Children at Weddings

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[shed]

Nope, I don't find that rude at all. Its up to the bride (and groom of course, heh) to choose who they spend their special day with. They are forking out for it so they get to decide what kind of wedding they have.

I AM having kids at my wedding, coz thats the kind of wedding I want. A family one with kids running around, that's what suits us.

Others want something a bit more refined, and that is their perogative.

If you can't choose who comes to your own wedding what can you choose.

:wizard:

[Mum&bubs]

I find it rude. If someone invited me to their wedding and told me that my children couldn't come because 'children spoil weddings' I'd be quite upset and probably wouldn't go.

And as for the teenagers not being invited? I don't know why? I know it's her choice but I think it's more likely for 4 yr olds to play up then a 17 yr old and 11 yr old.

I don't know though, it's her wedding and her choice but I do find it rude.

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[Tan-mumof3]

The only children i had at my wedding was my own. Anyone was welcome at the ceremony and we had a few kids there but at the reception it was only my 2. Thats what we wanted and as others said it is personal choice and up to the bride and groom. She could have put it nicer though.

[bigglet]

You really can't please everyone especially when you are the one organising the wedding - it's very stressful as it is. (I tried!)

I (and my partner) made the decision not to have children at our wedding - we wanted a formal wedding and after much umming and ahhing (and costs) we stressed that although children were more than welcome to come to our wedding they weren't allowed at the reception - this included all our nieces and nephews. Actually we had a lot of support - I think some parents wanted the night off anyway to enjoy the wedding reception, I felt bad initially but then again it was MY day (ok and the groom's) but no one would keep the special memories as much as I would have.

When I go to weddings I do politely ask whether children are invited and I am not offended if they say no - after going through it myself I totally respect their decision.

[Mahjong]

I dont find it rude, but, each to their own.

We didn't have kids at our wedding either and have been invited to a couple of weddings where DS hasn't been invited and totally understand where they are coming from.

[jess_live_die]

i think its rude to invite one child or twins and not invite the rest.

[SalTheGal]

As you mentioned- her wedding her wishes.

I didn't want children at my wedding, and one of our friends brought their child without even asking us- now that is rude!!

I honestly believe at the end of the day, it is entirely up to the bride and groom who they want at their special day.

[MummyCharmzy]

I dont find it rude, its her wedding and her choice imo. I have gone through a lot of disputes over whether or not we are having children at our wedding and we have 4 kids of our own aged 5 and under...

ultimately its their day, their decision.

[mumofcaleb]

Nope, I don't find that rude at all. Its up to the bride (and groom of course, heh) to choose who they spend their special day with. They are forking out for it so they get to decide what kind of wedding they have.

I AM having kids at my wedding, coz thats the kind of wedding I want. A family one with kids running around, that's what suits us.

Others want something a bit more refined, and that is their perogative.

If you can't choose who comes to your own wedding what can you choose.

:wizard:

I'm with you Shed! My DP & I will be planning our wedding some day (who knows when) but I think I wouldn't want kids at the reception. I don't mind them at the ceremony but I just wouldn't be able to relax with my kids there. If others want to run around after their kids all night then that's there problem. I would probably organise for a babysitter or something not far from the reception.

[TeamAwesome]

i think its rude to invite one child or twins and not invite the rest.

I agree I think the blanket rule should apply to everyone.

We didn't have kids but the only people invited to our wedding with young kids was my cousin and my DH's Aunt and they were ok with the kids not being invited (and happy to have a night off). We had a very tight budget and had to invite accordingly.

I do think that if she doesn't have kids it is harder to understand about how it can be offensive to some people (we didn't have kids when we married but tried to be respectful in how we handled it.)

[brodiebunch]

I am having a kid friendly wedding as I have so many neices and most of my friends have small children that would not be able to come if I didnt invite them.In my opinion kids make the day interesting.I would also refuse to go unless Oli could come to.Each to there own though.

[~mia&ryan~]

We are having SOME children at our wedding.... DD, my 2 neices and my nephew (along with a couple of newborns!!) are the only children invited... The reason for this is that if we invited ALL the children of the people coming to the wedding it would literally add about 100 more people to our guest list!!!!

DD is coming because she is ours, My neices are my flowergirls and my nephew is coming so they can keep each other company...

Or course we are being flexible, if there is no way somone can get a sitter etc then yes they can bring their kids but otherwise its our wedding our choice...

[julz_06]

No I don't think it's rude it's her wedding and her and her FH can invite who they want.

We didn't have any kids at our wedding except one newborn who was only a few weeks old and my nieces and nephew were in the wedding but didn't attend the reception and my sisters were fine with this and so were all our friends most of them saw it as a night off and a chance to enjoy themselves.

I didn't even invite all my adult cousins to my wedding

[dreamer80]

Sorry I don’t find it rude, it is her day after all!

We didn’t allow/invite children younger than 16 at our wedding. It was our day and we wanted it be a formal adult event! Our family and friends respected and understood our wishes, with no complaints. We did however hire two nannies to care for guest’s children who didn’t have or couldn’t find care for that day and evening!

