Not many bereaved mums,

[Christelle]

I find it really strange that not many mums are on here who have lost a baby???

I thought there may have been more around.

[StormAngel]

No, I have found that too!

[IheartOman]

I find it really strange that not many mums are on here who have lost a baby???

I thought there may have been more around.

I just read Aliyah's story.. I'm so sorry you suffered that loss. It always scares me to think if my baby died. How horrible it would be and how hard it would be to go on.

:hugs: for you.

[bonsmummy]

Hmm.. maybe because mum's who have lost babies don't really like to talk about it?

not sure:confused:

[Coffee]

Hmm.. maybe because mum's who have lost babies don't really like to talk about it?

not sure:confused:

I think, that is the Issue. Everybody deals different with Grief. Some make an online Journal, some grief in silent, some cry out loud for help..

I also think, it's a personal thing, so many people don't want to "share" it with lots of strangers.

[Madi]

I found that there are so many women on here who are happy and excited about being pregnant that I didn't like sharing too much. It just didn't feel right, for some reason. I have found other boards that talk about losing bubs more.

Madi.

[MW&S]

Hi Christelle, I read your amazing little girls story. :hugs: :hugs: I dont know what to say..i cant imagine what u went through.

[punkbaby]

I think there are alot more than you think :) some just deal with grief differently i know that i do

[LoopyLyndaLou]

HI CHristelle,

it is often very quiet on here, I think the fact it is right at the bottom of the list does not help I think also perhaps people join this site with all the excitement of pregnancy and babies and then if they lose that child it is hard to come back on here. It is a very 'baby' related site and is hard in the early stages of loss. Also as it is not very busy, old posts get 'archived' so not seen on first viewing, it means that posts get 'lost' for want of a btter word.

I have read about your beautiful baby girl, what a little fighter she was. I can understand the huge hole she has left in your life as we also have a huge hole in ours, it started out as a baby sized hole and now it is a hole a 4 year old would fit in to. The truth is the void never gets smaller it grows.

I really don't agree that women don't want to talk about their losses, I think it is quite the contrary, I think they would love to share things about their child, I know I do, but society does not want to hear, it is too 'upsetting' for them (How do they think we feel!) so we are encouraged to get up, brush ourselves off and get on with life as if nothing ever happened.

If only it were that easy eh?!

I am always here if you want to chat, I have been away for 7 weeks overseas and offline, hence not writing before. PM me if you need to chat less publicly

Lynda xx

[woven_wings]

Hmm.. maybe because mum's who have lost babies don't really like to talk about it?

not sure:confused:







I think there are alot more than you think :) some just deal with grief differently i know that i do

I know of quite a few on here. They just prefer to keep it to themselves and their close circle of friends/family... in most cases I know.

[Becteria]

theres not many on here but i have a very close friend whos daughter passed at 8mths nd has started a charity in her honour, if you want to get in touch with her, pm me,,,,

[Hokey Pokey]

:hugs: to all the mums here who have lost a child :hugs:

[mysonroger]

I really don't agree that women don't want to talk about their losses, I think it is quite the contrary, I think they would love to share things about their child, I know I do, but society does not want to hear, it is too 'upsetting' for them (How do they think we feel!) so we are encouraged to get up, brush ourselves off and get on with life as if nothing ever happened.


i've not lost a baby, but i'm sure that this is how it would be too....to want to share your babies life, to make it immortal, to show her/him off, to remember your time with them......it would be my privilege to hear those stories from a mother who has lost. i can imagine, if i lost one of my children , i would want to keep talking about them all the time. there would be days when it would be almost impossible to tell the beautiful stories and days when you'd be bursting out of your seams to share a memory......

i wish i could give every angel child back to their mother...

[Christelle]

Well I find myself wanting to talk about Aliyah all the time. I want people to know about her and to acknowledge that she was on this earth for 6 months. She made her mark on a lot of people's lives and she should be remembered. I just hate when I mention it people just go silent, I guess they dont know what to say?

[mysonroger]

I just hate when I mention it people just go silent, I guess they dont know what to say?

yeah, its strange that you're the one in immense pain, and need the outlet, but YOU have to move the conversation on because the other person feels awkward bringing up such a conversation.

this is no way a comparison to all the stories above, but i lost my unborn bub at just 16 weeks gestation. it was a very sad time in the house and a lot of my frineds rallied around me, but a couple of friends didn't. one good friend i never heard from until much later, and my SIL has still not acknowledged the loss yet. she lives overseas, she just stopped emailing me the whole time, and a long time later, i finally heard from her, and i had mentioned the word 'pregnancy' in my email to her, and still - nothing from her.. i was so disappointed. couldn't she just had said something to me...just have acknowledged what could have been her future nephew....just anything??
just a tiny bit of acknowledgement instead of ignoring me until it all settled. i kinda look at her differently now.

[LoopyLyndaLou]

MYsonroger...

I just wanted to say your loss is a comparison, any loss is as everyone has had hopes and dremas for their baby the minute they find out they are pregnant and to lose that child is shattering, whether it be at 6 wks, 16 wks, fullterm or thereafter.

What me. and many of the people I have met that have lost babies say is that the grief is the same but the issues surrounding each loss is different and it is these that can make things seem better or worse than someone else's situation. Some people have to go through labour knowing their baby has died, some people have a normal labour and experience the joy of of a newborn only to have it cruelly snatched away, other don't get to experience labour at all but wish like hell they had got that far.

Some have children at home, for some it is their first child that dies, some have supportive friends and family, others don't but one things is certain, there is a common bond that ties everyone, they don't have the baby they wanted so much, the baby that was loved.

I have to say that through losing Thomas I lost a lot of friends that in my eyes, were just not there for me when I needed them the most. So called best friends got put in the acquaintance pile, previous acquaintances became my best friends, some friends just disappeared under their own steam and some that I decided were not good for me to ahve around. In the end I found it very therapeutic, it was almost a relief to drop some of these people as when I really looked at it I realised their friendships had always been hard work.

I think it does come down to it in the end that when we feel strong enough it is up to us to talk about our babies and bring them in to everyday conversation, if people don't like it they have two choices in my eyes! I think this is even more the case in Christelle's situation because she got to keep Aliyah for 6 precious months and that is an awful lot of memories to share.

Anyway, having rambled on and on I basically wanted to say that your loss is as significant as anyone else's, it may be different but it is not better or worse, it is your own private hell.

Lynda x

[Christelle]

All loses are somewhat the same in some way. The grief that we feel when we lose someone is similar. :gloomy:

I also lost a lot of friends. Friends which I thought were best friends just disappeared... i never saw them after the funeral and that's when I needed them the most... they just starting to contact me again recently but to me they are no longer friends. Friends should help each other when tragedy strikes.

