dont mind me asking, how do you think your kids will cope?
Mine are actually used to dad not being about much, he works in hospitality- (a cook), bad/rediculous hours!
Its just the training period where he is away for months im worried about.
Sorry sharvs, he is going into the Catering corps. I only just noticed your Q. in the first post.:)
Thanks for all the valuable info- no one can quite answer Q's like someone whos been through it all before.
We must be at the stage stage hey?? My dh has no enlistment date but also has to do the fitness test.
Dh has been doing schooling as home so he has been around the kids alot. I'm sure my kids will be ok tho. I have a lot of family around me at the moment. So when he is in training I have support. I just don't know until it happens. I'm just keeping positive.:thumbsup:
We have talked to ds a little about it (as he undersatnds more then the 2 younger ones) and he seems ok. He says if we have to move away he would miss his mates but it would be like an adventure and he would have friends in different place around Australia.
I think the key is to have support even if it is someone to call and have a chat to.
I suppose we can always come on here I have a great group of girls I chat to in the SAHM thread.
How old are your kiddies?
Mine are 7 5 and 1 (next Thursday)
Please keep me updated to how it is all going, and I will to you (if you like)
It is good to have someone going through the same at the same time to chat to.
Thanks also Sharvs your info is great.:thumbsup:
yeah we will definitely have to keep each other up-to-date.
My gorgeous kids are 5, 2, and 3months.
I have a daughter and 2 sons. :)
At the moment they are the only things keeping me sane.Df has been working double shifts all week, and going to the gym etc, leaving no time for me and the kids.
I think i will actually see MORE of him when he is in the army. lol
As for support and family, df just moved us back to my home town to be close to my parents and his, only prob is now he has to commute to work(1hr away), but i guess i will have people around to support me when he is gone.
Is your husband worried about passing the fitness test?
I have son daughter son.
Dh has been going to the gym also, uping his push ups slowly and running in the park etc.
He is pretty confident he will be ok for the fitness test. How is your df going with it all?
We also had an interview with a social worker, to see that I would be ok while he is away as we have the kids to think about too.
Where are you living at the moment? (If you don't mind me asking)
I am in Castlemaine country Vic.
Hello again Kylie,
Sorry havent been on for afew days.
Well the fitness part is ok but df is worried about the shuttle run.
They are sending a social worker around to us soon aswell.
We just moved back to my home town of Goulburn, nsw. I really hate it here!, but my family and his are close by for support if i need it.
Can i ask why your dh decided to join?
I think mine is following in his grandfathers, fathers, brothers footsteps.
Sometimes i wonder if HE himself wants to do it, but he says it is what he wants. I just hope he is 100% sure, before we get in and he is like- this is not what i want(sorry too late now).
What corps is he going into?
Are you excited or anxious about the whole thing?
Sorry if my Q.'s are too personal- dont feel like you have to answer.:)
How are you?
Dh has been thinking about joining for a while and finally done it.
Hope my dh is sure he really want to do it too. I'm sure he is otherwise he wouldn't have done all this.
He can only try. Better to try then not and then regret not trying hey?:yes:
He will be in ordnance corp.
It is totally scary and exciting all at the same time. Especially when they actually phoned today and said his enlsitment date is August 28th, :eek: so they are sending him all the paper work and he will have to do the fitness test some time between now and then. So it has been a very big day here today as it is also my birthday and ds turned 1 yesterday.
I'll let you know how he goes in the mean time.
Hi My DH is thinking about joinging the army as of yesterday. So far I have read that you more then likely moce around a fair bit. Is the rent cheaper? Do we pay our own travel and moving expenses? Like removalists etc? How regualry would you move? Would he get posted overseas? How does it work? Please help Im slightly freaking out here. Ive been married 1 month, have a 1 year old son and bub due in 4 months....
Sharvs has summed it up nicely.
Ive been miltary all my life, my father has been a soldier as long as Ive been alive and I married one.