[GlassHalfFull]

Hi,

We are getting married in November and I chose not to invite children because we are on a shoestring _________ budget and simply could never afford what would end up being more than the number of adults invited.

I have to say that though that although each of our 4 children are in the bridal party (aged 1,9,13 & 16) I don't think it's rude at all.

Definately the bride has burned a few bridges (particularly with her extended family) in the way she chose to phrase her feelings. I think this will be punishment enough for her in the long run (or maybe not - some people have no respect for other peoples feelings).

Oh well, her loss I say. And I would be letting everyone know what she said too.

[SassyMummy]

I tend to think that Brides can be pretty darn selfish at times (acting like complete divas at times!)...

I dunno how to feel about the kid thing.

I can understand not wanting kids there...kinda. I can also understand her choosing to invite kids that are special to her (her siblings) over kids that aren't AS special to her. Like, if I was getting married and didn't want kids to come, DD would still be there. She's my daughter - she's different to someone elses kids.

That said, I'd never get married and not invite kids. They can sometimes make the day... make it more fun and sweet... I'd be angry if my brother got married and didn't invite my daughter or whatever...

[Noah_and_Elijah]

I don't find it rude at all. The Bride and Groom (or their parents) are the ones paying for the wedding so it is their choice who they choose to invite.

Besides my own children my wedding will be a child free event. :yes:

[auntka]

DH and I are in a similar situation we have been invited to a friends wedding in April next year and bub will only be 4 months or so old and the bride has strongly informed us that there is going to be children there (her cousins and younger sister) but we are not to take bub under any circumstances, the groom has however said its ok but we aren't going to be attending the wedding or reception as it is out of town and will have to leave bub at home (an hour from the venues) and as im hoping to feed its far from practicle for us :thumbsdown:,

[Seekrit]

Yes brides can be selfish but it's THEIR DAY!!
They call the shots. I don't find it rude at all. She wants her siblings there, that's great, they're different to cousins.

I find it so rude when people turn up with kids anyway.. so very rude.

[RedPanda]

I agree Seek. It's up to the couple.

[*Chels*]

I didnt invite kids to my wedding,I thouhgt about it but then pictured my 18 month old with all his friends running round hyping each other up and I just shuddered!!!
It was bad enough having my son there!!That sounds REALLY mean,but he didnt sleep ALL day so come the 6pm reception he was feral!!!
If I got invited to a wedding-no way I would take DS!!I just couldnt relax running round after him!!
I did have my teenage cousins at my wedding tho.IMO,not inviting an 8 and 14 yr old IS a bit harsh.
But it all comes down to the couples special day,and some ppl just dont want heaps of little kids running round misbehaving to put dramas into their day.Fair enough I say!!

[mum2bubba]

I know this has probably been discussed before... But... I'm bringing it up again, hope you don't mind! :) More of a vent.....

We got the invitations yesterday for my cousins wedding.... Its 2 days before my EDD, and because it's an 8hour drive away, DP and I have decided we are not going.... As much as I'd love to go... I can just picture going into labour on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere if we did decide to go up! :laughing:

However...........

She has requested no kids at the wedding.. My brothers - Who are 8 and 14 did not get invited which in my opinion is extrememly rude.... There are only 4 cousins to invite anyway but because they are under 18, they didnt get invited... It's not like they are little children, they are my brothers (8 and 14) and my cousins (11 and 17 and a half)....

Her reason for not inviting children - "I don't want children to spoil my wedding"... Her twin siblings however are 4 years old and are invited... If anyone is going to run riot, it is them! My brothers are very well behaved, so it wasn't like that would be a problem....

Does anyone else find this rude? I mean, I know it is her wedding, and her wishes.... And I understand that... We've offered to pay for the kids (incase it was money) but it isnt a fact of money... More out of spite than anything!

What are others opinions...

"I don't want children to spoil my wedding"
That sentence there is quite rude. I mean, its her wedding and all but I don't think kids ruin things, she could have been a bit less rude.

[ShadyCharacter]

I don't find it rude at all.

I was invited to a wedding next month where the invite said no children. Its not practical for us to go without our son (the wedding is a couple of hours away), so we declined. The bride was very gracious about it and totally understood our reasons for not going.

As long as the couple accept that some people won't go because they can't take their kids, I don't see anything wrong with it. If they get annoyed that people don't go, that IS rude.

For my upcoming wedding I am going to *request* that people don't bring their children if they can avoid it, but state that they are welcome if the parents can't or don't want to make alternative arrangements.

[Cinta]

Nope, definately NOT rude in my opinion! :)
It's their choice, they are the ones paying and if they don't want kids there then you have to accept it!

When I get married I won't be inviting anyone under 18, apart from my kids and any neices/nephews I have.

In my opinion, you just can't compare her inviting her siblings to not inviting her cousins. Of course she is going to invite direct family (ie her siblings) but if you start inviting all cousins then its gets out of hand!

Even though she may know the cousins well and have a lot to do with them, if she is having a 'no kid rule' (apart from siblings, her own kids etc) then you can't just make allowances by inviting your brothers and then not inviting other cousins IYKWIM. If you invite one cousin, you kinda have to invite them all! Then its hard trying to draw the line!

Remember its their big day, not yours and everyone has different opinions!

I wouldn't take offence to it hun, but I can understand where you're coming from :)




I know this has probably been discussed before... But... I'm bringing it up again, hope you don't mind! :) More of a vent.....

We got the invitations yesterday for my cousins wedding.... Its 2 days before my EDD, and because it's an 8hour drive away, DP and I have decided we are not going.... As much as I'd love to go... I can just picture going into labour on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere if we did decide to go up! :laughing:

However...........

She has requested no kids at the wedding.. My brothers - Who are 8 and 14 did not get invited which in my opinion is extrememly rude.... There are only 4 cousins to invite anyway but because they are under 18, they didnt get invited... It's not like they are little children, they are my brothers (8 and 14) and my cousins (11 and 17 and a half)....

Her reason for not inviting children - "I don't want children to spoil my wedding"... Her twin siblings however are 4 years old and are invited... If anyone is going to run riot, it is them! My brothers are very well behaved, so it wasn't like that would be a problem....

Does anyone else find this rude? I mean, I know it is her wedding, and her wishes.... And I understand that... We've offered to pay for the kids (incase it was money) but it isnt a fact of money... More out of spite than anything!

What are others opinions...

[missie_mack]

We didn't have children to our wedding either :no: Some of DHs aunts and uncles didnt attend because of it. This was because we didn't invite DHs young cousins who were 3, 5 and 8ish at the time. Part of our reasoning was that we have very little to do with them and they dont even know our names. I have a lot of smaller children on myside that would have had to be invited if I had theirs there. To give an idea I had 20 kids at my engagement party

I think you have to respect that it is their wedding and that this is how they have chosen to have it.
ETA When I asked around at the time a lot of people didn't even invite any cousins to their wedding at all.

[sueliz]

I tend to think that Brides can be pretty darn selfish at times (acting like complete divas at times!)...


Will I agree there can be some 'Bridezillas' out there, I actually find that guests invited to a wedding can be pretty darned selfish at times and tend to expect weddings to be made more convenient to them.

At the end of the day, once you factor in all costs, weddings are on average close to $100 per head, (covering food/alcohol/table decorations/gifts for guests/room hire/staff hire). This cost is covered by the bride and groom or the bride and groom's families. And that is not taking into account the cost of wedding outfit, hair, make up, groom's outfit, flowers, gifts for the bridal party, car hire, church/garden hire and so on and so forth.

I do think the girl in question was rude for the way she spoke about children 'ruining' her wedding - that was very harsh and probably would not have happened anyway. BUT I do not think it is rude to not invite chidlren.

The guests don't pay for the wedding, and if they don't like the way the bride and groom have decided who is invited and who is not, then it is the right of the guest to not go (and to not cop a hard tme for it though I will add - after all if it is not convenient for them to not go if they cannot take their children along, they shouldn't have to defend themselves on that!)

[melbryan]

I didn't have kids at my wedding but took Ds1 to my brothers wedding I wouldn't have bothered if it was up to me but he asked if he could come. He is was 18mths old and a real nightmare at a formal wedding. Dh sat outside with him the whole time ( the ceremony and the reception) I felt sorry for Dh he couldn't enjoy himself but did it for me. I was heavily pregnant and couldn't get around much to chase Ds1.
I think everyone to there own but it is up to the people paying who they invite and if they are doing it out of spite well then that's up to them. The more people who turn down the invite the less people to pay for.

[nut]

I have to agree with Shadycharacter. If someone invites me and DH to a wedding and our kids aren't invited, well we're not going.:)

I am also mean spirited enough to note that people who don't have kids at their wedding are missing the point a little bit. It is the celebration of the coming together of two families- it is not a day just for the bride. :devil6:

Personally, I wanted the energy of kids everywhere I could get it at our wedding. We hoped to be blessed one day ourselves with kids and saw no better way of inviting that into our lives than having them there as a blessing of our union.

Viva kids, viva kid noise, viva kid random craziness!:D

[Bron]

Depends on the wedding and the time of day. We take DS to the ceremony, but he stays with his Gran if it is an evening reception. A lunch reception is different and I would expect to bring DS then.

For my wedding, lots of kids came to the ceremony, but most were babysat for the night time reception. We did, however organise a kids room at the reception. The little ones would have been bored by the jazz band and sit down meal, so we filled a room in the restaurant with couches, a tv, a dvd player, toys and books. We hired a friend's daughter for the night (she's a nanny) and the kids who came to the reception had a great time. They could come and go to the main area if they wanted, but they just stayed in the room and fell asleep.

[mum2bubba]

I think its up to the bride and groom weather or not they want kids, if I was invited to a wedding and was told no kids I would be fine coz it'd give me a night off anyway (unless I found it hard to get a babysitter)

[ETsMum]

Would your brothers REALLY want to go to their cousins wedding anyway??? I know my younger brothers would have done anything to get out of attending extended family events. (And now as adults they still do!)