Just wanted to say Hi and share my story..

[missyjay]

Hello i'm new to this forum. I only just found it. I've been using one in the USA. especially for twins.

I lost one of my twins and 9 days my story is in the link below. Not a day goes by still that I don't cry for Noah. My heart still aches and guess It always will, I take that as a meaning I love him so much so I guess my heart will hurt forever.

I can't wait to get to know you all

god bless
Lissa

[brooke]

welcome to bub hub..
I just read your story and am in tears and have the biggest lump in my throat!
What a sad and beautiful story!
He was such a beautiful boy!
I look forward to chatting with you!

[onabreak]

Hi welcome to Bub Hub this is a great forum for you to chat to great people.

I just read your storey on Noah. It was the most beautiful thing to read, I have tears running down my face while I was reading it. I do not understand the pain you are going through, but we are all here for you on this forum if you need to chat to someone or vent a little.

Please take care and feel free anytime to chat to anyone on here.

Amanda

[JATS]

I'm so sorry you and your family had to go through that, what an awful experience :(

I'm glad you had a chance to hold him and say your goodbye's, I never did that when I lost my daughter, I just couldn't handle it.

Alot of us here have an angel, in a few cases several angels, who watch over us, and I'm sure they look out for each other too. It's sad but comforting to know that neither us or our angels are alone.

Too many people know the heartbreak that goes with loosing a child. OMG now I'm crying too.

{{{HUGS}}}

Amy

[Peaceangels]

Welcome to Bubhub Lissa.

What a special and beautiful baby little Noah was, your story is so heartwrenching, I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel. I don't even know you, yet I have sat here and cried for you and your family.

I know it must have been hard to write that story, but what a wonderful memory you have of those precious few days with your baby. Nobody can take memories away, they are yours to cherish forever.

We are here for support should you need us.

Ness
xx

[jembelina]

There is no way I can ever begin to imagine what you and your family went through or how you must feel every minute of every day. I read your beautiful story with tears streaming down my face. What gorgeous babies and what a loving and supportive family. All my love to you all.

[Bewitched]

Hi Lissa,

Im so sorry for the loss of little Noah. In 1997 i lost identical twin girls at eight months pregnant due to 'twin to twin transfusion syndrome' ; to this day i can't bear to look at twins. I choke up every time i see a tandem stroller or twin dollies in stores. I feel for you so much, i hope your little girl brings so much joy to your life over the coming years and may she fill your heart with bursting love :)

[bekkyboo]

There are no words that any of us could say to convey how deeply sorry we are for you. I just read your story with tears streaming down my face, and all i could think of was my little baby Garrett growing in me, and how i would feel if that happened - i cant even begin to imagine.

My heart goes out to you ...

Bekky

[Mummabear]

Lissa,

I can't even put into words what I want to say to you. Words just don't seem enough. My thoughts are with you. Thank you for sharing with us.

I look forward to getting to know you.

Larissa

[MilkOnTap]

Lissa,

Firstly, let me wipe these tears away from my eyes...

You are so brave to post your story about your son who is now playing with my two angels in heaven... It is so touching that your daughter Amelia will always have him looking over her and protecting her.

Thank you for sharing with us - my heart truly goes out to you...

[Leonic]

Thank you so much for allowing everyone to share your story! It was truly beautiful to read. That must of been so hard for you to write, but very courageous at the same time!

[My3kids]

I'm deply sorry for you and your family loss. I don't know what to say after I read about noah, He's very beautiful and i glad you finally got a hold of your little man.

My deepest thoughts

[Melissa1983]

Hi
Firstly welcome to Bubhub and thank you for sharing your story.

I don't know what to say. i had tears in my eyes reading your story about Noah. It must have been so hard. A friend of the family went through the similar thing, and it was so hard to cope. My thoughts are with you and your family

[Cheekychops]

How touching your story was. You were so honest and open, thankyou for letting us in like that. I could barely read through my tear filled eyes. Your little boy was absolutely gorgeous!!! Welcome to Bubhuh, and I look forward to chatting with you more. Your little girl is a gem too!!!! My thoughts are with you!