Kylie, I just want to add that unfortunately as much as its sometimes a pain there is no way your army life and home life are seperate. The Army has a way of being front row centre in everything you do. It isnt a job its a lifestyle but one I wouldnt trade for any in the world! The financial security alone is enough to make me happy, my husband always has a job and a paycheck. I think I would die if I had to be a civilian after 22yrs of military life lol
To answer your questions Mummymer:
So far I have read that you more then likely moce around a fair bit, How regualry would you move?
Most postings are for 2-3 years, sometimes more sometimes less. You may get to stay in the same place for 2 or 3 postings, depending on what your partner does. Its a great way to see the country without costing you a fortune though!
Is the rent cheaper?
The rent is extremely cheap considering the accomodation standards and private housing rents today. My husband is a Private (the lowest rank) and we pay $260 rent a fortnight + $7.80 in water contributions (no matter how much you use) right out of his pay so whatever goes in the bank each payday is ours free and clear. Most of the houses Ive lived in have been lovely modern homes. The house we're in at the moment in Albury Wodonga is an older house but still lovely to live in!
Do we pay our own travel and moving expenses? Heck no. When you get your posting orders you will get removal forms and information. You fill them all out and give them to DHA (Defence housing authority) - they organise everything - flights if needed but most of us prefer to drive, your accomodation on both sides of the move and travel allowance money to cover accomodation on your drive to your new locality, food and petrol expenses and a disturbance allowance just for the inconvenience of having to move. Removalists will be sent to dismantle furniture, pack and take all your things to your new place. Even your pets can be moved, you just have to organise transport for them and pay it, then once you have a receipt just take it into DHA and they will refund the whole cost. So essentially you dont pay a cent :)
Would he get posted overseas?
Not generally unless he is of a higher rank (like Sargeant, Warrant Officer etc). Always a possibiliy though but very rare. He could be deployed overseas though to places like Iraq, Afghanistan, East Timor etc for anywhere from 3mths to a year. If they are deployed there are support groups for families and you will get some communication with them while theyre gone. You also get a lump sum payment for being on deployment that can range up to $40,000.
* How are posting choices made, and what are the good/bad ones?Your partner can elect posting places he'd prefer to go to in an order from 1-5 but its really down to where SCHEMA (head office of the army) want you to go/where there is an opening for his particular position. Some positions there are only certain places you can go (like my husband, he is a fitter armourer so he will be sticking with Infantry units which limits us to Sydney, Adelaide, Townsville, Darwin, Brisbane).
I personally will never go to Darwin as it is way to isolated for my liking. Its the only condition Ive given DH, he knew when he married me I wouldnt go with him if he went there, Id stay behind and wait for him to be posted on to somewhere else. Other than that I'll go anywhere. We are going from Albury (not my most fave place and def on the bottom of my list for next time) to Sydney (my home town) and then probably on to Townsville. Im dying to live in Adelaide or Brissy though!
* How do you cope with your partner/husband away and no close family support?You dont always cope but you get through it. There is plenty of support within the Army and you can always plan ahead and get family to come see you/go see family. The worst thing for a soldier is a wife/partner who doesnt cope. Too much stress on top of a job that is already stressful and it causes tension in a relationship. My husband has my full support in anything he does. He goes away stress-free knowing I am handling things at home and that when he comes home we'll be so happy to see him! Sometimes you cry and have a bad day. You know what they say - behind every great man is a great woman! Ive seen marriages and relationships end because women havent been able to cope with their spouses being in the military. It makes me sad because really, the poor husbands/boyfriends have to constantly leave their wife/kids and lives for a week to several months to do gruelling exercise/combat training in bad weather/bad conditions out in the bush and sometimes even put their lives at risk overseas. They have it worse than we do, safely tucked away at home.
Not all soldiers go away alot, some only go once or twice a year for a week or two at a time. The positions that go away alot are infantry (my husband used to be this, we spent 6mths of the first year we were together apart :( ) and special forces.
If your partners do join the Army, your life wont end and you will survive! You have great people to meet (like us Army spouses!) and the net is a great way to do that!
I love my life!
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