View Full Version : Ok I give in
I'm feeling really down tonight :crying: I think I need to see someone, like counseling. I'm so not dealing with my birth experience. Yeah yeah, you're gonna say it wasn't that bad. Ok, it was!!! for me, it was!!!(sorry i'm not really directing that at you the reader) I've had other traumatic experiences that are also playing into this one and making it worse. Anyways, does anyone know anything about this. Could you suggest where I might start. I'm not really into this therapy stuff but yeah I know i'm not dealing.:gloomy:
you really need to talk to your gp, tell him/her exactly how you feel, no matter ho silly or small it seems, they wont know where to go with it if ure not completely honest..
all the best
Hey Chantel.. I am so sorry to hear that your not feeling too good. I am really just posting to give you some big :hugs:
Unfortunately I don't really have much advice re birth trauma, but someone on here will be able to offer you some guidance in the right direction I am sure.
If you ever want to chat just swing me a pm.
Hope you find some answers, take care, Sasa
I would suggest as the PP said to go & speak with your g.p about how you are feeling etc to start with.
Then i would suggest finding a counsellor in your area that helps in regards to birth trauma. Seeing a regular counsellor or psych may not be the best because they arent always equipped to handle birth trauma.
There is a great organisation called "Birthrites" if you google them you will find their site. The specialise in many different things counselling being one of them & im sure there will be someone you can speak with even if via phone.
I speak with an independant midwife via email & she has been fantastic in helping me heal. Im still not totally over what happened but im getting there !
I found her through a few others on here & can give you her details if you PM me. She may not be able to help directly but she will be able to help you find someone.
Good luck :hugs:
I know how you feel. Believe me. I had a horrible birth too and after it continuing to hurt me I have decided to talk to someone. I think it's something very personal that not many people apart from those who have been there or professionals can understand. It hurts me when people tell me to get over it. It's not as simple as that. Yes I have a beautiful baby at the end of the day but that doesn't erase the pain.
I've got my first appointment on Monday. I'll let you know how it goes if you like, and I can give you her name if you'd like it.
Huge hugs. :hugs: Feel free to PM me any time.
Thanks everyone :hugs:
Allyoo: I'll check the site out thank you!
Sasa: Thanks for your support.:hugs:
Jessie: That would be great!!! thankyou sooo mcuh. I hope the appointment goes really well for you :fingerscrossed:
If you think the birth was traumatic - then it was - even if it wasn't. It's all about your perception. We believe you.
Also try, www.birthtalk.org (http://www.birthtalk.org) they run monthly meetings at Toowong. I saw a psychologist at Matters of Mind at Milton - they may also recommend someone closer to you if you ring them, it cost $100 and was claimable on health insurance.
I also saw my gp, who did up a mental health plan, so the next time I saw the psych it was cheaper as Medicare reimbursed $75 out of $100.
Good luck, sending you lots of hugs:hugs:
PS Sometimes just getting it out is enough "therapy". I found once I'd unloaded my story a couple of times to people who could understand, some of the weight was lessened. Healing takes time, but hugs and love help.:hugs:
Hi, Chantel - Melissa from Birthtalk here. I am so glad that you are reaching out for support and acknowledging how you are feeling - it is really important and a great first step. And I can see you are already receving some validation from the lovely women here.
I wanted to reassure you that, as Sarahg said, a bad birth is defined more by how you felt than what happened. I have taken some quotes from our website, from articles we have written and presentations we have given, on that exact subject.
If you go to this link :
http://www.birthtalk.org/Healing.htm you can read what we say about defining a Bad Birth - an extract is below, including a couple of common questions woman ask us (and questions I asked myself when I was going through my own healing after a traumatic birth)...
A Bad Birth
"A bad birth might not look "that bad" to an outsider. It might not look "that bad" to your partner. It may not even look "that bad" to you, but it FELT THAT BAD...and THAT is what matters.It could have been a caesarean or a natural birth.
It might have taken 30 hours or 3 hours. A bad birth is defined by the WAY YOU FEEL, not just the EVENTS THAT OCCURRED."
Q>Everyone keep telling me I should be grateful. I'm healthy and the baby is healthy. . . isn't that all that matters?
A> A common response from well-meaning people. But a "healthy" mum also means one who is healthy emotionally. Of COURSE you are grateful for your babyıs safe arrival - that goes without saying. Feeling empty, angry, sad or distressed is a NORMAL response to being in a situation where you felt afraid, powerless or unacknowledged. You may need support to be able to move through this experience so you can let the happiness and love for your child out, and be the best mum you can be.
Q>Can I feel bad about my birth & still love my baby?
A> Yes, yes, yes! You can feel distressed and angry with HOW your child arrived, at the same time as feeling JOY at THE FACT your baby has arrived. They are separate events.
Your sadness at the way the birth went does NOT reflect your feelings about your baby. It is ok to be sad, angry, & upset. And it is ok to let your feelings of love for your baby out. They are there...but may be hidden under layers of grief or trauma."
THis extract below is from our presentation titeld "Birth Trauma" that we presented at a seminar last year called "Moving On After a Challenging Birth". THe link to the full article is http://www.birthtalk.org/BirthTrauma.html.
"There are common feelings shared by women who have experienced a bad birth, no matter how it unfolded or what path the birth followed. That is, regardless of whether it was a caesarean after 30 hrs, or a freight train 3 hour labour and natural delivery, or an induction leading to epidural leading to foetal distress and vacuum delivery., or even a homebirth where the support wasn't appropriate...there are common feelings amongst women from all and any type of birth.
We would like to reiterate that these feelings occur across the board. They are not dependant upon how the baby arrived, or how fast or slow, or how the birth unfolded at every step of the way.
And we have found ourselves that women echo the same responses as each other, regardless of their personal story of birth, time and again.
It seems the main factors affecting how a woman will feel postnatally are how she feels during the birth.
This can be seen illustrated with some quotes from Birthtalk women... "
But it becomes clear that a challenging birth, a disturbing birth, a traumatic birth cannot be defined just by 'what happened'. It must also be defined by 'how the woman feels about what happened'. And that cannot be voiced by anyone but the woman herself.
This has impact for Health Professionals - we can’t look at a woman’s birth and tell how she feels about it. As Cheryl Beck says, in her article presented in Nursing Research journal, 'Birth trauma lies in the eye of the beholder'.
And also, Chantal, I want to let you know that it doesn't always have to feel the way it feels right now...this extract is also from our website :
Making peace with your birth...
It IS possible to make peace with your birth, and gain clarity about your experience.
You don't always have to feel that emptiness, or such an intensity of emotions, about "what happened" when your little one arrived.
Initially, many women find it helpful to:
1. talk to people who know that BIRTH MATTERS & receive validation for how they are feeling
2. hear other womenıs experiences & realise they ARE NOT ALONE
3. realise that birth CAN be different, it is SUPPOSED to be different, and there are valid reasons for their confusion, sadness and behaviour
How Birthtalk can help...
Healing From Birth Support Group:
Birthtalk's support group for women & couples gaining understanding and working through a disturbing birth experience (or postnatal period).
Birthtalk offers understanding & validation from women who know that BIRTH MATTERS. We also offer ideas for processing your experience, and making peace with the birth, and ways to make it different the next time.
Chantel, I hope this helps you gain some clarity for your situation, and please know you are welcome to contact us at email@example.com anytime. Our next meeting is this Tuesday, July 10, at Red Hill . I have included details below, just so you can see what we do.
BEst wishes and take care,
“Healing From Birth”
* for real validation & emotional support after a disappointing, difficult or traumatic birth
* plus tools for making peace with the experience & moving on
* with guidance from those who have made the journey
* and facilitation by a registered midwife and childbirth educator
What happens in these meetings?
We don’t sit about and complain & moan about how bad our births were!
We invite women to debrief their birth in the context of gaining clarity about “what happened”, to explore ways of making any future birth a better experience, so the previous birth does not overshadow any upcoming birth. Or, if you are not planning any more babies, to just move on and go back to your family more present and complete.
Working towards vbac? Many women find that attending these meetings allows them to “make a space” for the new baby, as they deal with what happened in their previous birth.
You don’t have to speak – you can just listen. And it doesn’t matter whether your baby was born last week, or last year…or even last century! Just come along and be with other people who know that birth matters.
For more info
Tuesday, July 10
Toowong Physio Rehab Centre,
13 Morley St, Toowong
Gold Coin donations appreciated!
Wow thank you so much!!
I was at the baby expo on the weekend and came across one of your flyers and was indending to come along to a meeting.
Unfortunatly I may not be able to make it this tuesday but could I come to the next meeting?? What date would that be??
Thank you again
Glad you found us at the Baby Expo!
The next meeting is next month : Aug 14.
We'd love to see you then!
If you want to chat to someone abut your situation before then, feel free to contact Deb, our resident midwife and Phone Support Contact on (07) 3878 7915. She's always good for a chat.
And if you ever want to confirm our meeting dates and venue in the meantime, you can see www.birthtalk.org/calendar.htm for the latest information.
Or, go to our homepage and fill in your name and email to be on our email list...we send monthly meeting reminders, articles of interest and website updates, plus our free quarterly newsletter which includes articles about Healing.
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