Experiences of being Dads

[Graeme]

Hi

I'd be interested in hearing other people's experiences of being a dad. I came to it late in life (at 39). Cathy and I had been together since 16 (with a few years on and off early on), but it took us a while (OK 23 years :o ) to have kids. We'd been trying for about 6 years and had just about given up (we had decided we would stop trying at 40) when Jasmine came along. We are both loving it.

When Jasmine was born I was studying full time and so was home heaps. Cathy was also working at home so we were realy able to share looking after her. When Alexa came along, I had rejoined the work force and was working full time. Not nearly as much fun.

Cathy is a full time mum. I would like us both to work part time so we both have the stimulation of another life, and also have the time with our girls. Cathy is really enjoying being home full time (although it does have it's moments) and, as I enjoy my work, I'm not pushing it too much at present.

I've really missed not being around as much the second time around. I'm very lucky as I work at a family friendly place so I have quite a lot of flexibility, but even so, there are limits.

I had to learn heaps because I hadn't had much to do with babies (bugger all actually). Because we have two girls, I've also had to learn stuff like how to do pony tails (1 is easy, 2 I can manage, platts - forget it), and Jaz already doesn't trust my dress sense.

As a closing, must say I hate it when people ask if I'm baby sitting. I normally say something like "no, their my kids" or "you don't baby sit your own kids".

There are some ups and downs (but not too many downs) and I'm looking forward to seeing what the future holds.

Look forward to hearing from other dads. Comments from mums also welcome, and maybe you could encourage your partners to have a say :D .

Catch you later.
Graeme

[mumof2girls]

Hey Graeme,

I know I'm not a guy but I'm going to try and get my hubby on here to write. He is kind of an older father as well he has 5 children aged from 36 to 12 years old. He loves being a dad especially now as he has more time to be with his youngest 2 where with the others he was always working (now we have switched roles).

He is so much like you in the aspect of dealing with his girls he wants to be there all the time and I love the fact that he wants to spend time with his kids. I always thought when the issues of "secret girls business" as he likes to call it arose he would back off and give it to me, but he has such a great relationship with the girls that they can talk to him about anything.

I hope you always have the same relationship with your girls as you do now, I am so blessed that I have such a wonderful caring husband and I'm sure your wife is to!

I'll try my best to get him on here for a chat.

Kay

[gurumatt]

Hi Graeme,

I've been a dad for just under two weeks. Any idea how many dads are hanging out in this lovely lavender forum?

Did you read any fathering books like Steve Bidulf?

I've had the feeling sometimes that I'm not taken seriously by some women when I show an interest in the baby - like my input is cute but doesn't count for anything. Otherwise, I've felt a lot of support to be involved. It would be easy for me to take a traditional role of absence from the childs life and perhaps it's something women should be aware of - that they can inadvertantly drive dad off by being patronising.

matt

[Jack'sMum]

Thanks for your advice gurumatt. I think I am in that boat sometimes. My husband is so willing to help and so enthusiastic about raising our 6 week old son but sometimes I think I may scare him off by being too hands on when he is hanging out with Jack.

I would be really interested to hear from you, and other dads, some advice and hints on what to do and not what to do with dads with regards to raising babies so that dads feel more secure and included in the whole process and aren't inadvertently scared off by us mums.

Shannon

[Graeme]

Hi Matt, Kay and Shannon (and others)

Congratulations on becoming a Dad Matt! Hope you enjoy it as much as I do :D .

There aren't many active dads on the forum - be nice to change it. There are a few floating around and there are a few mums who have stay at home partners. I must admit I find it interesting that the internet was a pretty male domain (at least it used to be) but there aren't many men on this and I suspect on similar forums. I wonder if it is because parenting is still seen as a mum's responsibility.

I think despite many women wanting their partners to be more involved, there is often still a tendency to see it as their responsibility. In many cases this is probably the reality and if they didn't take responsibility then the baby would suffer. In other cases I think that given the chance or the push, a lot of dads can and do share responsibility.

I can see why some men do take the easy way out and become less involved. When they do things, they can be corrected or told how to do it "properly". I've seen mum's tell their partners what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. It doesn't encourage dads to take initiative.

I mentioned in another thread that Cathy and I talked about how it was important that we didn't see me as helping her with our kids. We were sharing looking after them and so she couldn't assume responsibility. This can happen in subtle ways, e.g. by telling me how I should do something. We could make suggestions, but we had to recognise that at times we would do things differently and that this was OK. It takes lots of talking, flexibility and openness.

