Return to work not what you thought it would be?

[soph'smum]

I returned to my career three months ago - five months after having our second bub.

We have two beautiful girls under two and I'm really fortunate that my hubby took parental leave from his job so I could return work.

I'm in a great job - earning 6 figures, BUT i'm just not happy. I don't think it's the workplace - i think it has more to do with the fact that I'm just not so career motivated anymore....I'd almost rather live on one income (hubby earns about half what I do) and be home with my girls.

Last year we moved back to Brisbane from a small rural community in Victoria and lately I can't help but think we should go back where life is more relaxed and the kids have great surroundings to grow up in.

Then on the other hand I think it might be beneficial to stick with the job and be more financially stable so we can afford to give the kids the things they need and want.

Anyone else been in the same boat?

[naybee]

Hey,

I sympathise. I went back to work when DD was about 6 months. This was for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was financial.

It was really hard at first and did take me probably about 6 months to get back into it. However, I knew I enjoyed my job and I knew I enjoyed working, so it did get easier.

Also, DH and I both want to be able to provide for our DD all the things our single parents struggled to provide for us. And we wanted to be able to do that without the heartache it caused them at times. We have discussed it many times and for us, the lifestyle that working allows, is worth the pain of working.

However - in your situation, you need to examine your position and decide whether it matches up with your values - personally and as a family. You may be happier with a simple life, if that allows you to spend more time with your kids. Or, you may enjoy the lifestyle and advantages that come with the bigger income.

I am not suggesting one is better than the other - it's entirely up to what suits you and your DH and what you want for your kids.

Good luck and PM me if you want to talk to another working Mumma!

[Hollywood]

No, we're not in the same position because I am home with DS, but I think you should do whatever makes everyone happiest. If you think that money and all the things it can buy will bring that happiness then stay with the job. But if you doubt whether it does, perhaps consider the alternatives. I decided when I was pregnant that I would rather have less money and be home with bub than go back to work. I had an admin job that I wasn't attached to, so that made the decision easier.

[shed]

I made it very clear to DP that I would be at home for at least two years before returning to work.

When DS was about seven months old I changed my mind. I applied for a job and a daycare spot on the same day, when he got home from work I informed him of what was happening.

I got the job and the daycare spot and started work the next week. It was fulltime, really well paid, a good job that I would have been stoked to get back in the old days.

I lasted about a week before I went in to the HR department and convinced them to let me work four days instead of five. I was suffering terribly, missing my baby so much. They let me change my hours to four days, but I ended up quitting after four long torturous weeks.

So I decided that a part time role would be better. Found a little part time role, just up the road, nothing prestigious but three days a week for six hours a day. It started off well, but bubby kept getting sick so I had to keep switching and swapping my days around. I literally could not leave my baby's side when he was sick, he had a fever and runny nose and looked miserable and he had just learnt to say mama after only saying dada for so long. Besides which daycare won't take sick babies and we have no backup.

Long story short, they ended up firing me.

I was SO happy. Even though it was only three days a week, I HATED being away from my baby. I realised that I wasn't ready.

The extra bit of money was all mine, DP asked for none of it, it was great, but in the end I just didn't care, you couldn't pay me enough to be away from my son at the moment. He would do little things and I wouldn't know if he was doing them for the first time or if he had done it at daycare that day. This was me ----> :(

Now I am at home again and very happy and very settled. I know I tried, i had a go and it wasn't what I wanted. I will never get these years back, i don't have to work, we're not rich but we can manage for now, and bubby is doing all these cute new things, clapping hands and standing up, and I KNOW he is just doing it for the first time when I see him doing it. This is me now ----> :D

So that's my story. Dunno if it helps, but I am much happier knowing I gave it a go anyway.

I won't die wondering.

I will go back to work...later.

[mytwolilprinces]

I can relate to how you feel about lack of career motivation. I felt a similar thing after the birth of DS2. After DS1 I was ready to return to work and had my son booked into childcare fulltime. I went back to work for 1 week and hated it, I felt lost, sad, guilty and I started looking at work differently. After a week I asked them if I could work 3 days per week, rather than 5. They said no but offered me a very attractive redundancy package which I took.

After DS2 the same company offered me a job again, I managed to get them down to 3 days a week and put my children in childcare. However, I just didn't enjoy it. My mum was picking up the children from childcare (because I couldn't get home from work early enough) and I just felt so disconnected from them. The preschool would ask things of my mum that she couldn't answer and she would tell me things that they had said and I was upset that I didn't get the chance to discuss it with them.