[poshBecks]

All I want to do is hug you!!!! I'm so sorry for your loss, but there is comfort in knowing that your precious little boy is in a much better place. He is being looked after by our Father & we know he is at peace.

Your story was so touching, I hope we all can be a support for you here.

[Baby Girl]

Thank you for sharing Noah's story. I can't stop crying, you are such a brave woman to be able to write it.

[ozzysmum]

my heart goes out to you and yours. i have just walked out of ozzy's room after waking him (just a little) to give him a special 'i love you' hug. we mothers are so blessed with our babies and must remember how lucky we are. i am an aunt to an angel baby who was with us only a week; there is no worse thing on this planet than losing a child.
bless your little girl, may she grow strong and even more beautiful with her twin watching over her and protecting her
hugs to you and yours

[Heids]

I just can't stop the tears................ hugs to you............. hugs to you and your family............ hugs hugs hugs

[Tan-mumof3]

hi lissa,
Im so sorry for the loss of your special little boy, i can't even begin to imagine the pain you and your family went through, my heart goes out to you. :(

[LoopyLyndaLou]

Hi Lissa,

I am crying so much reading your story, Noah was such a little fighter but everything seemed stacked against him. It is not fair that this has happened and everyday you must look at Amelia and be so proud of her but at the same time see the space where Noah should have been, reaching the same goals and giving the same love as she is.

I know when Thomas died I found it incredibly hard to see other babies the same age, I still do even 3 years on, I can only imagine how hard it is to live with one the exact same age and one that you love so much too, it must be a constant conflict of emotions.

I notice from your story that you were in hospital in Hobart, we are currently in the process from relocating from the UK to Sandy Bay. I used to run a support group here for parents who have suffered a late miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death. (in fact still do but the next meeting will be my last :() If you ever want to talk about Noah then perhaps we could arrange to get together and perhaps share some tears, I am already anxious about moving away from my comfort zone where everyone knows what we have been through and I don't have to explain my down days. We arrive in Hobart on the 16th Feb,

Angel kisses to little Noah

Lynda xx

[Merlion]

There is no words I can say which will help you. But just remember is there watching over you and your husband and amelia and will be always in your hearts everyday. Your story has made me cry and feel for you.

[mumoftwoboys2005]

I read Noahs Story on Sunday/Monday night. I remember signing the guest book through tears. My DH came out to find out what the noise was because I was crying so much. My heart goes out to you and your family every time I see your name. Welcome to BubHub. I have only been here a short while but the ladies are the most welcoming, lovely people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. :)

{{{{Hugs}}}} to you and your family.

[SAVINA]

i cant imagine what you have all been through!

thankyou for letting me read a little part of your life i pray that you have happy days all though they may be hard!

i look forward in getting to know you and your family!

[TTannyaa]

Hi Lissa,

I just wanted to say hi and to thank you for sharing your story with all of us, I haven't cried so hard in such a long time. Your babies are beautiful. I send a great big hug to you and your family.

[shereejoy]

Thank you for sharing your story, big hugs and kisses to you and your cherub in heaven.

[chelsea in heaven]

HI guys i first just wana say i am SOOO glad i found this cause i have been looking everywhere!!!

My name is Danielle and i also lost a twin. I found out at 7 wks i was preggers with twins (big surprise as it was natural conception) and i had a perfect pregnancy with my biggest gripe being heartburn. I was told i was a very lucky mum to be of twins with such an easy pregnancy. Both girls were healthy and the dr's were very surprised at their weight. They both nearly weighed what a singleton would have at my 32 week scan.
I was booked in on the 14th Sept 2005 to have a c-section. I went for my weekly appt and the dr couldn't find the first babies heartbeat. He went and got and OB who took me for an ultrasound but by this time i already knew in my heart the truth and i was screaming while he tried to do the ultrasound that confirmed my worst nightmare.
The hardest bit was being by myself, i had rang my hubby but he was still on his way from work. The hardest thing i heard that day was the OB saying "i'm sorry"

But in a way i knew i still had to keep together for the other baby which they quickly took me and put me on a monitor to see if she was ok.
(we weren't 100% sure of thier sex as each ultrasound we had they were all only bout 50% guessing)

The worst bit was they put me in delivery suite at 10.30am and i had the girls at 6.28 (Chelsea Lee Born Sleeping 4lb) and 6.34 (Bree Emily 6lb 8") and so i sat waiting to meet my girls knowing what i was going to have to face for 6 hrs.

My poor little angel come out with the cord wrapped that tightly around her neck they had to cut it off her. She was really red and her lips were black. I feel so guilty now but i couldn't look at her till a couple of hours later. The midwife bought her over to me whilst they were getting bree out and i nearly fainted from what she looked like and told her to take her away. I feel SO STUPID now shes my daughter for god sake but i just didn't know what to expect. I kept asking hubby if the 2nd baby was out and i was praying for her to cry!!

I pretty much went straight back to my room after they cleaned me up, i annoyed them that much in recovery till they let me i wanted to see Bree. It was such a hard day i was devastated bout Chelsea and so happy bout Bree, it wsa hard.

Bree is a perfect baby (she's nearly 7 mths) and has been from day 1. Not a day goes by i don't look at her and wonder what Chelsea would be like now or what shes doing. I have just been diagnised with severe depression and dr's told me iwas on the verge of a nervous breakdown. But up until now i thought i was handling it ok. I guess it just got the better of me.
Somedays i just feel like screaming and saying "give her back to me". But i am greatful i still have Zahnee 3 and bree and i know i am lucky in that respect as some people leave the hospital with no baby and i still have one to hold and one to mentally hold.


There is so much more but i will leave it their, thankyou to take the time to read my story, its good to share with other people. My friends just say "why don't u go see a counsellor" i just want someone who has been through this aswell to listen as they understand the inexplicable feelings and thoughts u go through.
I look forward to meeting you all Thankyou again

Danielle

[MumsieMel]

LISSA
visited Noah's page, i cried so much :crying:
:hugs:

DANIELLE
oh darling, thank you for sharing

God bless your angels.

[missyjay]

Thank you ladies for all your lovely replies to Noah site......We just had his second anniversary and it was very bitter/sweet......I'm so grateful for my beautiful girl but I miss my little man so much. If only things turned out different. I just wish I could have 1 day were my heart doesn't ache......But I love him so much so I guess it will ache forever.

I do read all your replies but find it hard to know what to say. I do feel so much for all you ladies that know exactly how i'm feeling. I wish we didn't have to know how this feels.

Take care all
thoughts and prayers are with you all
Melissa

[Hokey Pokey]

Just read Noahs website and I'm so sorry you lost him:crying:
He was very beautiful just like his sister.
Big hugs to you and your family.
Where in Tassie are you? I'm a Tas mum too :)

[missyjay]

Hello Kristy

Thanks for you reply Kristy. I live in West Moonah. Where are you?? :smiliedance:

[Irish Dad]

Hi Missy Jay, I just read your story and wanted to say that it brought tears to my eyes :( My two boys were both very ill and in special car for two a few weeks when they were born so I know how scary it is to see tubes coming out of your babies and wondering if they will make it. My second son was also on a ventilator afer being born with meconium asperation syndrome. Thanks to someone they are both still here now...... :hugs: :hugs: A very touching story

[Hokey Pokey]

Hello Lissa
I grew up in West Moonah!

We are now down in huntingfield, come and join the Tassie mums thread!! :)

[NZMama]

Miss Jay, Im sooo very sorry for your loss. Im sitting here with eyes full of tears. What a beautiful baby boy!
I wish you and your family all the best for the future

[TJ]

You must be a truly stong woman! My heart goes out to you and your family. I cant stop the tears at the moment.

Amelia is a very gorgeous girl!

[2 Cherubs]

Im so sorry to hear about your loss.....Im sure little Noah is in heaven watching over you all....
My tears havent stopped...
For all the mums that have lost a precious bub :hugs:
Kim

[MissSparkle]

I can't put into words how much I feel for u right now. Im bawling my eyes out just trying to imagine to pain and heartache u had to go thru.