I can identify with the feeling of being cute or at least an oddity. I think it is a shame that men aren't more involved in lots of areas of their kids life and that it isn't the norm.

I have read a bit about fathering but more on parenting (I really liked Steve Biddulph's "Raising Happy Children"). Must admit that where I work, (The Family Action Centre) one of the focuses is on engaging fathers (e.g. in schools, child care centres, maternity wards etc). Even though I don't work in this area, it has certainly made me think about how fathers are encouraged (or not) to be involved, and it has shown how many dads are actively involved in a wide variety of ways.

Once again, sorry for the long rave. :o
Look forward to hearing more
Graeme

[mumof2girls]

Hey Graeme;

It is a good point to make about not making fathers feel like they are doing things wrong. I have always tried not to do this and if he is dealing with the children and what he is doing isn't working then I would suggest he tries what I do with them and he would do the same for me.

We would have our own special time with our children and early morning before work was his time and also tucking them into bed at night. Believe me the girls loved these times with him and although they are getting bigger he still spends so much time with them and it is so great to see their relationship blossom through their life.

We are fortunate that I could stay home with the girls before they went to school and then I went to work and he stayed home (& still does) and thouroughly enjoys it, I must admit that I do miss being with the girls while I'm at work but I know they are in very capable hands

Kay

[Graeme]

Hi Kay

I love hearing about how people are open to changing roles. I think it is really sad when our options are limited purely because of our gender.

I agree that it is great to exchange our experiences of what works and what doesn't with our partner. And by the sound of it, how you do it is through discussion not saying this is how you should do it. Also what might work for me might not work for Cathy and vice versa.

Catch you later
Graeme

[mumof2girls]

Hey Graeme;

Let me tell you if you ever get the chance to swap roles with Cathy then do it, you will not regret it! :)

I have always believed that it takes 2 to consieve (maybe not these days?) and it takes to raise children. The message about dads being important in raising children is slowly getting out there.

I work in childcare and we are seeing a lot more fathers being involved whereas more mothers are becoming career orienteered (sp), it is good to see and we always encourage the dads to be involved.

One thing I have noticed with the boys in childcare (at least ours) is when we get the home corner, dolls & equip and dress ups out they are the first ones there but when we get the computers out it's the girls who jump up first, maybe things are changing

Kay

[Graeme]

Hi all

We had a family picnic the other day at Jesmond Park (a big park in Newcastle) and I was playing with Jaz and Alexa and their two cousins at the playground. There were quite a few other children there and because I was with three girls (and one boy) other little girls would come up and play to.

I find it quite hard to know how to react with the little girls sometimes in the current climate of mistrust of men with children. My brother who was with me was helping some of the girls hang upside down on a bar and I helped a little girl climb up a spider web.

I'm not sure where some of the parents were (some were close but some were at their picnic tables) and I wonder how they would feel with a man playing with their kids. If I'm in a playground and a child falls over, I hesitate to pick them up whereas Cathy can do it quite safely and happily.

I know we need to think about ways to keep children safe, but I hope we get to a stage where it is OK for Dads to interact with other children without fear of suspicion.

ALexa just awoke, better go.
Graeme

[mumof2girls]

I'm sorry to say but I think there will always be suspicions not just for men but for anyone these days.
I am a real over protective mother, but if I'm close enough (which I always am) & see that my child has fallen or needs help and someone helps her than I am fine with that. It's really hard, you don't want your children scared of everyone and you don't want them to trusting either. My hubby has the same problem because he is so involved with our girls and they go everywhere together he can get the same looks from other parents but he doesn't care, if a child needs help then he will help them.

Best of luck, I hope attitudes change as well :)

Kay

[Chickadee]

I'm sorry to say but I think there will always be suspicions not just for men but for anyone these days.
Kay

Yep, I have to agree. I know my hub is very concious of how he interacts with other kids and the reactions that might arise. But even I've stopped and thought twice sometimes - usually outside a playground setting with kids who have fallen and hurt themselves. Instead of "come on in the house and I'll put a band aid on it", I either go and get it myself or find out where they live and offer to help them home. But even that second one might raise a bad reaction from an over-protective parent. It's sad really, I grew up knowing every adult on the street and every kid/parent in the neighbourhood, and certainly my mum or dad wouldn't have hesitated to help any child they saw.

[mumworkingoverseas]

It is so nice to read about Dads loving being involved with their kids!! My DH has been a SAHD for the last 7 months, so I could take up a great work opportunity and has loved it, but has decided to go back to work next month as he loves his career and has been offered a great work opportunity.
I came home from work today absolutely fuming over comments made by some male work colleagues of mine. Supposedly well educated, broad minded guys who informed me that no self respecting man would stay at home full time and look after the kids and then referred to DH as my maid :mad: :mad:
I could not believe it. They implied that DH must be some sort of wimp (DH is a military man and definately no wimp!) to allow me to make him stay home.

Sometimes I just don't get some guys! Why do they automatically assume DH doesn't want to be at home or that I have "made" him stay at home. It is insulting to both of us. At first DH wasn't sure about staying home full-time but did so to help me pursue my current job. However DH has absolutely loved his time at home and DD is definately a Daddy's girl now! If he hadn't been offered a great job opportunity he would still be at home with bub.

It is great to see that some Dad's are willing to admit that they would love to stay at home with the kids, but it really disappoints me that so many guys still insist on acting like raising kids is "womens work". They just don't know what they are missing out on.

Do any guys here cop flack over being an involved dad or SAHD??

[mumof2girls]

My hubby has had a few of the same comments and he just smiles and replies to them "I guess people like you wouldn't be able to handle a job like that, that why it's left with the smart one in your realtionship" and more comments like it, they don't really know what to say back to him and he just smiles and walks off with our girls. He has also stated to some of their wives about their comments and a few of them have taken off on a "girls weekend" and this changed the guys mind after 2 days alone with the children, they were not so "cocky" with their comments.

Don't worry at least our children have the priviledge of having involved parents :)

[Graeme]

Hi all

A secretary where I work often comments that I should leave things to Cathy. E.g. the kids were sick a couple of nights and so we were getting up at least every hour for most of the night and she thought that I should have left it to Cathy because I work.

I think its going to take a while to change attitudes, but hopefully things will improve.

Catch you later.
Graeme

[Graeme]

Hi

(THis is a post I put in the "Just for dads thread". I thought some mums might also want to read about the experiences of dads.)

As one would expect, my experiences were pretty different. Both times Cathy had to have a ceaser (the first one was "elective", and the second emergency). In the lead up to Jasmine I guess I was fairly nervous about the whole parenthood thing. We had been married over 14 years so we had our lives in order and I wondered how we would cope and what it would do to our relationship. I hadn't had much to do with babies and little children, and wasn't a big fan of babies, but hoped that I would be a typical father and think mine were wonderful (which I do!)

Because of Cathy's age she had had an amnio (Spelling??) so the sex of the baby was known but we decided not to find out. When we learnt that Cathy had to have a caeser we ased our GP to write the sex in an envelope (she wrote a nice little card) so that we could find out the day before but still have the wondering through the pregnancy. We found out the day before because we wanted Cathy to find out before everybody else (she had to have a anaesthetic).

It all went pretty smoothly. I wasn't allowed in during the op (because there were some risks of complications and they didn't want a nervous father around, which was fair enough). As soon as Jaz was born I was allowed in.

It was pretty overwhelming. I went off with Jaz for weighing bathing etc (and was joined by my parents and Cathy's parents, sister and brother-in-law. I didn't feel instant love (but it certainly came), my main concern was for Cathy (who was still asleep).

We were lucky because Cathy ended up in a single room so I was able to sleep there every night which meant I was able to look after the baby while Cathy recovered. She was having trouble breast feeding so Jasmine was having breast and bottle. I did all the bottle feeds which was great.

She had to be in for a week in the end, so I got to know some of the mothers and nurses on the ward pretty well. Must say all the nurses (except one) were wonderful (at the John HUnter in Newcastle). I said to Cathy it was like a holiday - meals supplied, new experiences, meeting people, time off work etc. (She wasn't impressed - it was no holiday for her - but she was amused)

When we came home Cathy wasn't supposed to pick Jaz up for 5 weeks, and I was studying full time/working part time so I did heaps and was able to be very involved. At night Cathy would give her a breast feed then I'd top up with a bottle. (Cathy had troubles with breast feeding for about 8 weeks and then when the Dr finally suggested she should give up trying because of the problems it was creating for Cathy, it came good).

Cathy was doing some work from home, I was at home and Cathy had an off-sider for her business (making hats) who adored Jasmine. It meant that Jas was with us all the time. She come into uni with me sometimes, she'd lie on the cutting table, lie on our knees or whatever.

We have adjusted happily, love having her around (she really is a lovely little girl and we have unbiased reports from her grandparents )

Of course there have been moments, my study suffered, I have had to drop a whole lot of activities I used to love, and so on, but It has been wonderful and we have no regrets.

