Crying again before I leave the room

[watermelon]

Hi everyone,

We are about to start CC (properly) this week after 6+ weeks of DD waking every 40 minutes at night. I can no longer function as I'm now so exhausted and overtired that I am not able to go to sleep myself (if that makes sense) and have been exhisting on about 2 hours of broken sleep a night.

I've been doing my own beginning version of CC at bedtime for the last few nights. I settle her then leave for about 2 minutes then go back in and resettle . The first couple of nights were ok and I only had to go back in 2 or 3 times. But in the night when she wakes I settle her and try to leave but she cries as soon as I step back from her cot, I can't even make it out the door. Now she has started doing this at bedtime too. So I've gone back to the shooshing, giving her the dummy and sitting with her routine.

What do you do when this happens - just leave the room anyway? Our guide to CC says leave once they've settled and start timing when they cry. She does settle but she knows as soon as I start stepping backwards that I'm going to leave the room I've tried taking a step back and waiting till she calms, but she starts crying again the moment I take another step. I've done this for about 1/2 an hour an didn't make it all the way to the door.

Help me!!!


Samantha
Mum to Sophie (20/7/05)

[Mrs Little]

Hiya Samantha....

*hugz* to you.

Sleep deprivation is the worst.

Do you still wrap your little one?

Mrs Little & Son.

[Imogensmum]

I don't know if this is it but are you still giving her a middle of the night feed? Maybe in the heat she is now thirsty? or going through a growth spurt... I don't know- just a suggestion.

Imy still ahs 2 feeds a night- 130am and 430am- hoping to lose one shortly- but that is the only times i have notices that she wont resettle- i think it is from hunger???

I don't know if that helps at all???

Best of luck with it!

with imy i also don't make any eye contact if she needs to be patted- and i had too last night! i just pat her tummy- and if she is really fighting sleep i roll her on her tummy and pat her bottom then roll her over once she is asleep- sometimes i think that it is all too stimulating for her (so being on her tummy eliminates that stimuli)

[watermelon]

We stopped wrapping at 4 months because she would get herself out of the wrap and then wake up. We had about a month of sleeping through once we got rid of the wrap.

We are doing 5 bottle feeds a day with the last one as a dream feed (now at 9:30pm). She's on 3 meals of solids too, so I don't think she's hungry. Occasionally I have fed her again early in the morning (~2am) just to settle her but she still wakes up again after that.

She's already up again tonight 40 mins after going to sleep. DH trying to calm her at the moment. We're both getting very frustrated.

Samantha

[draught]

Hi Samantha
My guide to CC doesn't say to wait until they are settled before you leave them - otherwise you might never get to tleave the room. What I have done with both girls is soothe until they are calmer then leave - even if they start up again. What i have found is that after a couple of minutes they will wind down a bit whereas if I constantly respond to the first cry, that first cry gets louder and earlier and more persistent. Leaving them for a couple of minutes gives them time to start to settle themselves.

Whatever you decide to do, the main thing is to be consistent - it will take a couple of nights but she will start to learn to settle herself and you will all be happier and healthier for it. I can PM you a few pointers we used if you want.

[thirdtimeround]

Can totally relate to your situation. I have had sleeping problems with my 9 mnth old ds since he was 4 mnths old. Have had the clinic sister from the Family Care cottage over to help me teach him to sleep. After two months of controlled comforting (which is what u r doing) during the day and he still falls asleep before I can leave the room. He does the same thing, he also will close his eyes while I am in there and then opens them to check if I am still there. All the books that I have read have said to resettle for anywhere from 2- 10 minutes. If the baby is still crying after 10 minutes leave the room and re-enter when the time is up to go back in. I have found with my ds that this makes him hysterical to the point that I cant resettle. What I have been doing this week is staying in the room but not touching or talking or making eye contact. He does go to sleep like this and sleeps well. He is now only waking around 3am at which time I still give him a feed because I know from experience that that is what he wants. This works for us. :) I am currently in the process of weaning him and I will leave the night feed for last.

Understand how exhausted you are my ds would wake every half hour and has done that for five months. I just kept thinking in 12 months time I wont even remember what it was like!!!!

Keep your chin up, relax when you can and by all means look after yourself.
Good luck

me-33
dp- 33
dd- 10
ds1- 2
ds2- 9mnths

[watermelon]

Thanks for the tips everyone,

We just had another very bad night. DD went to bed at 7pm then woke half hourly until 1:30am when she became wide awake.

Each time she woke I would go in and settle her (with the dummy), she'd roll on her side and go to sleep, about 20 minutes later she's awake and crying again. This continued till 1:30 when she just wouldn't go to sleep. I tried feeding her but she wasn't interested. DH was up as well and was furious (not at her but just at the whole situation) and stopped me from going back in. I was getting angry too so I thought I should probably have a break for a while, so we did the unthinakble....let her cry it out (which I never wanted to ever do).

She cried for about 30 minutes then went to sleep at about 3am. It made me feel sick to hear her crying all that time. She woke up again at 4am but I gave her the dummy and she went back to sleep till 6:30am. She is so tired now that she didn't want her milk or her breakfast.

I'm taking her for her 6 month immunizations today so I'm going to get the Dr to examine her and make sure there's no physical reason for the all night waking.
I'm also going Dr myself, as I'm not sure if I can't cope with this because I'm so exhausted to the point of feeling physically ill or whether I'm not coping because I'm depressed. I'm sure I'll be fine once I get some sleep, but I'm going further and further downhill with every night.

Draught, I would be happy to hear any tips you can offer so please PM me.

Samantha
Mum to Sophie (20/7/05)

[Imogensmum]

You poor thing!

Sometime you do need to just leave them be- and let them cry as your frustation level will rub off on htem- babies are very intuitive. I think you did the right thing by not going in while you where feeling that way!

Maybe she has reflux?? I had a friend whos bub had silet reflux and she had trouble staying asleep! Maybe ask your gp about that!

Thinking of you- and sending sleepy vibes.

Shannan

[bec05]

Hi Watermelon

I'm reluctant to offer any suggestions when I'm going through the CC thing myself (and just wrote a big happy post this morning) but I did want to ask you a couple of things because your situation sounds SO much like what we've been going through for so long. When she wakes & cries after 20 mins do you go straight in or wait a minute and when you resettle her do you do lots of patting and comforting or minimal? And do you pick her up sometimes? Just that we have also been trying so many things for so long including some half-hearted CC / comforting in the cot and some picking up and some trying to feed... and the thing that seems to have made a difference just in the last 2 days (TOUCH WOOD!!!) was deciding to be much more consistent ie. once she's down not pick her up. Also for some bizarre reason it seems the more we tried to comfort her eg. rolling her on her side & patting & talking & even picking her up to cuddle her, the more worked up she'd get - maybe because she can sense your frustration or maybe because it's just more stimulation when she's already overwrought. When we did 'proper' CC for the first time on Sunday night I actually did very little, just touched her very lightly and mainly just sat beside her being very calm, which seemed to be better. And she definitely did get much more upset when I went to leave the room but I left anyway (for a couple of minutes - it is very hard!) and she did eventually seem to work it out. It's almost like you're making it worse by being there but not picking them up... weird. Of course, every baby is different and different things work / don't work. Also I agree it's a good idea to get her checked by a GP if only to put your mind at rest that nothing is wrong (our DD had been doing even more crying than usual a couple of weeks ago then we found she had an ear infection!!!! Not good to try CC in these circumstances!!!). Best wishes to you, I know just exactly how you feel!! PM me if you want...

[watermelon]

We've just come back form the Dr - there's no medical reason for the waking.

Bec, I agree that too much comforting only gets them more worked up and so we just go in and make shooshing noises and sometimes I hold her hand. We try not to put on the light or get her up unless its absolutely necessary.

The doctor agrees that CC has to be started (and followed through) so tonight I'm just going to walk out the room even if she's still crying and start my 2 minutes counting. I don't want her to have to cry it out again, that was awful.

Will keep you posted how it goes, thanks for the support.

Samantha

[addictedtobabe]

Samantha - keep at it don't give up!

We went to Tresillian for the day and got some techniques for CC at 4 months. We would put him to bed, leave the room and wait 5 minutes before going in again...but had to listen to the crying and if it was winding down, not to go in after 5 minutes as it could rev him up again. Sometimes we would leave him for 15 minutes as he was not hysterical. Tresillian told us it would probably work in 3 days...it took 3 and half weeks!

Persevere persevere...it is definatley worth it...now DS (7months) is put in bed (in a grobag - works wonders!) he smiles, puts thumb in mouth and that's it...not a peep! Occasionally he has a dream and cries out, but once in last 3 months have we had to go in becasue he is crying! He is a very happy, well rested little boy! We were going to give up so many times but are so glad we stuck with it...we have sleep now and the world is a fnatastic place because of it!

[watermelon]

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all your support and encouragement. We are on night 3 of CC tonight.

The first night was awful - she cried for about 4 hours in total including a 2 hour period of constant crying.

But the 2nd night was soooo much better!! It still took 1/2 hour at bedtime to get her down then about 15 minutes after the dream feed but then she slept through from 10:30 to 6:45 am:D I heard her stir twice in the night but one or two cries and then she had resettled before I could even get out of bed.

Tonight, she took about 15 minutes at bedtime and is still asleep now at 9am whereas before she would have woken at least once in that time period. I hope tonight continues to be as good as last night and last night wasn't just a fluke. I feel slightly more sane after just one night of sleep and positive we're doing the right thing now.

Thanks to everyone for all your tips and support:)


Samantha
Mum to Sophie (20/7/05)

[draught]

That is great to hear - I have been wondering how it was all going and am pleased to hear that both of you are getting some sleep now.

[Rhys'Mum]

Just wanted to wish you all the best with it.

If it's any help my little one is 6months old had been sleeping through the night for a while but has been doing quite a lot of similar night waking in the last couple of days. A couple of friends are telling me the same sort of thing so maybe its a development stage that's triggered it.

I know controlled crying (or if you're being positive controlled comforting) is probably one of the hardest things I have done, but the little people need sleep - as do you. Sometimes they just need to spend a bit of time telling you how angry they are about it though.

D

[addictedtobabe]

Sometimes they just need to spend a bit of time telling you how angry they are about it though.

D

This made me smile, and so far today nothing has as my little man is sick!

Glad the controlled comforting is working for you...many people on here don't seem to agree with it, but me and babe have never been happier!!

[bec05]

my little one is 6months old had been sleeping through the night for a while but has been doing quite a lot of similar night waking in the last couple of days. A couple of friends are telling me the same sort of thing so maybe its a development stage that's triggered it.

D

I am wondering if something is going on in the stars (!!not that I'm a believer!!) because after 1 good night of sleeping through my DD has spent the last 2 nights waking 6-7 times a night!!!:eek: And everyone I talk to is saying the same as well!!!

[Heids]

Hi Sam,

Just wondering how everything was going for you ?

Hugs Heids

[shaz77]

Hi all. Hope your little ones are getting some more sleep lately. My DS (4 1/2 months old) has been sleeping through from around 9 weeks. When he was 8 weeks old my MCHN (who admits she's a bit of a sleep nazi) said that it was time to teach him to settle himself. I was to put him into his cot and tuck him in and set a timer for 15 minutes. If he stopped crying, the timer had to be reset. Once he had cried for 15 minutes, I could go in and comfort him without picking him up. Once he was quiet again, leave for another 15 minutes. It took a week, but then he started sleeping through. It is very rare when we go through a second 15 minute cycle - he usually grizzles or chats for 2-3 minutes before going off to sleep. I know its not strictly CC but it worked for me!:)