Ur a truly amazing person for getting thru this and my heart goes out to u.

[hayleylea]

Like everyone else im sitting here bawling my eyes out, your story is sooo sad and i feel for you and your family. The way you wrote your feelings down is truly amazing and so special. You are an amazing woman and im sure Noah is sitting up there in heaven telling everyone how special his family is and looking out for you guys at every chance he gets! Thank you so much for sharing your story - it has really touched my heart.

[vicsta]

Lissa,
no body should ever have to endure such pain, my heart goes out to you :hugs: my sister lost her first born son when he was only 5 hours old, 32 years ago, things were much different then she never got to see him or hold him they just whisked him away and she was told just go home and have another one this will fix it, a few years ago she got in contact with a group whoe helped her locate where he was buried as they just took him away and had him buried, she went to the cemetary alone (this is what she needed to do) and cried all those years of tears and was able to have a little more closure on the grieving process, your story broke my heart and makes me so thankfull for what I have got, my eldest was born 11 weeks early and her and I nearly never made it, I must not forget to ignore the silly things like not picking up after themselves and thank god each day for having such perfect health beautiful girls. i am sure you beautiful little boy is watching over you.

[missyjay]

Thank you all so much for your beautiful words....You all touch my heart to and you all are amazing because a lot of you have been through a loss or near loss.....


The last few days for me have been really hard, Don't know why they just have i've been extra teary and thinking of my little man so much more, not that I don't think of him everyday I do but even more I can't get some details out of my mind and I wish I could because some are not very nice.....

If only I could have 1 more day with him but I know I couldn't let him go again it would kill me. I truely believe that you can die of a broken heart....

I layed down with Amelia the other day and I cried and cried looking at her. She so beautiful and I rely on her so much and I know I shouldn't but can't help it. She is 2 and 3 months and still sleeps in her cot in our room and I just seem to bring myself to move her into her room. I know when I aventually do that its going to be so hard and hurt so much.

Enough from me. I hope you all well and send hugs and kisses.

Melissa

[3boys1girl]

THANK YOU for sharing your private story with us. My heart goes out to you and your hubby :hugs:
You have a special angel in heaven when it is your turn to see God. You will meet him again one beautiful day, until then enjoy your other children and live life to the fullest!
All the best, we are always here if you need us!:yes:

[Worm'sMum]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful and extremely sad story. I cannot even begin to imagine what you went through and are obviously still going through. No one should have to go through what you have and my heart goes out to you. I don't know how
I would cope with that and I don't want to even imagine it. You are a truly amazing strong women. :hugs: :hugs: I hope you and your family find peace and happiness.

[Mylittleboy]

Thank you for sharing, it must have been very difficult.
:hugs:

Rebecca

[sagbel13]

Through the hardest & saddest times you have naturally managed to be a strong beautiful Woman ... GOD BLESS U & UR FAMILY :hugs: . I love that you have his ashes above his Sister ... it is exactly what I would have done :hugs: . I am so truly sorry for your loss :hugs: . GOD BLESS.

[LeahW]

Thankyou so much for sharing Noah's story with us. I am so very sorry that your precious little man was taken from you so soon, i believe god only takes the best!!

I am sitting here like everyone else who has read your heartbreaking story will a stream of tears running down my cheek.
My heart goes out to you, your Dh and Amelia.

[LoopyLyndaLou]

Hi Melissa,

it is so hard managing each day when part of you is always thinking of your little baby. It is now 3 1/2 years since Thomas died and nit a day goes by when I don't think of him or mention his name. He is such an important part of my life and is missed so very much.

We have gone on to have Toby since Thomas died, he is coming up for 2 and such a cheeky monkey. I look at him oftne and think what Thomas would ahve been like at that age and wonder how they would get on or would Thomas be closer to his older brothers etc.

Having Amelia must be such a blessing but at the same time a constant reminder of what Noah should be doing right now. Mostof us that have had a loss tend to avoid children that would be the same age as our little angel but in cases like your that is impossible. Despite being hard I am sure Amelia has given you the strength to carry on.

