Wedding Guests paying for their meal/drinks

[BoyzMummy]

My cousin is getting married at the end of the year and is thinking of asking her guests to pay for their dinner and drinks at their reception in lu of a gift. They already have a house and children so there isn't much that they need, hence the reason for asking her guests to do this. I don't think there is a problem with it but what does everyone else think? And how do you politely ask people to do this?

Thanks heaps in advance:hugs:

[Harlequin]

I think it's fine if it's instead of a gift.

Just word it politely on the invites... I wouldn't have an issue unless the food & drinks were really expensive.

How much will each guest have to pay?
And what if someone can't afford it?

[mumchristy23]

I dont see a problem with it, im sure everyone will understand.

However, To be asking for Meals and drinks I wouldnt go over $35 - $40 per adult for their meals otherwise it would get too costly for couples/families.
One issue she may come across is chasing people up for money, receptions usually want the money paid in advance. So could be an idea to have her bank details and the due by date some where so she doesnt have to contact everyone and possibly end up forking out the money herself.

Also, would be an idea to get the invitations out asap that way everyone has a chance to save, if need be.

As for the wording, something like:

Please no gift, but please buy own meal and drinks at $x per adult, $x per child and drinks at bar prices

[MummyCharmzy]

I think thats fine though personally I'd still buy a gift anyway. I would pay up to $100 a head for it, no more than that though.

[punkbaby]

i think its fine too as long as its reasonably priced we went to a wedding where they had a bar there we paid for our meals (was $25 a head smorgasbord style) we got free champagnem beer and soft drinks but any spirits we had to pay for, i thought that was fair

[our little treasures]

It's fine. I haven't been to a restaurant where the meals have been under $25 for just the main for years! I think $100 a head for drinks and food is a normal amount. Most wedding gifts are about $100 anyway.

[oleander]

I'd go and be happy to pay for my meal and drinks. I'd buy a gift too.

[Bubble*Crazy]

I can't see a problem with it at all. I'd probably still buy a gift (as I love giving them :D).

There's heaps of poems/verses on the net she could use (similar to the wishing well ones). I've PM'd a link to you that may help.

[Chub Chub]

I would be so much happier to do that than search stores for a meaningful present and then pay nearly as much on the paper and card:thumbsdown:

[Rachael]

Would depend on the price. I would be happy to do it for $50pp or below.


I would not have done that at my wedding as it cost $80pp, luckily my parents paid for my wedding though.

[PunkyDiva]

Gonna go against general consensus.:D
I think it's rude and would rather a wishing well.
If you can't afford it yourself then IMO you should wait or choose a simpler celebration, because it is just that Your celebration.
Need to consider that some people may have travel and or accomodation costs already too.

[BoyzMummy]

Gonna go against general consensus.:D
I think it's rude and would rather a wishing well.
If you can't afford it yourself then IMO you should wait or choose a simpler celebration, because it is just that Your celebration.
Need to consider that some people may have travel and or accomodation costs already too.

I forgot about the whole travel aspect! They are getting married at the family church at Tamrookum, QLD which is about 1.5hrs away from brisbane and about 45min-1hr away from Beaudesert. As we have alot of family from the north coast they would most likely have to stay overnight in the area.

I shall pass all suggestions on to my cousin. Thanks:hugs:

[Manxie]

Hi

I think when you start asking people upfront to pay for a wedding someone is always bound to take offence. Personally I wouldnt risk it. As a lot of people have responded that they would still buy a present people will end up paying twice. There choice I know.

Another option which a friend of my did was to have the church service, everyone welcome to come and see her get married. Then immediate family only to an after church lunch the rest of us all went to the pub, payed for our lunches and had a ball. Evening reception with just a buffet and first drink on the house.

[SilverStarfish]

I'm going to wedding later this year where the bride and groom are asking for money for the reception in lieu of presents... their's was $65 a head though, which I think is probably a little too $$$ (ie, it was $130 for both me and DH, lucky we didn't have to pay for DD!)

I think its a good idea - so long as it's politely worded on the invite and you keep the costs down to the "average" sort of cost for a present per family. About $30-$40 a head I think.

Alternatively you could simply have a wishing well - and letting people know that as you have all the things you need, the money will go towards the reception. This takes away the awkwardness of asking for a certain amount - and I think you'll find that most people will give about the cost of the meal anyway.

[poshBecks]

Generally I feel its ok. We did this for my Mum's 50th.

On the invite we said,

We ask that instead of buying a gift you pay for your own meals. ( We enclosed a copy of the menu so people knew what to expect)

However, I think it would need to be under $50 per head. And as someone mentioned some might need to travel & stay the night. Which is where it gets tricky.
Why not be selective. Ask people who are close by to pay for their own meals & people who have to travel etc, you pay. :confused: But then thats even trickier :rolleyes:

Good luck.... LOL

[*Chels*]

Gonna go against general consensus.:D
I think it's rude and would rather a wishing well.
If you can't afford it yourself then IMO you should wait or choose a simpler celebration, because it is just that Your celebration.
Need to consider that some people may have travel and or accomodation costs already too.

So true!Ours was $135 per head and no way would I ask people to pay for that!:no: We had a wishing well.
We had alot of guests from NZ,but they stayed with us for free.They still gave us money in the well.

[bekkyboo]

Our guests paid for their meals and drinks.

We had a really small wedding, about 20 guests. We went to the morrison hotel, so meals and drinks per person were prob less than $50/h.

We did this because it was a shotgun wedding to get in before bubba came out. So we had no time to save or really prepare (engaged and the married in just over 1 month)... so we couldnt afford to pay for everyone. None of our guests minded, they all understood our situation.

Having said that, not everyone did pay, and we ending footing the bill for some of it...

[becus]

yeh i dunno its one of those things isnt it?!

we had our wedding on a boat so we didnt pay per head we paid a certain amount and were allowed a certain number of people (it was 60-65) which suited us becuase we didnt know that many ppl. :laughing:

we went to a wedding recently where a week before the wedding they sent everyone an email telling us to give money rather than a present! a week was way too late notice for us, they wanted it for their honeymoon and gave bank details etc. Far out man, they went to Fiji - we cant even afford a weekend away down the coast! My DH was one of the groomsman and he wasn't happy about having to give money for their present - as well as having to pay $130 (per person) for their bucks night so they could get strippers...what the? :no: :no:

[kikis3]

We had our guests pay for their own meals - from memory it was under $30 at our local bowls club. We paid the bar tab. To my knowledge no one had a problem with paying for their own and if they did I would have prefered that they didn't come. We had rellies from Tasmania staying. I think if you want your guests to pay for it you have to try and keep the costs down. At the end of the day it is their wedding day and if having guests pay for their own meals and drinks is what they want then so be it.