I also started to get a really bad attitude towards work (and the company) and just felt like I didn't care about my job, what others thought of me, or how I performed - I would sit at my desk and look at the other people in the office taking everything so seriously and think they were all idiots :o I realised that being at work just didn't hold the same attraction for me that it used to!

It's a very personal decision. They say to give it 3 months and if you still feel the same way rethink your position and then decide what you will do. Good luck with it all.

[tachi77]

Yes it’s a very personal decision. I returned to work when my little girl was 8 months. I wanted to come back. I don't know that I want to be where I am (company) but I definately want to be in the workforce. Staying at home was good and all but enventually I started getting depressed. My doc tells me that I need the stimulation (paid work).

I am considering changing jobs, I have been here 5 years and well I think I need a change. I like what I do for a living its just the people that I work for that make things more difficult (less enjoyable) now . But overall I am happy working and being a mom. Its was very hard to balance it all at the start and it still is, but I am getting a routine in place to make things somewhat easier.

[Monster's Mum]

I went back to work after 12 months maternity leave. I went back to the same company but not the same role (my choice). The new role was something that I had always wanted to try and grateful that my employer was flexible enought to give me the opportunity.

I started back 2 days a week and found that it just wasn't working for me (could have been the fact I was missing bub, could have been it was completely a new role so was taking longer to learn things etc), in the end I approached my manager and increased my hours to 3 days a week, and I am finding that this is working much better for me.

I feel comfortable as DD is still only in childcare 2 days a week and DH was able to change his working week from Mon-Fri to Tues-Sat so he could look after DD for 1 day.

While I'm still not that motivated at work (really I am just killing time until I fall pregnant with #2), 3 days enables me to get my teeth stuck into the work that I do have, other collegues are more willing to give me more work and I don't feel it is taking as long to pick up new things (basically i feel like i'm contributing now, whereas at 2 days I just felt I was getting in the way).

Approach your manager/HR department and see if you can change your hours or work from home for some of your days/hours. If they value you as an employee they will help you. And this way you can keep some of the income coming in and perhaps find a better balance for you, your baby and your work and home life.

Good luck, it's not easy at times. :hugs:

[forbetoel]

It is such a hard decision for you. I guess if you could imagine fast forwarding 10 years, after the girls are grown, would you regret it? I have been at home for 8 years raising my kids, for me, even though financially it gets tough, I have found being there everyday for my boys much more rewarding than extra money. I know many people who regret the time not spent with their kids, once they are grown. Whatever your decision, you wont get this time again, with your kids or career, so will have to look deep within yourself, for what will make you happier, as it seems the career may not be doing that anymore, now that you have 2 beautiful girls at home.

[lynn]

just thought i'ld add my story here,

my partner runs his own sub conracting business which i only do the paperwork for. We have 2 kids one who is in prep and a nearly 2 yr old. I decided that i wanted to do something that kept me stimulated other than talking to my 2 yr old all day ( she was already in daycare for 1 day for the stimulation it gives her) so i decided to get into house cleaning 2 days per week, it gives me the flexibility ( i get to choose how many hours i want to do and what days etc) so it works well for us.

And

[lynn]

the pay is good!

[SassyMummy]

I think it comes down to what you want, and then which you want more.

I mean, I find that my brain is slowly dying being a SAHM - having to watch Dora the Explorer and read stupid children's books and other motherly tasks doesn't stimulate me in the least - and for that reason, I sometimes really wish I was working.

BUT I also loved having my mother at home with me when I was a child. She was a family day carer, and sometimes the other kids (the ones she had since they were babies) would call her "Mum" and sometimes didn't want to go home with their own parents. She told me she felt sad for their parents for missing their childs' milestones. She never told them it happened though... she let them think they were seeing "the first." Then the next day, they'd come over and gush about it.

I dunno, I'm a bit selfish and I don't DD to like someone MORE as even AS MUCH as me. I even find a sick pleasure in the fact that she comes to ME when she's crying, and not DP. I couldn't work because someone else would be that person to her for most of her waking life - and I'd get so jealous and angry thinking about it (and I WOULD think about it, all the time).

I'd like to get a job to help out financially, but it's not like I'm never going to work again. I want any children I have to have their mother full-time until they're in school.

The way it is for me anyway, I'm not really going to bet better off working anyway... just about the same.

