View Full Version : Struggling with asking for such a gift
I have recently asked for a donor and a wonderful women has come forward. I am excited and hopeful, but I am also struggling. I can't help thinking about how much I am asking of someone.
The more I think about it the more risks I see for the donor. What if she has a reaction to the treatment (maybe emotional or OHSS) that interferes with her ability to look after herself and her family? How would I live with myself? (yeah, cos its all about me!).
I am not sure this is coming out right, but how have other people dealt with this?
It is a big thing to ask of someone, and all recipients get worried about the same things...
The risks of OHSS and complications are actually quite low - something like 1-2% I think....
Whilst cycling, a donor is able to care for her family - she might feel some discomfort when on the stims, but it's manangable. If there's pain, then that's what your clinic (and your support as her recipient!) are for....
I'm yet to hear of a donor who has had life altering medical issues because of her donation...:)
I know exactly how you feel....
Our donor can confirm that thru out the entire donation cycle I was beside myself with worry.
In fact during the interview with the SBS documentary crew that followed our donation cycle I actually had some very emotional moments and said that had I known everything that was involved when I first started the search for a donor I don't know that I would actually have done so... (I had not actually undergone an IVf cycle for myself at this stage - so was somewhat ignorant).
On the other hand our donor was in another location telling the crew that she although she had already donated twice and did not intend to do it again - if we needed her to and asked her to - she would.
It is a huge thing to ask anyone to do for you - particularly a stranger. And yes your donor will experience some inconvenience - the drugs will make her emotional and will cause her to perhaps bloat and yes there is the possibility of OHSS and that she may react to the anastheatics.
The fact that someone has generously offered to do this for you for no reward other than to help you is completely overwhelming. I still remain in awe of the generosity and complete selflessness shown by our donor.
All I can suggest is discuss all this with your donor. Ensure that she is aware of the risks and your concerns. You may be surprised by how she is feeling - I know our donor was very concerned about leeting us down by not being able to provide any eggs.
I wish you all the best for your journey.
PS. If you ever need to talk you can PM me
Wow! What a wonderful story of friendship and sharing of a most beautiful gift. Reading your story has made me feel uplifted and my heart is warm with the thoughts of such a fabulous union. I makes me feel that my search for such a bond is certainly not out of reach. Thank you for sharing your story. I am looking forward to the next part with excitement and enthusiasm. Best wishes to you both. May all your dreams come true. As well as much much more. You are certainly very special people.Valentine
wa mum of 4
I understand your worry, if your donor has approched this like I did they have done it because they wanted too.
I remember Diana during our journey, she was more stressed than I was-poor soul:D
The uncomfortablness you go thru is nothing compared to seeing your recip finally having some sort of real hope in forfilling their family.
For me it was all worth every minute and I would do it again for Diana..although I dont think her nerves could stand it...:laughing:
Talk with your donor I am sure she is having similar feelings.
:hugs: and congrats.
It is a big ask.. I know I didn't relax until I knew Rox was ok when we were having EPU ..wanted to get back to make sure that she was as soon as i thought she might be out of theatre. I only left (I would have stayed and paced the halls :laughing: ) because I was looking after her 2 children and wanted make sure they were settled at the apartment we were staying at before i left them with DH..
When Rox and I came back after she was recovered ..we found miss 3.5 with gloves, goggles and an apron on washing the clean dishes:laughing: under Dh's supervision..
I probably drove Rox a bit mad making sure she was ok for the next few days and in the few weeks before epu too..lol but its a recipient's job to worry and to be there to help wherever she can so that the whole thing is as easy and hassle free for your donor as possible..
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