Hating breast feeding and feeling so guilty....

[FellowTraveller]

Hi All...
I have a DD who is just over 3 weeks old. I have been breast feeding her - but I am really hating it and get stressed whenever it is feed time. Feeds can go on for ages (well over 1hour - sometimes 2!) and I am never sure she is satisfied. She only latches on with a nipple shield (I/we have tried so many times without the nipple shield) and most of the time I need a hot pack to 'let down' - probably because I am so stressed. I am also stressed when people come to visit as it may be during a feed - and I am so self concious. Whenever I feed I just want to get her fed and back to sleep - and avoid interracting too much - I know this is impacting on our bonding. I want to switch to formula and have read quite a bit about formula feeding. I feel so guilty it is not funny. I feel I am not a good mum - or don't really care about giving her 'the best start' - but then I really dislike breast feeding... I feel so so stuck!

[punkbaby]

Firstly do not let anyone tell you your not a good mum! You have given bubs a good start and you have tried but honestly if you arent comfortable with feeding or you are stressed and BF is causing this then obviously bubs is going too feel it too.

The most important thing is that you are happy and your baby is happy and if that means changing to formula then so be it! Dont let anyone judge you for it, if its not for you its not for you, do what you feel is right not what others think :)

Good luck maybe chat to your gp as well so you can get some advice on switching over so its not so hard on you and you dont end up with mastitis etc.

[Tam-I-Am]

I just want to reach through the computer and hug you ATM because I so remember what you're talking about. I remember breastfeeding Claire for FIVE HOURS straight one night, and she STILL wanted more! :eek:

Please, please please call the ABA - you don't have to be a member to access the counselling service, and they are wonderful.

As for not enjoying it - why the heck would you when it painful and an inconvenience etc - you'd be mad to enjoy that! But the good news is, it DOES get easier. I promise. It took about 8 weeks for feeding to be easy, normal and completely painfree for me - but it went on for two years! I don't regret a second of those 8 weeks, because they finished, and breastfeeding became wonderful...

Please, don't give up - not yet, you've fought for this long. Ring the ABA and get some support :hugs: (Psssst - the number in your area is (03) 9885 0653)

[Cerinity]

I can empathize with you. My little girl is nearly 5 weeks old and i switched her to formula at 3 weeks because i didn't feel comfortable with BF, mine would also only feed with a nipple shield.

Don't feel guilty or that you are a bad mother because of it, some women cant breastfeed. Simply, if you feel uncomfortable then so is your baby.

[Toffee apple]

I could only BF with sheild to in the begining ,but honestly i never enjoyed BF either, when ever i went out i would express & give DD a bottle of EBM , then one day all was fine she stopped wanting or needing the sheilds (4 months)& life was so much easier, it was like a huge weight had been lifted of my shoulders, we got to just over 12 months but like you i don't know if i could have coped if it didn't get easier ,hmm i am not sure if i am helping ,punkbaby is right you have to get yourself feeling not so worried about it ( hard i know) if bubs is putting on weight ,then they are getting enough milk .
best of luck , with whatever you choose to do .:hugs:

[SamanthaJane]

Some of the points you have made are the reasons behind my choices not to breastfeed my daughter - particuarly the self conscious part. I knew i would have hated breast feeding so i bottlefed. Other people can shoot me down for it if they like, but at the end of the day it's not really their business!

Babies can and will pick up on your stress. So it is important to tackle this issue sooner rather than later. Get a few different opinions from various people (the ABA, your GP, child health nurses, and other mums).

There is no law saying you have to breastfeed. It's your choice - if you want to keep going, then keep going. If you want to stop - then stop. Just don't let other people pressure you into doing something you don't want to do.

My daughter is happy and healthy on formula, and i don't regret my choice for a second. So please don't feel guilty, you are only doing whats best for you (and therefore bubs too... happymum=happybaby)

:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[Pippi Longstocking]

I second everything Tam-I-Am said. :yes:
Honestly, it really truly does get easier! You are doing a great job, don't give up now! :hugs:

[Pinkbug]

Its funny I could have sworn u were talking about me

I felt sooooo yukkky when feeding her I was sooo miserable I didn't want anything to do with breastfeeding my baby I felt very low and miserable every time I breastfeed and whenever it was time I would try to fight it!

I realise I had to stop and re-evaluate myself in order to stop feeding her and get myself back on track I had hit low extremely low I felt like I was in a dark place and knew I had to STOP feeding to get myself back on track my dd2 wwas about 9 weeks old when I stopped I had struggles for 9 long weeks and now dd2 is 4 months old and guess what I wish I was still breastfeeding and now am trying to lacate by doing some stuff for me to breastfeed... I think for me personally was tiredness and grumpiness and demanding for me to begin with and made me reject the idea of breastfeeding

Pls consider ur decision and consult ABA they will help u at every way they possibly can..

Good Luck! :hugs:

[MeeG]

u guys are not alone!! i could do while it hospital, but when i got home i was so stressed i just couldnt handle doing and it was so painful, my family supported my descsion to stop, but my GP basically had a go at me...pffft well 9 months later shes doing great!!!

[jamb]

im sure if i searched my past posts i could find one that matches yours, i really struggled with BF and bonding.

I can say i didnt enjoy it but felt it was the right thing to do for as long as i could.

I too fed with a nipple shield the 4 months i BF, i also expressed and bottlefed. I would like to hae got to 6 months but didnt make it.

This pg i am determined to reach out and get help, i hae joined the ABA and i too say RING THEM, they are lovely ladies, kind and supportive.

Re the feeling selfconcious, yep been there. I remember bub being 2 weeks old and all my bil/sil's crowded on the lounge watching me, felt like a friggin freak show.

Maybe its 2nd time mum confidence but let me tell you, i will tell them and everyone else to bugger off, i need peace/quiet and privacy to master it.

Good luck, i hae formula fed and BF, and do believe BF is best for the first bit, hang in there, not beyond what you can cope with obviously, but maybe try expressing some to give you a break.

:hugs: for you

[*Sparkles*]

I could have written your post myself 4 months ago. I gave up BF'ing for all the same reasons and I was also diagnosed with PND when bubs was 1 month old. I consider giving up BF'ing the best thing I ever did. Straight away I was less stressed, bubs began to gain weight and develop well. DH was able to help me more and share the middle of the night feeds.
With my next bub he/she will go straight on the bottle from birth.

Don't let anyone pressure you into making a decision that you're not happy with. Do whatever works for you and remember you are not on your own, many of us have been in your shoes :hugs:

BTW I now have a healthy, happy 5 months old baby boy.

[Beany]

Bosco: I went through the same thing. I loathed breastfeeding, I hated when he attached, I hated the times between feeds because it just meant another feed was coming up. And I hate after 7pm ... he would be attached to the boob from 7 until 11pm most nights.

I had thought of giving it all up and bottlefeeding more times than I can remember ... it was the guilt that stopped me, though, As I saw it, if I was feeling guilty, then I knew it wasn't the right choice for me at the time.

The good news? It gets easier. Her mouth will grow, your nipples will get used to it and it will just fall into place. In just a fortnight, you will notice a difference. A fortnight after that, you'll find it tolerable. A fortnight after that, it will be normal.

For me, the magical time was around 8 weeks when I realised that I was bracing against a pain that just didn't come. It just became suddenly tolerable. By 3 months, it was normal. By 10 months (now), I'm not willing to wean for a goodly while yet.

You can get through this. If you want to.

[Milliner]

I second everything that Beany said. :thumbsup:

Good Luck :hugs:

[nut]

Bosco: I went through the same thing. I loathed breastfeeding, I hated when he attached, I hated the times between feeds because it just meant another feed was coming up. And I hate after 7pm ... he would be attached to the boob from 7 until 11pm most nights.

I had thought of giving it all up and bottlefeeding more times than I can remember ... it was the guilt that stopped me, though, As I saw it, if I was feeling guilty, then I knew it wasn't the right choice for me at the time.

The good news? It gets easier. Her mouth will grow, your nipples will get used to it and it will just fall into place. In just a fortnight, you will notice a difference. A fortnight after that, you'll find it tolerable. A fortnight after that, it will be normal.

For me, the magical time was around 8 weeks when I realised that I was bracing against a pain that just didn't come. It just became suddenly tolerable. By 3 months, it was normal. By 10 months (now), I'm not willing to wean for a goodly while yet.

You can get through this. If you want to.

Oh Beany! Well said!

I've been there too with both my bubs, and I am a tamdem feeder now!!! It can be done. Hugs and love and support to you at this hard time.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

[shed]

If you really hate it and don't want to do it anymore then don't feel guilty. I admire women like you who go through so much to give their baby the best possible start in life.

Persist if you can because it will get better, but if you don't want to keep going then don't. Simple as that.

You haven't failed - some people don't even try. At least you gave it a go! Good on you!! Bubs got all that lovely colostrum and that is WONDERFUL.

[Wivi]

Hi there!

I am not going to give my opinion on what you should or should not do - I suspect you are giving yourself a hard enough time as it is. I am just going to put some questions out there for you:

1) Do you WANT to breastfeed? I don't mean what do you think is best for bub - I mean do YOU want to?

2) Do you think you being so stressed about BF is affecting the way you bond with your baby?

3) Is the nipple shield because you have small, inverted nipples or because bub has trouble with her sucking? (A little hint here - nipples don't change much but bubs ability to suck will).

4) What does your partner think?


Ok - I asked all those questions because that was what the midwife asked me as I had similar problems except that DS wouldn't attach to a nipple shield either. I loved that midwife so much - as she pointed out to me, everyone knows the "Breast is Best" mantra - however if Mum and Bub are stressed they are both going to suffer and Dad will suffer too - Formula is very, very close to BF these days.

You have to be the centre of this decision. We all know babies who have thrived on formula. That's not the question here as far as I am concerned. It is what you want and what you feel comfortable to do. No answer is the right or wrong answer - everyone is different.

:hugs: to you and I wish you all the best.

[OscarTheGrouch]

That's a really nice post shed, good on you.:thumbsup:

[Bron]

Your post could have been mine a few short weeks ago. I was in agony. Feeding took HOURS, I couldn't face feeding anywhere except at home, and if DH wasn't around to help me by holding DS's hands out of the way and bringing me food, I would panic about feeding at home too. I seriously considered expressing full time and I was counting down the days until 6 months so I could introduce solids.

It really did get better, so much better. I can feed one handed in the dark now, it doesn't hurt, feeds are shorter and life is so much easier. I love BF now. DS is 8 weeks old.

I think the crucial question is whether you WANT to breast feed, if you do, and are determined to make it work, then be reassured that you may not learn to love it, but you'll learn to feel comfortable with it. Call on resources, contact the ABA, speak to breastfeeding friends and trust us, it will get so much better.

If you don't want to breast feed, then pat yourself on the back for persisting as long as you did, and don't feel guilty, you tried. Good for you.

[reAllytee]

Bosco: I went through the same thing. I loathed breastfeeding, I hated when he attached, I hated the times between feeds because it just meant another feed was coming up. And I hate after 7pm ... he would be attached to the boob from 7 until 11pm most nights.

I had thought of giving it all up and bottlefeeding more times than I can remember ... it was the guilt that stopped me, though, As I saw it, if I was feeling guilty, then I knew it wasn't the right choice for me at the time.

The good news? It gets easier. Her mouth will grow, your nipples will get used to it and it will just fall into place. In just a fortnight, you will notice a difference. A fortnight after that, you'll find it tolerable. A fortnight after that, it will be normal.

For me, the magical time was around 8 weeks when I realised that I was bracing against a pain that just didn't come. It just became suddenly tolerable. By 3 months, it was normal. By 10 months (now), I'm not willing to wean for a goodly while yet.

You can get through this. If you want to.


If you really hate it and don't want to do it anymore then don't feel guilty. I admire women like you who go through so much to give their baby the best possible start in life.

Persist if you can because it will get better, but if you don't want to keep going then don't. Simple as that.

You haven't failed - some people don't even try. At least you gave it a go! Good on you!! Bubs got all that lovely colostrum and that is WONDERFUL.


Your post could have been mine a few short weeks ago. I was in agony. Feeding took HOURS, I couldn't face feeding anywhere except at home, and if DH wasn't around to help me by holding DS's hands out of the way and bringing me food, I would panic about feeding at home too. I seriously considered expressing full time and I was counting down the days until 6 months so I could introduce solids.

It really did get better, so much better. I can feed one handed in the dark now, it doesn't hurt, feeds are shorter and life is so much easier. I love BF now. DS is 8 weeks old.

I think the crucial question is whether you WANT to breast feed, if you do, and are determined to make it work, then be reassured that you may not learn to love it, but you'll learn to feel comfortable with it. Call on resources, contact the ABA, speak to breastfeeding friends and trust us, it will get so much better.

If you don't want to breast feed, then pat yourself on the back for persisting as long as you did, and don't feel guilty, you tried. Good for you.

What all these lovely women have said !!!!

You are doing a great job either way you go now dont doubt yourself as a great mother :hugs:

[greengables]

This is what happened to me. Except that I kept getting mastitis as well. Does this sound familiar?

Stressed and tired (too many visitors)
Didn't enjoy bf - was painful (cracked nipples, let-down issues)
Had mastitis ongoingly for the whole time (7wks) was on 4 courses of antibioticsI kept going and going till I had basically a nervous breakdown and was hospitalised with severe PND:thumbsdown:

Don't try to be a supermum!

Bottles are great - dad can feed too.

I wish I had've known that you can substitute 1 bottle in per day and it wont affect your bf supply. This way you can get a break. Next time round I am going to do this for sure - at the 10pm or middle-of-the-nite feed where DH can do it!!:smiliedance:

[Rell]

:hugs: Just remember that only you know what is best for both you and your baby:hugs:
BF was a struggle for me so when it got to the stage when I started to resent by baby thats when I made the switch to bottles and i never looked back. Both my baby and I were much happier, baby started putting on weight, I started to enjoy feeds.

You are a great mum so don't let anyone else tell you any different:hugs:

[Mummy2Noah]

I second everything Tam-I-Am said. :yes:
Honestly, it really truly does get easier! You are doing a great job, don't give up now! :hugs:

:thumbsup: I agree !!!
It does get easier i remember having Noah perminantley attached to my boob for the first 12 weeks!!!!
BUT dont you feel guilty its your decision its your baby and its your boobies!!!

[mim1]

I remember those days, it's hard work. I remember being skeptical when someone told me that their child (who was 4 months old, when Josh was 2 weeks old) feeds in less than 5 minutes a side. Amazingly by about 7 weeks his feeds were 20 minutes long at most and often 4 or more hours apart. It really does get better if you can stick at it.

But, I know my SIL had a lot of trouble BFing my neice, cause of supply issues, attachment issues, mastitis, etc. She was basically constantly feeding all day and it took a huge emotional toll on all of the family. She stopped BFing at 7 weeks and wow, it made a huge difference - they were all so much happier.

See a lactation consultant, see your doctor and don't rush into a decision that you might regret.