Marriage Reasons

[TwoBoysOnly]

I want to get married but DP wants me to give him 'logical reasons' as to why we should. He is atheist so it can't be related to church and god and the whole tradition thing I have to think of other ones.....Help me please. All I can come up with is because I love you and I want to spend forever with you but he said we could do that without being married....

Why did you and your DH get married???

[sueliz]

All I can come up with is because I love you and I want to spend forever with you but he said we could do that without being married....


Tell him you want to know that he will be legally obliged to! :) :D

[our little treasures]

For us it wasn't about religion but to make that commitment to each other. To take vows and promises to each other.

[Bron]

How about a public celebration of your committment to each other? Sharing with family and friends the committment you have and drinking wine and having fun at the same time.

[bipster]

Of course there are lots of reasons but an obvious one is I really like having the same surname as my children, so old fashioned of me I know. We can be referred to as 'The Mitchell family' or 'the Mitchells' IYKWIM we belong together.

[TwoBoysOnly]

Yes I don't even mind if it is a commitment ceremony just the two of us I don't want a 'wedding' as such just us and our boys. He also isn't the type of guy that succumbs to society and government legislation so it's really hard that 'marriage' is a legal thing...I just want a celebrant a Hawaiian island and us...how to convince him :confused:

[mellyg]

Just tell him that it is something that you have dreamt about since falling for him and that it would mean the absolute world to you if you could be privilaged enough to become his wife..:kiss: Folowed by big puppy dog eyes.. LOL..

[katherine]

stronger deeper commitment.... shows each other and everyone else you are willing to be with this person forever.... a marriage makes everything more worth while, and i find we are more likely to work through things.....

i dunno.. hahaha

[mumbron]

Tell him you shouldn't need a "reason" you made two beautiful son's together with love and now you should be able to celebrate that by all having the same surname as well!!

[Lila]

we had no other reason than LOVE
because if you think about everything logically
you wouldn´t
- get married
nor
- have kids
soooooo..............

there is NOT logic - just the moment AND lots of butterflies in your tummy!!!! Valentine

[bubs_and_us]

- same last name as your kids
- be known as MRS instead of MISS
- every girl dreams of getting married
- you love each other and want to make a public commitment
- you want a RING!!!!!! (so everyone can SEE that you are taken haha)
- it feels good to be planning a wedding (there's only 3 weeks till mine!)

hope some of these reasons are useful.

[TwoBoysOnly]

Thanks for all the reasons....maybe one day he will just bloody do it :confused: I'll fire some more reasons at him and see how I go....

[MummyCharmzy]

Of course there are lots of reasons but an obvious one is I really like having the same surname as my children, so old fashioned of me I know. We can be referred to as 'The Mitchell family' or 'the Mitchells' IYKWIM we belong together.

I cant wait for that lol atm we have 2 of us with my surname 2 of us with his surname and 2 of us with hyphenated surnames lol later this month the 6 of us will finally have the same surname lol



sorry that was a bit off topic but just agreeing thats a good reason to get married also

We are getting married to legally make the commitment to each other AND to share it with all of our close family and friends :D

[pegasus]

We got married because my DH asked me:D

We saw it as a commitment, I think due to hubby wanting something to be seen as different to his other relationship where he has 2 other children from. He wanted to prove this one was for keeps.

Me - I wanted to as a sign of commitment, but also because I believe in it from my religious reasons. Hubby isn't overly religious, so pretty sure that didn't figure in it for him, however, saying that - if something's important to me to do with religion (like considering sending DS to a Christian school), he considers it.

so my bottom line is - If it's important to you (regardless of reason) he should be considering it.

Life is about give and take on two sides - maybe you should be asking him "Why not?" and to give you logical reasons....If the shoe is on the other foot, maybe he'll rethink. If his reasons aren't deemed good enough by you, then use his logic to your advantage.

[TwoBoysOnly]

We got married because my DH asked me:D

We saw it as a commitment, I think due to hubby wanting something to be seen as different to his other relationship where he has 2 other children from. He wanted to prove this one was for keeps.

Me - I wanted to as a sign of commitment, but also because I believe in it from my religious reasons. Hubby isn't overly religious, so pretty sure that didn't figure in it for him, however, saying that - if something's important to me to do with religion (like considering sending DS to a Christian school), he considers it.

so my bottom line is - If it's important to you (regardless of reason) he should be considering it.

Life is about give and take on two sides - maybe you should be asking him "Why not?" and to give you logical reasons....If the shoe is on the other foot, maybe he'll rethink. If his reasons aren't deemed good enough by you, then use his logic to your advantage.

Thanks pegasus good ideas :thumbsup:

[GlassHalfFull]

I've heard the old adage once too often from CommitmentPhobes about "it's just a piece of paper and doesn't mean we will stay together forever" - SO THEN WHY WOULDN'T HE DO IT knowing it is important to you and obviously having such a flippant attitude towards it?

Another EXCUSE that you should wait until everything is just right in the relationship (as I put it "all the stars are in alignment") - defies the whole concept of the marriage vows to take your partner for "better or worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer"

Good luck!

[Whoops]

I would tell him that you are good enough to impregnate then you are good enough to marry:shame:.:laughing:

[~mia&ryan~]

If he needs convincing maybe its not the right time... As for us, we both wanted it, we want to make the way we feel about each other official...

[Jodestar21]

I think not only will it bring you closer as a couple, but as a family as well. As a few others have said, you will all have the same surname, so you will feel as though you all belong together. My dh had the same reasoning as yours..didnt like to conform to societies standards etc but in the end he did it as he knew how much it meant to me, which was so much more than just a piece of paper.

We made the wedding something that suited our personalities...a cocktail wedding, so it was very casual and fun, nothing formal and stuffy, and we both loved it!! Its such a beautiful, emotional day, a celebration of what you feel for each other with all your family and friends there to share it. My dh even shed a tear or two as i walked down the aisle..wasn't expecting that..so yours may surprise you and himself too!! Good luck!!

[floggadog]

would he completely refuse if you surprised him with a wedding? I guess there is still papers to sign before hand but if there weren't could you book your holiday & set up a ceremony without him knowing then ... Surprise:eek: .
Of course if he's like my hubby he'd completely refuse at the alter , so to speak, but maybe your hubby is different?
Oh, I had to convince mine marriage was for us as well. He'd been burnt by his ex whos mum was so keen to marry her off she offered an open cheque book & had the wedding organised b4 the proposal.
Just wondering now... has he had a bad past experience?

[SassyMummy]

If you find the answer, let me know.

DP sees marriage as a massive waste of money, waste of time and pointless.

Me though... I've been dreaming about getting married since I was little and over the years have even started planning my wedding in my mind (not everything is planned out yet... but hte "style" is and even some of the hairstyles are planned...lol).

He has some stupid response to every reason I give him...

[Tam-I-Am]

Marriage, if its not about a spiritual connection for him, might be about having a legal responsibility that can't be easily shirked. That if he wants to leave, although it isn't impossible, is difficult from a financial, legal AND emotional perspective. Therefore agreeing to marry somebody without having religious motivation is about assuring them that you don't intend putting yourself through those legal, financial and emotional hoops - therefore you're committed and are staying.

The same cannot be said of living together without the 'piece of paper'.

[can'twait]

Marriage, if its not about a spiritual connection for him, might be about having a legal responsibility that can't be easily shirked. That if he wants to leave, although it isn't impossible, is difficult from a financial, legal AND emotional perspective. Therefore agreeing to marry somebody without having religious motivation is about assuring them that you don't intend putting yourself through those legal, financial and emotional hoops - therefore you're committed and are staying.

The same cannot be said of living together without the 'piece of paper'.

yes I agree..if you are not religious, then marriage represents the extra responsibility, both legal and financial that you are willing to share with your spouse.

to the OP..
marriage also represents a greater commitment towards the relationship because there is more to lose if you break your promise. A big thing is that when you are married you're declaring to all your friends and family that you are committed to your relationship. This shows a lot more commitment than just saying it privately to your partner.

Some people are scared of doing it, but if that's your partner's reason then tell him you'll be there to support him, and by challenging his fears he will show you how much he loves you.

I read once in a relationships book (can't remember the name, was on the Oprah show, something about how to tell if a man really loves you) that when a man says "I love you but its just that I don't ever want to get married, what he's really saying is that " I want to get married one day but just not to you"

I had ex's say that to me, and after reading that I understood how true it was. Not saying its the case with your partner, just something to be aware of.

[Tam-I-Am]

The book's name is "He's just not that into you".

[zenifa]

If this man has commited to having children and raising them with you, then the onus is on him, to justify why he won't marry you. Similar to what Whoops said, if you are good enough to impregnate, then you are definately good enough to marry!
If it doesn't mean much to him, but DOES mean a lot to you, then if he really loves you, he should do this for you (and ultimately for the both of you and your children!!). The greatest gift a man can give his children is to love, respect (& marry) their mother!!!

For example, buying a house/getting into a mortgage and having/raising children are very BIG commitments, not just in terms of time and money, but emotionally as well, so if he can do those, why can't he commit to you for life?

My DH is an atheist, and for a long time never wanted to marry. After 5 years, we even had a 'break' as I felt that if he couldn't commit then what was the point of being together ?(at this stage all I wanted was a proposal/engagement) It was he who tried to get back together with me and by then my interest in marrying him had waned. It took him 2 yrs to convince me to marry him (he said he didn't want to lose me), and we finally did (after being together 7.5yrs).

We also thought of marriage, as just a legal bind, a bit of paper, but for us it deepened and strengthened our bond to each other, and showed all that know us, that we are commited to each other and our marriage for life. Also I couldn't even imagine having children without that level of commitment, as kids does put extra stress on any relationship. I can't adequately explain it, but being married is different to being defacto, it is SO much better.
:fingerscrossed: it all works out for you!!

[can'twait]

ah yes that's it! thanks:)

[Jodestar21]

I had a chat with my husband when we went 4 a walk this afternoon about this post and he said tell her the reason most men get married is "peace and quiet" (from us girls pestering them about it im assuming!!) hehe.

[KirrasMummy]

My partner and I have been together almost ten years and are finally getting married next year. Besides the fact that we love, trust and respect each other and all the other mushy stuff, I'm 34 and I didn't want to be 40 and have a 'boyfriend'. My SIL planned her wedding and then showed her partner, once he could see all the work was done he was fine with it. Maybe you could try that, just keep it simple. GL :)