View Full Version : partners who work alot
hey i was just wondering if anyone elses partner works alot and how do you cope with this and keep your partner close to their child. Dylan, my partner works so much I feel like he is never home. Can anyone give me any advice.
Thank you from Jess and Imogen
MissSparkle
19-01-2006, 11:09
Hey Jess! My DP is a chef so his hours r abit wacked! He works from 11am-3pm and from 5pm-10pm and later on weekend nights! Coz he gets home late he goes to bed late which means he doesnt wake up in the morning till 10:30 right b4 he has to go to work!! Sometimes I get abit lonely but I try to keep busy with hobbies and visiting ppl. I understand what u mean about keep ur partner and ur child close! Aj cries every morning when Nick leaves for work!!
Hey jessim.....my partner works a lot now and we don't even have little ones yet....he needs to change his routine quick smart cause I get a little lonely :(
the_queen
19-01-2006, 11:24
My DH works 6 full days a week, and rarely gets home before 6pm. In summer (his busy season) he often works 12-14 hours days, getting home after 8pm (recently he had 3 days in a row where he didn't get home until after 10pm).
The main thing is quality of time, not quantity (as much as we'd both love for him to have heaps of time with her, unfortunately life means you don't always get what you want). He always gives her big cuddles when he gets home (if she's still up - and in summer I let her stay up late to wait for daddy) and in the mornings they have breakfast together.
I talk about him all the time to Vally - eg a song will come on the radio, I'll say "you know, your daddy loves this song", or I'll talk about what daddy used to do when he was 4 yrs old, etc etc. She does get sad sometimes and says she wishes he didn't have to work so much, but I deal with that by explaining that if he didn't work, we couldn't live in this house, we wouldn't have our nice car, we couldn't have treats, we couldn't go on holidays, etc etc. I quite often say "Daddy wishes he could be here with you too, but he works so hard to provide for our whole family, just like mummy works hard at home doing the cooking and cleaning, daddy has to work to earn the money." On Sundays and public holidays, he spends time with her - but not necessarily "doing things" like outings or special stuff .... he just hangs out at home with her, joins in her games or helps her make a train out of cardboard boxes. That way, it does feel like a "day off" for him. And she doesn't care what they do together, she just wants to be in his presence.
It is heartbreaking sometimes, because in an ideal world we would all be millionaires who only worked after the kids were in bed ;) but this is not an ideal world. Unfortunately, like I said, we can't always get what we want.
(Although, my DH has said that if I could get a job earning what he earns now, he would very happily be a SAHD!)
My DH works long hours and travels away for work a lot - often for a few weeks at a time. Despite this he is very close to both girls because when he is home he is involved and hands on. He feeds them dinner, gives them baths, takes them out for daddy dates (they do coffee and lamingtons, train rides, trips to the cricket, they go to parks etc) and he is part of the every day routines. When he is away he rings and I put him on speaker phone and they talk to him or hear him, and I talk about him and what he is doing and how we love him. They cope with his absences and love it when he comes home and I get to stick around and provide the stability so it all hangs together.
stephandprincess
19-01-2006, 12:50
Hi Ladies,
My partner works for the V8 Supercars managing the events for 2 teams. Currently its fine cos i also work for the teams. However, i have stopped now and am due in 9 weeks. I think im going to find it pretty hard, this is the reason that i have joined bubhub, in hope of finding some new friends for when i finish work!
Even when my fiancee is home working he doesnt get home from work until at least 7 - 7:30pm - every night!! :( Its a family business and he has also just been promoted to Brand manager so its not as if the hours are likely to get any shorter. Im sure me and my princess will cope, i just hope that he gets the opportunity to see his daughter as much as he would like.
When my dh was working odd hours ... we made changes in our routine so that he could spend time with the kids.
