You're not exciting me! You don't seem interested!!

[EmsMum72]

I think it's official, my sex life has become boring :eek: . It has turned into a 'chore', something to be done in the hopes of becoming pregnant, which is exactly what I didn't want it to turn in to :crying: . DH just came and said goodnight to me, he' working out in his shed, and I said 'we have to BD in the morning' (cause I think it's around ovulation time :confused: ), and he said 'I am losing interest because you're just saying we need to do it now, and then laying there with your legs open' :o . I told him that it's hard because he rarely comes to bed when I do (he's a night owl), and then wants it in the morning when we both have yucky morning breath and I don't feel like it. I think being overweight is doing little for my self-confidence. I feel fat, frumpy and unattractive, and I haven't been getting in to it at all lately. He's right, maybe I'm driving him away?? Do you think it's time that I just let go of the TTC reins so tightly? How does one do that? I really want to let go, but I'm scared that if I do we will lose our chance and never get pregnant again. Tell me how I let go of something I want so desperately.

[Little_Toad]

Go put on something slinky and attack your Dh in the shed. :)

Have a non TTC oinky boinky just fior his sake ... and cause you love him and find him the sexiest man in the world.

Dont worry about how you look weight wise., just act confident. Nothing sexier than confidence.

[Bron]

I understand, I really do. DS was conceived after 2 miscarriages and I worried that I was becoming obsessed. I eventually stopped checking when I ovulated and stopped telling DH about it and we just made love a lot! It took the pressure off. Easier said than done though. Maybe you need a night when you just forget about conceiving. Open a bottle of red wine, turn the tv off and don't go near the computer. Spend the evening talking to each other and remembering why you fell in love in the first place.

Good luck.

[OJandMe]

Or start it off yourself in the middle of the night...

no guy can resist someone taking charge and waking them with 'that' ;)

don't worry so much about the TTC.... do it, but realise that no matter how many times you do it, how you time it in the end it's really up the The Big Guy when you fall preggers....

when the time is right, it will happen... :hugs:

[EmsMum72]

The funny thing is, I know it will happen when I'm not trying (that's how DD was conceived) but I'm scared to let go! That SO doesn't make sense, I know, but I just want this so badly.

[Ange&Seth]

Nothing sexier than confidence.

This is SO true. I'm actually a bit heavier now than I was this time last year, and last year I had no interest in sex or any confidence either.

Maybe don't let go of the reins, but stop telling him you have to have sex, like as if it's an appointment KWIM?

Just know yourself when you're ovulating and do the sexy slinky number and pounce on him. Do it for the enjoyment as well as the possible conception :thumbsup:

:hugs: Good luck.

[mysonroger]

AWwwwwww....my DH reckons i'm pretty lazy in bed...tee hee hee.

loosening up the TTC reins sounds like a good idea. that's what i'm trying to do. I've hardly taken my temps this month, but i did use an OPK but not all the time, so i'm not even sure if i did O, if i did, i think i missed it.

in the past, i found myself taking my temps every morning then studying the graphs in every detail, upside down, back to front...looking for a sign. i did this every morning . and i would be warning DH about his BD duties in advance. but now i don't want to be like that. so i;m going to ease off for awhile.

how do you work out that you're O-ing??. maybe you need to have a couple of months where you don't worry so much about the O-ing and get some loving going again. i'm sure , if you could manage it, it would be such a relief to both of you to not have that constant pressure hanging over your head, even if its just for a little while....

[rowiechb]

Nothing sexier than confidence.

I agree...Do not worry about TTC, do not mark on your calender, tonight we did it, tomorrow we won't, then it is no fun...

Put DD to bed, slip into bed NAKED:eek: and take charge...it works everytime, NO MAN can resist a women in control:thumbsup:

You are a beautiful women, whatever size you are, just love yourself for who you are, just like you DP does...

[Brasha]

EmsMum.. i totally understand how you feel. Although our Men are different, its the ame with us.. its all a chore and not fun...
So we made the or should i say I made the decision recently.. to let it go.. just let it flow.. still do it as often as we can over the O time.. but not obsess and if its meant to happen it will... although i am aprehensive about it, as DH will still need some prodding around that time.. i am going to try hard not to let it destroy us.. we have fond it tough also since our m/c i do understand totally.. try and chill a bit,, really take a look at what you have not what we dont.. i had to do that in the last week.. i am not prepared to lose what i have over something i have no or little control over. .. dont get me wrong.. i want a baby more now than i ever did.. i just want my family intact the way it is more. i am not risking destroying it.

Chill... it will al be fine,, the minute we stop obsessing and get happy with ouselves.. the minute it will happen.. try and focus on you.. healthy and happy.. the rest will as they say just happen.. i know it..

:hugs: for you... i truly do understand.

[EmsMum72]

how do you work out that you're O-ing??. maybe you need to have a couple of months where you don't worry so much about the O-ing and get some loving going again. i'm sure , if you could manage it, it would be such a relief to both of you to not have that constant pressure hanging over your head, even if its just for a little while....

That's 1/2 my problem. I'm having 41 day cycles ATM (have done since m/c in March), so this is the first month where I've figured out that if I am going to O it will probably be between day 21 to 27, whereas the last 2 months we were BDing between day 14 to 20 (but that would have been too early). I think DH thinks that I'm not really interested in him apart from during the appropriate days. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, what's a few months 'ey? I have appt with FS at the end of the month, will see what he has to say for himself, and then might just TRY not to look at the calendar and won't temp or any of that. I just figured out tonight, that I am miserable, and I think it really might be time for me to sit back and take a breatha.

[mysonroger]

TTC consumes people. you just have to read some of the bubhub threads to realise this. imagine if you could harness that same amount of energy that you put into trying to work out your O days into something else - imagine how much you'd get done.

i found it was affecting my time with my kids in the morning...DD would want to talk to me and i would be just sitting there staring at the computer, trying to work out my charts. i was ignoring her. that's when i realised it was time to pack it away.

[EmsMum72]

I think it's taken this little mini break down for me to realise that I am really becoming consumed by all of this. I don't think I really knew how tightly I was hanging on, and it's also taken my DH saying what he said for me to understand where he's coming from. I want another baby so much, but I'm pushing him away at the same time. I know how grateful I am to have DD, so instead of sitting here on the computer (like you were myson) hoping to get answers that will MAKE me get pregnant again, I should take DD for a long walk, get out of the house, get some fresh air (even tho it's bludy freezing in Melb ATM), and maybe concentrate on losing weight. That's what happened when DD was conceived, I had lost 12kgs and pretty much forgotten about TTC. Thank you all for your quick replies, and for being so supportive. I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out like a little baby (as my DD would say), but I think it's been something I've needed to do - a wake up call maybe!

[Little_Toad]

EmsMum,

With your possible ovulation days, if your cycles are 41 days, MOST women have a luteal phase of 14 days, that is pretty standard, although it can vary from about 11 - 18 (rarely,

If your luteal phase is shorter than normal you may be missing ovulation.

Try doing the horizontal limbo from days 24 - 29.

Also you mentioned that you felt a little overweight (i dont have a clue what your physique is like)
Perhaps instead of BD on some evening, go for a nice long walk with your DH, great for getting healthy and stimulating ovulation too.
Also nice to spend time with DH and chat about stuff.

[EmsMum72]

EmsMum,

With your possible ovulation days, if your cycles are 41 days, MOST women have a luteal phase of 14 days, that is pretty standard, although it can vary from about 11 - 18 (rarely,

If your luteal phase is shorter than normal you may be missing ovulation.

Try doing the horizontal limbo from days 24 - 29.

Also you mentioned that you felt a little overweight (i dont have a clue what your physique is like)
Perhaps instead of BD on some evening, go for a nice long walk with your DH, great for getting healthy and stimulating ovulation too.
Also nice to spend time with DH and chat about stuff.

Thanks Little_Toad :D great advice. I'll keep that in mind for the 'horizontal limbo' :laughing: . Unfortunately DH works long hours and often doesn't get home until 7pm, which is when I'm bathing DD and getting her ready for bed, so walkies with him on a week night is out of the question, but walkies with DD is an option (and we used to do that nearly every day before it got cold), but thank you anyway!

[Brasha]

Ems Mum :hugs: for you..

Sounds like you are in exactly the same place i was last Monday night.

I really did have that mini breakdown. fought and yelled and cried with DH.. and then calm came over me.. and i just got it.

i told him, as much as i want the baby and i am still grieving over the loss of my angels, i am not prepared to lose him. He was shocked. He was blewn away actually.. because, he really started to beleive it was all for me. My obsession was all about me. He likes hearing that i was not prepared to bring a baby into the world, if it meant we may not be together to raise it. If ttc took its toll and we couldnt mend what was broke.. i am having this baby.. oh ok.. wanting this baby for US. To share a baby with him, he has none, i want to see him a father. I want to share it all.. but i dont without him. hope that makes sense.. This put the whole thing back in prespective. Dont get me wrong, i know when i get AF next weekend i will be shattered.. but i am going to try and not let it floor me to the degree it has in the past. :fingerscrossed: for me i dont have to worry... but if i do.. then its relax for a little bit.. our relationship needs it... and my kids need it.

EmsMum...........you will be fine.. i agree sometimes coming here keeps it in the front of your mind.. try and limit yourself.. and enjoy your little Em. I have faith for you.. and in you

[EmsMum72]

:hugs: :hugs: Thanks Brasha :hugs: :hugs:

[EmsMum72]

Feeling a little better today, didn't check my temp :eek: this morning. Hopefully 1 day won't ruin my chart! Going out for the day, so have a great day everyone :wave:

[plumptobump]

I could have written this myself! I actually sat down with dh at the beginning of this cycle and said, "Look. We've been going at this for 10 months now. Its time to pull out all the stops. I need you to not complain, to do whatever it takes to get me pregnant! That means when I say we need to bd, we bd!" It was quite funny because although he agreed to this, he STILL complained about how I was jumping him everyday. The whole taking charge thing didnt do it for him. But, we got through it! One thing dh says though is that he doesnt want/need to know about all the details...doesnt want to know about the opk results or my temps (altho now hes asking me my temp every morning now that Im 7dpo). I find that if I dont really involve him with the boring stuff and just try and make sex enjoyable regardless of why we're doing it, it works out ok. He was just complaining because he had such a huge week and the last thing he wanted to do was have sex when he got home. Anyway, taking a break might be good for you both....or even just stepping back a little. Try something new, wear something new, do it somewhere new. Thats all I can really offer, since Im there with ya!! :)