I have since made some new friends and i hope to make more, especially on this site!:kiss:

[StormAngel]

MYsonroger...

I just wanted to say your loss is a comparison, any loss is as everyone has had hopes and dremas for their baby the minute they find out they are pregnant and to lose that child is shattering, whether it be at 6 wks, 16 wks, fullterm or thereafter.

What me. and many of the people I have met that have lost babies say is that the grief is the same but the issues surrounding each loss is different and it is these that can make things seem better or worse than someone else's situation. Some people have to go through labour knowing their baby has died, some people have a normal labour and experience the joy of of a newborn only to have it cruelly snatched away, other don't get to experience labour at all but wish like hell they had got that far.

Some have children at home, for some it is their first child that dies, some have supportive friends and family, others don't but one things is certain, there is a common bond that ties everyone, they don't have the baby they wanted so much, the baby that was loved.

I have to say that through losing Thomas I lost a lot of friends that in my eyes, were just not there for me when I needed them the most. So called best friends got put in the acquaintance pile, previous acquaintances became my best friends, some friends just disappeared under their own steam and some that I decided were not good for me to ahve around. In the end I found it very therapeutic, it was almost a relief to drop some of these people as when I really looked at it I realised their friendships had always been hard work.

I think it does come down to it in the end that when we feel strong enough it is up to us to talk about our babies and bring them in to everyday conversation, if people don't like it they have two choices in my eyes! I think this is even more the case in Christelle's situation because she got to keep Aliyah for 6 precious months and that is an awful lot of memories to share.

Anyway, having rambled on and on I basically wanted to say that your loss is as significant as anyone else's, it may be different but it is not better or worse, it is your own private hell.

Lynda x

I agree,
I lost my little girl at 18wks 6 days, I gave birth to her knowing she had passed away & she was the most beautiful and perfect little angel I have ever seen, and I will greive for her forever, but sometimes I am treated like she never exsited & I should get over it because she was only 18wks, she is still my daughter! YKWIM!

[WeloveHarriet]

If asked I will talk about our loss but in the majority of time I only discuss it with my husband / family.

Although I will never forget how special that pregnancy was, we have been blessed another two times with our DD & DS. Our children are blessed to have a guardian angel watching over them.

[HanCh]

My little girl would have turned 8 this year, and to be honest I dont feel that I can talk about her that often. All the people who were in my life when she died arent in my life now (besides my family, and we tend to not talk about things like this) even her father and I arent together now. When asked how many children I have , I say 2 ( my 2 daughters who are here with me now), when it is the anniversary of her death or her birthday I go to her grave by myself (or any other time I go there I am always alone). It isnt as though I dont feel comfortable talking about her, I just dont want to depress people and if I say I have 3 children, I then have to go on and say that my oldest daughter died, which is followed by an awkward silence, or an "oh, im so sorry". Although there isnt a day that goes by that I dont think about my girl, and I know that the grief I feel for her will go on forever, I think it is just easier to keep it to myself. Maybe now that I know that this part of Bubhub exists though, I will be able to come here and talk about the beautiful girl I never got to watch grow..........

[mysonroger]

My little girl would have turned 8 this year, and to be honest I dont feel that I can talk about her that often. All the people who were in my life when she died arent in my life now (besides my family, and we tend to not talk about things like this) even her father and I arent together now. When asked how many children I have , I say 2 ( my 2 daughters who are here with me now), when it is the anniversary of her death or her birthday I go to her grave by myself (or any other time I go there I am always alone). It isnt as though I dont feel comfortable talking about her, I just dont want to depress people and if I say I have 3 children, I then have to go on and say that my oldest daughter died, which is followed by an awkward silence, or an "oh, im so sorry". Although there isnt a day that goes by that I dont think about my girl, and I know that the grief I feel for her will go on forever, I think it is just easier to keep it to myself. Maybe now that I know that this part of Bubhub exists though, I will be able to come here and talk about the beautiful girl I never got to watch grow..........

well - if you ever want to share a story or let us see a photo - i would be honoured.

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

I'm here too:wave: It would have been Ty's 2nd birthday last week, so I have been a little preoccupied.

If you ever need to talk you know where I am.:hugs:

[Christelle]

Well I'm glad this thread is finally getting some attention. Was starting to think I was the only person in Australia going through the loss of a child.

Ali3099, I am here if you ever want to chat. So sorry your little girl isn't here with you.

I really don't care about making other people feel bad.. I always acknowledge Aliyah. She lived for 6 months here on earth and she deserves to be mentioned so if people have a problem, that's their bad luck!

Everyone has different ways of dealing with grief, mine is to talk about Aliyah and always knowledge her existance.

[Lirael]

christelle I just read your daughters story and am bawling my eyes out:crying::crying::crying:

[Harlequin]

I'm crying reading this thread and your stories. I can't imagine ever losing Ava, it hurts so bad just thinking about something like that happening.

My heart goes out to anyone here who has lost a child. Seriously, words can't comprehend...

[Christelle]

Thanks everyone for your kind words and for reading Aliyah's story. I would have never in a million years guessed this would happen to us. It's just horrible:gloomy:

[*babygirl*]

christelle.:hugs: thats all i can really say.
i read your daughters story. my daughter is also named aalliyah and it broke my heart to read it. i had to stop and go give her a hug before i could finish but i felt for your daughters sake i HAD to finish reading it... i couldnt pretend that i hadnt stumbled across it:hugs:

i believe that the women on here strong enough to share thier stories are by far the strongest. no one should have to bury their child. i wish i could take it all back for you.
you will be in my thoughts.

thankyou for sharing ur stories.:hugs: :gloomy:

[StormAngel]

I'm glad that this thread has started up a bit more too!

[HanCh]

well - if you ever want to share a story or let us see a photo - i would be honoured

If you ever need to talk you know where I am
Thanks so much mysonroger and kiahskeeper. I think I will have to come here and post when things start to get a little tough. Eventhough it has been 8 years since she died, I dont think the pain I feel for her will ever go :crying:

I'm crying reading this thread and your stories. I can't imagine ever losing Ava, it hurts so bad just thinking about something like that happening.
I too get a tear in my eye when I read about other mums who have lost children, because I know how much pain they feel. The thought of me losing another one of my girls is just too much to bear. I honestly dont think I could go through something like that again, and to be honest when I look back at that time, I dont know how I survived in the first place. I guess we just need to stay positive and look at the good things we have in life, not what it would be like without them.

[Hokey Pokey]

Just want to send you all :hugs:
You are all incredibly brave and strong :hugs:

[lovehimsomuch]

Ok so I am sitting here reading your words crying, and im typing through tears, you women are amazing and inspirational to keep going. I have never lost a child but I did lose my mum and my best friend at 14 yrs old, it will be ten years this year and not a day goes by that I dont think of her. I know its not the same as losing a child but I just thought I would share, I lost a piece of my soul when she died.

I talk about her all the time, people dont understand, you never get over a loss but you do learn to cope better. I hated it when people said to me "I couldnt handle that I would not cope" we cope because we have to, your babies are watching over you and know how much you love them. Its so sad, im so sorry you all had to go through such a traumatic loss.

You and your beautiful babies are in my thoughts.

Love and light
Laura

:hugs::hugs::hugs::angel:

I read about your little girl, i saw the pictures she was beautiful, you are so brave im so sorry you went through this, I wish you had her with you you sound like a wonderful mother. x x x

[EskimoMumma]

For me personally. I do not like to talk about it.

I have had 1 abortion and 1 miscarriage.

Two things I defiantly do not like talking about. Its not because I do not want to upset other people or whatever.

But merely because, it is my own personal life and I do not feel the need to tell the whole world 'hey ive lost a child..etc etc'

I am also scared of thinking about it and wondering how i would have coped losing a baby after Ive already given birth.

[smelly]

Cristelle

In my case, a PP got it right when they said that the postion of the 'losing a child' section way down the forum might be why people aren't posting. I have a 6 month old bub at the moment and when I do get a chance to jump on the net, I never seem to have enough time to work my way down the page!!!

But having said that, I'm here now. I feel much the same as you, Cristelle, in that I like to talk about my daughter too. I found out she had a lethal condition when I was 20wks pregnant and gave birth to her the next week because I couldn't stand to think that she'd be in pain any longer. She was stillborn, but perfect in every way. I get VERY annoyed when friends and family don't acknowledge Layla. They were at her funeral, but they seem to pretend that she never existed - I don't know why. Maybe it's because she never drew a breath and wasn't real to them, maybe they think I'll feel bad, maybe they feel it's a taboo topic since it was ultimately my decision to end the pregnancy when I did. At any rate, I really wish they'd bring her up more often.
Call me selfish, but I was very upset when Layla didn't get a mention in my father-in-law's eulogy, despite that my second daughter did. My father in law was actually one of the few people who seemed to connect with Layla - I know he was deeply distressed when we lost her and that he would always have thought of her as his first grandchild.

I guess that is why it is good to have a forum like this - so that we can talk about our babies with others who might like to listen. If you ever want to chat about Aliyah I'd be honoured to hear your stories.

Hugs to you and all the other mums and dads that are missing their littlies.

x x x

[Kizmet]

I havent lost a child but I am so moved and touched by this thread that I want to send a million more than I can of these :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: out to all of you.

[Christelle]

I'm so sorry "Smelly" for the loss of your daughter Layla. It must of been very hard on you. :hugs:

I don't think the fact that Layla didn't take a breath is the reason why people don't mention her, because Aliyah lived for 6 months and people don't mention her either!

I'm learning now that people must deal with it in different ways and pretending it didn't happen must be one way. Even though it upsets us as mums as we gave birth to them and we want them acknowledged.

Sending you hugs:hugs:

[Christelle]

I'm so sorry "Smelly" for the loss of your daughter Layla. It must of been very hard on you. :hugs:

I don't think the fact that Layla didn't take a breath is the reason why people don't mention her, because Aliyah lived for 6 months and people don't mention her either!

I'm learning now that people must deal with it in different ways and pretending it didn't happen must be one way. Even though it upsets us as mums as we gave birth to them and we want them acknowledged.

Sending you hugs:hugs:

[jaydensmum]

Hi,
Well i never thought i would be ever saying this but i lost my baby girl last week!! :crying: She was 18wks gestation and was absolutely gorgeous. It has been a very hard week this week. Her funeral is on this thursday. Its good to see that theres a thread like this. It really helps when you read other peoples story's. :yes:

[Zeal]

Naomi :hugs: I'm so sorry to hear of your loss :hugs:

[Harlequin]

Hi,
Well i never thought i would be ever saying this but i lost my baby girl last week!! :crying: She was 18wks gestation and was absolutely gorgeous. It has been a very hard week this week. Her funeral is on this thursday. Its good to see that theres a thread like this. It really helps when you read other peoples story's. :yes:

I'm also sorry to hear of your loss. :( :hugs:

[smelly]

Oh my, Naomi. I'm really sorry to hear that very sad news. It just isn't fair that sometimes we only get such a short amount of time to spend with our perfect little babies...
As I said to Cristelle, if you ever feel like talking about your gorgeous little girl just let me know.
x x x

[jaydensmum]

Thanks girls!! :hugs:

[StormAngel]

Naomi,
I am so sorry for your loss!

[Christelle]

I am so sorry for your loss... we are all here for you :hugs:

There are two websites that really helped me when Aliyah passed away. They are:
www.nationalshareoffice.com (http://www.nationalshareoffice.com)
www.missfoundation.org (http://www.missfoundation.org)

They are great sites and I'm sure you will find some good friends on there who will understand what you are going through.

Sending you heaps of :hugs:

[LoopyLyndaLou]

Hi Naomi,

I am so dreadfully sorry to read of the loss of your precious daughter Oceana. It really pains me to think that someone is just joining our exclusive club and is in those very hard early days.

I would like to give you comfort and say that it will be alright but it will get a whole lot worse before things start to get better.

please know we are here for you. In those first weeks you will kind of be numb with shock and when the shock wears off and reality hits you square in the face many people around you would have already 'moved on'. This is when you'll need our support the most and please do ask for it.

I really hope that you can make Thursday as perfect as possible, it will be hard but I know I almost felt a sense of relief when Thomas' funeral was over, it was as if we were leaving him somewhere safe to start his new journey.

Take care

Lynda xxx

[jaydensmum]

Thanks everyone for your support!! :hugs: Loopy - when you said it was a sense of relieve after the funeral i know what you mean by that. Even though it still hurts like hell and is very fresh on my mind i do feel a bit relieved after the funeral on thursday. The service was lovely, i was so greatful of the minister for being so caring about the whole thing. I have made a site in memory of her which is in my signature. I still have things to add it to it but its a start. I think im getting there although some days i feel as though im going out of my mind. :yes: Most people have been very good to me although of cause there is some who arent. I had some upsetting comments yesterday at work. I felt like screaming, crying but instead just kept cool. If they only knew how i actually felt inside when they said those things. I suppose its hard for people to understand when they havent been through it themselves.

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

I am so sorry about your beautiful little girl. Oceana is so pretty and unusual, I think it's just lovely.

I dont know what to say to make you feel any better, there is no words of wisdom I can share. I wish there was.

My beautiful son was born sleeping just over 2 years ago, he made it to 32wks gestation. (Best 32weeks of my life).

The pain never goes, but with time it fades. It doesnt hurt so much to think of him anymore. I can even smile when talking about what would have been happening in his life had it not been cut short.

I guess what I am trying to say, is to take each day as it comes, some will be good, some wont.
Through your tears you will find laughter and happiness, even if it seems so far away at the moment.

Please know that we are all thinking of you and when you are ready if you need someone to talk to you can pm me anytime.

Be kind to yourself--Oceana would have wanted it no other way:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Christelle]

It's nice to hear that the funeral service went well. I know it's really hard... Aliyah's funeral seemed like a blur... I think i was in shock.

I wish you all the best and be easy on yourself, it's ok to cry, shout, scream... do whatever you need to.

Please remember we are all here for you. :kiss:

[StormAngel]

Naomi, please know that we are here for you if you need to talk, vent, whatever you need!
I have visited your site, you have made a great start!

[rollercoastermum]

Well my son wasnt a "baby" as such but he was my baby boy although he was 11.5yrs old..

I have read somewhere before that people didnt like me talking about my son passing away they didnt like me bringing it up.. so I guess I dont talk as much as I could...

http://lovingandmissingsamuel.spaces.live.com/?lc=3081 (http://lovingandmissingsamuel.spaces.live.com/?lc=3081)

Samuel's Space

[jaydensmum]

Rollercoastermum - thats a beautiful site for your son! :yes:

So hows everyone going? Im slowly getting there i think. Im still getting really stressed easily and get so upset over stupid things. I wish it would go away so i can get on with things. I feel so silly sometimes. :yes: I was thinking the other day i want to write a book in the future about oceana and the experiences ive had with her. I feel it would really help me and maybe others understand what its like. Anyway ill talk to you all soon! :hugs:

[Christelle]

It's ok to be angry. Anger is such a big part of what we go through and getting angry/upset over little things is normal. You have been through a traumatic time and it will take some time to heal.

I have been on the Sids and Kids website lately which has a forum which you might find useful, I am also going to go to their Support Group tomorrow night at Westmead (6pm-8pm). The website is www.sidsandkids.org/nsw (http://www.sidsandkids.org/nsw) and there is a link on the homepage that takes you to the forum.

[jaydensmum]

Christelle - thanks for your comment! Ill will look up that site and see what its like! Its so confusing on knowing what to feel and whats not to feel! :crying:

[Christelle]

Just wondering how you are doing?

[jakeanteleahsmum]

hi cristelle
i have just read your site for baby aliyah and wanted to tell you that it was so beautifull.it made me cry thinking of what you went thru.i have never lost a child but i look at my 13mth ds and cant image ever loosing him. so here is a big :hugs: for you and your family and a :kiss: up to heaven for aliyah

[moonblossom]

:gloomy: No words can express, how I feel for you guys :hugs:

[MissMel]

Hi Cristelle

I lost my little boy, Jasper, 12.08.07. He was the most perfect and beautiful baby I have ever seen.
Two days before he was due something happened (no one really knows why) and he bled into me and I then haemorrhaged losing both our blood.
My poor baby had several transfusions but his little body just couldn't take it. He managed to hold on for almost three days.
I have just found this site and have been reading through all the postings. I don't feel so alone anymore.

Thanks
Mel

[Christelle]

:hugs: Sending you loads of hugs..
I'm so sorry for your loss. It was not long ago! How are you coping? I know it's hard, even though my circumstances are different, it's still a loss.

You can email me anytime. I find the internet the best tool for keeping me sane. Also maybe you can go along to a support group? Maybe a Sids and Kids support group?

Take care and please keep in touch

[jaydensmum]

Just wondering how you are doing?

Im slowly getting there. Its been so difficult of late, esp since finding out that it could of been prevented!! :crying: I miss her so much, i should be 6mths pg now!! :gloomy:



I lost my little boy, Jasper, 12.08.07. He was the most perfect and beautiful baby I have ever seen.
Two days before he was due something happened (no one really knows why) and he bled into me and I then haemorrhaged losing both our blood.
My poor baby had several transfusions but his little body just couldn't take it. He managed to hold on for almost three days.
I have just found this site and have been reading through all the postings. I don't feel so alone anymore.

Thanks
Mel

Hi mel, im so sorry to hear of your loss!! :hugs: How are you coping? Im glad that you have found this site. It has really helped me get through this and i hope that it helps you too. Take care and msg me anytime if you want to chat. :hugs:

[MissMel]

Thanks girls :)
Bad days, okay days. Am finding the net a great help.
Am trying to concentrate on the good things around, friends & family.
I know it is early, but we have decieded that as soon as I am well enough we are going to try and conceive. The thought of becomming pregnant again is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.

Mel

[StormAngel]

Mel - I am so sorry to hear about you precious angel Jasper! {{{HUGS}}}

[jaydensmum]

I know it is early, but we have decieded that as soon as I am well enough we are going to try and conceive. The thought of becomming pregnant again is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.

Mel

Its not early at all, everyone is different and if you feel that you are ready then go for it. We all cope with things differently and what you are experiencing is completely normal. Just remember if you ever want to chat about things feel free to msg me anytime. Take care hun and we are all here for you! :hugs:

[Christelle]

I found being pregnant was an anxious time for me, but it also helped me a lot too.. it basically gave me something to look forward to.

I fell pregnant with Lachlan only 4 months after Aliyah died. He was very planned, ivf. We weren't sure how long it was going to take this time, but luckily it worked first go (Aliyah took 5 tries)

You do what your heart tells you too. :hugs:

[LoopyLyndaLou]

Hi Mel,

I am so sorry to read of your loss, nothing in life can ever prepare you for this, it is totally shocking to lose a child and takes an awful lot of healing.

Pregnancy after loss is a scary time as you really have none of that naivity, you can't plan and enjoy as you did before and every though starts with 'if this baby lives....'

I know I was so detached with my pregnancy with Toby, I really did not believe he would live. I was scanned weekly and during the scan was the only moments of relief I got, I knew at that point he was alive, but as I walked out the hospital all the doubts appeared again and I would be terrified.

People would say 'what are you hoping for?' expecting me to say boy or girl and I would just say 'a live one' and walk away.

In fact when he was born I didn't even take on board he was alive and he was mine to keep initially. I, weirdly, likened it to when you are desparate to go to the toilet and you hold on and hold on and when you are finally able to find a toilet to use you almost can't go as every message in your body is saying you can't let go. I was holding all my love and hope in so much, not allowing anyone to know how much this baby meant to me, or even letting myself believe how much he meant to me and when he was here I couldn't lose control and show it for about an hour or more but then the flood gates opened and I was head over heels in love!

I run a website for bereaved parents and over the years we have come to the conclusion that we all feel the need to get pregnant immediately and those that do almost put their grief on hold to get though the pregnancy and then when the subsequent baby is here the grief starts again and it is almost harder as there is also a newborn to care for to, those that wait, either through their own choice or circumstances, grieve for longer as they have no other avenue to focus their emotions, but when they do go on and have a baby there are emotionally stronger as they have had the opportunity to come to terms with many issues as best as is possible.

Obviously this is just a total generalisation and each set of circumstance is different. Just make sure you allow time to grieve, don't put it on hold if you can, at the end of the day awareness is the main thing, understanding that it is OK to grieve even if you have another baby and don;t feel you ahve to ahve this happy persona all the time.

A really good book to read when you do fall pregnant again is
Pregnancy After a Loss: A Guide to Pregnancy After a Miscarriage, Stillbirth or Infant Death (Paperback)
by Carol Cirulli Lanham (Author)

I found it helped keep me sane at various point in my pregnancy.

I wish you all the strength to hepl you through these dark days.

Lynda x

[jaydensmum]

Lynda - thanks for mentioning that book im going to have a look for it! :yes:

[MissMel]

Thanks so much for that girls :)
I have been constantly thinking about trying to get pregnant and then how I am going to feel during the next pregnancy. I know it is not going to be easy but knowing that other mothers have been through the same thing and have been okay and have been blessed with babies at the end helps no end.

I will certainly be getting a copy of the book as soon as I can.

I guess the hardest thing to try and remember is that it was not my fault, not husbands fault, not doctors fault etc, its no ones fault. I'm hoping that once that sinks in it will help.

Lynda, can you let me know your web site?

Can't say how much I appreciate you guys and your thoughts and wishes.

Thanks again
Mel

[StormAngel]

I'd be interested in the website too Lynda

[jaydensmum]

Im interested in your site too lynda!! :yes:

[mumzdaword]

I found that there are so many women on here who are happy and excited about being pregnant that I didn't like sharing too much. It just didn't feel right, for some reason. I have found other boards that talk about losing bubs more.

Madi.



thats exactly how i feel..... all these ladies r sharing stories of how excited they r that they are pregnant etc that i dont want to spoil it by talking about my loss....

[jaydensmum]

thats exactly how i feel..... all these ladies r sharing stories of how excited they r that they are pregnant etc that i dont want to spoil it by talking about my loss....

I understand what you are saying but its important to express what you are feeling about your loss. It really helps with the grieving process.:yes: Im so glad that bubhub is here so i can talk about my feelings to you lovely girls. I have no idea on how i would cope without you all. Thanks bubhub and you girls for you wonderful support.:hugs: How are you all going?

[Christelle]

Your welcome. I am doing ok. Have my bad days now and then (and yes, it's been almost 2 years!). Lachlan is a joy as well as a distraction.

I remember people used to say to me that "time heals" unfortunately I don't think that is the case for me. It still feels like it all happened yesterday. :yes:

[jaydensmum]

Hi Christelle! :wave: Its great to hear from you. Im sorry that you are having some bad days.:hugs: The bad days are horrible. I dread some mornings wondering what my day will be like. Wondering if im going to be ok today. It just shows that the pain never disappears! :no:

[StormAngel]

Your right, time dosen't heal, to me it just numbs a bit!

[nicktune]

My heart huts so bad as I read your story of your lovly little girl. I have know idea how you are feeling but as a mum who has lost my little man Jayden to Leukaemia I have a huge understanding of the pain you are going through it is like your heart is hurting so bad but no one else can see or feel your pain. My boy was 8 when he passed and it has been almost four years since he left.

here is his web sit if you would like to read his story www.caringbridge.org/me/jayden (http://www.caringbridge.org/me/jayden)

<a href="<A href="http://www.tickercentral.com"><img">http://www.tickercentral.com"><img border="0" src="<A href="http://www.tickercentral.com/view/8x2r/5.png"></a">http://www.tickercentral.com/view/8x2r/5.png"></a>

[forbetoel]

Well I find myself wanting to talk about Aliyah all the time. I want people to know about her and to acknowledge that she was on this earth for 6 months. She made her mark on a lot of people's lives and she should be remembered. I just hate when I mention it people just go silent, I guess they dont know what to say?

Your daughter was gorgeous, I read her story and I feel quite drained now. That poor little fighter, she went through more than most adults do, I honestly do not know how you survived that nightmare, you are amazing, and so is your daughter, I for one wont forget her face. :hugs:

[forbetoel]

here is his web sit if you would like to read his story www.caringbridge.org/me/jayden (http://www.caringbridge.org/me/jayden)

<a href="<A href="http://www.tickercentral.com"><img">http://www.tickercentral.com"><img border="0" src="<A href="http://www.tickercentral.com/view/8x2r/5.png"></a">http://www.tickercentral.com/view/8x2r/5.png"></a>

What a gorgeous, gorgeous boy, I can not even begin to understand how you would try to move on after losing such a precious child. :hugs:

[Christelle]

My heart huts so bad as I read your story of your lovly little girl. I have know idea how you are feeling but as a mum who has lost my little man Jayden to Leukaemia I have a huge understanding of the pain you are going through it is like your heart is hurting so bad but no one else can see or feel your pain. My boy was 8 when he passed and it has been almost four years since he left.

here is his web sit if you would like to read his story www.caringbridge.org/me/jayden (http://www.caringbridge.org/me/jayden)

<a href="<A href="http://www.tickercentral.com"><img">http://www.tickercentral.com"><img border="0" src="<A href="http://www.tickercentral.com/view/8x2r/5.png"></a">http://www.tickercentral.com/view/8x2r/5.png"></a>
Hi Nicktune,

Thank you so much for reaching out to me. You would have an idea of how I feel, I'm so sad for you and the loss of your gorgeous boy Jayden. I read his website, he went through a lot but I'm glad you got to spend Xmas with him. Unfortunately Aliyah passed away on 23 Dec so Aliyah never had a Xmas.

Again, thank you for sharing Jayden's story.

[Christelle]

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read about my precious Aliyah. It means a lot to me.:kiss:

[SuperMum10/12]

Hi everyone I hope that you don't mind me putting my name on this thread I guess you can see by my user name I am a very proud mum of 12 lovely children... I am lucky to say that I have 10 happy and healthy children but back in 2000 I lost my sweat little twin girls there names are Keelie and Kara they died of twin to twin transfusion syndrome I don't know if you know what that is but it is like they are feeding each other but they are also taking from each other so they are killing each other it's a hard thing to explain but it is very common in twins When I found out that I was having twin girls I was so excited and I had to tell everyone at that stage I was a proud mum of 5 healthy children(2girls and 3 boys) I got to about 8 weeks and my Doctor told me that the girls weren't doing so good he told us what was wrong and I felt sick I had to leave the room and then came back when I came back in to the room I wish that I hadn't came back because he was telling us about twin to twin and then he said the most hurtful thing that had ever been said to me (he said if they die they die and thats that you should be happy that you have 5 kids ) I nilly feel over so I changed Doctors but that didn't help because at 32 weeks I was at a Family Birthday Party and I said to my Husband that the girls were going crazy it was like they were having there own party in my tummy I didn't think much more about it the next morning I had a Doctor's visit I said to my husband that the girls are really quiet and i just had this gut feeling that there was something just not right so the Doctor gave me a scan like we had every week and he was looking for the heart beat and he couldn't fined it I fell apart so did my Husband I remember saying to my Husband I told you that there was some thing wrong... so I had to give birth to my little angles and 4 days later had to berry them this Christmas my little girls would have been having there 7th Birthday .....Even after 7 years around this time getting close to Christmas it still hurts the pain gets a little bit less but it doesn't make it easier.... You move on with your life and all the things that gose with being a mum but my girl are always in my heart When I wonted to try again everyone was saying that you are just trying to replace the twins no mater how many children that I had after my twins nothing would ever replace them I have 5 children under 5 and they were all born after my twins dose that mean that they all replaced my girls ? no I don't think so .So shortly it will be there 7th Birthday I light a candle on there special day Also my Husband and I got neck laces with the girls names on them and we have got a box that has all this stuff in it like a lighter that my Husband used on that day and the ticket from the parking and cards and all the special things to us so there is my story I hope that I didn't go on about it to long and thank you for letting me shear my little girls with you....
:angel::angel::angel:.:angel: Keelie & Kara

[MissMel]

Hi SuperMum10/12
Thank you for sharing your story of your beautiful little angels Keelie and Kara.
I have found this thread a great help. Its good to write down how you are feeling and the support here from the other girls is fantastic.
I can't believe that a doctor would have said that to you! Some people have no idea:no:
I don't think that having more children is trying to replace what you have lost. We are ttc at the moment, but there is no way that our next baby (fingers & toes crossed all goes well...) will ever replace Jasper, and we wouldn't want them to. I guess it's hard for some people to understand??
Hope you are okay during this tough time.
I think you really are a supermum :yes:
Sending you lots of :hugs:
Mel
x

[declansmum]

Hmmm!! I think its hard for some people to talk on the subject.

[mumzdaword]

i have just finished writing out on paper chloes story...i will be writing it out on here soon...figured its been almost 2 years and its time to let it out...

[StormAngel]

Shannon, I for 1 would be hounred to read about Chloe!

Super mum- thanks for sharing your story about your baby girls

[MissMel]

Myself also Shannon :yes:

[mumzdaword]

well i have to go grocery shopping tonight and when i get home i will start typing it out.... its quite long though......

[Christelle]

well i have to go grocery shopping tonight and when i get home i will start typing it out.... its quite long though......

Would love to read about your beloved Chloe!

[Allanahbella]

Hi Christelle,I'm new to this website. I read your website about Aliyah the other day. I have never lost a child. I just wanted to say that you sound like a wonderful Mother and creating a website is a beautiful way to remember her. I hope all is well in the future. All the best,Me 25 DF 25 DS 20 monthsDS 5 months

[jaydensmum]

mumzdaword - thank you for sharing your story of your precious angel! :hugs: It brought tears to my eyes it was written beautifully. :yes:

[melissa20588]

i came on this site when i first found out i was pregnant, so many other expectant mothers was great. its been 3 weeks since i 'lost' my baby and have decided to share my story. i got married in march and found out that we were pregnant in june. We were so happy, we always wanted to have children young, im only 19. this was my first pregnancy. everything was great, the morning sickness, sore back, i was just so happy to be pregnant. Everything was fine and normal until our 18 week ultrasound. Our babies brain hadnt formed. We were told that there our baby had 'zero capatabilty with life' It hurt, it still hurts and i dont know how to stop hurting. As the stage i was at a d-c was out of the question. i was induced on 9 am 5/10/07. I gave birth to my son Billie at 12:55am 6/10/07.
i need someone to talk to that experienced labor, all the things that happen after labor, but that walked out of hospitial empty handed. please help me, i need to know that i wont feel like this forever

[mumzdaword]

i came on this site when i first found out i was pregnant, so many other expectant mothers was great. its been 3 weeks since i 'lost' my baby and have decided to share my story. i got married in march and found out that we were pregnant in june. We were so happy, we always wanted to have children young, im only 19. this was my first pregnancy. everything was great, the morning sickness, sore back, i was just so happy to be pregnant. Everything was fine and normal until our 18 week ultrasound. Our babies brain hadnt formed. We were told that there our baby had 'zero capatabilty with life' It hurt, it still hurts and i dont know how to stop hurting. As the stage i was at a d-c was out of the question. i was induced on 9 am 5/10/07. I gave birth to my son Billie at 12:55am 6/10/07.
i need someone to talk to that experienced labor, all the things that happen after labor, but that walked out of hospitial empty handed. please help me, i need to know that i wont feel like this forever

Hun,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss...It is quite normal what you are feeling...I went through something similar at 22 weeks gestation except i wasnt induced...it was a spontaneous labour...if you want to chat PM me or we can chat on msn if you have...mumz.da.word@hotmail.com

[jaydensmum]

Melissa - im so sorry to hear of your loss hun!! :hugs: :hugs: I got induced with my DD and it was the hardest thing i ever had to go through. What you are feeling is completely normal. If you want to chat feel free to PM me anytime. Take care hun and we are all here for you! :hugs:

[MissMel]

Melissa
I am so sorry to hear what happened :hugs:
I was never induced but know exactly how you feel about coming home "empty handed"
As the other girls said, your feelings are completely normal and we are all here for you.
Take care, sending you lots of :hugs:
Mel

[nicktune]

Life is very hard after lossing my little man Jayden and if u have been to his web page and read his story thank you as it means so much to me that people are still wanting to know about him and he is not forgotten. he will live forever in my heart and hearts of my four other childen.

www.caringbridge.org/me/jayden (http://www.caringbridge.org/me/jayden)

:angel:

[jaydensmum]

Nicktune - i just read your story on your precious son. Its such a beautiful site, thanks for sharing it with us!! :hugs: :hugs:

[StormAngel]

Melissa, I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Billie, I was Induced at 18wks 6 days & it was the hardest thing I have ever been through.