Now that Bella is going to be at school this year, we make sure that she has special time with Daddy and although it is less time, they are as close as ever. We draw a lot of pictures for Daddy, make him lolly necklaces (which he faithfully wears until she is asleep!) and sometimes he wakes her up and takes her out for an icecream or the like (friday nights usually!).
We just make sure that the time he has with the kids if precious and we treat it accordingly!
My husband makes the effort to come home for lunch almost everyday and spends an hour with Callum.
Then at night I work 2hrs from home, so dad gets home around 7.30pm, we have dinner together and then he has Callum all to himself till around midnight .
Saturday he takes Callum to his mums and takes him shopping (I get the day off)... Sunday is our day as a family (screw everyone and everything else day).
We talked about it, we came up with this 'schedule', we bend it for dinners, parties etc.
In the end, it is all about compromise, and finding a way that gives everyone quality time with everyone.
Mamaduke
20-01-2006, 00:22
We've got 2 boys (ages 4 and 18mths) and my DH works afternoon shift.
He travels 1 hour each way to work so he leaves about 1pm to get there for 3pm (he's very punctual!) - he then works until 3/4am and then drives the 1 hour home. He does this 7 days a week...we've just spoken about this and he is only going to work 6 days a week:eek: Oh, I'm soooo thankful:rolleyes: !
It is hard trying to be the good guy/bad guy/mummy/daddy etc etc when he's away from home but if Jesse ever wants to speak to him we call him and when he is home he makes sure that he is doing 'quality' not 'quantity' time with both Jesse & Lucas.
Today he had a day off (annual leave) and he was playing with Jesse in the pool. I've tried all Summer to get Jesse to put his head under the water but all it took was Daddy showing him and within minutes Jesse was swimming with his head under! It was fantastic for Jesse and for DH....and it was beautiful to watch:D !
My husband works alot. He's is opening up he's own business and will be gone more than ever. Thankfully he's factory is only around the corner so I can go to him... If I ever complain he just says "I'm doing this for our family" so I drop it because I know he is. I wish we could spend more time together though.
my partner does work alot as wel about 10 hrs ady but he works an hour away so he always has that extra drive and his a baker so he does weired shifts and it does get lonely as im in the bed alot alone ! but he amazes me how he still isnt to tired to spend a liile time with the kids! his great!
SassyMummy
27-01-2006, 00:43
My partner works a lot - most days from 10am to 10pm (he's an apprentice chef, so they make him work all the time because he's cheap!).
I keep thinking, "It'll get better", but I figure, so long as he's in the hospitality industry, he's there to serve people, not me.
I do find it difficult, but I've made my schedule to suit him a bit more. I keep Chanel up until 10.30. That way, she sleeps in until 9-ish in the morning. It gives us a chance to have a bit more time together, but makes it harder otherwise. (sometimes I just get really tired and want to go to bed early).
~Chick79~
27-01-2006, 15:00
My DH has just started a new job working at the mines on site... 5 days on and 3 days off...
I really felt for Ryan cause he is very much a daddy's boy and this morning as he left for his first shift Ryan just cried - broke Dad's heart it did. (he rang me an hour later just to see if he settled - thankfully he did not long after he left!)
To be truthful I am not really sure on how i will cope, particularly with no 2 on the way but hopefully by then I will be used to his rostering system. I am sure with being a RAAF widow for the past 7 years will be of some benefit to me!
proudmummy
27-01-2006, 20:55
Hi
My husband works a fair bit too, actually he's at work now which is why I'm online. Thankfully he gets a RDO every second fortnight and has gone back to dayshift. He doesn't have much choice about spending time with our son, as after he comes inside (he does downtime in the shed first - what is it with guys and dirty dusty sheds??), I just hand my son over to him. I figure Ive had him all day and night its about time he had a turn. My son is VERY clingy.
When my son was first born he stayed home more but as I got more competent he figured it was ok to leave us to it. It was lonely until we formed our own routine and Dad fits into it when he can. What I don't understand is- sometimes he'll just come home and play xbox games and not pay attention to his son. Whereas if I go out, for an hour if i'm lucky, I want to see how bubs is, if he's ok. Oh well maybe its just a mother thing.
Sara
Ds 25-1-05
mumma of 2
08-02-2006, 18:21
My husband is a baker and as you would know he works long night shifts and when he comes home he just wants to sleep. He also goes rock climbing and dives. i have just flat out said to him that with now 2 children in the house that he needed to spend time with his family before all of his climbing etc. i have asked him to also set aside 1 hr were he is to take or do someing with our oldest (3) year old a week. and i will also do the same. i'm finding it hard because we only just got our new son home from the hospital )born three months early) and i feel as though im doing every thing. but there now seems to be light!!!!
chat any time
sheridan
my dp works from 5am-7pm 5days a week so wen he gets home he is sooo tired but he still wants to feed and bath the bubba...he also spends all wkend with him...its hard and sometimes i get lonely but i no he is just tryin to make a beta life 4 us
alicesmum
09-02-2006, 13:01
so nice to know i'm not alone.
dh works 12-14 hour days everyday, with never a day off, as we own our own business which is very busy (which is good!) but he cannot even take time off if he's sick or tired. :( he often works on sundays too.
he gets home @ 7 or 8pm and is really tired, but if dd is still awake he spends some time with her. he tries to keep weekends free if he can for us. luckily my parents and parents in-law are often available to visit and so dd gets to see them a lot. it does get lonely though, and i often feel like it's "all on me" (which can cause the odd argument - there's nothing like both being exhausted for a good ole barney!!!!).
hopefully all this sacrifice is worth it in the long-run hey! :D
It is quite hard. My husband is a shift worker. I have a 20month old boy that trys to get daddy's attention and when he is home its family time and thats it to try to catch up on lost time.
Though it can be hard by yourself I more find it lonely then anything else. As I'm a stay at home mum.
Recently I have started a at home business, which I have to say I love as it keeps me busy and also speaking to other people and I still have time for bubs and hubby too.
So I think time management with family when partners are together is a must otherwise you would feel completely alone. Thats how I use to feel until we choose to do things like that. Its not a regular thing though its very nice when it happens.
My Dad was a single parent and he worked his @55 off for many a year... BUT he always did one thing when he was home and that was to dedicate as much time to his kids as possible
MilkOnTap
11-02-2006, 20:03
hey i was just wondering if anyone elses partner works alot and how do you cope with this and keep your partner close to their child.
My DH is in the navy, so has 9 days left at home between now and the beginning of September. I am thankful that we dont have a child born into this world yet to miss their daddy! And for their daddy to miss them...
Hi everyone!
My partner works late hours, too and sometimes on the weekends. He -aswell- is really tired when he comes home, but our daughter (15mth) is in bed by then anyway.
so the only time that remains is the weekend, but Emily is very very clinging at the moment and doens't want to be with him a lot and cries for me as soon as I'm 2 meters away from her. He can't change her nappies and he can't even feed her, because she wants me to do it. :( It's very tough for him, too. on the other side she constantly asks for him when he's not at home. .
I guess this is a stage, but it makes it even harder to keep them close.
~Alicia~
12-02-2006, 21:32
My DH is a shift worker.
he does 12 hr shifts too so I never see him(well thats how it seems).
He either starts at 6am and finishes at 6pm or the other way around like tonight
He started at 6 so i will be lonely tonight. He seems to work more nights than days though.
Nice to know Im not alone
Don't know if I qualify, hubby works 6 days a week at his main job, works late doing other jobs for the boss (but is paid REALLY well for it) and on his day off does work for his dad's boss!
On the rare occasion he's got an actual day off he organises a day waterskiing with his brother!!!!!!!
He does spend alot of time with Thomas which is great, but it still feels like he's never home sometimes :rolleyes: the sacrifices we make for our standard of living!;) I guess if plans work out he'll be retired by the time Thomas is 10 and can make up for it then, but in the mean time we miss him!
Bee and boys
23-02-2006, 22:16
My goodness, it feels sooo good to know that you are not the only one hey. I have been feeling that way lately my hubby works 6 days a week doing 2 jobs so one in the day and the other at night he is home sunday so thats a good thing. My boys 3 and 16months only really see him before he leaves for work in the morning briefly because by the time he gets home 8-30-930 at night they're in bed asleep. It is really difficult and sometimes you do feel as though your alone or doing the job as a single parent. But I know he is doing it for the children and our future. I would hate to be him and be away from the children sooo much it must be hard on the Dads out there too hey. Sometimes I do wonder if the money is really worth the amount of time lost but sadly today its part of our survival isnt it. Someone once said to me you live to work and you work to live, but do you really want to look down when your gone and say What did I do all o my life work, work, work, sometimes it feels like our society is so robotic and we need to do these things as I said in order to survive in a sense. :ecomcity:
My DF is a soldier & is away alot. At the moment is away for 8 weeks. DS was 8 weeks old when he left & will be nearly 4 months when he returns. It's hard being a part-time single parent. I'm not going to complain too much (got in trouble for having a whinge in the 'Parents of Armed Forces' thread):(
I dont know how DF will react when he comes home, as this is the first time he's been away as a dad dad. Will let you all know in April!
LittleBoysRock
13-03-2006, 11:34
Dh has just starting working from 5.30am too 6pm. I am used to him leaving at 5.30 and being home by 2.30pm. He is an Programmer and works eastern states hours in WA.
It was great having him home at 2.30pm to spend time with him and have some help with DS. Now he wont even see Owen each day....:crying:
I am wondering how I am going to go with Owen by myself for such a long period of time. I mean I know I will manage but I am just not used to it.
proudmummy
13-03-2006, 14:23
I recently found a really good thing to do for my son on the days he doesn't get to see his dad at all.........I've been phoning his mobile and even if he doesn't answer DS gets to hear his voice and now he leaves a very cute (Babble) message.:thumbsup:
IAdoreYou
14-03-2006, 16:02
I just wanted to give you some ((hugs))
My partner works on a revolving roster over 3 weeks , day shift, afternoon shift and midnight shifts .. alot of those shifts he will work 12 hours .. good money. though it can be lonely. Sometimes it feels like he is home ALWAYS ..and other times it feels like he is forever sleeping and catching up on things .. there always seems to be an RDO happening though which we love and all go out.
I agree though its the quality of time they spend together. Brooke and Hubbie definately have had alot of good quality time so far.
Make sure weekends are kept FREE! and use that time for ONLY you guys full-stop.
mythreelittlemonkeys
14-03-2006, 23:34
my DH works away 3 weeks home 10 days... but he is always getting mucked around and often away for 4 weeks and home for less then 10 days...though we lucked out at Xmas when he was home for 3 weeks...(no pay tho!) ... although it made it harder when he wetn away again. I am 27 weeks pregnant with my first and finding it hard him being away - we only moved back to Australia in July and I seen him for about 7 weeks during that time...and i work so often I actually am not here when he home... I know it will be hard when baby comes...esp as I have no family here (all UK) and only 1 friend so far in Perth...(my job not the kind where you meet people!). We are also moving to our new house next week so away from my 1 friend to somewhere I don't know at all...30 km south of Perth (we couldn't afford to buy anywhere else!):banghead:
I worry mainly cos I worry for baby not seeing its Daddy - I have 2 step children who already it is hard for...as when my DH home they at school often and sometimes only see him for 2 nights in 5 weeks or so...He cna't really change jobs as this is his career (drilling) and also we really need the money (doesn't everyone!) to cover mortgage, UK debts, child support and living costs... esp now I going to stop work next month. THe only good thing is that when we are together it is the best!! and I guess I should be positive:shame: as some people have no DH or anyone, or they are away for months in forces - just sometimes it very lonely!
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