It would be great if everybody could get at least as much satisfaction and joy as I do

Regards
Graeme

[filo]

Regarding the threads of this topic, I am a single dad, and every place I have worked or studied, the running joke was that I looked like a columbian drug lord. Which is pretty funny, because the fact is, I do. So you can imagine when I let my son, Jack, run loose in the playground and I just hang back seemingly on my own to keep an eye on him. The entire park eyes me - which I think is a laugh. Funnier still, when my son runs back from the playground to get a cuddle (he generally can't go more than 5 minutes without one) a nd people realise I am not there alone, I start getting smiles out of the other parents. It's human nature.

[Graeme]

Hi Filo,

It just goes to prove that even Columbian drug lords can love their children too! :p
I keep being reminded not to judge people by their looks, gender, race, sexuality etc etc.
Keep freaking people out, and giving hugs. Hope to hear more of your experiences as a single dad.
Regards
Graeme

[Graeme]

Cathy has been sick for over 10 days with a bad case of the full on flue. So I have pretty much been a single dad for the last 10 days :eek: .

It reinforces my admiration for single parents - it is such hard work. I've managed to take a bit of time of work and left early or started late sometimes, but essentially I have had to keep up full time work. I even had some days when I had to get into work early.

I have been lucky as both our parents are in Newcastle and are happy to help out, and we have a network of other family and friends who also helped a couple of times with looking after Jaz and Alexa so Cathy could rest and I could go to work.

I hate rushing the girls in the morning, (haste is just not a concept under 5s have - unless it is eating chocolate :p ) but sometimes we had to leave at 7.30 am. As Jaz often doesn't wake up until 8 or later, it was a bit of a struggle.

I think i would get into much better routines - most of ours are built around two people. E.g. one of us will bath the kids while the other cooks dinner or washes up.

We are coping, we've kept eating well, the washing is up to date, the house isn't an absolute disaster and I wasn't sacked from work so all is well. (It would be a real worry if where I work, the Family Action Centre, wasn't family friendly :) )

Anyway, I dip my hat to those of you who do this on a day by day basis, particularly those of you who don't have strong support networks. It must be very hard at times, and my little taste I am sure was only the tip of the ice berg.

Warm regards
Graeme

[Joey]

Just thought I'd say hi.

Joey is due on the 12th Nov. so I'm not 'officially' a dad yet, but thought I'd leave a quick note so you all know there is another bloke online and interested in parenting issues etc. This site is fantastic, though I tend to spend more time here than my wife at the moment.

Can't wait! :eek:

Andre.

[sugar n spice]

Nice to meet you blokes. I have only just found this site a month ago and im totally addicted to it. I am going to try and get my husband graeme to post on here aswell :D

[kimmy]

Hay every one it is so nice to hear thing's from a males perspective, i will listen & learn. look forward to chat with you guys. :)

[Graeme]

Hi Andre and Joey
Have you had the baby yet? Hope all goes well if not yet.
Look forward to hearing more
Graeme


Just thought I'd say hi.

Joey is due on the 12th Nov. so I'm not 'officially' a dad yet, but thought I'd leave a quick note so you all know there is another bloke online and interested in parenting issues etc. This site is fantastic, though I tend to spend more time here than my wife at the moment.

Can't wait! :eek:

Andre.

[Graeme]

Hi all,

I've haven't had time to get on for yonks (and I shouldn't be now either!!)
Lots been happening recently.
Alexa turned two last week. She is growing up and is quite delightful. Quite a handfull at times, but great fun. We had to take her to the hospital on her birthday poor thing. She had high temperature, breathing not great etc. All is well though. She mustn't like celebrations, we had to take her to the GP after hours service at the hospital on Christmas Day as well.

My parents new house is arriving by truck sometime today. They are getting a manufactured home down the back of our place. All very exciting.

Anyway must do some work. Thought I'd just say hi.
Graeme

[nemosmum]

Hi Graeme,

I havent chatted to you before but have heard about this legendary "MAN" on bubhub so I thought Id say HI :)

Your parents house sounds interesting, my mum has talked about doing that (putting a house in her over sized backyard) for our family, while we get ready to buy our own place. So I would be interested to hear more about it :D

Any way have a great day!

Sarah AKA O's mum

[Irish Dad]

Hi Graeme, I'm Colin dad to 3 and just found out its going to be four. Becoming a dad was the best thing that ever happened to me and I love the experiences it brings. I have 2 sons, Jay 5 and Lee 4 and my daughter Nikitas 18 weeks :) Life in my house is never dull or quiet, infact its 100 % crazy all of the time and a constant challenge that never ends ! It was abit of a shock to find out we're expecting again in June next year I think, 4 kids under 6..... I think thats my lot ! Apart from being dad I make pcs as a hobby and enjoy motorbikes, xbox (my 5 year old has claimed that now, he dls his xbox games from the net :) I work as a cnc operator/metal worker but need a job with better pay to keep up with the bills. Its nice to see I'm not the only guy on the site and hope to chat soon. Colin

[Irish Dad]

Joey I just read the post and it was meant for you to but I realized I didn't type your name ~! sorry

[Joey]

G'day Greame, Colin and all you others who visit this great site, Andre here.

No we haven't had the baby yet, the due date is slooooowly approaching....12 Nov. Joey had some 'contractions' early this morning (10/11), more intense and painfull than previous braxton hicks - "like period pain," she said. According to posts on this site re. labour, this means he/she will be along soon hopefully!

Almost finished preparing the nest, painting the skirting and architraves - enamel paint looks fantastic and lasts better in my opinion, but by crikey is it messy and smelly!

Graeme you sound like you're going to have your hands full - a real extended family! Hope Alexa is on the mend, sick or injured kids is something I'm definately not looking forward to - the control feak in me I guess!

Colin, good luck with the job hunting, I think we could all do with a little extra cash - Joey's last pay goes in to her account next week, I expect things to get 'painful' after that! :eek:

Keep the posts coming fellas, it's good fun and very informative to pop on here every now and then for some advice and a chat.

Take it easy, Andre and Joey.

PS. (usually I hate ps's but.....) What do you guys think of Brigitte or Matthew. We need some French names to go with my difficult surname - but some that don't sound 'too French' - good god I sound female! :rolleyes:

[Irish Dad]

Hello there :) , oh its getting close now :D Joey make sure you have your camera packed and tell you wife we wish her good luck and I'm sure it'll all go fine. Seeing your weeone come into the world is like nothing else you'll ever experience. I like Matthew but not know you're surname its hard to know how they sound together, I'm not sure about Brigitte but I'm not against it. Are you French ? I've been there many times and speak French not too bad, well I can order a beer and get food etc !!! You do sound a bit female, I'd like to be female for a day to see whats its like, just not the day of the birth :eek: or the conception :eek: for that matter ! Keeps us posted and I'm sure theres others guys out there come on join in the chat.

[Graeme]

Hi Andre
Hope all is going well. A very exciting time.
I'm with Colin on names. I quite like Mathew, but Brigette I'm not so sure about :o . I don't mind it, but it doesn't jump out at me. We found picking boys names much harder than girls names. Not sure why, but there did seem to be much more choice.

Hope you can stay at the hospital. We were luck as we had a single room both times (in a public hospital) so I could have a matress on the floor. It wasn't great for gettting sleep, but it was great for getting to know my daughters and to ensure that I was taken seriously as a parent from the start :) .

Whatever happens, I hope you enjoy being a dad as much as I do :D .

All the best
Graeme

[Graeme]

Hi Colin

Must admit the idea of making a computer feaks me out a bit. I'm afraid I'm not very good at things like that. We are doing renovations at the moment, and it is Cathy who is the owner builder (i.e. responsible for coordinating all the tradespeople etc). In our old place she did lots of the tiling, laying down the slate, building a room (with her father). I'm OK at labouring for them, but not much good at other things.

Can you tell me what a cnc operator is? Forgive my ignorance.

I'm a community worker - supporting people who live permanently on caravan parks and doing workshops with dads in prison. I quite enjoy it.

I've seen a few of your posts now, it will be good to have a few more dads around.

All the best
Graeme

[Graeme]

Hi Sarah
Thanks for the greeting. I've read quite a lot of your posts so I feel I already know you a bit :).

It is a big decision to move in with parents. We shared a house with Cathy's parents for 3 months when we first moved to Newcastle. It was OK, but we were happy when we got our own place.

I think it will be better having separate dwellings.

The manufactured home has been a great idea. They are great quality and mean we can move it off the property later if we need/want to. They probably aren't the cheapest way to go, but you can buy them second hand which would make it cheaper.

If it isn't for too a long a period, it could be worth thinking about. If it is going to be longer term it probably needs more careful consideration. I must admit, I'm in favour of extended family and Cathy and I expect that at least one of our parents (no idea which) will stay with us at sometime in their life. At the same time, I know it isn't always a wise decisions - there are so many variables.

You inspired me to start a thread in the section on family members or something like that.

All the best
Graeme

[Joey]

OK. been pretty busy for the last couple of months. The decision about names wasn’t too difficult in the end – Matthew is much more appropriate than Brigitte – for a boy!

Matthew was born 17th Nov. at 1905 after a 16 hour labour, weighing 7 pound 7, 52 cms long. Joey coped really well for the first 10 hours or so, then opted for an epidural. Matthew was OP, so various positions were adopted during the labour to try and get him to face the right way – to no avail. Was kind of scary during the labour, as with each contraction Matthew’s heartbeat would fluctuate between 160 and 80 (from memory). He seemed to be almost ‘out’ for soooo long, eventually our OB (Dr. Keeping) decided to use suction and performed an episiotomy to extract him. Things happened really quickly then, and Matthew was out within minutes.

Matty initially had some breathing trouble – sounding really raspy/gurgley – the paediatrician said it was more than likely amniotic fluid on the lungs from a difficult birth, but to be safe – in case it was a lung infection – they placed him on antibiotics and in a humidicrib in intensive care for 12 hours. He was back with mum by the following morning.

Joey spent 4 days in the Mater– after which we all returned home, thankfully my shifts allowed me to visit every day for at least a couple of hours – I guess I could have slept there in an arm chair but it wasn’t comfortable .

We tried breastfeeding for about 3.5 weeks – Joey had passed through the worst of the pain by that stage and things were going quite well (apart from sleep deprivation) then her milk suddenly didn’t seem to be keeping Matthew satisfied. The local government run child and family clinic told us he should have gained the weight he had, by the end of the second week (only 175 grams!). At this stage we made the decision to opt for formula, at least then we could be certain Matty was getting sufficient nourishment. Because we could watch him drink what we had prepared, if he was still crying afterwards then he was upset for some other reason – this was our reasoning.

It was amazing how much the stress levels dropped immediately. Joey had increasingly been showing signs of strain, Matthew was constantly crying and hungry and what had previously satisfied him (40 min on a breast) wasn’t enough. Sleep deprivation was only a side issue – it was heart-wrenching hearing Matty crying and having him trying to suck the skin on my shoulder after a 40 - 50 minute feed, and seeing the anguish on Joanne’s face. Poor wife was worried I’d be upset with her or think she was a failure for giving up, which only contributed to her worries.

Since then things have progressed well for all of us. Joanne is able to get more sleep, as I am able to assist with feeding, Matty has gained some healthy weight – we can observe exactly how much he has consumed rather than guessing, and I have to admit my stress levels are lower too.

Matthew was 5 weeks old yesterday.

That’s all from me for now (long post!). Hope you guys and all your families are doing well too. Have a happy and safe Christmas and new year.

Andre.

[Graeme]

Congratulations Andre!
No wonder you have been busy. It sounds like things are going OK. Hope you enjoy being a Dad as much as I do :D .
By the way, recent research has suggested that the biggest influence on whether or not a women breast feeds or bottle feeds is their partner's attitude.
Enjoy your first Christmas as a Dad.
All the best
Graeme

[Joey]

Just arrived home from work. There is nothing on television this morning, no news paper to read, I've watched all the dvd's we own, Joey is fast asleep and Matthew is trying to fill a nappy (judging by the grunting going on next to me) - think we'll have to take the dog for a walk while we wait for mum to wake up.

Gonna be a scorcher in Brissy today, is anyone else here finding their little one suffers from heat rash? Matty has it oh his face and neck. We've tried bepanthen which seems to have been effective in reducing the inflamation over the last 24 hours - any other suggestions.

Thanks for the good wishes G. :D We were both disappointed we couldn't continue with the breast feeding gig, I felt Joey was under enough pressure from herself and those with a breast-feeding barrow to push, without me adding to her burden by insisting she persevere. Things were really miserable 'round here for a week or so - to the extent that on her last visit to the breast-feeding clinic the consultant gave Joey pamphlets on post natal depression.

Any-hoo, all is good now and we're off to take the big black mutt for a stroll.

Hope you other mums and dads have a great Chrissy.

Andre and Matty.

[andre]

Or are you lucky buggers all too busy having fun - on holidays etc.? This is Andre, posting as Andre, using Andre's new avatar and username (rather than Joey's).

Just been killing some time reading posts etc. Some other parents have such a lot to deal with - makes me thank my lucky stars that Matthew isn't too grisley, colicy, windy or any of the other numerous things that seem to plague babies. Then of course, I start to worry about all the things that could happen to the little tyke :eek: and have to take a deep breath!

Any of you guys (or gals) have an Angelcare monitor - has a movement sensor pad for under the mattress as well as a microphone. I love ours, allows me some piece of mind and lets me get some sleep without constantly fretting that Matthew might stop breathing and we won't notice!

Another question: baby swings...any suggestions re. motorised models etc.

Have a good New Year gents, if we don't catch up beforehand:cool: .

[Daddyof2]

Hi,

My name is ben and im new to bub hub. Just after some suggestions on how to get my 2 girls off the bottle any ideas would be great.:)

[jojosdad]

Hi Andre,

I'm fairly new here too. Just wanted to say my wife and I had a similarly tough start with bub and I'm glad things seem to be working out for you now.

My wife really wanted to breastfeed but found it excruciatingly painful. Midwives kept trying to help saying that if the sucking position of the baby is right then it shouldn't hurt. But they kept checking the sucking position and saying it was perfect! My wife got to the point where she would be crying just at the prospect of the next feed having to come sometime soon because she just couldn't take the pain. For her sake I was happy to go to formula but she really wanted to work it out because she thought it was just something she was doing wrong.

It actually worked out OK for us though, thankfully. One day I was reading the section on problems in breastfeeding in a breastfeeding book (which was not something I did often) and I reckoned she had all the symptoms of thrush, an extremely common fungal infection that often occurs with breastfeeding and causes extreme pain! She reckoned that if she had thrush then the widwives would have noticed but she asked one about it and it was confirmed that she did have thrush. I couldn't believe it hadn't been spotted before, but once it was treated for a while everything was good.

However, one couple we're friends with went to formula for precisely the same reason as you guys, not enough milk for bub. Their kid is older than ours and seems to be turning out great :) She's now a very cute, very chubby and VERY funny toddler. They also reckon it was good that they were able to share the feeding duties between them.

Getting mum some sleep at night when she was sick and needing solid rest to recover was something we struggled with because breastfeeding was the only thing our little girl would accept. Jojo's a goodnatured girl ... except when we try to give her expressed milk from a bottle :) She screams like it's the most offensive crime ever committed against humanity :) That also means we can't leave her with friends and relatives for very long (not longer than she would need a feed) which means even at 11 months now we haven't been out alone much at all.

I also reckon it's much more important for a baby whether their parents are hapy and relaxed, or stressed and anxious, about feeding than the mode by which they are fed :)

So, we're still glad we continued with breastfeeding, but sometimes you just can't and then you can find there's a real upside to the way you guys have gone as well.

It sounds like you're being a great support to your wife.

See you,
jojosdad

[nemosmum]

Ta Graeme for the insight into living back with the olds ;)
Looks like were getting our home loan quicker then we expected though so its all very exciting!

Andre- we have one of those monitors and I loved it until bub was born and then ended up co sleeping for the first month. We used it after that though, now O is much older and almost ready for a bed its been packed away ready for our next little angel :) It was great though for peace of mind!

We never got a motorised swing so I cant help you there.

My DH has been checking out your thread LOL but I cant persuade him to log in, I think his chicken :p

Sarah

[JenNT]

Daddyof2- Its not easy getting them to part with bottle/dummy etc
We had trouble with a dummy with our 1st.Eventually at 3 we managed to convince her that Santa needed them for new babies and it worked but i think you just missed the sleigh for that one! My mum used to cut the teat off the top until there was a big hole and my brother hated that.That was 25 years ago! I'm sorry I don't know how else to advise you. I wouldn't be too concerned if its only a night bottle for your 2 yo but 3 yo is a big girl/boy now ....Tough Love isn't it :)

Cheers Jen

[andre]

Hey Ben, welcome to the site. Can’t help you with the bottle thing...not at that stage yet!

Jojosdad: yeah, we had similar problems with positioning and lactation consultants telling us it was perfect. Glad things worked out well for you guys in the end, and thanks for the positive feedback :) – I bet you’re looking forward to some ‘alone time’ once it becomes possible!

Orlandosmum: we finally got the monitor problem sorted out – after an exasperating afternoon of experimenting with different mattress configurations and fan speeds :confused: . Tell your DH to come on and join in, this place is great for those of us new to the experience of parenting – and those not so new. We’ve picked up quite a few great tips from other mums and dads willing to act as a kind of mentor, our parents are great but technology and some child-raring methods have changed with the years, so they don’t know all the ‘new stuff’.

Nothing new to report from home really, Matty is due to have his shots next week I believe. Any advice on what to expect?

Paediatrician told us he is looking fine ect. weight at 7.5 weeks is now 11 pound 6, up from 7 pound 7 at birth.

Starting to smile a lot now and has a laugh very occasionally - most often in his sleep which is really weird!

Sleeping from about 2030 ‘til 0300, then 0330 ‘til 0700 which is fantastic....hope it lasts for a little while at least!

Hope you’re all well.

[dadsarecooltoo]

Dad-to-be 11th July 2006. I'm rather anxious about it. Did it seem to take forever with everyone else too?

[andre]

Yes!!!!!!!!

But it's like anything you have to wait for - the arrival is that much sweeter. On reflection, the 9 months actually passed fairly quickly, but at the time it really drrraaaagggged!

No advice to offer, other than try and fill some of the days with preparing things for when you finally get home with mum and baby - it was a bit of a shock to the system for us, no matter how well organised we thought we were.

Keep popping back here too, there's lots of other dads who're full of great ideas and advice.

Andre.

[dadsarecooltoo]

I've been recommended by quite a few fathers to read "rich dad, poor dad". Does anyone here recommend it? is it insightful, and an interesting read? or is it a waste of 30 odd dollars?

[andre]

Can't remeber enough about it to recommend it though. Might be available at your local library? If you dont already have it or haven't had it recommended to you, I can highly recommend a book by Robin Barker called Baby Love.

It's basically been our baby bible - has everything in it you can imagine concerning baby raring and parenting. Breast-feeding, sleeping tips, physical ailments, physical and mental development information etc. Every time we've struck some sort of problem or encountered something we though was unusual or worrying, Baby love has been our first port of call. Usually followed by, "Oh, so that is normal then!"

It's a very large book, so might help you pass some of the time you have on your hands if you're bored.

Andre

[dadsarecooltoo]

thanks andre! I'll make a concerted effort to find that one, and hopefully purchase it!


From a father's perspective, how did you guys go with juggling work and being a daddy? I'm finding right now I'm pulling 12 hour days, and I'm curious how you coped if you were doing those sort of hours? I can't say I'll always be working 12 hour days, just right now I am, and it's a little worrying :/

[vsberlina1995]

Hello all, I'm new to this site. My wife Lisa said I should sign up so I can get more involved in everything going on. My story (the quick version), father of 3. Samantha 11, Jack 3, Ashton 8 days. Large age gap but that's another story. One of the best books I read was Paul Reisner's Parenthood. The comedy side of things seems like a great way to get through the new situation of another child in the house. The serious books are usually sitting within arms reach of Lisa for the smallest hiccup, sneeze or cough. I work full time and Lisa is now officially the stay at home mum. Things are tight financially but I'm sure everyone else also has money worries. One of the best things I can do is buy nappies as that easily takes me over the $30 amount for the fuel voucher (the most prized dockets nowadays). I'm glad there is a forum for this and I hope to chat with you all soon when you can take your partners off the computer for 5 minutes hahaha. Enjoy being parents, Stephen

[our little treasures]

Well I am trying to get my hubby on and he seems interested.. So hopefully you will have a new mans prospective.. I love reading these posts especially graeme his post are great

[maverick]

Hi All,

I am a newby to this site, I only found out today that my wife and I are expecting our second child in Feb 07.

This is a miracle baby in that my wife suffers from PCOS ( Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome ) which basically means she needs help to conceive. Our first baby turned into a drama delivery due to pre-eclampsia and ended up being an emergency C-Section. We were actually booked int to see our fertility specialist in Adelaide next month, no need for that now which is great believe me.

We live in Alice Springs but we intend to have our baby in Newcastle, should be in Feb 07.:fingerscrossed: We have a home in Nelson Bay so we are now in the process of finding a goob OB and hospital. I think we will end up with the Newcastle Private Hospital providing we get some good feedback on it.

Our first baby has now grown in to a beautiful effervescent young girl of 4, well she will be 4 on the 27th of June. We are going to be in Nelson Bay for her birthday so she can spend it with her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

I was always of the opinion that I never wanted children, that all changed the minute my wife fell pregnant with our first child and the minute she was born I was besotted with her. I am now fiercely protective of her, god help anyone that hurt my daughter because the law would not stand in my way of dishing out the punishment.:devil6:

I find these days I cannot watch any programs that depict children being hurt.

Anyway just thought I would add my 2 cents worth in this thread.

Cheers

Mav