I live in Hobart now ahivng moved from England in February, if you ever want to meet up and have a chat about Noah and how yu are feeling I am happy to do so. Just send me a pm.

TAke care Melissa and angel hugs to Noah.

Lynda xx

[Leah82]

Thank you so much for sharing.

My heart totally goes out to you.

Losing a child is the hardest thing in the world and nothing that any of us should ever have to experience.

I too lost my son (SIDS at 4 weeks) and if you ever ever need someone to chat to - I am here. Often it is a comfort to speak to someone who has gone through the same kind of thing.

He is such a beautiful little man and I know that he is with you every day.

I hope things get easier for you and his memory stays so strong which I have no doubt it will.

Thankyou for sharing your story with us.

Leah:hugs:

[SilverStarfish]

oh my goodness... I don't know what to say... :crying:

[mumtok&z]

I just read your story and am sitting here crying and i have a lump in my throat. I can not imagine even half of what you went through. My heart goes out to you and your family.

[shellymumof2]

Hello and thankyou for sharing your story. My heart is with you and I am so sorry for your loss.
I too lost a child and even though she is no longer with us she is still such a huge part of our everyday lives. Every thought and every emotion stems from the loss of our beautiful little girl.
My daughter was born with an undetected congenital heart disease and went to heaven when she was 3 months. I lost my daughter 7 years ago next november and she is still in my mind every day. I still remember the night she went like it was yesterday and it is like I am being forced to watch a bad movie over and over as I still replay that night in my head often.
I am so lucky and very thankful to now have 2 gorgeous boys but will allways have the gap inside that my daughter owns.
I am also glad to talk whenever you feel like chatting.:hugs:
Take care Michelle :kiss:

[bubbles28]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story with us. I too have a lump in my throat and tears rolling down my face.
I'm sure your darling angel is watch ing over you and your family.
Take care:hugs:

[missyjay]

Its been 2 1/2 years sense we lost Noah and I'm still not coping that well....I feel like I get on top of it all and then it all hits me again like it was yesterday.....One thing I can't cope with is the fact i'm never going to see him in life again. he's gone and there nothing I can do....If only i could touch him and feel him again...I'd give my life for that only one more time. OMG I'm never going to see him again it hurts so much....I love him so much its hurts my heart aches.

I live in fear now. I'm so so scared somthing is going to happen to one of my other children they are the only thing that keep me going. I'm never one of these ppl that say thats will never happen cause it did and it does I never thought we would lose a child and I never thought my house would burn down and I never thought my daughter would be born with her problems so I never say never.

I've seen a councellor and doctors...and they haven't achieved much. I'm just so sad and my heart aches and no doctor can fix that.

thanks for listening

Mel

[Missus S]

Oh Mel :hugs:

I just read your story and like all the others here I'm now a blubbering mess.

Of course you are going to be sad, of course you are going to always think of him and want to hold him..................we all would. It must be so hard, however Noah knows that you are a Mum to 3 other beautiful children who will bring you so much happiness over the years.

Noah will always be a part of your family, you have made him that. How beautiful of you to put his story into words.

[LoopyLyndaLou]

Hi Mel,

it will be four years this October that we lost Thomas, there are times when I just get tired with living with the grief, tired of always having to pick myself up and brush myself off. At the same time I feel relieved that this far down the line Thomas is still very much part of my life and is not forgotten at all, as that was something I was scared would happen.

I think I have mentioned before I run an online support group for later losses, it may be beneficial for you to visit it as having a variety of places to go for support can help.

We have an American lady on their who also had very preemie twins, Nathan and Noah, they were due in the October 2004 but were bornat 24 weeks I think it was, so it is almost 2 1/2 years ago - a similar tme frame to you. Also like you she lost one twin and has had one surviving twin who has had his share of problems but is doing great. Like you her little angel is also called Noah.

I am sure she would love to be in contact with you as it is hard to find someone who really understands all the aspects of losing your child after a battle in neo natal and then coping with a surviving twin who also has those problems associated with a very premature delivery. Let me know if you are interested and I will give you some details.