[StormAngel]

Nicktune, thankyou so much for sharing Jayden's story with us, I'm so sorry that you had to lose him!

[nicktune]

Thank you all who share there storys on hear its said but in a way is lovly to see that your children are honoured Jayden's mum your story was lovly of your little baby girl it was so sweet and sad.

www.caringbridge.org/me/jayden (http://www.caringbridge.org/me/jayden)

http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/images/misc/progress.gif http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/images/buttons/edit.gif (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/editpost.php?do=editpost&p=2065927) http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/images/buttons/quote.gif (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=2065927)

[MissMel]

Hi Girls
I thought I would let you know that we have just found out what happened to Jasper :gloomy:
Apparently one of the blood vessels that go from the baby to the placenta "broke" and that is what caused Jasper to bleed into my blood system. They aren't sure why I then bled?? They said it is very rare and usually associated with some kind of large trauma ie car accident. So at the end of the day it doesn't help much :mad: They still don't know why.
They have said that the chance of it happening again is very very very small. Next preg (soon:fingerscrossed:) i will have ultrasounds 3 times a week and various other monitoring. Thats all we can do.

[melissa20588]

Thankyou everyone for sharing your stories. reading them has given me the courage to write and share my own.
www.babysites.com/sites/melissaanstis (http://www.babysites.com/sites/melissaanstis)
i cant believe how much it has helped to share what happened to me and know that its not uncommon.

[MissMel]

Mel

Thank you for sharing Billies story.
Thinking of you and sending lots of :hugs:
If you need to talk or anything, pls feel free to pm me.

[jaydensmum]

Its really good to read other peoples stories. It really does help you realise that you are not alone.

Mel - im glad you've finally got some answers about what happened to Jasper. I know it doesnt really change what happened but it helps you to understand what occured. When i found out what happened to Oceana, it really hurt but it made me feel some relief too. I hope that the news did the same for you too! :hugs:

Melissa - i had a look at your site, its so beautiful. I really love looking at the memorial sites, its such a nice way of remembering our precious angels. I look at mine all the time and remember her!! :angel:

[Kirstlea]

i came on this site when i first found out i was pregnant, so many other expectant mothers was great. its been 3 weeks since i 'lost' my baby and have decided to share my story. i got married in march and found out that we were pregnant in june. We were so happy, we always wanted to have children young, im only 19. this was my first pregnancy. everything was great, the morning sickness, sore back, i was just so happy to be pregnant. Everything was fine and normal until our 18 week ultrasound. Our babies brain hadnt formed. We were told that there our baby had 'zero capatabilty with life' It hurt, it still hurts and i dont know how to stop hurting. As the stage i was at a d-c was out of the question. i was induced on 9 am 5/10/07. I gave birth to my son Billie at 12:55am 6/10/07.
i need someone to talk to that experienced labor, all the things that happen after labor, but that walked out of hospitial empty handed. please help me, i need to know that i wont feel like this forever


Hi Melissa I also lost my little girl at 19 weeks 2 1/2 yrs ago. I went into labour naturally gave birth to her and then ended up having an emergency d & c because the placenta wouldn't come out. To this day they have not been able to give me a reason. I have my suspicions though. The thing I found was no one really wanted to talk about it including the midwives. I did have a councillor come and talk to me the next morning which was great but no one actually told me what to expect. Like lactating and hormonal changes etc. So it kind of draws out the heartache even more when you have these things happening to you and your not expecting it.

We all have different circumstances to deal with, yours was sudden and a shock, my experience dragged on for 10 weeks of hope so I was kind of relieved that something had finally happened but I still grieve for her though it is alot easier to deal with now. I would reccommend seeing someone outside of your loop (councillor) because I have actually only just started coming to terms with it all now because I thought I was strong enough to deal with it on my own. I ended up with pnd.

14mths ago I had a beautiful healthy baby boy and didn't have a single problem during the whole pregnancy (until the end he wouldn't turn). Anyway my point is lean on as many people as you can don't bottle it up unless you want to and don't feel alone there are many of us here to help if you want it.

Goodluck with TTC the next one, I am sure everything will be great next time round.

Kirsten (pm me if you would like to chat):hugs::hugs:

[Kachow]

Hi my name is Stacey,

I never thought I would find myself in this section of the forum but sadly I am here.

On Thursday 3/01/08 at 12.10am we were all excited about hearing our baby's heartbeat at the doctors appointment we were having before our ultrasound the same afternoon. My DH took a extra long lunch to attend both appointments. The docs appointment went perfect. The doc not only heard the heartbeat but he also felt movement. He was happy everything was going well.

Our ultrasound app was at 1.45pm. We came home had some lunch then raced each other to the ultrasound so excited to see our baby and find out the sex of our baby.

10 mins in the U/S, a strange look come over the lady's face. We knew something wasn't right. " one sec, I just need to get the doctor" she said then she left the room for approx 10 mins. A doctor and her returned. the doctor looked at me and said quite bluntly, " Sorry but your baby doesn't have a heartbeat.... Its DEAD!" I looked at my DH, it couldn't be right. 1 hr before we had heard and felt movement. i asked him to check again.... but nothing.

We were given 10 mins in the room to " come to terms " with it, then told to go back to our doctors to see what to to next.

Back to the docs we went, in disbelief. Our GP was fantastic but he still couldn't believe that within the hr we were there to the U/S, our baby had died.

He advised us to go to our local hospital emergency dept, which happens to be the biggest womens hospital in SE QLD. There we waited for 5 hrs in the waiting room before being told we had to wait another 4 hrs before we wold be able to see a doc. With that we left the public hospital and went to the Wesley Private hospital with saw me straight away and were so nice and understanding. We had private health to start with but with our heads swimming we it didn't click to go there in the first place !

The next day we went and saw our gyno who saw us through our IVF and he was also shocked. I had no symptoms of miscarriage. No bleeding, no pain... nothing.

That afternoon i was booked into theater for a D&C. I was told that it was the best way for the " removal" as i didn't labor well and it was risky for him to make me deliver.

3pm came and I remember the oxygen mask being put on my face then I drifted off to sleep. When I woke my baby was gone. I have never felt so empty and so sad.

3 days later I was released from hospital.
At home its so hard to pack away the bassinet, and change table we had only bought the weekend before this happened.

We still dont know if it was a boy or girl as the doc couldn't tell, but he assures us that we will find out when the " tissue" results come back in 4 weeks time.