[jorey]

I started back at work 2 days a week when my ds was 5.5 months old. I don't have to go back to work for money but when my work approached me and offered me 2 days work, I could not resist. I'm a teacher and I want to keep up my registration and teaching profession. Well, to be honest, I personally would not go back to work and put my ds in childcare:no:. Fortunately, my dh is able to work from home 2 days while I'm teaching. I also think that gives dh a chance to have time with our ds alone. Plus, I finish work at 2:30pm, which means I get to spend the rest of the afternoon with ds.

Well, it might sound like an excellent arrangement. BUT I'm not motivated as much as I would like to be. I am still passionate about my job, but I just think I haven't done enough. My school is very supportive and would like to keep me as long as they can. They do like me to give one more day of teaching, but I just can't do it. Plus, Dh and I do want to have more children in close gap. 2 days is what we can cope. However, I feel guilty for not giving my 100% because I miss out the 3 days I'm not there. Anyway, I'll hang in there until all of my children start school then I can go back to teaching full-time.:)

[~Emmylou~]

I struggle with this alot because I also earn more than my DH.

I'm going back to work part time at the end of my maternity leave in September (I have a return to work clause as part of my paid ML deal). However once I've completed the time I have to do I'll be quitting to stay home.

Ultimately for me the decision came down to what my children will remember about their childhood...my father was a workaholic and never around so we could have a nice house, holidays etc. Now as an adult that means nothing to me and our relationship suffered because he didn't spend time with his kids.

I don't want that to happen to me so I'm making a different decision. Yes we will be going without alot of the things I had as a child but that's not what's really important to children IMO.

[pookiesossige]

Returning to work after Ronan was born and before I had Ariene was much better then I thought it would be, but this could be for a variety of reasons:

- I had been looking for work for 4 months
- Ronan was 15 months old and I felt entirely ready
- It was only for 2 days a week
- It was with an oranisation that I had worked for previously
- The work was meaningful and worthwhile to others, as well as fulfilling for me.
- Ronan was only in childcare for one day and with his wonderful grandparents for the other day :D

Because of that, I LOVED going back to work. Those two days made me feel fantastic. The weird sense of gloominess and the identity issues that I had been battling with while home with Ronan dissapated as soon as I stepped back into the door of my old workplace.
I loved being out in the community helping people again.

I wish it was worth me getting a couple of days' work a week now, but I would be actually worse off! Ah well... lucky I happen to love being a SAHM this time around :yes: :thumbsup:

[soph'smum]

Thanks so much to everyone who contributed to this thread. Even though it will ultimately be a personal decision for our family, it really does help to hear other people's experiences and reasons for their own decisions.

A friend said to me the other day that she thought half the problem today is that we, as women, have so many choices. While I don't think that is a bad thing at all - I suppose she is right. Really, we are among the first generations of women who do have the option of staying home or pursuing a career - but it doesn't make the decision any easier.

I think the big lesson being a mum has taught me is that family is absolutely number one.

It's just working out what option will give the kids the loving environment they need to grow.

We've got some big decisions to make! :D

[blackdog]

Wow, you are all really lucky that you feel like you have a choice. I live in a low income area, and around here, you are expected to work. Nobody has a 'career' , they have a job, usually minimum wage. Lots of mothers work night shifts, so they can care for their kids in the daytime. They earn a third or less of that 6 figure salary. And these are good women; smart women. Just an interesting fact, that's all. Not everyone has the same opportunities.
(sorry, this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine...nothing personal to any of you:) )

[chicken]

This thread is really interesting to me because I worry that I might be facing the same dilemma in a few months time. I'll be returning to work four months after bubs is born (hopefully in the next few days!), not because we need the money, but because it was a compromise I agreed to when accepting a promotion. My DH will stay home full-time because I'll be earning about four times what he does. I'm not going to sit here and say poor me, but because I earn so much, I don't really have a choice about whether I want to stay home or not and I just hope that when the time comes that I don't lose all motivation for work as well.

[brookeme]

A friend said to me the other day that she thought half the problem today is that we, as women, have so many choices. While I don't think that is a bad thing at all - I suppose she is right. Really, we are among the first generations of women who do have the option of staying home or pursuing a career - but it doesn't make the decision any easier.

I think the big lesson being a mum has taught me is that family is absolutely number one.

It's just working out what option will give the kids the loving environment they need to grow.

We've got some big decisions to make! :D Thats so true! Too many options, I read that on a depression website or something.... they think that it may be a contibuter.(too many options.)
It has been a huge dilema for me for A LONG TIME. Cannot bring myself to quit even though it is what I want...Im worried about giving up that 'purpose' other than being a Mum.
OMG its sooo hard.!:confused: