No Libido

[Kirky]

I'm starting to get a little concerned, as my libido has still not returned, despite my son being 9 months old now. I used to have a really high sex drive before he came along, but now I'm just not interested AT ALL.............I had sex with my husband this morning, but I just didn't enjoy it at all. It doesn't hurt or anything, but I just can't seem to get turned on. We still kiss and cuddle heaps, and I'm still attracted to him, but sex I couldn't be bothered with.

I was just wondering if anyone else has been like this, and come through it. What did you do to improve your libido, or did it just return after time??

It's getting me depressed, as I want to feel like a sexy woman again.......not just a mum.

Please be open in your replies, as I don't get offended easily.

Cheers

[miss_moe]

no advise but just want to say it seems very common.
not sure if these apply to you but a couple of things that tend to mess it with libid is breastfeeding this can tend to make it a bit difficult to lubricate (ky is your friend!) and
also there is a strong correlation between loss of libido and the pill / mini-pill

i feel that it is something that returns naturally - otherwise what would happen to the human race. and perhaps someone else could help with some suggestions. but always if it is a big concern chat to your gp, I think you'll find it is a common query.

[cobysmummy]

i dont have any advice sorry but i am exactly the same way... and coby is 10 months old... might have to follow this thread and pick up some of the advice for myself...

although i think it will just come back in time... another advantage of being a mum!

[the_queen]

I don't have any advice either, just wanted to let you know you're the not only one with this problem ;)


Sometimes I think it's nature's way of making sure we space out our babies :p

[Minke]

I was the same! My libido started to return after bub was one, and slowly got back to normal. I think a lot of it has to do with sleep and stress etc, and I guess after bub was one I didn't worry so much when she didn't wake up at night, and wasn't so scared of falling pregnant!

In regards to feeling sexy again, that one took me ages! I hated having my boobs touched (couldn't think of them as anything but feeding attachments - i only breastfed for 3 months) And of course there was the issue of I didn't have a toned, non stretchmarked body with perky boobs! (or perky anything if we're being honest!) I couldn't believe that my hubby still loved me and my less than perfect bod!

What seemed to help was lingerie or "adult" stuff (:eek: pretend your not a mummy anymore - cause mummies don't do that sort of stuff :D ) That was the only thing that could make me not think of myself as a mummy! Even spending time without bubs, or just getting dressed up makes you feel more like the old you...

How's your DH handling it? I know it was a sore point with us for quite a while!

Only one of my friends didn't go through this, but she always been mad at it.....!

Hope this helps,

Kelli

[onabreak]

I have been through the same thing. I put a thread up on here months ago about no libido.

I found some herbal tablets in the supermarkets that help with libido, I took them for awhile and they seemed to help. I found that looking after a baby all day, doing house work, cleaning, cooking etc etc the last thing I felt like doing was having sex when hubby and I went to bed.

My DH started to get a bit concerned about my lack of libido as I had a high sex drive when we met and while I was pregnant. Now the problems is trying to keep DH husband awake in bed as he is working 14 hour days and is exhausted by the time he gets to bed.

Maybe try and put the children to bed early, fill your room with candles and burn some incense, put on a sexy outfit and try and have plenty of forplay as that may help you get in the mood and just take it from there.

GOOD LUCK!!!

[caro224]

Hello!
I had / have the same problem, and it seems that it is really really common. Anyway, I found out, that I have no Libido at all in the evening after a day on child minding and household chores. BUT: Watch yourself during the day! About noon I'm getting as horny (sorry:o ) as hell, so at least we have sex on the weekends when Emily has her sleep...
I also find there is kind of a pressure to have spontaneous passionate sex. Well planned and prepared sex can be just as good I reckon and you have time to prepare yourself if nessecary...;)
Hope, I didn't go too far here...
good luck anyone :)

Carolin

[beetlgrl]

I didnt realy have to much of a problem getting back into the swing of things lol... six weeks after gracey was born everything went back to normal so i guess im lucky!I think it just comes down to that looking after a bubs all day is tiring and stressful and at the end of the day its kinda the last thing u want to think about sometimes...
I found that my only real problem was getting use to my after baby body!!!And im still not in a way! Getting there... its always good to try and make ur self feel a lil better by wearing something nice always gives me a bit more confidence;)

[nkenward]

Hi there Kirky,

I think it applies to every woman that has had a baby. I think mine has only just come back - but I still have to be in the mood. But Connor has only just started sleeping through - so now I don't have the added worries of whether we will be interupted.

Since I have stopped breastfeeding I have had an increase in libido. But I think it is different for everybody. I think in the past maybe it wasn't as 'planned' if that is a word I could use, and I bet now it has to fit in to a schedule - this may not help things get moving.

If you could maybe have bubs minded for a night with grandparents or the like, maybe make a whole evening special with your DH, and really get things moving.
Dinner, wine, chocolates etc.... music, candles, bath..... etc etc....:rolleyes:

[poshBecks]

Why not pamper yourself... get your hair done, a maincure, put on some makeup... that always makes me feel better about myself & therefore usually sexier too!! :D Good luck

[meshan]

Kirky are you breastfeeding? I find that totally kills my libido. Once I stop it comes back full force!!

[Kirky]

Meshan, no I am no longer breastfeeding, but I am back on the pill. I know there's been research done about the effects the pill has on libido, but I was on the pill for 13 years prior to falling pregnant, and I always had a high sex drive, so I don't think this is the problem either.

I think a lot of it has to do with self esteem (or lack thereof with my post baby body). It's strange though, because I've lost all my pregnancy weight plus more, and I weigh less than what I did before I fell pregnant, but my belly feels flabby and I have a few stretchmarks, and my boobs feel saggy, so I don't feel good about my body, despite my husband assuring me he still finds me sexy.

It just seems like I need an hour or so foreplay to even get slightly in the mood.......and who's got a spare hour with a 9 month old??
If there is a time of day that I do feel slightly amorous, it's about 2pm in the afternoon. Unfortunately, this is when hubby is at work!

Hubby and I discussed this yesterday and decided we are going to plan "sexy" afternoons, where we drop bubs off at Grandma's and come home and set the scene with darkened room, candles, music, sex toys etc. So I'm looking forward to this.

I'm also going back to work 3 days a week next week. Prior to falling pregnant, I was in a well-paying, respected corporate position, so maybe I'll start feeling like a "person" again once I start work, and not just a "mum". My job is really mentally stimulating and rewarding, so this might help with my self esteem too??

I'll let you all know how I go.

Thanks for your posts

Kirky

[Michimum]

Hi Kirky,

I was the same until I had an orgasm. It was almost like the "switch" had to be turned on again. Before that I was finding sex a bit uncomfortable and sore and couldn't think of anything other than my little one...not very conjusive to making love!!! Anyway, I had an orgasm (which was the first for a while as during the late stages of pregnancy didn't enjoy sex tooo much either) this worked for me and it really did feel like the switch had been turned back to 'on'. I am back to enjoying sex and feeling sexy even with the big belly and leaks;)

Hope this helps!