Well this is my story so far........

Stacey

[marsha1979]

Hello all I am new on here and have been reading through everyone's heartbreaking stories over the last few days and it made me decide to share my mum's story from when we lost my sister.
My mum has given birth to four children of which I am the eldest. She loves babies and pregnancy and childbirth and has always had really good pregnancies with hardly any morning sickness and every one was an enjoyable experience for her, it is just once labour begins that has caused her so much grief!

I was born in 1979 in April - I was due in June however and ended up being 7.5 weeks early and born with hyaline (i think that is the spelling) lung disease and was whisked straight into a humidicrib and spent the first month of life in hospital. Ironically I was born the day that mum was supposed to start her birthing classes! Not a huge drama there and I have not turned out any worse off for it - although I seemed to have kicked mum's appendix on the way out and she had to have it removed five days after having me!

My sister Carly was then born in September 1981 - again 7 weeks early, however her lungs were fully formed and her apgar tests were 8 and 9's so she was placed into a normal crib and allowed to stay with mum. Within 5 hours she was extemely sick and straight into intensive care and no one knew why. Within 36 hours she had died. Mum was exectedly a huge mess and sedated so her parents and her parents in law thought they were doing her a favour by organising for Carly to be cremated without a ceremony or anything. Mum, Dad and myself, from what I have been told, each had a hold of Carly all swaddled and looking peaceful and the hospital had taken a photo of her in her crib before she had died with all the needles and tubes in her and then one after looking all peaceful wrapped in a blanket. We were then given these two photos in a sort of blockmounted frame with a plaque with her name on it. Mum was quite heavily sedated during the whole time and remembers back to it as a big blur. I remember asking if we ever got Carly's ashes when I was much older and mum had replied that they did get some ashes but it was weeks later when they asked for them as my grandparents had not thought to ask so I get the impression mum was never sure if they really were Carly's ashes.
We finally found out that the cause of death was that Carly had caught a Strep B infection(streptococcus group B) and years later it was determined that the most likely cause was she had picked it up from the hospital and that as she was prem if she had been put in a humidicrib from the start it may have been avoided.

Mum says that the general feeling from her and dad's parents was we will just deal with the arrangements for the cremation and then we can get on with our lives 'that would be the best for mum'. As im sure most of you would know this was not best for mum and it has taken her 21 years to finally get to a point where she is not an emotional wreck every september.
Mum had told me how after she got home from the hospital she of course had to come home and care for me, her inquisitive 2.5yo who used to ask endless questions like 'Mummy I thought you went to the hospital to get the baby out of your tummy is the baby still in your tummy etc. etc.'
She says this was an extremely difficult thing to deal with and she found herself getting upset and short with me.
Anyway 11 mths later along came my brother Clayton (august 1982) 6 weeks early (she was getting better at holding us in gradually) and clayton was severly jaundiced and really sick and went straight into icu they had no idea what was wrong with him. A few days after the birth mum turned around and told dad she was going home and she couldnt see clayton because she would be come even more attached to him and he was just going to die like carly and she couldnt put herself through that again! Of course they didnt let her do this but made her go and spend time with him and hold him. He had been in intensive care for 1 month still jaundiced still struggling for life and not developing at all with the drs still having no idea what was wrong, when a young Dr walked past and having heard of the case suggested that they try clayton on Thyroxine as he did not seem to have a working metabolism! Within hrs of being given the Thyroxine he perked up and started getting better, tests showed that his body was not secreting it normally and scans seemed to indicate that he either had an under developed thyroid or only a partial thyroid (it wasnt till he was 16 that they could test and find out that he actually has no thyroid gland at all). So he was finally given the all clear and came home.
Jeremy was born in 1988 and went to 38 weeks (yay for mum!) though she had to spend the last 5 weeks of that 38 in hospital 'just in case' as her ob/gyn was not taking any chances this time!! He was born with a slight temperature or something like that and spent 7 hrs in special nursery just for good measure!

Our family has been affected in different ways by the loss of Carly and for many years her b'day was a very sad day for Mum, Dad and I. It was not until what would have been her 21st that we finally got some closure so to speak and I can now write something like this without ending up in tears. For her 21st we finally had a funeral/ceremony for her, we got a beautiful plaque up at the Pinaroo Cemetary here and I wrote a letter to her to read, a friend through SANDS wrote a song and we had readings etc. it was really a great healing experience and we should have done it sooner but i think her 21st was a fitting time to finally have it. We have always been very open about Carly's short life and the circumstances surrounding it and like to acknowledge her. When people ask how many siblings I have I reply three.

Since I was 10 Carly's birthday is Sundae day! We all go and have a sundae together on the day, in the last few years it is usually just mum dad and I as the boys can be busy but if they cant make it when they get home mum goes and grabs them a macca's sundae! It is something nice we can all do to appreciate what we have and remember what we are missing.

I have all my life regretted not having my sister and have probably caused mum a lot of grief over this in the past by being really nasty to my brothers when we were kids. I had even been known when I was really little and fighting with Clayton to say to him 'I wish you had died and Carly had lived' as you can imagine this must have torn mum's heart out and I wish as a 8yo I had more tact. When we found out the sex of Jeremy when mum was pregnant I disowned her and did not want to have anything to do with the pregnancy (i was 9 at the time). The only way I got over it was mum and dad gave me the job of naming him and of course when he was born I dotted on him something chronic.

Even now I still get sad thinking about what could have been, I have a few close friends who would have been Carly's age and I think would we have hung out together would we be friends, and in my head the answers are always - of course we would have!

Mum now spends 1 day a month cleaning Carly's plaque and putting in creative floral arrangements using silk flowers and little angels she even cemented the pretty river stones around the top of the plaque which is a bit naughty but hey no one has said anything yet!! Sometimes she says she feels guilty spending $50-$100 on the flowers and things for it once a month and then she thinks, if Carly had lived I would have spent a lot more on her over the years and so really it is not much at all.

So that is our story, sorry to have gone on for so long but I wanted to show that even 27yrs down the track the babies and children that have been lost are never forgotten.
I have been involved with SANDS ever since Carly died and have met some wonderful people through them and believe that once you are ready to be involved with a group like that it is definately worth it as you get to know people who have been through similar things and they know the different things you are going through.
Good Luck to all and my thoughts are with you all.
:hugs:

[greengables]

i read your daughter's story and i am so sorry!
she will be having a lovely time in heaven

[littlebean2]

I was very touched by your story. Thank you for sharing.

We have just been thro a miscarriage of a much wanted baby. All the mothers in my group are either having babies or pregnant so it must definitely be my turn.:(