What If I really cant cope as a Mum

[RoarsomeMum]

Days like today I get so so scared of how I will really cope as a mum. I have depression/anxiety issues that seem to have flaired up majorly while Ive been pregnant. I keep taking everything everyone says so so personally. whenever some-one negatively comments on why I would use cloth (or any other parenting decsion we have made) I get unbelivably upset. sometimes for days.. I know its just a comment, and I need to let it go. but I don't seem to be able too:no: .

My MIL made an offhand comment about children just wanting to "fit in" and not be different. I cant stop thinking about how Im not sure how to raise a child who "fits in" Ive never fitted in, so how can I make sure my child does..

its like we planned this baby so so well, but now, I have no idea how I am actually going to parent.. I am overanalysing everything.. I cant seem to make my brain just STOP.

I just feel scared and lost and paranoid and sad. I hate it.

Please tell me other people go through this and all turns out O.K.

[westerner]

Em, other people go through this and all turns out O.K!!

:hugs: :hugs:

The baby ate my brain so i dont have many words of wisdom.. :o

Just some hugs.. :hugs:

Everything will turn out great..

[westerner]

And a few more..

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Love ya babe..
And you know im always here to talk yeh..

[punkbaby]

Your not alone :) i have shocking anxiety issues and honestly i never saw myself being a mum! I still have shocking panic attacks etc but each day i wake up and see my kids i know that its another day to get through, they are why i manage!

once i held my first in my arms it was like instant "i know what to do" I ended up telling my MIL and mum to butt out as they did more harm than good, all i wanted to do was nuture my bubs and keep her all to myself.

Its natural that your going to be nervous and scared and of course your going to over analys everything too we all do!!! Gee i still do it now and think of it and this is bub number 4 coming LOL

You will know whats right and whats wrong but dont take offence to any advice you get, you learn to brush alot of it under the carpet but you do also take alot on board as well you soon learn what you want to do. Dont get me wrong you will get some great advice but there is no such thing as a text book baby, if your happy and bubs is happy then thats all that matters :)

I am sure you will be fine, we all go through these feelings just do what you feel is right

[jasesmum]

Days like today I get so so scared of how I will really cope as a mum. I have depression/anxiety issues that seem to have flaired up majorly while Ive been pregnant. I keep taking everything everyone says so so personally. whenever some-one negatively comments on why I would use cloth (or any other parenting decsion we have made) I get unbelivably upset. sometimes for days.. I know its just a comment, and I need to let it go. but I don't seem to be able too:no: .

My MIL made an offhand comment about children just wanting to "fit in" and not be different. I cant stop thinking about how Im not sure how to raise a child who "fits in" Ive never fitted in, so how can I make sure my child does..

its like we planned this baby so so well, but now, I have no idea how I am actually going to parent.. I am overanalysing everything.. I cant seem to make my brain just STOP.

I just feel scared and lost and paranoid and sad. I hate it.

Please tell me other people go through this and all turns out O.K.
Hi EcstatciEm,
As others have said people go through this and it does turn out ok!. I am also another that suffers from anxiety issues, however unfortunately during pregnancy the anxiety can increase due to hormone levels etc.

People will offer advice and put their 2 cents worth in all the time, even strangers passing by. You can just take it all with a grain of salt. Take and use the useful stuff, ignore the rest.:thumbsup: Some people are just trying to be helpful, the others just darn annoying:p At the end of the day it will be your baby/child, you will know it best and make the parenting decisions that suit you and your family. everyone has different parenting styles.

Don't stress too much ( I know easy for me to say who's not going through it atm), but seriously just try do some relaxing stuff. You will be fine and if you need help there are so many lines of help out there these days - family, friends, bubhub forum, parenting associations, etc. Just take some time out for you, unwind and remind yourself you will be a great mum and it is just your anxieties/ irrational thoughts making you doubt yourself.

Good luck with it all:hugs:

[westerner]

I thought of some words of wisdom.. :p
But i have also pm'ed you.. ;)



We all have doubts.. we all have fears.. and at the end of the day we will and we do all make mistakes..

But none of that matters as long as you the best job you can do.. (and i know you will )

Whether you use cloth or sposies DOES NOT MATTER, neither make you a better mum.. you are the best mum for keeping your childs little behind clean and dry.. the method you use to do so is irrelevant..

Whether you b/f or bottlefeed or a mix of both DOES NOT MATTER, neither make you a better mum.. you are the best mum for providing your child with a full belly and nourishing them so they can grow.. the method you use is irrelevant..

Whether you name your child sally or sunshine DOES NOT MATTER, neither make you a better mum, neither will avoid being teased or laughed at.. you are the best mum you can be for giving your child a name that will follow all those I love you's and all those hugs that you will provide your child with.. (can you see where im going with this.. :p) the name is irrelevant..

It doesnt matter what you choose to do before you become a mother or once you become a mother..
It will not affect whether your child is "normal" or "fits in" or is "popular" etc etc..

But what you will have done is provide your child with a fantastic start to life in a well balanced, happy, healthy home..
With two parents that love them more than words can say..

That is ALL THAT MATTERS..


:hugs:
Kristy

[Kittylou]

Em, you're definitely not alone in feeling like this. When I was pregnant with DS I spent many nights unable to sleep and feeling completely nauseous over fears that I wouldn't be able to cope as a parent. I also stressed over every single minute decision that I made for the first 4-6 weeks of his life.

All I can say is that Goose's advice is absolutely spot on :thumbsup: . I have nothing more to add to it but just wanted to let you know that plenty of people go through what you're feeling - and we go on to successfully raise wonderful children!!!

[Beany]

Pregnancy is the worst time to think about what sort of mother you'd be - it's silly but it's true!

You are zinged up on hormones, you are tired, you feel sick, you are run down, you are anxious and excited and and and ...

You'll be fine. Honest :) You'll have your little boy and you'll make it all up as you go along. You'll love him and nurture him and be there for him. Babies couldn't care less about fitting in with their peers - they just want to fit in with mummy. And he will.

[wannabemum]

:hugs: Hun, I'm due this month and feeling very much the same. I think its only natural to doubt ourselves before something incredible happens, like us becoming mummas!

I suffer terrible anxiety too and suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome which has been really bad whilst Ive been pregnant. It worries me alot that I wont have enough energy to look after him properly, since during this pregnancy I have barely been able to look after myself :crying: . Its incredibly scary, however I believe that love will start us off and everything else will just kick in as we go, I think we will surprise ourselves as to how we will cope. If you want to cope, you will!

Good luck, you will be fantastic :hugs:

[westerner]

You'll have your little boy


Psssstt..

Its a girl.. ;)

Well we think anyways.. :p

[Beany]

Psssstt..

Its a girl.. ;)

Well we think anyways.. :p

It is? Oops :o I was going by the "Mason" name.

[westerner]

It is? Oops :o I was going by the "Mason" name.

1st scan em was told a boy.. hence Mason..
2nd scan has now been told a girl..

So thats where the "think" comes from..

But i believe it will still be Mayson for a girl just with the different spelling..

[ButterflyMama]

Parenting is something you learn.. it isn't something you're born with, I believe. Some do, most don't. I am learning how to be a Mummy every day and my daughter is 9 weeks old.. I learn something new every day. Don't worry about it.. you are going to make a great Mum simply for the fact that you have put so much into creating your little individual.. you have so much love to give, and believe me.. you're going to do great. :hugs:

[Velouria]

Hi Em,

:hugs:

I know that you will be a fantastic Mum. You have so much love for this child that you can't help but be terrific at motherhood.

As to other peoples comments....Sod them I say. It is your baby and you have the right to do it your way. A lot of people don't know about the benefits of such things as MCN's and even breastfeeding past a certain age, but it is their ignorance, not your parenting that is the problem.

Its easier said than done, but try to ignore those comments or just accept them as opinions only. You don't need to justify yourself and your parenting decisions to anyone and your beautiful, well adjusted child will be proof of that.

:hugs:
Jill

[dancingchipmunk]

I had the same thoughts while pregnant. It can get overwhelming but you just have to take each day as they come.

You'll be a fantastic mum. I had depression/anxeity issues before pregnancy and they became a whole lot worse when I was pregnant aswell. Just make sure you have someone to talk (here is great :thumbsup: ) and are able to express your feeling and throught to.

While pregnant the thought of being a mum is scary sometimes but once you see your little bub you know that you are going to the best you absolutly can do.

You'll do well. Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy :)