Ring Ring, Why Don't You Give Me a Call?

[sopolicha]

My DD, who is nearly six has the pleasure of spending every second weekend with her bio dad. She stays overnight and hasn't really taken to the sleeping over part.

When she first started sleeping over, she used to ring us up and we could console her, talk to her etc. etc.

For the last few visits, she has not been allowed to use the phone to ring us up. She tells us that she is not allowed to ring home, or that she is only allowed to ring up when she is not upset.

Biodad has an acquired brain injury and simply has no empathy and can't see how things he does affect DD. In all honesty it is pointless trying to explain things to him, court appointed psychiatrists agree.

Not being able to use the phone or being to frightened to ask to use phone was adding extra stress to DD. So, we went out and got her this children's mobile phone. You control what numbers can be rung and received on the phone. It is very easy to use. DD was happy to have it and at the time felt confident that she would be able to use it.

So we send her off on the weekend and tell bio that DD has the phone. I am certain he didn't hear because he was raving on about something else. Sunday afternoon comes around and we go to pick her up. Ask her about the phone and she says that she showed bio's girlfriend and she took it off her and gave it to bio and she wasn't allowed to use it and didn't get it back until they were in the car to drop her off.

Was giving her the phone such a bad thing? There is no point trying to talk to bio, or his girlfriend, you can't even do the mummy guilt thing with her - 'how would you feel if it was your daughter who wanted to ring home? Why not just let her ring home? Makes me a very sad Sop :crying: .

[SalTheGal]

Poor you and poor your daughter. :hugs:

I have no advice, just wanted to say I really feel for you both. It must be horrible for her not to be able to contact her own mum when she needs you.

Is there anyway you can get court intervention??

[sasa]

Oh Sop that is really horrible to hear, what an awful time it must make every second weekedn for you, apart from having her stay there just knowing she just wants to call you but can't. (Sorry he sounds like the biggest a$$)
Have you tried to get her to talk to her biodad about it..?? Does she have the choice to maybe just go and spend the day if he is not going to let her even call when she needs to?
I am sure these are things you have thought a lot about just trying to throw some suggestions your way. Best of luck, I really feel for you.

[sopolicha]

Thanks Sal. We are due back in court mid August. We shall see what happens then. Must make him feel like a big man stopping a little girl ring her mum.

sasa - unfortunately he has the order which says she must sleep over. After about four sleepovers DD got petrified of sleeping over. She refused to get in our car, then when we got she refused to get out. DH told bio that we were not going to physically put her in the car or out of the car. Fast forward a few visits. DH took this DD, DS and baby DD for the visit. Bio grabs her out of the middle car seat across DS and carries her screaming across the car park to his car.

To cut a long story short we are back in court, trying to get the orders changed. I was told by the Federal Magistrate that I must drag her out of the car kicking and screaming regardless. I see that sentenced typed and I still can't believe it.

[melfunction]

Jeez Sop, that is awful. I know you hate these and I know from me more than anyone, but here :hugs:

[Rainbowbrite]

Thats disgusting Sop. Your daughter should NEVER be stopped from calling you if she wants/needs to. That phone is her property, not his.

I hope it gets sorted out soon for you.

[Tea Lady]

Oh how AWFUL!! :mad:

I can't believe someone would do that to their own daughter. :(

I hope the courts make some more sensible decisions next time.

[OJandMe]

That's terrible!!

How can any court order that a distressed child MUST stay overnight in a situation which is distressing them!!!! That's ridiculous!! How would those judges feel if they were told they HAD to stay in a room filled with spiders/rats/whatever would distress them overnight EVERY fortnight and they had NO choice in it :no:

I can't believe your DD's biofather is such a weasle... there is NO WAY that I would ever force a child to stay overnight if they were unhappy about it... I thought that as parents it was our job to make our kids happy and secure... what a loser... you'd think he'd be trying to build a relationship with her so she WANTED to stay over... not forced too.

Has she said there's any particular reason she doesn't want to stay??

[Elfin]

Dreadful situation:no: The best interests of the child should always be put first and not allowing her to call her mum is just downright wrong the ex and gf should be ashamed of themselves. It is wrong on so many levels.

It distresses me too that a child is forced to sleep over somewhere she is clearly upset about. Gosh the legal system astounds me at times. How is that supposed to be conducive to building a good relationship with her father if she is dragged out of the car screaming:no: She is just going to hate him when she grows up and want nothing more to do with him.

I just hope you get a better outcome at your next court hearing. I really wish children were listened to more:gloomy:

[poshBecks]

Dreadful situation:no: The best interests of the child should always be put first and not allowing her to call her mum is just downright wrong the ex and gf should be ashamed of themselves. It is wrong on so many levels.

It distresses me too that a child is forced to sleep over somewhere she is clearly upset about. Gosh the legal system astounds me at times. How is that supposed to be conducive to building a good relationship with her father if she is dragged out of the car screaming:no: She is just going to hate him when she grows up and want nothing more to do with him.

I just hope you get a better outcome at your next court hearing. I really wish children were listened to more:gloomy:


Elfin, you took the words right out of my mouth!!

That is aweful. I really hope for a better outcome next time aswell. :hugs:

[Bron]

That is really, really awful Sop. Thinking of you.

[Beany]

That's hideous! You poor things!

No one would expect such a thing for an adult but kids? Yeah, let them scream and cry and damage their delicate mental health!

:no:

[sopolicha]

Thank you ladies.

For the life of me, I can't work out what possible enjoyment you would get from seeing your own child upset.

It gets worse..... (maybe I shouldn't of started), we offered to drop DD off and pick her up on the Saturday and Sunday of visit weekends, about an hour round trip us to try to keep things going. On this occasion we are running about ten minutes late, bio rings up and says we need to have a talk about things, when you get over here we are going to have to talk. Okay fine.

The five of us get over to his house, the house has front stairs and a little veranda. DH helps DD out of the car and they walk up the stairs. His dog (which has the same name as our DS) is going berserk behind a barricade at the top of the stairs. DD is scared by the dog and won't go up the stairs to the top, she is obviously upset, DH is trying to tell bio that she is scared off the dog, bio reaches over the barricade and drags DD by her arm up and over, then the girlfriend takes her inside and shuts the door quick smart.

DH says his piece and walks down the stairs and bio is heading right after him. In the front yard of his house - bio is going off, threatening to belt DH. How no one was actually assaulted is still a mystery to me.

How can a child being exposed to this rubbish twice a month be good? Why do I have to do something that goes against every bit of motherly instinct and common sense that I have?