Like you I never say something won't happen, I always presume the worst and am terrified for my living children constantly to the point where I can see something happen to thme and go through the whole funeral and mourning process in my head. I have to work really hard not to let it take over my life and stop them from experiencing their life.

It is no fun being in this 'dead baby club' as many of us call it, the only goood thing is that we can be here for eachother and understand how mmuch we all hurt.

Take care

Lynda xx

ps if I remember rightly you live in Hobart, so do I, perhaps we could meet together one day for coffee. i also have a two year old so they could fight over toys together! I also have an 8 year old boy and a five year old boy.

[subaruforestermum]

Welcome to bub hub....

All I can say, is I'm so sorry for your loss........and after reading that story I am in tears, and cant stop thinking about your family, and poor little Noah.....

:hugs:

[perthmummie]

I was so sorry and upset to read Angel Noah's story. You are a very brave woman
and a great mummie to your other children Im sure of it!

Reading your story, makes me feel so awful, here I am so depressed because one of my sons can't hear me, its so selfish really, because what you have endured only you can understand and its something no mother or father should ever have to go through
Sometimes I can't understand why someone up would there would give you such a precious life to take care of and then take it away just as fast?

Noah is now a special little Angel playing up in God's garden with all the other angel babies and im certain he is looking after his brother and sisters!
your doing a great job mum:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Keep strong, Stay safe!
xxx Angela

[Littletreasures]

i read your story and it brought tears to my eyes, i cant even begin to imagine what you must be going through at the moment but i admire your courage and your strength, noah was a beautiful little boy who will be missed dearly and if you ever need any support then we are all here for you..:hugs::hugs: to you and your family

[missyjay]

Hi all...Wow can you believe its been about a year since i posted on here...So i thought I'd pop in and say hello. It's been 3 1/2 years since Noah passed and I still think and miss him everyday.....I have managed to pick myself up a little. I piled 40kg on after losing Noah and in the last 6 months I've managed to get 35kg of it back off. I've been working hard at it. I finally clicked that I was killing myself with food and that I had to stop and look after myself and my other 3 children. So I guess I have better in coping with my grief because at one stage I just wanted to die and be with Noah.

I have a new and improved site for Noah its. He's on an Australian site now called Hearts of Hope. I can have heaps more photo's , music and more details of his story as I was very restricted on the other site. I love his new site. I've placed it below.


http://families.hearts-of-hope.org/noah.b/

Have a great day everyone
Hugs
Melissa

[shereejoy]

Oh Melissa, I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Noah. I just read your story and I am still crying. What a beautiful site you have done for him. May he look over you and be proud of such a wonderful mummy he has. Gosh I can't stop crying. Glad you lost your weight and feel good about yourself, what a hard slog you have been thru, puts my life into prespective.

[*babygirl*]

:hugs: :crying: . you are a brave woman. my heart breaks for you.:hugs: :crying:

[Christelle]

I am so, so sorry for your loss...

I'm probably only one in few people on this site that knows how you are feeling.

I too lost a baby. Aliyah, but she lived for 6 months. A long story you can read on www.aliyah.com.au (http://www.aliyah.com.au) (if you feel up to it). to cut a long story short she needed a bone marrow transplant and spent all but 2 weeks of her life in hospital. In the end her heart stopped and it took them 45mins to revive her which also caused very bad brain damage and the machines were turned off.

Please feel free to PM or email me cdardagos@hotmail.com anytime if you want to chat. :hugs:

[shereejoy]

Hi Christelle, I didn't even have to read your story just the pics of your georgous girl was enuf to make my heart melt. I am so sorry for your loss, what a terribly hard thing to go through, my heart breaks for you guys. How is baby Lachlan is he well? I bet you cherish every moment. Big hugs and kisses to your family.

[Clareabell]

My heart breaks for your families so much. I have not cried like this since I M/C in April 2006 and I really thought that was bad enough - what you and your families went through was terrible.

Noah and Aliyah were just adorable. May they rest in peace forever.

Thinking of you always and big hugs to you all.

[Gumby]

What a beautiful and sad story. I hope you find some wonderful ladies here. I know I have.